Posts filed under ‘puberty’

Is Your Teen a Sex Fiend?

As I sit here thinking back on the things I was most curious about as an adolescent girl; sex was probably one of them. Being curious was one thing; acting on this curiosity was altogether different. My parents were really clear. Sex was a no-no and I knew why. As much as my mother explained about being a ‘good girl’, it took my gossipy guy friends in the old neighborhood to help me stay a ‘good girl’. They talked about all the girls who were giving up their virginity and how easy they were. Who wanted to be considered easy?

Nowadays doesn’t help that sex topics are openly portrayed on TV, the radio, in music videos – EVERYWHERE! A few suggestive lyrics, raging hormones and a free afternoon for your tween or teen child is all they need to get it (as the kids say) “on and popping”. In other words, they will have had sex and become pregnant before you realize that they are attracted to ‘the next door neighbor’. Don’t always assume that they are going where they say they are going. Offer them a ride, and sometimes call the house of their girl or guy friend to make sure they are actually there instead of in the back seat of someone else’s car. Also explain that oral sex is still considered sex. Many young girls have told me that ‘servicing’ a boy is not considered sex and its okay.

So what do you do? One: Have open and honest conversations with them & their friends. I remember asking my daughter to promise to tell me before she wanted to have sex. Well of course she said ‘Mom, I’m not doing that’. Two: Get them involved in after school activities and make sure they get to those activities. If your daughter loves basketball, help her try-out and get on the team. Maybe music is their muse. If so, have them join the Band Club; try out for the fall or spring play; join the Chess Club or Debate team. Having them have something to do after school besides homework keeps them from having time to explore their fantasies; helps them with time management and gives them a good night’s sleep because they will be tired.

The teen years are a time of exploration. Help them channel that sexual energy into something positive and postpone grandparent years if you can. Happy Parenting~

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)

January 24, 2014 at 5:49 pm Leave a comment

When Parents Make Mistakes

ImageParents are invincibleinfallibleHuman!

My husband and I saw Black Nativity last night and I am glad we did! Being a person of color, we usually support movies with African-American actors, directors, film writers during the first weekend the movie airs to support it financially. While I love, Forest Whitaker and Angela Bassett, I’m not crazy about musicals, so I almost missed a golden opportunity. If Black Nativity is still playing in your area, go see it! Anyway I digress… There was a line in the movie that absolutely spoke to me about PARENTING! Rev. Cobbs (Forest Whitaker), the estranged father of Naima (Jennifer Hudson) said “Parents make mistakes…I am so sorry that I meddled in your life.”

Have you ever felt that way about something that occurred between you and your teen or adult child? Were you able to admit it and have an honest conversation with your son or daughter? Or did pride keep you from opening the doors of communication with that person that you love with all of your heart and soul? The movie had another theme that has been really messing up my parenting theory about our teen (or twenty-something) daughters getting pregnant and having children without being married. When my daughter was a teen, we had the ‘SEX’ talk a few times. I wanted to make sure that she understood the consequences to getting pregnant. I felt (and told her) that she would have to move out if she got pregnant before getting married. I felt that way because she, her dad and I talked candidly about waiting until marriage to have sex; if she couldn’t wait then use birth control. I know you’re thinking OMG – it’s okay for her to have sex??? She did not get pregnant, but what if she had? Would I have made her leave home for this mistake? Would we have been estranged? What about her future? Would she have gone to college, grad school, or become the professional woman she is today?

Well, no I didn’t want her to have sex, but let’s be honest here;  part of the teen experience is that LOVELY puberty that starts to occur to our kids when they turn 12 or 13. The boys you couldn’t stand in fifth and sixth grade, now start to look a little less like wimps and more like hotties! A kiss on the lips, turns into raging hormones! Right?!? If your daughter loses control (and has sex) she’s screwed (no pun intended) unless she is taking birth control. Again I digress. So for mothers like me who take that hard line, what are our daughters supposed to do if they find themselves pregnant? That was the dilemma of Mary (Grace Gibson), the very pregnant and homeless teen in Black Nativity. She said, “I made a mistake and was kicked out. I have nowhere to go, so here I am pregnant and homeless.”

