Posts tagged ‘expectations’

Blended Families – Tips on How to Be a Team

Group of different families together of all races

Group of different families together of all races

Blended families have such a unique dynamic about them. You get this couple that came together with one or both having children from a previous relationship. The couple falls in love and dreams of their children loving each other.
But here you have these children who came from two different broken homes coming together having all of these new siblings. How do you make that work? How do you become a team and turn these strangers into a family that loves, or at least respects one another? It’s not always easy, but here are some tips on how you can make your blended family a team.

1. Everyone in the family must have value. If anyone feels that they are expendable, then you will not build an effective team. This person is not going to be interested in being a part of the new family.

2. There should be no judging of opinions. Different opinions don’t mean wrong opinions, it just means different. If you understand this, then it will be easier to build your team. Even better still, making sure others don’t judge by making it a no-judge zone will go a long way.

3. Differences are an opportunity to grow. These different opinions need to be embraced and used as a chance to grow and change the family unit. So you need to be willing to listen and to try to make things work for the betterment of the family unit.

4. No irrational thinking. Parents must always have reasonable thoughts to propel the family forward. Don’t make unnecessary expectations on members of the family, like expecting everyone to instantly love one another. Work on getting them to tolerate each other first.

5. Everyone needs to be involved in the resolution process. When planning the family vacation, everyone in the family should be involved in that process – no matter how much conflict may arise from it. This is a great chance to remind everyone that we don’t judge each others thoughts and everyone is valuable.

6. Cooperation is essential. Don’t make it a dictatorship. Lead by example – it’s NOT my way or the highway. The moment you stop cooperating is the moment you lose all control.

7. Be willing to deal with uncomfortable circumstances in order to reach the end goal of a nicely blended family. It will be worth it all in the end.

8. Be trustworthy. Parents must create a space of trust. The children are going to be skeptical of everything at first. You’ll need to show them you can be trusted, and that you are willing and able to trust your children as well.

9. Do not manipulate. Persuasion always works better than manipulation.

10. Group consensus is important. Your family is not good by just listening to one person. Everyone must have a say and come to an agreement or compromise on matters.

If you follow these steps to team building, then you shouldn’t have a problem creating a happy blended family. We might not be talking Brady Bunch, but something that at least functions and works is the goal here. It is very possible if you remember these ten steps.

Interested in learning more about your blended family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist
http://www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW – Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

December 9, 2015 at 7:41 pm Leave a comment

Hey I’m An Adult… I Don’t Need A Curfew

college student and parentsI remember the summers that I came home from college. At school, I had no curfew; at home, my mother had a different view. Girls did not need to stay out late! While I don’t remember our first encounter with the issue of curfew, I do remember the summer before heading off to law school in the fall. I was 20 years old and felt that I was an adult. I usually made it home just before daybreak. Part of  it was having a great time, and not wanting the fun time to end. The other reason was that I felt I didn’t have to answer to my mother, because of my age. My mother’s conversation with me was “What will the neighbors think?” Being young and full of myself, I told her I didn’t care what the neighbors thought. Case closed right? But it wasn’t. What I now know, is that it’s important for parents to discuss the house rules and expectations especially curfew, guests (girlfriends or boyfriends) sleeping over and issues like that with their young adults preferably before they go out and stay all night.

When our daughter came home on college breaks, we discussed a reasonable curfew – 2 am. As she matured, I only required a text message if she didn’t plan to make it home. Our youngest son is in his mid-20s, and hasn’t come home the last three nights he’s been out. I thought, okay so clearly he’s an adult, but if something has happened, we would never know. So we had the talk. This time, it wasn’t about curfew, but about the responsibility of letting us know his plans, especially with the random violence and police brutality young black males are facing these days.

How are you managing life with your college student at home?

Interested in learning more about generational parenting? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Young Adults, Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

Want to read more about 21st Century parenting with old school values, Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

June 11, 2015 at 1:42 pm Leave a comment


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