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Queen Latifah & Her Mom… #SustainingtheBond

Mothers, we are always giving to our children right?
I found this wonderful article about one of my sheroes, (actress and talk show host Queen Latifah) and how she is helping her mother through a serious illness. The bond between a mother and her daughter is can be a good one, might need work or may not exist at all. Don’t you agree?

Below is a reprint of part of the People Magazine article dated May 1, 2014 by Monica Rizzo.

Despite her very public persona, Queen Latifah has long been private about her family life. But last spring as she was ramping up production for her syndicated daytime talk show, The Queen Latifah Show, the entertainer was taking on a personal commitment to take charge of her mother Rita Owens’s round-the-clock medical needs.

Owens, 64, was diagnosed last year with scleroderma, an incurable autoimmune disease that has caused scar tissue build up (pulmonary fibrosis) in her lungs. Owens also has pulmonary hypertension (blood pressure in the lungs), which impacts her ability to breathe.

“I wasn’t going to do the show unless she came here,” Latifah tells PEOPLE in its latest issue. “I knew she was dealing with her health issues sometimes and I would not be able to get to her as easily.”

Despite the challenges caring for someone who’s ill, Latifah, 44, says she can’t imagine anyone else looking after her mother.

“Anyone who has a job and then has a family member at home who is ill, it’s 24 hours. You have to be there. They need you,” says Latifah, who enlisted friends and family members to help out while she’s at work. “I try to be as in the moment and as present as possible. And then I try to get some sleep and go to work and be present there and then go home and be present there.”

“It’s not a day or night that she doesn’t peek her head in my room and make sure I’m okay,” says Owens, a former high school teacher. “If it’s medical she’ll go in and grill the doctors and make sure they are doing what they are supposed to do. She sacrifices her time, her resources. She genuinely loves me and I know that.”

For more from Latifah and her mother, including details on Owens’ condition and her treatment, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE magazine.

If you are taking care of an aging parent (and raising children) part of the sandwich generation. To learn more about loving and communicating with your mother, invest in a copy of my book, ‘Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES. http://bit.ly/Uzr9v6 If you would like to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our daughters, reach out to me on Twitter www.twitter.com/cgwwbook or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. Use hashtag #TellHerTheTruth

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

P.S. If you have a daughter and live in the Chicago area, treat yourselves to a half-day retreat on Nov. 22nd to share stories, experiences, bond and renew your relationship with each other. Here’s the link to register: mymothermyself.eventbrite.com

November 12, 2014 at 5:33 pm 2 comments

If you Divorce Mom Does it Mean You Divorce Me Too? #DivorceHurts

I remember when my parents divorced, I was actually happy! I know that sounds strange, but my dad had started drinking more heavily, and I felt uncomfortable around him. He was my lovable dad, but I didn’t like being hugged by him when he reeked of alcohol!

I was happy, and yet my family was breaking up. As a teen, I thought I understood (in my little teen mind) what was going on, but I had no idea that mom and dad divorcing would be a terrible thing for all of us, especially my brother. My mom initiated the divorce, the details didn’t really matter. What did matter was that once my dad moved out, our relationship as his children seemed to change forever.

He would tell my mom (or tell me) that he was coming to get us and visit, but often he didn’t. We saw him occasionally which didn’t make much sense to me, but I had already put up a wall of protection around me – so I told myself I didn’t care. I don’t remember how my sister felt, but my brother started acting out. He got in trouble in school; starting hanging around the ‘bad’ boy next door and stealing from the local store. When that happened, my dad came around and beat his behind. My law enforcement uncle came around more often to talk with my brother. He got the attention he craved, at a high emotional cost. As I became an adult, I asked my father why he promised to visit and didn’t. His answer was that he often had no money to give us and it was hard for him to come around us as a broke dad.

Yes, I truly felt that when our parents divorced, we also divorced the parent who left. This story is for those of you with children who are contemplating divorce; already going through divorce or completely divorced. I get it! Living with someone you no longer get along with for whatever reason is unbearable. I’ve divorced too! I’m sure my children feel the sting that divorce left on them, because they no longer saw their father daily. Please consider an arrangement that allows your ex-spouse to see their kids as often as possible. Get your emotions and hurt feelings out of the way and allow your children to continue to love you and your ex no matter what. #DivorceHurts

If you want to read more #divorcehurts, follow My Blog and sign up for my Parenting Newsletter. Want to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our families; reach out to me on Twitter @cgwwbook or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. #DivorceHurts