Posts filed under ‘good girl’

Focus: A Necessity for Working Mothers

Focus 3…2…1 

How many times have you taken a picture and it was either blurry or unfocused? If the picture was on your phone and the object that you wanted to photograph was still available, you could retake the picture. Besides a daily dose of sanity and a refillable cup of faith, the one resource that I need as a working mother is Focus!

But what if the blurriness occurs every time you took a photo? You would either have the camera repaired or you replace it. Imagine if the blurriness is something that is taking place in your life day after day? As my mom used to tell me – “You’re stretched too thin.” I never felt like I was stretched too thin, however I learned to prioritize the things I needed (or wanted) to do. Some things had to be taken care of immediately and others could be completed at a later time. Through those times when I let everything build up and overwhelm me, was when I learned the  importance of focus.

As a working mother, you already have a full plate of busy because you work and raise children. If you are also married, your plate is even fuller. Add civic or social responsibilities and now your plate is completely running over. Whether you’re a mother in a two-parent household, a single parent household or you’re co-parenting; staying focused is a necessity to ensure a smoothly running work and family life along with a sane mind.

There are a many ways to stay focused. Here are two tools that I use daily:

Planning and To-Do Lists

Planning is my first tool of choice. Early in my first marriage, I realized that my parents and in-laws wanted us to share our holidays with them. Since they lived far apart from each other, I started talking about Thanksgiving plans no later than Labor Day weekend. Our kids’ summer break was usually solidified by Clean Up Week (spring break). As a divorced mom, my ex and I shared joint custody. Joint custody meant every other weekend, my kids spent the weekend with their father. Early in our marriage, as my husband and I blended our children into a blended family, we continued to share joint custody. Planning dates and time together was essential for our family, us (as a couple) and my peace of mind. Planning the kids’ schedules meant weekly conversations with the refrigerator calendar jotting down dates like band concerts, track meets, teacher conferences and school project supplies. Putting them on the calendar saved me from getting notes on my pillow starting with “Mom, I need…”Planning didn’t stop all surprises, but gave me peace and less tasks to juggle.

My other tool of choice is my To-Do list. While I don’t have the daily pleasure of raising children anymore, our youngest is 26. I am writing, speaking and coaching and my schedule is busier than ever. Between my entrepreneurial pursuits, community commitments and events that my husband has, we are busy. I no longer write things down on paper, because the pad of paper is never with me when I want to add another task. I now use the notepad in my phone. It works perfectly and I always have it with me. Writing things down at least reminds me of what I need to do and yes I prioritize the tasks so that I complete the most important ones first.

Is my life perfect? Hell no! But it keeps this busy working mom from tearing her hair out.

I would love to share more helpful tips with you or help you make calm out of chaos. I offer a complimentary discovery consultation to explore some of those areas you’d like to handle differently. Click here to schedule time with me.

C. Lynn Williams, #Ms. Parent Guru

www.clynnwilliams.com

May 11, 2017 at 10:30 am Leave a comment

Parent Goodies – Kool-Aid Girls

While I love to write, there is nothing like a video to make the point clearer! koolaidmangetshis

This week began the launch of Parent Goodies, a weekly  topic of interest to parents that will be aired on my MsParentguru YouTube channel.

Today’s topic is a little gritty, but part of the adolescent scene. Welcome to Kool Aid girls. Welcome to my new video blog called Parent Goodies.
Click on the link:
https://youtu.be/bNKxtGG0EjI

What you think about this?

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

July 14, 2015 at 11:30 am Leave a comment

Having Babies is For Grown Women©

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Planned Parenthood

I am so mad! “Who are you mad at” I ask myself. I am mad at them AND us! I am mad at all of the young girls who fell for the okeydoke that boys in heat tell them to satisfy their sexual curiosities. I’m mad when the girl’s best friend or mother suggests that they get an abortion and they say “No I plan to take care of this baby by myself.” But they have no idea how. I’m mad at the mothers who don’t talk to their daughters honestly and far enough in advance (age 8) about how our bodies will betray us by thoroughly enjoying that one time of thoroughly enjoyable sex and becoming pregnant. Tell your girls it only takes one time and the next thing you know you have another human being that you are responsible for. For mothers who had babies as teens, and refuse to talk openly with their daughters so that they don’t repeat that cycle of babies having babies, shame on you! Please tell them that taking birth control prevents pregnancy, but if they are promiscuous, they can catch genital herpes, pubic lice or syphilis just to name a few STIs. Tell them that girls are hard-wired differently than boys, and when we have sex, we fall in love. Doesn’t mean you like that boy, but you love him, you stop focusing on things that are important to you, and lose your mind over ‘that boy’.

