Posts filed under ‘Raising Your Daughter’

Jerks and Pretty Boys

When my daughter was a teen, she was attracted to ‘pretty boys’ and ‘bad boys’. I had to admit they were good to look at, but I constantly drilled (to her) the importance of men having a reputable character. It was great that they were good looking, but were they jerks or nice men? When I was growing up, a jerk was a guy who seemed to understand EVERYTHING a girl was going through and was wonderful to be with until he broke up with you and talked badly about you. Definitely the kind of guy to stay away fromjerks

According to the Urban Dictionary, a jerk is the kind of guy most girls ACTUALLY want when they say they want a Nice Guy.  Jerks are selfish, manipulative men who see women as little more than sexual conquests to brag about to their buddies or mere objects that are there for their personal pleasure.[1]

On the other hand, pretty boys while vain, are still nice guys. A good looking teenage boy (or 20-something man), not necessarily well-built. A pretty boy usually has a naturally clean-cut appearance, dresses well (mainly prep gear), and is very aware of his hair, skin, etc. He constantly looks in the mirror to ensure that he looks perfect from head to toe. You can usually tell who are the pretty boys (school, malls, bars, etc.). 

What concerns me is how easily we are attracted to jerks and pretty boys? I am not as concerned with the pretty boys as I am with the jerks. The problem with jerks is that they come off as the kind of man who is in your corner and cares about you, until you fall for him (or have sex with him or both). They are looking for the next challenge and are not concerned with how you feel. IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM.  Too many of us are involved with jerks – men who are selfish and manipulative. For some reason, we rationalize why their behavior is okay and why we should subject ourselves to their bull#*~^.

The other problem with your daughter dating or marrying a jerk, is that you can’t tell her what a jerk the guy is. She will defend him until he has thoroughly demoralized her, destroyed her self-esteem, and she begins to doubt every GOOD thing about herself. Only then might she be open to the wisdom that you can share with her.  (She will have to ask you for advice – please don’t offer it.)

Here are 9 ways to spot a jerk, (usually) on your first date:

  • He calls you “babe” right from the get-go
  • He walks in front of you
  • He brags about himself
  • He doesn’t open the door for you (my husband’s pet peeve)
  • He hogs the conversation and doesn’t let you get a word in
  • He gives you low-grade insults guaranteed to undermine your self-confidence (called negging)
  • He gives attention to another girl in the room (seriously)
  • He calls women bitches (my pet peeve)
  • He disrespects his mother

I dated a guy once, who my mother thought was the cat’s meow! But he was disrespectful to his mother, and I wondered how could he treat me with respect, if he didn’t respect his mother. It is NEVER okay to accept negative compliments, especially from a guy that wants to date or marry you. By the way here is an example of a negative compliment: That shirt looks good on you, but I don’t think pink is your color.

Any or some combination of the nine traits listed are bad enough to make you leave your date and take an Uber home. Unfortunately, when those traits are combined with a male irresistible-ness, it makes a woman doubt what she saw and have another date just to confirm that what she saw (in him) the first time was true.

Ladies, there is no reason for a second or third date with Mr. Jerk! He is true to his title and will ultimately make you feel bad about the badass that you are. Your Mr. Right is close by, so don’t sell yourself short and take home (have a child with or marry) Mr. Jerk. He will leave you with a lifetime of demoralizing feelings that only time, prayer and a good therapist can diminish. Leave the jerks and pretty boys alone. You deserve so much better.

[1] https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jerk

Interested in learning more about communicating with that daughter of yours? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my coaching programs.

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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 6, 2018 at 8:47 am Leave a comment

If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…

Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your img_9908daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.

Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?

Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here

If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru

Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com

November 10, 2016 at 1:32 pm Leave a comment

How You Can Protect Your Daughter Against Teen Dating Violence?

 teen domestic-violence

Teen dating violence touches families from all walks of life, cultures, educational and socioeconomic backgrounds. It is a method of one partner controlling the behavior of another partner. Alright, now let’s talk about our daughters. It is important to meet the young man that our daughters are going out with because if we haven’t met him, how do we know whether or not he is good for our daughter or not?
Teen girls are hormonal & impressionable. They fall in and out of like/love with many people. And often times are easily impressed by what we consider bad boys. Bad boys can be young men who break rules, who are defiant, who are slightly dangerous or whatever other characteristics that come to mind. Many times our daughters may be attracted to that silent brooding type who later turns out to be very controlling.

And what often happens is that the young man appeals to the parents. Maybe he’s quiet but he’s polite and he says all the right things around the parent, but behind the scenes he is telling your daughter what to do, where to go, and who she should hang out with. Maybe he’s the type that calls her cell phone constantly and when she doesn’t answer, he harasses her.

Unbeknownst to you maybe he’s snatched her arm a few times or pushed her; small things that she doesn’t want to share with you because you would tell her to stop dating him. Maybe it’s progressed to the fact that he’s hit her once, but not anything that’s noticeable. What should she do and how do you find out what’s happening?

Start the dialogue now! If your daughter isn’t dating anyone start talking about scenarios where something like this could happen and what she should do, because I promise you talking sooner than later is always a good thing. she’ll probably tell you “don’t worry mom that’s not going to happen to me”.

November is domestic violence month not only for women but girls too. If you think that your daughter is being abused by her boyfriend or husband, help her seek help.  There are a number of places that you can call. Here is one agency:
http://www.thehotline.org/


C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com

Preorder my upcoming book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!https://raisingyourdaughterpresale.eventbrite.com/

October 9, 2013 at 2:17 pm 7 comments

Surviving Loss

One of my former students lost her mother yesterday. Her daughter, (also a former student) told me about it today and it took me back five years ago when I lost my own mother. My initial feels of numbness and grief, turned into days of feeling lost and disconnected. Then I could hardly put two thoughts together without being reduced to tears. Weird huh?

What was funny about my reaction after losing my mother was that my sister was closest to my mom; they talked regularly throughout the day, and were cooking and drinking buddies.  My mom and I talked daily but relied on each other in different ways. Being more private in my thoughts I didn’t feel the need to share everything with my mom. She taught me how to be resourceful, so I shared problems that I couldn’t figure out alone. Yet when I did share my secrets with her, I could count on her to keep them secret forever. Yes, we were mother & daughter, but we were also good friends, quite different from our relationship during my years as a teenager! Mom was my chief strategist in many ways. Her suggestions and ideas guided me through relationships, both work & personal, childrearing, and through all of my entrepreneurial pursuits. Mothers are a part of our lives in so many ways, is it possible to exist when that relationship comes to an end?

To read more about my thoughts (personal & parenting) about mother & daughter relationships, preorder a copy of my soon to be released book, “Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!”…

C. Lynn Williams
Author & Speaker

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

cgwwbooks@yahoo.com

September 11, 2013 at 10:35 am 1 comment


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