Posts tagged ‘teens’
Is Your Teen a Sex Fiend?
As I sit here thinking back on the things I was most curious about as an adolescent girl; sex was probably one of them. Being curious was one thing; acting on this curiosity was altogether different. My parents were really clear. Sex was a no-no and I knew why. As much as my mother explained about being a ‘good girl’, it took my gossipy guy friends in the old neighborhood to help me stay a ‘good girl’. They talked about all the girls who were giving up their virginity and how easy they were. Who wanted to be considered easy?
Nowadays doesn’t help that sex topics are openly portrayed on TV, the radio, in music videos – EVERYWHERE! A few suggestive lyrics, raging hormones and a free afternoon for your tween or teen child is all they need to get it (as the kids say) “on and popping”. In other words, they will have had sex and become pregnant before you realize that they are attracted to ‘the next door neighbor’. Don’t always assume that they are going where they say they are going. Offer them a ride, and sometimes call the house of their girl or guy friend to make sure they are actually there instead of in the back seat of someone else’s car. Also explain that oral sex is still considered sex. Many young girls have told me that ‘servicing’ a boy is not considered sex and its okay.
So what do you do? One: Have open and honest conversations with them & their friends. I remember asking my daughter to promise to tell me before she wanted to have sex. Well of course she said ‘Mom, I’m not doing that’. Two: Get them involved in after school activities and make sure they get to those activities. If your daughter loves basketball, help her try-out and get on the team. Maybe music is their muse. If so, have them join the Band Club; try out for the fall or spring play; join the Chess Club or Debate team. Having them have something to do after school besides homework keeps them from having time to explore their fantasies; helps them with time management and gives them a good night’s sleep because they will be tired.
The teen years are a time of exploration. Help them channel that sexual energy into something positive and postpone grandparent years if you can. Happy Parenting~
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
When Suicide is NOT the Answer
I had a friend in high school who told me he was going to ‘kill himself’. I was beside myself with worry, told my parents and my dad said – “If he was going to kill himself, he wouldn’t tell you first.” Of course the guy did not kill himself, but my brother did… Parents should never have to bury their children but they certainly shouldn’t have to bury them because they’ve committed suicide. Suicide is such a desperate call for help and in my opinion indicates that there were no other options. The problem for most parents is how is it that our child, teen or post-teen adult lives and interacts with us every day and we have no idea that they are contemplating suicide? Mental disorder, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism, or drug abuse is often the cause of suicide.[1] Additional stress factors such as difficult interpersonal relationships, long-term sickness or financial worries can also contribute to feelings that “life is no longer worth living”.
According to HelpGuide.org, most suicidal people give signals of their intentions. Below are some warning signs that we can look for to recognize and hopefully prevent suicides with our family, friends and students:
|
Suicide Warning Signs |
|
| Talking about suicide | Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as “I wish I hadn’t been born,” “If I see you again…” and “I’d be better off dead.” |
| Seeking out lethal means | Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt. |
| Preoccupation with death | Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death. |
| No hope for the future | Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped (“There’s no way out”). Belief that things will never get better or change. |
| Self-loathing, self-hatred | Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden (“Everyone would be better off without me”). |
| Getting affairs in order | Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members. |
| Saying goodbye | Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seen again. |
| Withdrawing from others | Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone. |
| Self-destructive behavior | Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Taking unnecessary risks as if they have a “death wish.” |
| Sudden sense of calm | A sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed can mean that the person has made a decision to commit suicide. [2] |
As a parent, we don’t understand it when a young person takes his/her life because of hopelessness or frustration. We often wonder where we went wrong. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the third-leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-olds, after accidents and homicide. It’s also thought that at least 25 attempts are made for every completed teen suicide. If you are concerned, here are some prevention tips that you may use:
- Speak to that person if you are worried
- Respond quickly in a crisis. Determine if the risk is low, moderate or high
- Offer professional help & support
Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Support
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Suicide prevention telephone hotline funded by the U.S. government. Provides free, 24-hour assistance. 1-800-273-TALK (8255). (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)
National Hopeline Network – Toll-free telephone number offering 24-hour suicide crisis support. 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). (National Hopeline Network)
—
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available in September, 2013 (220 Communications)
Parenting Rules revisited after Hannah Anderson kidnapping
“. . . let’s be honest. None of us is a perfect parent. I know I’m not. Like most parents, I’m trying my best to make good decisions for my children, and I’m doing so without an instruction manual.” Solomon Jones
While Mr. Jones could sit in a few of my workshops, it sounds like the Anderson family could too. Isn’t it always a close friend of the family that you & your children love and trust, that end up being the kidnapper or sexual predator? Who would have suspected nice Mr. DiMaggio of murder and kidnapping?
