Posts filed under ‘conversations’
Breakfast, a Cell Phone, and Space Between Fathers & Sons
Today, before I started working on this semester’s classes, my husband and I went out for breakfast. We were enjoying our meal when I noticed a young man—late teens, maybe early 20s—come in, get his breakfast, and sit alone at a table.
About 30 minutes later, a middle-aged man walked in. He took his time getting coffee and a danish before finally sitting at the same table as the young man. I assumed right away that they were father and son.
Here’s the part that caught my attention: the man stayed on his cell phone almost the entire time. He barely acknowledged the young man. No small talk. No eye contact. Just scrolling and talking. After a while, he tossed his coffee cup, stepped outside, and continued his call.
Now, maybe I should have minded my own breakfast. But my extroverted side got the best of me. I told my husband, “I’m going to see if he’ll talk to me.”
I walked over, smiled, and asked if I could join him. I told him I was writing a book about fathers and sons, and I was curious about his interaction with the man who’d just left. Was that his father?
“Yes,” he said, and explained that his dad was on a work call. No big deal. “We’re very close.”
I thanked him for his time and returned to my table.
On the way out, my husband made a good point: “You know, he would never tell you if he was annoyed or having problems with his dad. That’s not guy language to share with a stranger.”
That stuck with me. How many moments do fathers and sons spend together without really connecting—either because one is distracted, or because neither is in the habit of speaking openly? How often does love go unspoken because “that’s just not how guys talk”?
I believe those small everyday moments matter. Even if it’s just coffee and a Danish, even if there’s no deep conversation, the choice to be present—fully present—can strengthen a bond in ways words can’t always capture.
It’s moments like these that inspired me to write my upcoming book, Fathers & Sons: Raising Boys Through Dinosaurs, Testosterone & Girls. In it, I share stories, strategies, and real-life insight to help dads not just show up—but truly connect with their sons.
If you’re a father, son, or parent who wants to build that kind of connection, I’d love for you to be part of my community. You can follow me here, or visit clynnwilliams.com to stay updated on the book release and grab free resources for your parenting journey.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Dinner Time is a Great Time to Talk
Now that the school year has started, I think about the conversations that my family and I had. We didn’t have them every night, but considering how strict my parents were, our dinner time talks were pretty liberal.
They didn’t always include both parents, and the “talks” continued once my parents divorced. Usually my mother, would start the “conversation” for whatever topic my brother, sister and I, wanted to talk about. Usually it was a cross-section of just about anything from politics to what time curfew should be; most important, there were no taboo topics.
The beauty about the talks is that everybody extroverts and introverts (my brother and me) felt comfortable talking. By the way, if you have kids who don’t like to talk a lot, then you say things that are funny or related but slightly crazy, and see what your family thinks. Hopefully everybody starts laughing and all of a sudden the dinner time talking has started.
I think what I like most about conversations during meals, is that you have the distraction of eating and the conversations don’t seem as serious.
Depending on your parenting style, these conversations are a great time to learn more about your children and for them to learn about you as well, and to help you pick up on things that you will want to follow up on privately with whichever kid needs it, as well as sharing your views and family values.
There are lots of benefits to dinner time talk. At the very least, it helps you stay connected (with your kids), if you allow the conversations to flow easily. The more obvious reason is hopefully your child will more easily share concerns or issues with you, that are not easy to talk about. 🙇🏽♀️
If the best time to have a conversation with your your kids, is at breakfast, then talk at breakfast. 🥞☕️
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
How To Let Our Daughters Go and Grow
If it’s hard for you to let your daughter go and grow into the young woman that you always imagined she would be… this blog is for you!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons. Subscribe to my YouTube channel: http://bit.ly/youtubeclynn
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Why Staying Relevant With Our Adult Children Keeps Us Young
What kind of conversations do you have with your adult children? Are they meaningful? Do you feel good after talking with them?
