Posts tagged ‘family’
How to Stay Connected to Aging Family Members
Last year we celebrated my aunt’s 90th birthday. It was quite a celebration because she’s the last of my mom’s sisters, and no one in our family has lived to 90 years of age.
She’s one of my sheroes, because she always spoke her mind, (still does) and she went for what she wanted. She’s like a parent to me, since both of my parents are deceased.
My dilemma is that Aunt Mae lives 3000 miles away, hates technology, and suffers with dementia. Since she enjoyed cards and letters, I would send a letter or greeting card periodically to let her know I was thinking about her. I’m not sure that she is receiving or opening her mail these days.
I realized that staying connected with ”Auntie” would require more than a biweekly call or occasional family Zoom moment. She forgets that you’ve called her, and I want to stay present in her life until she’s no longer with us.
I researched information on caring for and staying connected to aging parents and other relatives. Below are tips from Commonwisecare.com
7 Tips for Taking Care of an Elderly Parent
Over time, our parents’ health and daily needs change, which can be challenging for both you and them. Whether you’re a full-time family caregiver or supporting your parent from a distance, follow these tips on how to take care of an elderly parent.
- Stay Connected: Regular communication with your parents is essential to staying connected and aware of their needs. Whether it’s a daily phone call, video chat, or weekly visit, staying in touch can help you stay on top of their health and well-being.
- Make Their Home Safe: Aging parents are at a higher risk of falls and other accidents in the home. To ensure their safety, you may need to make some modifications to their living space. This may include installing grab bars, removing tripping hazards, and ensuring adequate lighting.
- Help With Daily Tasks: Your parents may need help with activities of daily living (ADLs), such as shopping, cleaning, cooking, and personal care (e.g., bathing). Offering assistance with these tasks can make a big difference in their quality of life.
- Monitor Their Health: Keep an eye on your parents’ health by accompanying them to doctor appointments, keeping track of their medications, and managing any chronic health conditions they may have.
- Keep Them Active: Staying physically active can help your parents maintain their mobility and independence. Encourage them to participate in social activities, exercise programs, or hobbies they enjoy, all of which can improve their overall health.
- Plan for the Future: As your parents age, it’s essential to have a long-term plan in place for their care. Discuss their wishes for future healthcare and end-of-life care, and make sure they have the necessary legal documents, such as a living will and power of attorney.
- Make Time for Self-Care: Taking care of an elderly parent can be emotionally and physically draining. It’s important for you to take time away to engage in self-care activities, such as exercise, reading, or spending time with friends. [1]
Since we know my aunt will answer her phone (most days), my sister and I are using Google Meet to see her (and have her see us) while we are talking with her. Sometimes we connect perfectly, meaning we can hear and see each other. Other times she doesn’t answer, and we know, we will try again later.
Share ways are you staying connected to your aging parents, grandparents, and other relatives?
Want to learn more about how to get along with your family members? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Social Media Posts
[1] https://www.commonwisecare.com/how-to-find-help-for-elderly-parent/
Fathers Need A Village Too
As a young girl, my dad was present in my life. Daily. He brought levity to my life because he told corny jokes and made us laugh. 🃏😁
Neither of my parents talked a lot, but my dad said the least. Which meant when he spoke, his words carried a lot of weight.
He had a group of men he communicated with often – his village. His brother, Gerald (OG Jr), his father, OG Sr, uncles, and his two buddies – Clarence and Ike.
I loved my father and the male perspective he brought to my life. While mom was straight forward and no nonsense, dad was more reflective and gentler. Sort of… He could be brutally frank as well. 😩
During my teen years, my parents divorced and we saw less of my dad.
Years later, I talked with him about his absences. He said “he didn’t have anything to give us financially”. It took my college years for me to realize that my dad was human and had faults. While he had a village, talking easily was not part of his culture, nor was asking for help.
Of course once I became an adult, he was an open book . 🤷🏽♀️
Being a parent is hard and exhausting while amazing at the same time.
While my father was a major influence in my life, so was my grandfather, uncles, and later, father-in-laws, coaches and mentors.
Thank you to the men who have raised or are raising or helping raise children. 🖤🤎🤍 Thank you for being kind and generous in your praise and limiting your criticism.
FATHER’S DAY PRAYER
God, bless all the fathers in the world. Guide them to be good role models and loving to all their children.
Help them to be a father like You are. Give them grace and patience to handle situations in a loving way. Amen!
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
What Are the Rules?
I’m old enough to remember that rules were made for a reason and people followed them.
Sometimes we broke the rules by disobeying our parents, but not often because there were consequences.
We didn’t do things like throw paper or bags of food on the ground. We didn’t see our parents do it and there were fines if you got caught littering. Plus our parents or someone else gave us a hard time if we disobeyed “the rules”.
I think about how annoying some rules are and what their purpose is.