Parents follow your intuition, if someone is always available to drop off or pick up your kids from soccer or cheerleader practice, be careful. As my grandmother used to say, “Familiarity breeds contempt”. In other words, if someone wants to spend that much time with your children, BEWARE!
Click here to read the rest of the article:
http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/philadelphiaexperiment/item/58446
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
Follow me on Twitter @cgwwbook
America the Beautiful 2: The Thin Commandments
As I tried to eat “healthy” during the Memorial Day weekend, I ran across an email that talked about the unhealthy dieting habits of Americans, particularly women and especially our teenaged girls. Once they mentioned teens, I was especially interested, when I thought back to how my weight seesawed during my teen/twenty something years. I always felt overweight especially in my perception of how I looked versus how the models looked on the magazines that I loved to read!
There were two San Jose, CA high school essay winners on body image from EDRC (eating disorder education outfit). Here’s one:
“Perfectly Imperfect”
Well define perfect, am I not skinny enough? Is my skin not perfect? Is my hair not pretty? We feel the need to try to satisfy others, people who don’t take the time to look beyond our appearance. I will not let someone label me as not perfect because I am perfectly imperfect. Every single imperfection to you is just another thing that makes me unique, we are all special in our own way.
We are all beautiful and should not let anyone tell us otherwise, life is beautiful and so are you and when you can’t seem to find it look the person in the eye staring back at you in the reflection on the wall and smile back because it’s been there all along.
Check out this link and volunteer your time if you can, or at least be more aware: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drpvF7gszOU
I Hate My Teenage Daughter – Pt 2
Here’s the gist of the new TV show:
“I HATE MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER is a new family comedy starring Jaime Pressly and Katie Finneran as single moms, best friends – and former nerds – who fear their privileged and overly indulged daughters are turning out just like the mean girls who picked on them in high school.
ANNIE (Pressly), who was raised in an ultra-strict, über-religious household where she had little-to-no freedom, pretty much allows her daughter, SOPHIE (Kristi Lauren), to do whatever she wants. Annie’s best friend NIKKI (Finneran), once an unpopular, overweight social pariah, is now a pretty Southern belle who also allows her daughter, MACKENZIE (Aisha Dee), to do as she pleases.”
Knowing a little more about what the show is about, I don’t have a problem with the show, just a HUGE problem with the title of the show. Considering that sensationalism sells, I don’t like it, but do understand that producers are trying to bring the issue of overindulgence by parents into discussion. As a parent, overindulgence makes you a great parent for the moment, but the feeling doesn’t last, and you send your teen, mixed messages about who you are.
What do you think?
Kindergarteners Getting Suspended?
What’s amazing to me is the different age groups of children who are getting into trouble, to the extent that it becomes newsworthy. The morning talk show, The Talk featured a story about kindergarteners getting suspended in alarming numbers. When I think of kindergarteners, I think of 5 or 6 year olds who are pretty tame and wonderful to work with, assuming you have established groundrules.
Without groundrules and consequences, there is chaos for children of any age. Children, youth, and teens rely on the adults in their lives to establish boundaries to allow them to grow and mature properly. As I say in my new book, The Pampered Prince, if your only consequence to Johnny when he does something wrong is to say “No Johnny”, then you and Johnny have a problem.
What are your thoughts?
Trees Are Like Parents
My favorite tree for the last 10 years is dying. Every several months it loses a major branch due to old age, or high winds. It has been a source of comfort every time I look outside my window and I will miss her when she’s gone. BTW, she’s over 100 years old.
As I saw one of her branches in my front yard, I began to think about how similar trees are to parents. Strong, healthy (mentally & physically) parents have a wealth of knowledge and experiences to share with their children of all ages. When the parents start to falter, hopefully they have had time to see their children grow into adulthood and to pass along the wisdom that God has given them to share. cgw
How to Save Every Teen
Last week I was told that a friend’s son committed suicide. He was preparing to leave for his last year of college the next day. What was so awful in his young life that convinced him life was not worth living?
Let’s not lose another teen/twentysomething to suicide! Talk/listen to your children. Listen to what they have to say! Read Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen – available on Amazon.com and Google books.
Peace to you and your family,
MsParentguru.
Back to School Kits for Parents
Kids aren’t the only ones who need school supplies!
Parents hit me up if you need a Back to School parenting kit.
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
Blogpost Comments