Posts filed under ‘male role model’

Father and Daughter Relationships

There is NOTHING like a great father & daughter relationship. When I say great, I mean the father is active in his daughter’s life. They spend time together, and talk about most topics (some are still Mom-only topics like menstrual periods and bra sizes) and they listen to each other. But most importantly, dads are a girl’s first male relationship. How he responds or doesn’t respond to her can color her relationships with men forever. 

I had a great dad. He was the go-to person when my mother felt she needed the other parent to step in. He was also the fun parent. He would play with us (until he had had enough), as a teen, I could talk to him, when there was no one else to talk to. He was a sane voice I needed to hear, when I went through divorce. Yet he was flawed at the strangest times. #newbook

As part of my research for my new father-daughter book, I have an online survey for fathers and one for daughters. I would appreciate it if you completed it. I will also conduct a focus group, so email me if you would like to be a part of it.

Daughter Survey

Father Survey

Thank you in advance for your support!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 14, 2018 at 3:00 pm Leave a comment

What Makes Us Hold On to Our Sons

I remember feeling happy when I got pregnant with my second child. But I wondered where would I find love to give this new child, when all of my mother love was going to my first-born – my daughter Cand.

Mums and Babies

Then Al was born and God opened up my heart to give lots of love to this new baby. It was amazing how differently I felt about this kid – this son of mine. There isn’t anything that you wouldn’t do for your son and that’s pretty cool while he’s a baby or a young boy. He’s so lovable, and the thing about boys is that they graciously allow you to take care of them. As his mom, you’re his first love and he’s pretty possessive about. It doesn’t matter whether you are married to the love of your life, or you’re a single mom, those boys really attach themselves to your heartstrings and hold on. Usually that possessive love only lasts while they are young boys. However, we’ve gotten used to the attention. So we try to everything we can to preserve that feeling of love by giving our sons, our time, money, support – everything!

The problem occurs when you’re still doing everything for him into his adult years. You’ve taken care of him throughout his teen years, his college years (or working years), and haven’t required him to take care of himself. He’s your #PamperedPrince, lock, stock & barrel! Not only are you taking care of him well into his adult years. You don’t celebrate the women that he’s brought for you to meet and approve of. You find fault with each one of them – they’re not good enough for your son. 

What makes us (as moms) hold onto our sons so tightly? I can think of three reasons:

  1. We are afraid our sons won’t love us if we stop taking care of them
  2. No one else will love us like our sons
  3. Our sons won’t do the right thing without our constant guidance

Here’s the truth – none of those statements are true! If you’ve been consistent in your love, discipline and guidance for your son, he will be okay. If you’re a single mom, make sure to give him positive, trustworthy male role models. He may do things just like you want or he might do things you would prefer he didn’t do, but trust the process. Let him go. Allow him to grow up and become the man you always knew he would be! He’ll make you proud.

Interested in learning more about your mother-son dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 29, 2017 at 1:10 pm Leave a comment

How Does A Teen Adjust To Parent’s Gender Transition?

Having my parents separate and divorce when I was 16 is a trauma I won’t forget! I felt vulnerable, no longer protected from society and isolated from my peers (whose becoming usparents were still married). This major life event caused cycles of things to occur: reduced family income – my mom had the three of us to raise on her income and male misidentification – my brother began his cycle of getting into trouble as a way of dealing with losing his role model – my father. Having been a victim of divorced parents and the trauma that it brings to the entire family, my heart goes out to those children who have to adjust to the pain of separations.

I’ve been seeing a commercial for the upcoming ABC Family series – “BECOMING US’ – A TEEN ADJUSTING TO PARENT’S GENDER TRANSITION. Knowing the shame and discomfort I felt having divorced parents, I can only imagine the pain, shame and trauma that this young male teenager is facing, as he watches his dad change into a ‘woman’. It is one thing to live that experience, but how do you live it under the microscope called TV?

You say it’s okay to tell everything – that’s the type of society that we live in now. I completely disagree! As parents, our role is to protect our children. It doesn’t mean that we won’t experience life changes; however, some topics are not for primetime TV.

PARENTS: What do you think? Please send me your comments. #parentgender

Interested in learning more about co-parenting? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for raising Tweens, Teens and Adult children, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

June 2, 2015 at 12:33 pm 2 comments

Want Your Son to Talk to You?

Not CommunicatingEver felt like if you yelled a little louder, he (your son) would get it? Well he doesn’t get it, he actually retreats from you into a place where you can’t reach him.

Trust me, I know about these things, I’m a mother of two male adult children. Make it easy to talk to you – pass no judgments, no I told you so, no condescending remarks like “You’re just like your no-good father!” Just listen and let him talk. You will be surprised at what your son will say, once he starts talking.

Here is a link to my video on YouTube about communicating with your son: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m21r1QzYkY

C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 5, 2013 at 2:23 am Leave a comment

Your Son’s Role Model?

I keep trying to understand the male culture of taking one’s enemies out. As a woman, it is not an easily understood phenomenon. In my neighborhood, African American men and boys resolve their differences by shooting each other. Lots of males are dying these days. This kind of ethnic cleansing happens in Hispanic neighborhoods as well. Males in mainstream America also shoot, often harming or killing everyone in the general vicinity.

Very little discussion takes place because our society doesn’t seem to remember a time when we resolved our differences by talking things out. Tolerance is not a skill that seems to be taught or valued anymore. In the political arena, instead of working together, candidates annihilate each other with lies and insinuations, basically killing the accused candidate’s chances of winning anything. In corporate America, money and power rule to such an extent, that discussion and the possibility of working things out, very seldom occurs, unless a watchdog agency intervenes.

How do we teach our sons a better way to grow up in a society that does not value love, respect, honor and truth? What happened to the dads of yesteryear?  My dad is one of those “yesteryear” dads. He was Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show, Steve Douglas on My Three Sons (dating myself here), or the Mr. Eddie’s father on the Courtship of Eddie’s Father. I am talking about a dad that spends time with his family and talks to and with his son(s).  How else can boys grow into men without that kind of guidance?

I wonder if the Colorado shooter had had positive, quality time with his father during his formative years, if he would have been inclined to randomly shoot and kill people in a movie theatre. Don’t get me wrong, women own a piece of this parenting debacle too. Our boys can’t grow up like wild, uncontrollable plants without our assistance or good parenting. However, in the end they (our sons) are looking for a male role model; any old role model will do. If the only available role model is a drug dealer, that is who our sons will follow. If the role model is a caring, tolerant, man of faith – that’s who are son will follow instead.

Who is your son’s role model?

C. Lynn

November 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm 1 comment


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