Posts filed under ‘Women’

Jerks and Pretty Boys

When my daughter was a teen, she was attracted to ‘pretty boys’ and ‘bad boys’. I had to admit they were good to look at, but I constantly drilled (to her) the importance of men having a reputable character. It was great that they were good looking, but were they jerks or nice men? When I was growing up, a jerk was a guy who seemed to understand EVERYTHING a girl was going through and was wonderful to be with until he broke up with you and talked badly about you. Definitely the kind of guy to stay away fromjerks

According to the Urban Dictionary, a jerk is the kind of guy most girls ACTUALLY want when they say they want a Nice Guy.  Jerks are selfish, manipulative men who see women as little more than sexual conquests to brag about to their buddies or mere objects that are there for their personal pleasure.[1]

On the other hand, pretty boys while vain, are still nice guys. A good looking teenage boy (or 20-something man), not necessarily well-built. A pretty boy usually has a naturally clean-cut appearance, dresses well (mainly prep gear), and is very aware of his hair, skin, etc. He constantly looks in the mirror to ensure that he looks perfect from head to toe. You can usually tell who are the pretty boys (school, malls, bars, etc.). 

What concerns me is how easily we are attracted to jerks and pretty boys? I am not as concerned with the pretty boys as I am with the jerks. The problem with jerks is that they come off as the kind of man who is in your corner and cares about you, until you fall for him (or have sex with him or both). They are looking for the next challenge and are not concerned with how you feel. IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM.  Too many of us are involved with jerks – men who are selfish and manipulative. For some reason, we rationalize why their behavior is okay and why we should subject ourselves to their bull#*~^.

The other problem with your daughter dating or marrying a jerk, is that you can’t tell her what a jerk the guy is. She will defend him until he has thoroughly demoralized her, destroyed her self-esteem, and she begins to doubt every GOOD thing about herself. Only then might she be open to the wisdom that you can share with her.  (She will have to ask you for advice – please don’t offer it.)

Here are 9 ways to spot a jerk, (usually) on your first date:

  • He calls you “babe” right from the get-go
  • He walks in front of you
  • He brags about himself
  • He doesn’t open the door for you (my husband’s pet peeve)
  • He hogs the conversation and doesn’t let you get a word in
  • He gives you low-grade insults guaranteed to undermine your self-confidence (called negging)
  • He gives attention to another girl in the room (seriously)
  • He calls women bitches (my pet peeve)
  • He disrespects his mother

I dated a guy once, who my mother thought was the cat’s meow! But he was disrespectful to his mother, and I wondered how could he treat me with respect, if he didn’t respect his mother. It is NEVER okay to accept negative compliments, especially from a guy that wants to date or marry you. By the way here is an example of a negative compliment: That shirt looks good on you, but I don’t think pink is your color.

Any or some combination of the nine traits listed are bad enough to make you leave your date and take an Uber home. Unfortunately, when those traits are combined with a male irresistible-ness, it makes a woman doubt what she saw and have another date just to confirm that what she saw (in him) the first time was true.

Ladies, there is no reason for a second or third date with Mr. Jerk! He is true to his title and will ultimately make you feel bad about the badass that you are. Your Mr. Right is close by, so don’t sell yourself short and take home (have a child with or marry) Mr. Jerk. He will leave you with a lifetime of demoralizing feelings that only time, prayer and a good therapist can diminish. Leave the jerks and pretty boys alone. You deserve so much better.

[1] https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jerk

Interested in learning more about communicating with that daughter of yours? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my coaching programs.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 6, 2018 at 8:47 am Leave a comment

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

Has anyone ever stood too close to you in an elevator? How did you feel? It was uncomfortable right?

Not only do I feel a little claustrophobic in a crowded elevator, I also feel that way when tasks start to pile up on me and I allow them! I don’t say NO!  In the past, there were a lot of reasons that kept me from saying NO –  my environment, my upbringing, my willingness to please; all kept me from saying “No I can’t do that for you.” It didn’t matter whether the request was work-related, friends, or family members.

I realized that I did not set boundaries for myself. I would do the task, but be angry about it. I’d say to myself – “I can’t believe they asked me to do this!” It wasn’t until I realized that I was the only one who could control this. The only way I was going to have time to myself, was to allow myself to set boundaries around what I would and would not do.

Depending on your culture, upbringing, or social status, the only time women feel comfortable setting boundaries is when they don’t feel good. Society understands when women are sick and can’t do something as opposed to not wanting to.It’s a big difference between wanting to do something and not having the resources, and not wanting to do something and not knowing how to say no. Setting boundaries is a way of caring for you. 

