Posts filed under ‘self-esteem’

Jerks and Pretty Boys

When my daughter was a teen, she was attracted to ‘pretty boys’ and ‘bad boys’. I had to admit they were good to look at, but I constantly drilled (to her) the importance of men having a reputable character. It was great that they were good looking, but were they jerks or nice men? When I was growing up, a jerk was a guy who seemed to understand EVERYTHING a girl was going through and was wonderful to be with until he broke up with you and talked badly about you. Definitely the kind of guy to stay away fromjerks

According to the Urban Dictionary, a jerk is the kind of guy most girls ACTUALLY want when they say they want a Nice Guy.  Jerks are selfish, manipulative men who see women as little more than sexual conquests to brag about to their buddies or mere objects that are there for their personal pleasure.[1]

On the other hand, pretty boys while vain, are still nice guys. A good looking teenage boy (or 20-something man), not necessarily well-built. A pretty boy usually has a naturally clean-cut appearance, dresses well (mainly prep gear), and is very aware of his hair, skin, etc. He constantly looks in the mirror to ensure that he looks perfect from head to toe. You can usually tell who are the pretty boys (school, malls, bars, etc.). 

What concerns me is how easily we are attracted to jerks and pretty boys? I am not as concerned with the pretty boys as I am with the jerks. The problem with jerks is that they come off as the kind of man who is in your corner and cares about you, until you fall for him (or have sex with him or both). They are looking for the next challenge and are not concerned with how you feel. IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM.  Too many of us are involved with jerks – men who are selfish and manipulative. For some reason, we rationalize why their behavior is okay and why we should subject ourselves to their bull#*~^.

The other problem with your daughter dating or marrying a jerk, is that you can’t tell her what a jerk the guy is. She will defend him until he has thoroughly demoralized her, destroyed her self-esteem, and she begins to doubt every GOOD thing about herself. Only then might she be open to the wisdom that you can share with her.  (She will have to ask you for advice – please don’t offer it.)

Here are 9 ways to spot a jerk, (usually) on your first date:

  • He calls you “babe” right from the get-go
  • He walks in front of you
  • He brags about himself
  • He doesn’t open the door for you (my husband’s pet peeve)
  • He hogs the conversation and doesn’t let you get a word in
  • He gives you low-grade insults guaranteed to undermine your self-confidence (called negging)
  • He gives attention to another girl in the room (seriously)
  • He calls women bitches (my pet peeve)
  • He disrespects his mother

I dated a guy once, who my mother thought was the cat’s meow! But he was disrespectful to his mother, and I wondered how could he treat me with respect, if he didn’t respect his mother. It is NEVER okay to accept negative compliments, especially from a guy that wants to date or marry you. By the way here is an example of a negative compliment: That shirt looks good on you, but I don’t think pink is your color.

Any or some combination of the nine traits listed are bad enough to make you leave your date and take an Uber home. Unfortunately, when those traits are combined with a male irresistible-ness, it makes a woman doubt what she saw and have another date just to confirm that what she saw (in him) the first time was true.

Ladies, there is no reason for a second or third date with Mr. Jerk! He is true to his title and will ultimately make you feel bad about the badass that you are. Your Mr. Right is close by, so don’t sell yourself short and take home (have a child with or marry) Mr. Jerk. He will leave you with a lifetime of demoralizing feelings that only time, prayer and a good therapist can diminish. Leave the jerks and pretty boys alone. You deserve so much better.

[1] https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jerk

Interested in learning more about communicating with that daughter of yours? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my coaching programs.

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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 6, 2018 at 8:47 am Leave a comment

Parent Goodies – Kool-Aid Girls

While I love to write, there is nothing like a video to make the point clearer! koolaidmangetshis

This week began the launch of Parent Goodies, a weekly  topic of interest to parents that will be aired on my MsParentguru YouTube channel.

Today’s topic is a little gritty, but part of the adolescent scene. Welcome to Kool Aid girls. Welcome to my new video blog called Parent Goodies.
Click on the link:
https://youtu.be/bNKxtGG0EjI

What you think about this?

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

July 14, 2015 at 11:30 am Leave a comment

My Dad

I love Father’s Day because I get to honor my dad, but it’s weird like Mother’s Day because how do you celebrate someone (for a day) who has loved you all of your life? The question for me is what did I learn from my dad? Hm… Well, my dad was very patient and easy-going. So during those times, when I’m not running at 100 miles per hour, I’m probably acting like my dad! smiley  In addition, he accepted people for who they were. I very seldom heard him talk badly about anyone. Okay I have half of that trait from him! On good days, when I’m not yelling at the driver in front of me, I’m probably acting more like my dad. I’m pretty competitive, believe in helping others (got that from both parents), and I’d say the rest of my traits are a result of my mother. (She was pretty awesome too!) The one thing I don’t see a lot anymore is that my father taught me to respect myself as a woman and to be selective in my choices of men. I’m sure I learned other things, but those are the main traits that make me who I am today.

However, my dad taught me tolerance because when I went through a divorce, my ex-husband had a hard time paying child support. My mother said, “throw the book at him”. My dad agreed with me when I decided to work things out. My ex-husband was a good father, so having him continue to work and provide what he could for his children was more important to me than having him sit in jail.

By the way, my dad turned 81 years old last week, and he’s in great health. Happy Father’s Day Horace!

Dad_Patti_me

Dad, Patti & Me

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Wolves Are Out There – Have you Protected Your Daughter available in summer, 2013

June 10, 2013 at 9:49 pm 4 comments


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