Posts filed under ‘fear’

#You’re Still My Little Boy

The Pampered Prince

Have you ever felt guilty for saying ‘NO’ to your son when he’s asked for something that he did not need or you couldn’t afford?

I remember the story my husband tells where his ex-wife bought a car for their (teenage) son against his wishes. Son crashed the car by the third week of owning it. What do you say? Mothers say “I’m glad he’s unharmed. What a blessing.” Fathers say “That boy didn’t need a car. He’s too young for the responsibility and he won’t take care of it.” Fathers remember when they were teen boys and are speaking from their experience.  Mothers just want their sons to be happy. Who’s right? Does it matter? Yes it matters a lot because there are quite a few boys today who are being shown a lifestyle (by their mothers) that they haven’t earned and it sets them up for failure as men. It teaches them to rely on women instead of themselves.

I know I made mistakes when raising my son. The way I know this is because he’s emotionally crippled today. Had I had the courage to ignore his wants and stick to the adage that I grew up with – “Go to school or Go to work”, maybe he would be well on his way with college and graduate school behind him. Instead I felt guilty and believed that I needed to be more accommodating because of my divorce from his father. I also felt that he might take the easy way out and take drastic measures like my brother did.

If you want to understand more of what makes your son tick, invest in a copy of my book, ‘The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son’. http://amzn.to/1l6PUcv If you would like to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our sons, reach out to me on Twitter @cgwwbook or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. Use hashtag #You’reStillMyLittleBoy

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

July 1, 2014 at 7:32 pm 3 comments

How You Can Protect Your Daughter Against Teen Dating Violence?

 teen domestic-violence

Teen dating violence touches families from all walks of life, cultures, educational and socioeconomic backgrounds. It is a method of one partner controlling the behavior of another partner. Alright, now let’s talk about our daughters. It is important to meet the young man that our daughters are going out with because if we haven’t met him, how do we know whether or not he is good for our daughter or not?
Teen girls are hormonal & impressionable. They fall in and out of like/love with many people. And often times are easily impressed by what we consider bad boys. Bad boys can be young men who break rules, who are defiant, who are slightly dangerous or whatever other characteristics that come to mind. Many times our daughters may be attracted to that silent brooding type who later turns out to be very controlling.

And what often happens is that the young man appeals to the parents. Maybe he’s quiet but he’s polite and he says all the right things around the parent, but behind the scenes he is telling your daughter what to do, where to go, and who she should hang out with. Maybe he’s the type that calls her cell phone constantly and when she doesn’t answer, he harasses her.

Unbeknownst to you maybe he’s snatched her arm a few times or pushed her; small things that she doesn’t want to share with you because you would tell her to stop dating him. Maybe it’s progressed to the fact that he’s hit her once, but not anything that’s noticeable. What should she do and how do you find out what’s happening?

Start the dialogue now! If your daughter isn’t dating anyone start talking about scenarios where something like this could happen and what she should do, because I promise you talking sooner than later is always a good thing. she’ll probably tell you “don’t worry mom that’s not going to happen to me”.

November is domestic violence month not only for women but girls too. If you think that your daughter is being abused by her boyfriend or husband, help her seek help.  There are a number of places that you can call. Here is one agency:
http://www.thehotline.org/


C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com

Preorder my upcoming book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!https://raisingyourdaughterpresale.eventbrite.com/

October 9, 2013 at 2:17 pm 7 comments

It Doesn’t Matter if You’re Black or White

bboy

Let’s take an honest look at an ugly topic – RACE. There I said it! Not just race itself, but what happens when we allow race to permeate our thoughts, feelings and our perceptions. Think about your son or, or if you’re younger and sans kids – your brother. Did it ever occur to you that your child (brother) is held responsible or labeled because of his race? Let me give you an example. When you are walking down the street and you see a black boy walking in your direction, do you a) Cross the street; b) Clutch your purse tightly or c) Continue walking without fear? Or, what would be your first thought if you heard that an altercation occurred between your child and another student? Would you assume it was the other child’s fault? How about if the other child was a black child? What would be your assumptions?

When my son was three years old, his daycare provider (a friendly, white woman) took care of him and several other kids, including her own. We lived in the same neighborhood and our older children attended school together. She was fanatical about cleanliness and that was okay because who wants their child in a pig sty. She loved her family and believed in God. Important points for me! We were off to a great relationship! At least that was what I thought. One day I after work, I picked up my son and she told me that he bit her son. What? Biting was not new to me because my son bit another child at the previous daycare provider. I was very concerned because biting is aggressive act and I needed to know what was going on in my young son’s mind that made him think biting was acceptable. My husband and I would address those concerns with him once we got home. What I wasn’t prepared for were the next words out of my daycare provider’s mouth. She said that he was an aggressive kid and that he would probably grow up and kill someone someday! WHAT?!? At the previous daycare provider, her toddler son (white) started the biting phenomenon and bit our son. I’m not sure if he was punished, but one thing I know, his mother did not decide that he was aggressive and would grow up and one day kill someone. As a matter of fact, she apologized for his behavior, kind of laughed and said “boys will be boys”.  Two different kids, same behavior was judged differently. The only difference is that one kid was black (African American) and one was white. boy-white

More recently I was talking about parenting to a business partner of mine who has three sons. Her sons go to predominantly white schools and the youngest tends to show his feelings (good or bad) though facial expressions. He has not learned the art of masking those feelings yet. In any case, her son’s teacher told him to stop doing something and he continued to do it. She told him a second time and he made a face and said okay. She wrote him up and called his mother. Okay! When my business partner asked her son why he didn’t stop when he was instructed, he told her he wasn’t ready to stop. He also told her that Johnnie (white) did the same thing but he was not told to stop. Now you can spin that anyway you like. Should both sons be admonished equally? Of course, but what is happening in many classrooms is that behavior is viewed differently and punishments, suspensions, and expulsions are more severe for children particularly boys of color. WHY IS THAT? And WHAT can we do about it?

Race may not be an issue in countries where people physically look the same. In those instances you are most likely judged by socio-economic standards like who your parents are and whether you have money or don’t. In this country, the United States, race is an out of control issue that is based in fear and needs to be addressed personally as well as societally.  In Michael Jackson’s song – Black or White, I have to say – it does matter if you’re black or white. You ARE judged by the color of your skin and not necessarily the content of your character. Isn’t that a shame…

C. Lynn Williams
Author & Speaker

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

cgwwbooks@yahoo.com

September 13, 2013 at 11:43 am 5 comments


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