Posts filed under ‘male role model’

Give Them Something To Believe In

Life is funny, you leave one crisis, and move into a second or third one. 

This week I’m thinking about boys… yes, our sons. And the challenges some of them face growing up.

For the last several years, we have experienced a number of young men losing their life to gun violence. Violence of being shot by rivals and violence due to police shootings. Last year (2020), not only did we experience over 600,000 people who died from COVID-19, we also watched as the number of black boys and men who were shot and killed by police, increased.

Toward the end of 2020, many cities noticed a rash of crimes where people were being carjacked and robbed or killed. Many of these crimes were committed by young men, some as young as 11 or 12. It makes you wonder what kind of direction or guidance they are receiving at home?

I had firsthand knowledge of guidance for a young boy.

My little brother…

I think back to my brother and how he responded to my mom and dad’s divorce. He was young, about 11 years old and missed having Dad at home. He was angry and felt alone.

He started getting into trouble.

A lot. Getting into trouble in those days, meant being disrespectful, destroying somebody’s property, or stealing. Our dad wasn’t coming by for regular visits, but if my mother called about my brother, Dad would come and discipline him. 

My brother was so unhappy that he began trying to take his life. (Thank God he was unsuccessful.) He also began hanging out with the “bad boys” in the neighborhood.

My mother sold our house and moved to a different neighborhood.

Who can say what kind of stress these boys are undergoing at home?

  • It could be due to financial issues.
  • Maybe the stress is verbal or physical.
  • Your son could be dealing with depression.
  • Perhaps he is reacting to deaths of people he knows due to COVID-19, domestic or gun violence. If his family has gang affiliation and the violence is orchestrated by gang leaders, imagine how stressful that could be.

How do you help your son if he is facing any of these (or other issues)? What do you do if he’s going through male teen angst? Maybe he’s exhibiting disrespectful, aggressive, violent behavior or mood swings.

What happens if you can’t change neighborhoods?

Try these five things before giving up or seeking professional help:

  • Schedule Time With Your Son – talk frequently and spend regularly scheduled time with him and keep his schedule jam-packed with school, sports, clubs, time with friends, and after-school jobs.
  • Set a Sleep Routine it’s easier being a teen if he’s getting enough sleep.
  • Get Moving – the last thing a moody teen wants to do is get up and move, but it’s one of the best ways he can feel better.
  • Listen Without Lecturingresist the urge to lecture your son. Listen with an open mind.
  • Keep Your Cool take a deep breath, keep your cool and find a way to communicate without lashing out.

Find an honorable, trustworthy male mentor that he can talk to, when he can’t talk to you. Remember to model healthy ways to handle stress. Take good care yourself.

I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows parent-child relationships to grow and feel better through coaching and parent classes. Email me for more information: info@clynnwilliams.com 😘 

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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

July 20, 2021 at 9:45 pm Leave a comment

Father and Daughter Relationships

There is NOTHING like a great father & daughter relationship. When I say great, I mean the father is active in his daughter’s life. They spend time together, and talk about most topics (some are still Mom-only topics like menstrual periods and bra sizes) and they listen to each other. But most importantly, dads are a girl’s first male relationship. How he responds or doesn’t respond to her can color her relationships with men forever. 

I had a great dad. He was the go-to person when my mother felt she needed the other parent to step in. He was also the fun parent. He would play with us (until he had had enough), as a teen, I could talk to him, when there was no one else to talk to. He was a sane voice I needed to hear, when I went through divorce. Yet he was flawed at the strangest times. #newbook

As part of my research for my new father-daughter book, I have an online survey for fathers and one for daughters. I would appreciate it if you completed it. I will also conduct a focus group, so email me if you would like to be a part of it.

Daughter Survey

Father Survey

Thank you in advance for your support!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 14, 2018 at 3:00 pm Leave a comment

What Makes Us Hold On to Our Sons

I remember feeling happy when I got pregnant with my second child. But I wondered where would I find love to give this new child, when all of my mother love was going to my first-born – my daughter Cand.

Mums and Babies

Then Al was born and God opened up my heart to give lots of love to this new baby. It was amazing how differently I felt about this kid – this son of mine. There isn’t anything that you wouldn’t do for your son and that’s pretty cool while he’s a baby or a young boy. He’s so lovable, and the thing about boys is that they graciously allow you to take care of them. As his mom, you’re his first love and he’s pretty possessive about. It doesn’t matter whether you are married to the love of your life, or you’re a single mom, those boys really attach themselves to your heartstrings and hold on. Usually that possessive love only lasts while they are young boys. However, we’ve gotten used to the attention. So we try to everything we can to preserve that feeling of love by giving our sons, our time, money, support – everything!