Just like with any other habit that we begin, start practicing by saying No. Practice setting boundaries on what you’re willing and unwilling to do. Give yourself permission to say no to things that you really don’t want to do. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but just like with any other habit that you practice, you will be surprised at how comfortable you feel and how it begins to relieve the stress and the anxiety that you experience when you take on yet another project that you really don’t have the time or the desire to do.

As entrepreneurs and busy businesswomen, our success is predicated on making wise decisions. Not just making wise decisions for our businesses, but for ourselves as well. Our male counterparts do it every day. How often has your significant other said no to you? It’s just one little task that needed to be done, and he said no? Don’t get mad at him. Just learn to do it more often – for you.  #setboundaries

Interested in learning more about how to control the stresses in your life and maintain balance? Contact me – to receive information about my inspiring coaching programs for working and entrepreneur mothers.

Click Here to become a part of my Finding Superwoman Facebook community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Founder of Finding Superwoman, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

October 20, 2017 at 12:01 pm Leave a comment

The Problem with Procrastination

Have you ever decided that you were going to complete a task – not a big deal, yet you found yourself thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it until the time for you to complete it was over?

I have that problem when it comes to catalogs that come in the mail. I see something I want, but I think about it over and over and over again until it is no longer of interest to me.

That my friend is called PROCRASTINATION!

Procrastination occurs for me when I have a decision to make and I’m not quite sure if I should move forward with it or not. Perhaps procrastination occurs for you too in your business or in personal decisions that you need to make. Let me share a couple of tips with you when you feel like you’re stuck and can’t move forward.

One: If it’s a really big decision, I create a pros and cons sheet. Pros and cons allow me to look at the positives and negatives of moving forward with my decision, and it gives me an opportunity to let my higher spirit weigh in for things I hadn’t considered.

Two: I think about lost opportunity. Lost opportunity is important whether it’s in my business or when it comes to my family. The lost opportunity is what is the consequence for me not moving forward; what do I have to lose if I don’t move forward, and what do I gain by moving forward. You would be surprised at how powerful it is to look at lost opportunity.

Take a moment and think about where you would be if procrastination had not gotten your attention. Some decisions you don’t get to think over and over. Just like some opportunities don’t re-present themselves. Procrastination is just another form of fear, and I urge you to draw a line in the sand and move forward. You have more regrets from something you did not accomplish than something you tried and it did not work.

  • Take a chance!
  • Make a decision.
  • No regrets!

This is your time to shine. Your best days are ahead of you.

Interested in gaining more balance in your life? Contact me – MsParentGuru to receive information about my inspiring parenting and coaching programs.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

May 18, 2017 at 2:24 pm Leave a comment

How Are You Managing Your Finances?

April is Financial Literacy Month, and I asked a financially smart friend of mine – Syndie Schmeltzer to share her ideas of how to be savvy when it comes to our finances. Basically kick the chaos from financial mismanagement and increase your wealth!

It’s Financial Literacy Month! 

As women we usually end up being the ones in charge of the money that comes into the household. So ask yourself: How can we truly provide what’s best for our family if we don’t fully understand how money works.

Let this be the year you take control of your finances…

– Wouldn’t you like to find the money you didn’t know you had?
– How about knowing how to have your money work just as hard as you do?
– What about paying for college?
– Wouldn’t you finally like to understand if you have enough protection for your family?
These are just a few of the topics that will be taught during our “Money Smart Week”.

Here’s a tip you can start using today.

Do you know the Rule of 72? This simple but little known formula is a great way to estimate how long it will take your money to double.
Here’s how it works: Take the number 72 and divide it by the rate of interest you hope to earn. 

That’s it!

The number you get will tell you approximately how many years it will take for your money to double.

For example, say you had $50 in an account at a 2% interest rate. Using the Rule of 72:

72 ÷ 2 = 36

That means it would take approximately 36 years for your $50 to grow to $100. (This formula really shows the value of a higher interest rate, doesn’t it?)

When you know how money works, you know that time can either work for you or against you. So start leveraging the rule of 72 today! Ask me about being Money Smart.

For more information, contact me by email or phone:
Syndie.schmeltzer@oakbrookfinancialcenter.com 630-842-9357

Thank you Syndie for your excellent financial tips!

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

http://www.clynnwilliams.com

April 8, 2017 at 9:25 am Leave a comment

Tantrums of a Grown Woman

What adults do you know have TEMPER TANTRUMS? Have you ever had a hissy, (a bitch fit, a melt-down) and didn’t know how to handle it? Where did that  anger come from? I mean it’s one thing to get angry; it’s another to get so mad, you can hardly control yourself! I’m talking about how I felt and what I did to control myself. I’ve been angry before, and found that I felt better if I could blame someone else for how I felt – like my kids or my husband or my hormones. And while I know that’s not healthy, it’s what I did at that time. I’ve since MATURED!

