Posts filed under ‘African American’

Racial Differences When Raising Sons

If you have raised or are raising a son, this article’s for you!  asian_mom_son hispanic-mother-and-son-studying-isolated-on-a-white-backgroundTrayvon-Martin_hoodie2_black son

I have a series of questions for you. The first question is: Are there differences between raising a son that is Black versus White, versus Hispanic versus Asian? Would your answer be yes or would you answer no? I would answer yes. As a Black mother raising Black boys, society’s rules are different when it comes to my sons. If my sons get stopped for a traffic violation, they are more likely to be harassed. If they are in unfamiliar cars or neighborhoods, they are more likely to be stopped. If either son makes the mistake of using drugs, he has a higher chance of being convicted than his White counterparts. As author Marita Golden says in her book, Saving Our Sons, “…there is always the fear that he will make a fatal detour, be seduced, or be hijacked by a White or Black cop, or a young predator, or a Nazi skinhead, or his own bad judgment…”

Does a Hispanic or Asian mother face the same concerns when raising her son? Quite possibly, but it’s how society’s rules and the legal system handles them that can make the difference in how that son is handled. Stay tuned for part 2 in this series on racial differences when raising sons.

 

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com

 

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter – Joys, Tears & Hormones! available in summer, 2013

June 20, 2013 at 3:23 pm 1 comment

Mothers – What’s Happening to Our Sons?

It’s been little more than a month since the Newtown shootings, and as a mother, I am still at a complete loss for how a son could kill his mother. I have two sons, my own and one I lovingly inherited when I married his father. I love them both and while I have had difficult conversations and tense moments with both sons, never in my wildest nightmares, would I imagine dying by their hand.

While we will never hear Nancy Lanza’s story about her relationship with her son Adam (the shooter), I came across an article where she cautioned one of her son’s babysitters to never turn his back on her son. Can you imagine living with a person and not being able to turn your back on him? http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57559502/ex-babysitter-says-newtown-conn-school-shooter-adam-lanzas-mother-warned-dont-turn-your-back/
When we raise our sons, we pour so much love, attention, (hopefully) discipline, values and the kitchen sink into our boys, and yet many of them end up being killed, killing others, or going to prison. Mothers, where are we failing and why?

I also came across another article, where another mother lost her only son to gun violence and he was a good kid! We always think our sons are good kids! But this teen did what he was told; went to school every day (one of my requirements); obeyed his mother; and yet was randomly shot in the back after leaving a basketball game. http://my.chicagotribune.com/#section/544/article/p2p-74054502/

I’d like my sons to grow into wonderful men with families and great careers, like my dad and granddad. Is that too much to ask these days?

C. Lynn Williams
Author and Parenting Coach
#msparentguru

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)

January 19, 2013 at 1:03 pm Leave a comment

Your Son’s Role Model?

I keep trying to understand the male culture of taking one’s enemies out. As a woman, it is not an easily understood phenomenon. In my neighborhood, African American men and boys resolve their differences by shooting each other. Lots of males are dying these days. This kind of ethnic cleansing happens in Hispanic neighborhoods as well. Males in mainstream America also shoot, often harming or killing everyone in the general vicinity.

Very little discussion takes place because our society doesn’t seem to remember a time when we resolved our differences by talking things out. Tolerance is not a skill that seems to be taught or valued anymore. In the political arena, instead of working together, candidates annihilate each other with lies and insinuations, basically killing the accused candidate’s chances of winning anything. In corporate America, money and power rule to such an extent, that discussion and the possibility of working things out, very seldom occurs, unless a watchdog agency intervenes.

How do we teach our sons a better way to grow up in a society that does not value love, respect, honor and truth? What happened to the dads of yesteryear?  My dad is one of those “yesteryear” dads. He was Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show, Steve Douglas on My Three Sons (dating myself here), or the Mr. Eddie’s father on the Courtship of Eddie’s Father. I am talking about a dad that spends time with his family and talks to and with his son(s).  How else can boys grow into men without that kind of guidance?

I wonder if the Colorado shooter had had positive, quality time with his father during his formative years, if he would have been inclined to randomly shoot and kill people in a movie theatre. Don’t get me wrong, women own a piece of this parenting debacle too. Our boys can’t grow up like wild, uncontrollable plants without our assistance or good parenting. However, in the end they (our sons) are looking for a male role model; any old role model will do. If the only available role model is a drug dealer, that is who our sons will follow. If the role model is a caring, tolerant, man of faith – that’s who are son will follow instead.

Who is your son’s role model?

C. Lynn

November 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm 1 comment

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