Last week my oldest son turned 35 years old and I wanted to wish him happy birthday when it was my turn to talk. He’s my oldest child, and was 20 years old when his dad and I married, so I’m always amazed at the depth of our conversations, wondering what I can say to stay relevant when we talk. I should probably tell you that my son and I don’t talk often, like I do with my oldest daughter. That’s just the nature of mother & son relationships. Boys don’t talk nearly as much as girls, unless they (boys) are trying to work out a situation. #thepamperedprincebook
So while I waited to talk with him, thinking that our conversation would be short and sweet, what I got was a very extensive conversation. we probably talked about 45 minutes about things that were important to him and our relationship and it was just a wonderful conversation overall.
My point in staying relevant as a parent is that it keeps the lines of communications open between you and your child. It also keeps you young. I remember some of the challenges I faced when I was in my 20’s. Most of the time, I kept those challenges to myself for fear of what my mother would think of me. Once I reached out to her and realized that she wasn’t judging me, we had great talks. That was a lesson that I promised I would remember once I had kids of my own. I never wanted my children to feel stupid or that they couldn’t talk to me. I also hoped they would confide in me before talking to their friends. When they did talk to me, it made me feel young. I felt like I was part of a younger generation (because I was, compliments of them).
As a parent coach and parent of adult children, here are three (3) tips for maintaining relevancy in your relationship with your children:
- Don’t Judge – You may think the decisions they’ve made are just dumb. But think back on some of the hair-brained decisions you made as a teen or young adult. They may not have been the best decisions, but they were yours.
- Listen – As parents we always feel like we have to have the answers to our kids’ problems. That’s not always true or possible. Actually one of the lessons I learned most recently, is that my kids usually want me to listen and not comment. It’s not easy, but staying relevant sometimes means that we are their sounding boards and silence is golden.
- There’s No Room For Drama – Sometimes the conversations that our adult children need or want to have with us are hair-raising and you may be inclined to say “What in the hell made you do that?“. Resist the urge to say anything negative and follow my advice in the tip #2 – Listen!
I’m looking forward to sharing this Easter birthday weekend with most of my blended family, with the exception of my middle daughter, who wasn’t able to join us. I plan on taking my own advice and listening, enjoying my sons and daughter and having a lot of fun. I wish you and your family a wonderful Easter or Passover holiday.
Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
www.clynnwilliams.com
What Does 2018 Mean to You?
As I wrote in my last 2017 blog, my thoughts were dark and scary. I felt like some of my solid surfaces had crumbled and things that were normally in order and in place simply weren’t there.
As a person who wears a lot of hats: writer, blogger, wife, mother, entrepreneur, I juggle lots of tasks and activities. It only works well when I’m doing things that support me like:
- feeding myself good foods
- getting rest
- having interesting conversations
- doing meaningful work
- connecting with my spiritual source (daily)
- staying connected with my husband
When either of these stop happening, I find myself “Lost in Space” and freaked out. That happened at the end of last year and it didn’t feel good. However, I did two things that got me on the road to a successful 2018. First I recognized that I had lost touch with myself. Second I attended Watch Service on New Year’s Eve at my church.
As the heart of the family, women feel everything. We feel the conversations that need to happen and anticipate what we intend to say. We feel the frustration of our kids when something doesn’t work out the way they’ve expected. We feel it when our spouse has pulled away from us and it’s time for a heart to heart conversation. We feel when our own spirit has been become restless because we’ve stayed too long in a job or business that no longer feeds us mentally or economically.
The issue is how to have those conversations and continue to move forward, instead of getting stuck. At the end of last year, I had gotten stuck. It was a foreign feeling for me and I almost didn’t recognize what was going on. However, I had a mild asthma attack! Something I haven’t had in years. Metaphysically, asthma is a deep cry from a soul to be loved and to be cared for. I argued with myself for a day or two – I’ve been loving and caring for myself. Haven’t I? I started taking time to meditate again and did some soul searching. I decided I had more work to do with myself and in my relationships.
What I know is that life is a series of processes. As you work on one area and get it to where you like it and it works well, you realize another part of you needs work. Once that’s done, it may be time to work on the relationships in your life. Are they meeting your needs? Are you meeting theirs? We’re used to overhauling our business and household, but taking a good look at ourselves and our significant others is also important too.
So for 2018, what are you doing differently?
Imagine what it’s like have great time management and work-life balance! If you are struggling to make this happen, Click Here to schedule a complimentary discovery session with me. Want to be a part of something supportive? Click Here to join my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, creator of Finding Superwoman™
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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