I was really angry at the circumstances that I found myself in. On the one hand I was following my own advice, the advice that I give my Finding Superwoman™ clients when they start to feel overwhelmed. However I was mad at my Creator for being in the situation that I was in. As a faith-based person, I believe that you decide what path you want to take, pray about it and Take a Leap (of faith). As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr said: “Faith is taking the first step, even if you don’t see the whole staircase.”

As I gave myself time to think about what was really going on in my life, I decided that it wasn’t my faith or Creator, it was the choices that I had made for the last year and a half and the daily thoughts that I was thinking that landed me in the position that I found myself.

When things get tough for us as grown women, I believe there are a couple of ways you can handle the situation. 1: You can either have a temper tantrum (like I did), or 2: You can take deep look at the chain of events that got you where you currently are. The deep look inside builds wisdom because it causes you to do self-reflection.

On this particular morning, I allowed myself to have a meltdown – – a temper tantrum and decided to feel sorry for myself, the world is so cruel and that was it. That didn’t last very long because it felt weird.  I settled down, reached for my journal and wrote how I felt; then asked for guidance. It didn’t take long and I felt better.

I would love to hear How you handle disappointments?

When I coach my clients about finding their superwoman, I encourage them to discuss what’s really bugging them and determine what is most important in their life: work, family or relationships. Once they’ve sorted out what’s most important, we work on determining how to remove stress and those feelings of being overwhelmed by what family members and work associates think about the decisions we’ve made. I believe that you can have a wonderful relationship with your partner and your children as well as a successful career. If you are struggling to make this happen, Click Here to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

 

C. Lynn Williams

Award-winning Author & Founder of Finding Superwoman™
www.clynnwilliams.com

March 30, 2017 at 1:19 pm Leave a comment

Self-Care for Women Who Care

The phrase self-care is used a lot these days. It means practices and activities that we can do regularly to reduce stress and enhance our health and well-being. Remembering to take time for myself is something I have to do weekly if not daily.

As a busy woman, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself especially if you are running a business, raising children or taking care of aging parents.

In my graphic at the top of this newsletter, are twelve simple things that you can do to practice taking care of yourself. Which ones appeal to you?

 

Here Are My 3 Favs:

  1. Be Positive. Creating a habit of positive thinking can transform not only the way you view the world, but how you move through it. Psychology Today 9/24/2014
  1. Have Fun. Children constantly invent ways to have fun. You can do the same thing! Have a play day, afternoon, or an hour where you do something completely FUN!
  1. Go Outside. When we were kids my parent’s favorite phrase was “Go Outside and Play”! I love being outside with Nature, whether it’s walking, jogging or messing around in my garden because it allows me to forget the issues that are on my mind. I usually have a solution when I take time with Nature. There’s something about being with Nature that uplifts and inspires me.

Are perfection issues derailing your relationships?

Text the word PERFECTION to 708-501-7060 to receive a neat gift and an opportunity to connect with me.

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Award-winning Author & Motivational Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

March 16, 2017 at 11:06 pm Leave a comment

The Beauty Inside…

Last week I had a chance to spend time with my biological sister and my wonderful sorority sisters of Alpha Kappa Alpha. It was our aka_ladiesbiennial  conference and thousands of us descended onto Atlanta, Georgia. It was a beautiful sight, and connecting with each other, some who I hadn’t seen in two years, was just great. My sorors are part of my extended family.

However I also thought about my biological sister and how blessed I am to have her in my life. I know there are families where sisters don’t get along or support each other. I’m the oldest, and when I was growing up, my mother told me to look out for my sister. I never forgot my mother’s words and we continue to look out for each other.

I also look out for my “girls” – ladies I grew up with and those who are more recent friends. That’s something we were raised with, but I don’t think it’s being taught anymore. Look out for your family, friends, or neighbors. It’s about me and nothing more. That’s probably why there are the random acts of violence taking place all over the world instead of random acts of kindness.

Do me a favor. Smile at someone as you walk down the street. Hold the door open for a perfect stranger. Let a car pull out in front of you and instead of cursing, give them a friendly nod. Sisterliness begins with me and I’m paying it forward. Quote-on-sisters

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and their Sons. Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

While we may come from different walks of life, as women young and old, we share common challenges, goals and passions. If you want to share the love with girls and other womenfolk join me on August 14, 2016 by attending my Mom & Me  Tea, designed to provide a setting where girls and their caregivers can enjoy an afternoon of communication, culture and fun together. Register here.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author
http://www.clynnwilliams.com

 

July 20, 2016 at 6:18 pm Leave a comment


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