I love my freedom. So following the rules isn’t always easy for me. But I understand how important they are if I want to live harmoniously with people in my community and in my family.
Freedoms across the world are important too! So I stand in solidarity with my brothers and sisters, when we celebrate events like May Day, Cinco de Mayo and Juneteenth. I watch events in my community and around the world as rebellions reflect how unhappy people are with rules! Yet, without basic rules of conduct, civility and how we live, there is only chaos, not freedom.
I think about the importance of moms in our life. Mothers teach us and help us follow rules and they create customs that follow us for the rest of our lives.
It’s important for parents to share their values with their children, so they understand how they fit into the world and how to live harmoniously with others. The world is a better place when we respect each other and follow basic rules. Our kids are watching us.
By the way, it bugs me when people drive through the red light, don’t stop at stop signs, or beep at pedestrians because they are taking too long to cross the street. 😡
Let’s remember to live harmoniously and that we are all related as humans.
Smile at someone today.
Be courteous.
Let someone merge in front of you when you’re driving. Be a positive role model to your child. That’s my prayer for the month of May.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & parent coach
My Spouse and I Parent Very Differently
How is it possible that the person you fell in love with; who understands you perfectly and finishes your sentences… parents so differently from you?
Not only do they parent differently, it’s inconsistent, they show favorites with your kids and it’s ALL WRONG 😑
Well, I wonder if they feel the same way about you?
The funny thing about parenting, is this: how can someone else tell you how to raise your child? Yet, that’s exactly what has to happen when you coparent whether you are in the same household or in separate households.
Ideally you discuss things that are important to you to instill in your children before they are born. If it’s important that your son or daughter to speak candidly, then your spouse can’t be annoyed when your out-spoken child speaks at a family gathering (and the comment embarrasses you).
Parenting isn’t one of those “scripted” professions. You start out with the best intentions of raising your child together, until you hit a non-negotiable topic.
Here are 3 things to consider to help you resolve those sticky parenting issues:
- Take a moment to calm down (if you’re angry)
- Think about whether you can accept what your spouse is saying (lose the ego)
- Communicate your concerns with your spouse (outside of your child’s hearing)
Trying to talk while angry, is insanity. Once you calm down, you may feel differently and be willing to compromise. Marriage and raising children require compromise and patience from both of you. Acceptance of your spouse’s parenting style is important to your relationship, and the relationship of your spouse and child.
If you or your spouse are the bonus parent, and are new to the parent-child relationship, either one of you may have a difficult time, “allowing” the other parent to share in important decisions, behavior management and life issues. It’s a normal human emotion to be protective of your child. However, the blending takes place when you share your concerns and decide how to handle.
That was the challenge my husband and I faced when we married and blended our children of previous relationships together. It wasn’t easy when we started. It took a lot of conversations and a few arguments (when the kids were not around). It also took prayer and patience. Our children are adults now, and we are celebrating 20 years of marriage later this year.
You can do this!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
I Heard Family…
Last week I watched the Democratic National Convention and Vice-President candidate Kamala Harris (D) spoke about how much she admired her mother and grandmother. She talked about kids going back to school whether in person or remotely and how important going to school was. She also talked about how challenging it is for parents and teachers during this time. There are so many questions to answer like what happens if I send my child to school and she gets the virus? Or what happens when I begin teaching my face-2-face classes and I catch the virus? As we head into the fall 2020 school year, these are questions that parents and teachers have.
Everytime Senator Harris spoke I heard family. The importance of family! Mothers! Fathers! Grandmothers! In many households, parents have chosen to homeschool. In other households, the parents have to leave home and their children are either going to school, or sitting in front of a computer screen and learning virtually. No matter which story is ours, we are concerned with keeping our children (and ourselves) safe from coronavirus.
When Senator Harris spoke of her mother, it reminded me of how much my mother supported me throughout my high school, college, grad school career.
Her support meant everything to me, even though (at times) I felt that she was overbearing and too
strict. When I didn’t understand a school topic, if she couldn’t explain it, she found someone that could. With her guidance, my dad’s, aunts, uncles and grandparents, I am here today able to talk with you about the importance of family support.
As Senator Harris said, getting ready this school year is challenging whether you are the parent or the teacher. But what I know is that our children are counting on us to learn and thrive. We can give them that whether we are college grads or high school dropouts. We may not have all (or even some) of the answers, but let’s start with the three points listed below. ⇓
Commit to these things:
- Your commitment to helping your child get online daily
- Asking your child questions to help him think critically
- Taking time to have fun. Play with your child and learn from him/her
- Be a good listener
- Be willing to learn new things
Know that this is an usual time, so have lots of teachable moments, fun, and learning something new times! Be patient with yourself, your situation and your children. Make memories that your children will talk about when they grow up.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
Blogpost Comments