Posts filed under ‘Co-parenting’

My Spouse and I Parent Very Differently

How is it possible that the person you fell in love with; who understands you perfectly and finishes your sentences… parents so differently from you?

Not only do they parent differently, it’s inconsistent, they show favorites with your kids and it’s ALL WRONG 😑

Well, I wonder if they feel the same way about you?

The funny thing about parenting, is this: how can someone else tell you how to raise your child? Yet, that’s exactly what has to happen when you coparent whether you are in the same household or in separate households.

Ideally you discuss things that are important to you to instill in your children before they are born. If it’s important that your son or daughter to speak candidly, then your spouse can’t be annoyed when your out-spoken child speaks at a family gathering (and the comment embarrasses you).

Parenting isn’t one of those “scripted” professions. You start out with the best intentions of raising your child together, until you hit a non-negotiable topic.

Here are 3 things to consider to help you resolve those sticky parenting issues:

  • Take a moment to calm down (if you’re angry)
  • Think about whether you can accept what your spouse is saying (lose the ego)
  • Communicate your concerns with your spouse (outside of your child’s hearing)

Trying to talk while angry, is insanity. Once you calm down, you may feel differently and be willing to compromise. Marriage and raising children require compromise and patience from both of you. Acceptance of your spouse’s parenting style is important to your relationship, and the relationship of your spouse and child.

If you or your spouse are the bonus parent, and are new to the parent-child relationship, either one of you may have a difficult time, “allowing” the other parent to share in important decisions, behavior management and life issues. It’s a normal human emotion to be protective of your child. However, the blending takes place when you share your concerns and decide how to handle.

That was the challenge my husband and I faced when we married and blended our children of previous relationships together. It wasn’t easy when we started. It took a lot of conversations and a few arguments (when the kids were not around). It also took prayer and patience. Our children are adults now, and we are celebrating 20 years of marriage later this year.

You can do this!

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

April 28, 2022 at 8:00 pm Leave a comment

My Teen Is Old Enough…

Being a teen is overrated. They are old enough to know what to do, but they don’t have the maturity or experience to consistently make the right decisions.

Teen male on a motorcycle

Being a teen is overrated. They are old enough to know what to do, but they don’t have the maturity or experience to consistently make the right decisions.

I was the oldest child and my mom and dad taught me the difference between right and wrong. I was responsible for “setting a good example” for my brother and sister. While I didn’t want to disappoint them, my parents also had “eyes” in the community and throughout the city; other adults who would report back if they saw me in places where they didn’t think I should be. Even so, I broke the rules… like the time I rode on my boyfriend’s motorcycle. Two broken rules:

  • No boyfriends (at my age)
  • No riding on anyone’s motorcycle

Never mind that we could have an accident and I could be hurt or killed. That never occurred to me (as a teen) because I was fearless and willing to try things. Even if it meant breaking the rules.

Parents often believe that once their child becomes a teenager, they don’t need as much supervision. That’s not true either. You don’t have to worry that your teen will fall down the stairs, like a 2- or 3-year-old. But they could accept a ride from a stranger when they need to get someplace on time. Or they may be tricked into giving out their phone number in an online chat, because the person they’re talking to says they are 15 too, like your child.

Think about the recent rash of carjackings or smash and grab crimes that are being performed by teens. Some of the kids are 12 or 13 years old. I can hear you – “Not My Child”.

How do you know?

You work every day and you’ve taught your child right from wrong. They would never steal a car, hold a person at gunpoint/knifepoint, or snatch their purse/wallet. Right?

You say, “my child is smart, comes from a two-parent family, we are not poor.” Those crimes only occur with/by… You fill-in the rest of this sentence with your thoughts or biases.

As a parent expert who has taught and studied adolescents, teens, and 20-somethings for the past 20 years, I can tell you this:

  • Teens love thrill and excitement
  • They are easily influenced by their peers and the world around them
  • Leaving them on their own for 3-4 hours every day (after school) without supervision is a problem

Join my Zoom Parent Masterclass on Thursday, October 21st where we will discuss teens: their wants, needs and love language. Admission is $25 until October 9th; $45 thereafter.

CLICK HERE to Register.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters and Fathers and their Sons.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Masterclass

October 2, 2021 at 12:47 pm Leave a comment

What Do You LOVE About Dad

What do you love most about your father?

  • His ability to make you laugh?
  • His strength?
  • His ability to make you feel safe?
  • His wise advice?
  • How he takes care of you?