The problem occurs when you’re still doing everything for him into his adult years. You’ve taken care of him throughout his teen years, his college years (or working years), and haven’t required him to take care of himself. He’s your #PamperedPrince, lock, stock & barrel! Not only are you taking care of him well into his adult years. You don’t celebrate the women that he’s brought for you to meet and approve of. You find fault with each one of them – they’re not good enough for your son. 

What makes us (as moms) hold onto our sons so tightly? I can think of three reasons:

  1. We are afraid our sons won’t love us if we stop taking care of them
  2. No one else will love us like our sons
  3. Our sons won’t do the right thing without our constant guidance

Here’s the truth – none of those statements are true! If you’ve been consistent in your love, discipline and guidance for your son, he will be okay. If you’re a single mom, make sure to give him positive, trustworthy male role models. He may do things just like you want or he might do things you would prefer he didn’t do, but trust the process. Let him go. Allow him to grow up and become the man you always knew he would be! He’ll make you proud.

Interested in learning more about your mother-son dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 29, 2017 at 1:10 pm Leave a comment

How Does A Teen Adjust To Parent’s Gender Transition?

Having my parents separate and divorce when I was 16 is a trauma I won’t forget! I felt vulnerable, no longer protected from society and isolated from my peers (whose becoming usparents were still married). This major life event caused cycles of things to occur: reduced family income – my mom had the three of us to raise on her income and male misidentification – my brother began his cycle of getting into trouble as a way of dealing with losing his role model – my father. Having been a victim of divorced parents and the trauma that it brings to the entire family, my heart goes out to those children who have to adjust to the pain of separations.

I’ve been seeing a commercial for the upcoming ABC Family series – “BECOMING US’ – A TEEN ADJUSTING TO PARENT’S GENDER TRANSITION. Knowing the shame and discomfort I felt having divorced parents, I can only imagine the pain, shame and trauma that this young male teenager is facing, as he watches his dad change into a ‘woman’. It is one thing to live that experience, but how do you live it under the microscope called TV?

You say it’s okay to tell everything – that’s the type of society that we live in now. I completely disagree! As parents, our role is to protect our children. It doesn’t mean that we won’t experience life changes; however, some topics are not for primetime TV.

PARENTS: What do you think? Please send me your comments. #parentgender

Interested in learning more about co-parenting? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for raising Tweens, Teens and Adult children, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

June 2, 2015 at 12:33 pm 2 comments

Want Your Son to Talk to You?

Not CommunicatingEver felt like if you yelled a little louder, he (your son) would get it? Well he doesn’t get it, he actually retreats from you into a place where you can’t reach him.

Trust me, I know about these things, I’m a mother of two male adult children. Make it easy to talk to you – pass no judgments, no I told you so, no condescending remarks like “You’re just like your no-good father!” Just listen and let him talk. You will be surprised at what your son will say, once he starts talking.

Here is a link to my video on YouTube about communicating with your son: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m21r1QzYkY

C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 5, 2013 at 2:23 am Leave a comment

Your Son’s Role Model?

I keep trying to understand the male culture of taking one’s enemies out. As a woman, it is not an easily understood phenomenon. In my neighborhood, African American men and boys resolve their differences by shooting each other. Lots of males are dying these days. This kind of ethnic cleansing happens in Hispanic neighborhoods as well. Males in mainstream America also shoot, often harming or killing everyone in the general vicinity.

Very little discussion takes place because our society doesn’t seem to remember a time when we resolved our differences by talking things out. Tolerance is not a skill that seems to be taught or valued anymore. In the political arena, instead of working together, candidates annihilate each other with lies and insinuations, basically killing the accused candidate’s chances of winning anything. In corporate America, money and power rule to such an extent, that discussion and the possibility of working things out, very seldom occurs, unless a watchdog agency intervenes.

How do we teach our sons a better way to grow up in a society that does not value love, respect, honor and truth? What happened to the dads of yesteryear?  My dad is one of those “yesteryear” dads. He was Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show, Steve Douglas on My Three Sons (dating myself here), or the Mr. Eddie’s father on the Courtship of Eddie’s Father. I am talking about a dad that spends time with his family and talks to and with his son(s).  How else can boys grow into men without that kind of guidance?

I wonder if the Colorado shooter had had positive, quality time with his father during his formative years, if he would have been inclined to randomly shoot and kill people in a movie theatre. Don’t get me wrong, women own a piece of this parenting debacle too. Our boys can’t grow up like wild, uncontrollable plants without our assistance or good parenting. However, in the end they (our sons) are looking for a male role model; any old role model will do. If the only available role model is a drug dealer, that is who our sons will follow. If the role model is a caring, tolerant, man of faith – that’s who are son will follow instead.

Who is your son’s role model?

C. Lynn

November 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm 1 comment


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