Posts tagged ‘young adults’

Hey I’m An Adult… I Don’t Need A Curfew

college student and parentsI remember the summers that I came home from college. At school, I had no curfew; at home, my mother had a different view. Girls did not need to stay out late! While I don’t remember our first encounter with the issue of curfew, I do remember the summer before heading off to law school in the fall. I was 20 years old and felt that I was an adult. I usually made it home just before daybreak. Part of  it was having a great time, and not wanting the fun time to end. The other reason was that I felt I didn’t have to answer to my mother, because of my age. My mother’s conversation with me was “What will the neighbors think?” Being young and full of myself, I told her I didn’t care what the neighbors thought. Case closed right? But it wasn’t. What I now know, is that it’s important for parents to discuss the house rules and expectations especially curfew, guests (girlfriends or boyfriends) sleeping over and issues like that with their young adults preferably before they go out and stay all night.

When our daughter came home on college breaks, we discussed a reasonable curfew – 2 am. As she matured, I only required a text message if she didn’t plan to make it home. Our youngest son is in his mid-20s, and hasn’t come home the last three nights he’s been out. I thought, okay so clearly he’s an adult, but if something has happened, we would never know. So we had the talk. This time, it wasn’t about curfew, but about the responsibility of letting us know his plans, especially with the random violence and police brutality young black males are facing these days.

How are you managing life with your college student at home?

Interested in learning more about generational parenting? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Young Adults, Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

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June 11, 2015 at 1:42 pm Leave a comment

When Suicide is NOT the Answer

I had a friend in high school who told me he was going to ‘kill himself’. I was beside myself with worry, told my parents and my dad said – “If he was going to kill himself, he wouldn’t tell you first.” Of course the guy did not kill himself, but my brother did… Parents should never have to bury their children but they certainly shouldn’t have to bury them because they’ve committed suicide. Suicide is such a desperate call for help and in my opinion indicates that there were no other options. The problem for most parents is how is it that our child, teen or post-teen adult lives and interacts with us every day and we have no idea that they are contemplating suicide? Mental disorder, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism, or drug abuse is often the cause of suicide.[1] Additional stress factors such as difficult interpersonal relationships, long-term sickness or financial worries can also contribute to feelings that “life is no longer worth living”.

According to HelpGuide.org, most suicidal people give signals of their intentions. Below are some warning signs that we can look for to recognize and hopefully prevent suicides with our family, friends and students:

Suicide Warning Signs

Talking   about suicide Any talk   about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as “I wish I hadn’t been   born,” “If I see you again…” and “I’d be better off   dead.”
Seeking   out lethal means Seeking   access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a   suicide attempt.
Preoccupation   with death Unusual   focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death.
No hope   for the future Feelings   of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped (“There’s no way   out”). Belief that things will never get better or change.
Self-loathing,   self-hatred Feelings   of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden   (“Everyone would be better off without me”).
Getting   affairs in order Making out   a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family   members.
Saying   goodbye Unusual or   unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as   if they won’t be seen again.
Withdrawing   from others Withdrawing   from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left   alone.
Self-destructive   behavior Increased   alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Taking unnecessary risks   as if they have a “death wish.”
Sudden   sense of calm A sudden   sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed can mean that the   person has made a decision to commit suicide. [2]

As a parent, we don’t understand it when a young person takes his/her life because of hopelessness or frustration. We often wonder where we went wrong. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the third-leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-olds, after accidents and homicide. It’s also thought that at least 25 attempts are made for every completed teen suicide. If you are concerned, here are some prevention tips that you may use:

  1. Speak to that person if you are worried
  2. Respond quickly in a crisis. Determine if the risk is low, moderate or high
  3. Offer professional help & support

Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Support
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Suicide prevention telephone hotline funded by the U.S. government. Provides free, 24-hour assistance. 1-800-273-TALK (8255). (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)

National Hopeline Network – Toll-free telephone number offering 24-hour suicide crisis support. 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). (National Hopeline Network)

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Parenting Coach

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available in September, 2013 (220 Communications)


[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide

[2] http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm

September 24, 2013 at 11:25 am 2 comments


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