Whether your dad is with you. you never knew him, or is now a memory as mine is, let’s celebrate Dads this weekend and thank God for them! Enjoy (and share) my Father’s Day prayer.

Prayer for Fathers


“Dear God, We thank you for the gift of Dads in this life. We thank you that you are the greatest Dad ever, Abba Father, and we know that you cover us in your great love.


We pray specifically for fathers and fatherhood across our land. Your Word clearly instructs fathers to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). 


We pray for the single fathers out there; whether they are raising their children alone or even if they are doing the best they can with the time they have. We pray for strength, protection, wisdom, and discernment to help them through whatever trials they may be facing.


We pray for the dads out there who are being alienated from their children right now. We pray, that You would shield and shelter them from the pain and possibly the anger that may be rising up in them, for You to strike down the barriers that are hindering these dads from seeing their children.


Lord, we lift up the dads right now that are not stepping up to the plate as fathers, for whatever reason. we pray for their children and the moms who are parenting alone because of these men’s decisions. We pray You would step in as a father to the fatherless and a defender of widows in these situations, that their story would be another testimony that nothing is too hard for You.”


AMEN

Happy Fathers’ Day!

Interested in improving your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs and workshops for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

June 17, 2021 at 12:10 pm Leave a comment

Focus: A Necessity for Working Mothers

Focus 3…2…1 

How many times have you taken a picture and it was either blurry or unfocused? If the picture was on your phone and the object that you wanted to photograph was still available, you could retake the picture. Besides a daily dose of sanity and a refillable cup of faith, the one resource that I need as a working mother is Focus!

But what if the blurriness occurs every time you took a photo? You would either have the camera repaired or you replace it. Imagine if the blurriness is something that is taking place in your life day after day? As my mom used to tell me – “You’re stretched too thin.” I never felt like I was stretched too thin, however I learned to prioritize the things I needed (or wanted) to do. Some things had to be taken care of immediately and others could be completed at a later time. Through those times when I let everything build up and overwhelm me, was when I learned the  importance of focus.

As a working mother, you already have a full plate of busy because you work and raise children. If you are also married, your plate is even fuller. Add civic or social responsibilities and now your plate is completely running over. Whether you’re a mother in a two-parent household, a single parent household or you’re co-parenting; staying focused is a necessity to ensure a smoothly running work and family life along with a sane mind.

There are a many ways to stay focused. Here are two tools that I use daily:

Planning and To-Do Lists

Planning is my first tool of choice. Early in my first marriage, I realized that my parents and in-laws wanted us to share our holidays with them. Since they lived far apart from each other, I started talking about Thanksgiving plans no later than Labor Day weekend. Our kids’ summer break was usually solidified by Clean Up Week (spring break). As a divorced mom, my ex and I shared joint custody. Joint custody meant every other weekend, my kids spent the weekend with their father. Early in our marriage, as my husband and I blended our children into a blended family, we continued to share joint custody. Planning dates and time together was essential for our family, us (as a couple) and my peace of mind. Planning the kids’ schedules meant weekly conversations with the refrigerator calendar jotting down dates like band concerts, track meets, teacher conferences and school project supplies. Putting them on the calendar saved me from getting notes on my pillow starting with “Mom, I need…”Planning didn’t stop all surprises, but gave me peace and less tasks to juggle.

My other tool of choice is my To-Do list. While I don’t have the daily pleasure of raising children anymore, our youngest is 26. I am writing, speaking and coaching and my schedule is busier than ever. Between my entrepreneurial pursuits, community commitments and events that my husband has, we are busy. I no longer write things down on paper, because the pad of paper is never with me when I want to add another task. I now use the notepad in my phone. It works perfectly and I always have it with me. Writing things down at least reminds me of what I need to do and yes I prioritize the tasks so that I complete the most important ones first.

Is my life perfect? Hell no! But it keeps this busy working mom from tearing her hair out.

I would love to share more helpful tips with you or help you make calm out of chaos. I offer a complimentary discovery consultation to explore some of those areas you’d like to handle differently. Click here to schedule time with me.

C. Lynn Williams, #Ms. Parent Guru

www.clynnwilliams.com

May 11, 2017 at 10:30 am Leave a comment

3 Apps for Co-Parenting Parents

This is a great post by Amanda Maenner for parents who are raising children from two different households. Enjoy! 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

http://www.maennerlawoffice.com/co-parentapps/  

February 8, 2016 at 6:55 pm Leave a comment


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