The other theme that caught my interest was the relationship between the mom (Naima) and her teenaged son (Langston). God, she really loved him (and he loved her too), but as a single mom trying to make a living for the two of them, she was unequipped to offer him the masculine discipline & love that he needed to grow into a man. Well I won’t tell the entire story, but I’d like to end with this: if you, and your son or daughter have not spoken to each other because of miscommunications or disappointments, reach out and call them and begin to mend the fences. There is nothing worse that not having an opportunity to say “I’m sorry” and having regrets for the rest of your life.

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Parent Coach

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)

January 14, 2014 at 11:29 am Leave a comment

Staying Sane While Parenting Teens

Diverse Group of Teenagers - IsolatedRadio Show with Lon Woodbury (September 30, 2013)

With the lack of communication between parents and their teens in homes today, today’s guest on Parent Choices for Struggling Teens, C. Lynn Williams shared some “time tested tips” and strategies for parents to “stay sane” while raising their tweens and teens with host Lon Woodbury. In order for parents to stay sane, to keep their cool and not lose their temper, the first thing parents need to do is take care of themselves! With the life changes parents are also going through, it is important to take care of yourself, get out and get some exercise and get more sleep (rather than getting by on less.) In addition, having healthy meals together as a family is a must. There are great discussions and conversations that can come up, plus you get a visual on how your teen is doing- both physically and emotionally.

Some general tips that C Lynn recommends include: consistency. Especially on this brink of adulthood, parents need to have a wall of structure and consistent follow through. “No idle threats…if you say it, then you mean it” shared Lon. Another tip: you have to remain and remember that you are the parent. You are not their friend and as a parent there are standards you have to uphold. Lastly, you need to build individual relationships with each child. Spend time exclusively with each child and get to know them because each one is different. When they need to talk, they can then come to you to talk, from building the relationship and trust together. “Find out what their ‘love language’ is, ways your child receives and accepts love, whether it is attention, gifts or words of affirmation. Yet be appropriate in praising your teen, don’t praise them unless they have truly earned it…be honest with your teen.

For those with tweens, remember they are at the age where their hormones are in full force. “They still want to please you and then the next second, they don’t like you.” During this puberty stage there are lots of influences in your child’s life. The girls want to belong and the boys are centered on sports. This is a good time to get your child involved in extracurricular activities. They need to be kept busy and they need to be in a structured setting. And the good thing that comes out of this is the friendships they make, they want to please their coach, they are not sitting on the couch becoming a couch potato and they get a chance to explore their different interests.

When it comes to a parent needing to seek help for their out of control teen, “you should do so when you notice a drastic change in their behavior, their temperament, if they are quite and morose, depressed or you notice weight gain or weight loss” says C Lynn. And the first step to take is to contact the school and make an appointment with the school psychologist. “Just talk to your kid and if they won’t talk, seek help.”
“Parents need support, like in the old days; everyone on the block would look out for each other’s kids. We need to get back to that again. Involve the teachers, involve the neighbors, give them your phone number and have them call you if they see something not right with your child.

To listen to the full interview, go to Staying Sane While Parenting Teens on LATalkRadio

Contact:
Lon Woodbury, MA, CEP, IECA
208-267-5550
lonwoodbury@gmail.com
http://www.strugglingteens.com

Featuring:
C. Lynn Williams
Parenting Coach, Author, Speaker
224-357-6315
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
www.clynnwilliams.com

October 14, 2013 at 11:03 am 14 comments


Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 18,233 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 10,976 hits

Contact Info

(224) 357-6315
Online: 8 am - 8 pm

Follow me on Twitter


MyReporterIAD

Music and inspiration to aspire you to declare the best YOU.

tembceducation

"From Crayon to Career" Resources to provide sustainabilty to your educational practices and training

WILDsound Festival

Weekly Film Festival in Toronto & Los Angeles. Weekly screenplay & story readings performed by professional actors.

You can't argue with crazy

Migraines suck, and other tidbits of my life!