Posts tagged ‘twentysomething’

Keep Your Hands (and Other Body Parts) to Yourself

SexualAbuse2At the risk of sounding insensitive, I admit that I have gotten desensitized to news about priests and coaches molesting boys and girls. It happens so often, it seems like daily news. I don’t like it, and it seems to take forever for the truth to come out (the kids are usually adults). Of course, nobody believes that a man of the cloth or a favorite coach is touching our kids inappropriately. Wake up America! Did it ever occur that the ‘acting out’ that our kids are doing, may be related to a secret they are ashamed to tell you?

What I still can’t stomach, is when our teen girls tell us (mothers) that they are being sexually molested by their fathers, stepfathers, uncles (family members) and we don’t listen. What is that about? As I mentor teen girls and young women, I want to say that I’m shocked that mothers prefer to believe their (in some cases) pedophile boyfriend to their own daughter. The sex can’t be that good. To make matters worse, you kick your daughter out, because you can’t possibly believe her. Now what is she supposed to do?

Remember the movie Precious? Precious’ mother knew her husband (Precious’ biological dad) was having sex with his daughter and had fathered Precious’ two children. Yuck! But it happens, probably more often than we care to admit, and it’s a dirty little family secret – especially if a child is born. If there was ever a reason for castration, sexually molesting your kid, niece, nephew or granddaughter is number one as far as this mother is concerned! What are your thoughts?

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)

February 6, 2014 at 12:35 pm Leave a comment

Just Let Go

Eagle and her babies

Eagle and her babies

Ever had a problem that you could not resolve? Sometimes that’s what parenting is to me, a series of problems (challenges) that seem momentarily unresolvable. The kid that was never a problem growing up, is suddenly a thorn in your side when they move into their 20s. You think, by the time they reach their twenties, you have completed your job as a parent. However, many of our adult children come back home and then what? Or maybe you had high hopes for that child that you waited years for, and once they came into your life, they never have the aspirations to stand on their own and make a living. In fact they are still ‘living’ with you. What do you do?

As mothers, I think it’s doubly hard to push our eaglets out of the nest. I know birds do it all the time, but human mothers are different from animals because we have reasoning abilities. We say to ourselves, ‘well they’re (our children) having a hard time finding a job’ or ‘he’s running with the wrong crowd’ or ‘if I were a better parent, she would be doing ______’ or ‘if I don’t help them, who will?’

We make lots of excuses to ourselves and others when our kids (young or old) have not succeeded the way we would like. It’s probably one of the most painful lessons a mother or father face (in their parenting career). Today let’s use a phrase I learned years ago called “Let Go and Let God”. Unless your child is disabled (mentally or physically), let’s gently push them out of our nest. Encourage them to take that next step, stop making excuses for them, and stop doing things that cripple them. I know it seems scary, but isn’t our job to help them grow into adults that can take care of themselves?  #Parenting101

 

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February 1, 2014 at 2:34 pm Leave a comment

My Pampered Prince Turns 22

What age determines ADULTHOOD?

Over the weekend, my son turned 22 years old, and I had mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I realized, I no longer have to caretake him, he’s a man now. Exciting!! However, we’ve had a year of ups and downs while he determines where he wants to go in life. He’s drifting right now, and it’s hard to understand a kid who drifts.

He recently shared that he was still stuck about the divorce of his father and I, and attributed that to his bouts of depression and inactivity. I don’t know about you, but as a mother, I felt responsible for why he was stuck. Crazy!!

 Even with our difference in gender, I remember wanting to be my own person in my early twenties, and only communicating with my mother when necessary. I shouldn’t be surprised when I get the same treatment from him. And yet, if he were successfully completing college or had a promising job, I wouldn’t be so concerned for him. For me the hardest part of parenting is patiently waiting for him to be more than he’s settling for. Oh well, I’ll wait.. Ugh, I hate waiting..

Peace,
C Lynn

September 27, 2012 at 10:03 am Leave a comment

My Son The Pampered Prince

I always know when I have to address an issue because I start to lose sleep or the issue begins to occupy my thoughts. Well the white elephant in the room is my son. This son dropped out of an Ivy League school because he wasn’t completing the work. Our house rules for our kids have always been either attend school or get a job (or both). For some reason, he has lived on the very edge of those rules and this weekend things came to a head. The class he attended has ended for the semester and the part-time job he had, ended in November.

Now the rubber is meeting the road because like all of the other adult children in this family, he has to work or attend school or make his way somewhere else. Being a mom, I hate the somewhere else option!

However being a parent of integrity, I felt it necessary to discuss his plans and next steps. Our son was very tight-lipped during the discussion, however we gave him our goals and a deadline (to meet our goals). Loving him as I do, I really hope he finds work or re-enrolls in school.

I’ll keep you posted!

December 15, 2011 at 2:12 pm Leave a comment

How to Save Every Teen

Last week I was told that a friend’s son committed suicide. He was preparing to leave for his last year of college the next day. What was so awful in his young life that convinced him life was not worth living?

Let’s not lose another teen/twentysomething to suicide! Talk/listen to your children. Listen to what they have to say! Read Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen – available on Amazon.com and Google books.

Peace to you and your family,
MsParentguru.

August 29, 2011 at 2:18 pm Leave a comment

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