Posts filed under ‘feelings’
Expectations
Since Halloween is right around the corner, many of the movies being shown (the other night) were scary. I didn’t want to watch a scary movie so being the person that loves a happy ending; I watched a tearjerker and then switched to a lighthearted comedy.
I turned on The Object of My Affection starring Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd. She was a social worker (counseling young teen girls about practicing safe sex) who while dating and got pregnant. He didn’t want kids so he broke up with her. Her best friend (Paul) a gay man who told her he would stay by her side throughout her pregnancy. What was interesting was that even though she knew that her best friend was gay she fell in love with him anyway like women who are pregnant, tend to do.
Right now you’re probably wondering why I believe that most women who become pregnant fall in love with the man that they are close to? It has happened to a number of my friends and women who have shared that information with me in one of my many “girlfriend chats”. You could say that it’s in the maternity pills, or the increase in estrogen that our bodies start mass producing. In any case, hopefully that guy that you’re having a child with, is someone that you plan to spend the rest of your life with and the life of your child, because you are going to rely on him for money, moral support, to rub your feet when they’re tired and your back when it starts to ache and you will naturally start to feel closer and closer to him.
Relying on your ‘guy’ while you’re pregnant, didn’t bother me as much as the comments that women like Jennifer Aniston (in the movie) have when their significant other tells them they don’t want to have children and that it’s a deal breaker for their relationship. THESE ARE THE WORDS: “That’s okay I’ll raise the baby on my own, I don’t need him.” Liar! Raising a child on your own is really difficult and to tell yourself that it isn’t, that you can do it alone is simply not true. Here’s my suggestion. Wait until marriage to have sex or use more reliable birth control. It’s hard enough raising children in a two parent household without having to raise your child without his father.
By the way, Jennifer was pissed when her best friend brought a guy home for the night, but what she stopped realizing was that her best friend was there for her, just not romantically into her. Dang it! It wasn’t the happy ending I’d hoped for, but it was pretty realistic! Kind of like real life!
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Order My Books on Amazon.com:
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES (220 Communications, 2013)
When Suicide is NOT the Answer
I had a friend in high school who told me he was going to ‘kill himself’. I was beside myself with worry, told my parents and my dad said – “If he was going to kill himself, he wouldn’t tell you first.” Of course the guy did not kill himself, but my brother did… Parents should never have to bury their children but they certainly shouldn’t have to bury them because they’ve committed suicide. Suicide is such a desperate call for help and in my opinion indicates that there were no other options. The problem for most parents is how is it that our child, teen or post-teen adult lives and interacts with us every day and we have no idea that they are contemplating suicide? Mental disorder, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism, or drug abuse is often the cause of suicide.[1] Additional stress factors such as difficult interpersonal relationships, long-term sickness or financial worries can also contribute to feelings that “life is no longer worth living”.
According to HelpGuide.org, most suicidal people give signals of their intentions. Below are some warning signs that we can look for to recognize and hopefully prevent suicides with our family, friends and students:
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Suicide Warning Signs |
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| Talking about suicide | Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as “I wish I hadn’t been born,” “If I see you again…” and “I’d be better off dead.” |
| Seeking out lethal means | Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt. |
| Preoccupation with death | Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death. |
| No hope for the future | Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped (“There’s no way out”). Belief that things will never get better or change. |
| Self-loathing, self-hatred | Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden (“Everyone would be better off without me”). |
| Getting affairs in order | Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members. |
| Saying goodbye | Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seen again. |
| Withdrawing from others | Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone. |
| Self-destructive behavior | Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Taking unnecessary risks as if they have a “death wish.” |
| Sudden sense of calm | A sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed can mean that the person has made a decision to commit suicide. [2] |
As a parent, we don’t understand it when a young person takes his/her life because of hopelessness or frustration. We often wonder where we went wrong. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the third-leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-olds, after accidents and homicide. It’s also thought that at least 25 attempts are made for every completed teen suicide. If you are concerned, here are some prevention tips that you may use:
- Speak to that person if you are worried
- Respond quickly in a crisis. Determine if the risk is low, moderate or high
- Offer professional help & support
Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Support
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Suicide prevention telephone hotline funded by the U.S. government. Provides free, 24-hour assistance. 1-800-273-TALK (8255). (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)
National Hopeline Network – Toll-free telephone number offering 24-hour suicide crisis support. 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). (National Hopeline Network)
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available in September, 2013 (220 Communications)
Surviving Loss
One of my former students lost her mother yesterday. Her daughter, (also a former student) told me about it today and it took me back five years ago when I lost my own mother. My initial feels of numbness and grief, turned into days of feeling lost and disconnected. Then I could hardly put two thoughts together without being reduced to tears. Weird huh?
What was funny about my reaction after losing my mother was that my sister was closest to my mom; they talked regularly throughout the day, and were cooking and drinking buddies. My mom and I talked daily but relied on each other in different ways. Being more private in my thoughts I didn’t feel the need to share everything with my mom. She taught me how to be resourceful, so I shared problems that I couldn’t figure out alone. Yet when I did share my secrets with her, I could count on her to keep them secret forever. Yes, we were mother & daughter, but we were also good friends, quite different from our relationship during my years as a teenager! Mom was my chief strategist in many ways. Her suggestions and ideas guided me through relationships, both work & personal, childrearing, and through all of my entrepreneurial pursuits. Mothers are a part of our lives in so many ways, is it possible to exist when that relationship comes to an end?
To read more about my thoughts (personal & parenting) about mother & daughter relationships, preorder a copy of my soon to be released book, “Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!”…
C. Lynn Williams
Author & Speaker
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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