I’m mad at those girls who are headstrong and expect their mothers and grandmothers to take care of their babies so they can grow up! You need a support system that goes beyond your mother & grandmother. It’s not easy raising kids. So babysit for your girlfriends and ask them to watch your kids too. If you have sisters, ask her to watch your child. If you want to attend college, take your baby with you and place it in the school’s day care center while you attend classes. That’s what grown women do. Will you miss the Friday and Saturday night parties? Probably so…

When I was a pre-teen, my mom & I had the ‘talk’. The gist of the talk was that I was to be respectable and not sleep around. If I couldn’t wait until marriage to have sex, I was to protect myself with birth control. Under no circumstances was I to bring home a baby and not be married to the baby’s father. Then she sent me to Teen Scene, a program initiated by the Chicago area Planned Parenthood to offer sex information and education to teens. They also handed out birth control pills, which makes people mad. Why? Because parents are the ones who are supposed to tell their daughters about sex & birth control right? Okay self- righteous people. Then I’m mad you and at church folk who refuse to remember when they were mistake-making teens and won’t share their experiences with the teens in their church.

I’m mad at men who don’t tell their sons the truth about what it means to be a father at 14 or 15; that being a father is not how many girls you’ve gotten pregnant, but how many children you are able to take care of and watch grow up. Please stop telling your son, “It’s probably not yours”. I realize that some girls have multiple sexual partners, but a word to the wise, if he slept with her, it’s a possibility it’s his! There is nothing wrong with testing for paternity, but also have him get a part-time job, so he can help his girl take care of their baby.

Sex is great, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. No, let me rephrase that – sex with a person you love and enjoy is great! The first time it’s probably terrible, especially if your first time is in a boys’ bathroom, in an alley, the back of a car, as a result of rape, or when you are not ready.

The stakes are high. For girls and women who had children while a teen and finished school, raised great kids, this conversation is NOT FOR YOU!

Hey Young Girls who are saving your virginity until you marry; this conversation is NOT FOR YOU! Grown folks, the mistakes of our children, are our mistakes too! Talk to those you mentor with honesty & love.

 

If you liked what you read, follow my blog for more articles, info and camaraderie with other people just like you & me. Reach out to me on Twitter (@cgwwbook) or Facebook (CGWWBooks)

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

August 8, 2014 at 9:23 pm 2 comments

Is Your Teen a Sex Fiend?

As I sit here thinking back on the things I was most curious about as an adolescent girl; sex was probably one of them. Being curious was one thing; acting on this curiosity was altogether different. My parents were really clear. Sex was a no-no and I knew why. As much as my mother explained about being a ‘good girl’, it took my gossipy guy friends in the old neighborhood to help me stay a ‘good girl’. They talked about all the girls who were giving up their virginity and how easy they were. Who wanted to be considered easy?

Nowadays doesn’t help that sex topics are openly portrayed on TV, the radio, in music videos – EVERYWHERE! A few suggestive lyrics, raging hormones and a free afternoon for your tween or teen child is all they need to get it (as the kids say) “on and popping”. In other words, they will have had sex and become pregnant before you realize that they are attracted to ‘the next door neighbor’. Don’t always assume that they are going where they say they are going. Offer them a ride, and sometimes call the house of their girl or guy friend to make sure they are actually there instead of in the back seat of someone else’s car. Also explain that oral sex is still considered sex. Many young girls have told me that ‘servicing’ a boy is not considered sex and its okay.

So what do you do? One: Have open and honest conversations with them & their friends. I remember asking my daughter to promise to tell me before she wanted to have sex. Well of course she said ‘Mom, I’m not doing that’. Two: Get them involved in after school activities and make sure they get to those activities. If your daughter loves basketball, help her try-out and get on the team. Maybe music is their muse. If so, have them join the Band Club; try out for the fall or spring play; join the Chess Club or Debate team. Having them have something to do after school besides homework keeps them from having time to explore their fantasies; helps them with time management and gives them a good night’s sleep because they will be tired.

The teen years are a time of exploration. Help them channel that sexual energy into something positive and postpone grandparent years if you can. Happy Parenting~

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)

January 24, 2014 at 5:49 pm Leave a comment


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