Posts filed under ‘adult daughters’

Which One Are You Today?

It’s funny when your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them (make their decisions). 

Then they change back into a non-adult! They say things like:

  • Can you pay for my phone?
  • Will you complete my FAFSA?
  • Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
  • Can you pay my car insurance?
  • Will you pay my rent?

Wait a minute!

  • I thought you were an adult?
  • Isn’t that what you told me you were?
  • What happened to “I can do this? Please stop telling me what to do!?”

This is the brain of our teenage or twenty-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want a lessons learned talk, they kinda want to figure it out, but don’t mind asking for your money and support.

My feeling is that when your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it. I believe today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes that they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up means you make mistakes. I made them? You did too. It’s okay. 

Young people today don’t mind making mistakes. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they also want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways! Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage (against the advice of her parents), takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury (that keeps him from playing) and working the rest of his life as a laborer.

It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out – let them live their life. Those are hard lessons for us as parents. However, just like our parents had to let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody! Happy 2019!

Are you saying Yes when you really mean No? Click here to Join my FREE Facebook Group – Balanced Moms Club to join with other moms to receive tips about time management, organization and basic meal planning.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 4, 2019 at 10:14 pm 2 comments

Why Dads Have to Add Their Two Cents

When I think back to my childhood, I don’t remember my father voicing his opinions often. So when he did, it was crystal clear and quite memorable. As I got older, I realized how important his opinions were in relationship to my career decisions and the men that I dated or married. One thing about many dads is that they are quiet when it comes to the day-to-day workings of household activities and child-rearing. It may not be that way in your household, and many of the millennial fathers are very present in their opinions and in the raising of their children. I prefer that style of parenting because the energy that fathers offer is very different from the energy of mothers. Dads don’t freak out as easily as we moms do. This is quite helpful for your emotional child (tween or teen) who has daily fits of hysteria. 

The other things about fathers is that they use less words to get their point across. Less words gives your brain a chance to hear and process what was said. They also don’t repeat what they’ve said, so you have to listen and get it the first time (most dads anyway). I like that technique and share it in my Pampered Prince book to help mothers who are raising sons, communicate more effectively.

Yesterday I saw an article about a group of dads – Dads4Justice, who were pretty pissed off with how Kellogg’s was marketing their Coco Pops cereal. They considered the slogan sexist and protested to Kellogg’s. The slogan has since been changed. Click here to read the entire article. 

If you haven’t spoken to your dad in a while, give him a call. You may be surprised at what he might tell you.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact meMs. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 6, 2018 at 12:56 pm Leave a comment

Are We Properly Preparing Our Daughters?

One of the things that I was most proud of as a mom, was how I prepared my biological daughter for what challenges life had for her.

Often our conversations were predicated on what was going on in my life like divorce, disappointment, dating, career changes, etc. 

Other people’s life experiences were fair game too because they were teachable moments that I could use to explain why life operated as it did.

So I thought I did a pretty GOOD job … until we had our latest conversation and she told me that mothers don’t really prepare their daughters for life as a mom; as a working mom or as a married working mom.

She felt we’re not honest about the job description. Somehow the picture that we paint is idealistic and not representative of what it takes to be married, work and raise children.

In actuality, you marry the man of your dreams (hopefully), you have a baby or several babies, and you work outside of the home. When you get home from work, you take care of your family. In the taking care of your family you seldom have time for yourself. And depending on your husband’s culture and upbringing, he may or may not support you in the raising of the children and helping with the household chores.

That sucks, because there is such a difference between the American dream for women and what many young women experience as wives and mothers. We tell our daughters to get a good education, find a good job, get married and have children. And live happily ever after.

It’s more realistic for us as mothers, to share realistic experiences with our daughters throughout their adolescence and teen years, so that they can decide what they want out of life. And they understand the trade-offs that are required depending on which path they take.

For women who decide to take the career path and not have children, mothers need to share what that may feel like as the daughter gets older. Having the conversation may help minimize the regret of not having become a mother.

On the other hand, for daughters who want a career and also a family; explain how exhausted they can be during the first 5 years of their child’s life because of sleep deprivation and adjustments to new family routines. They may have a supportive spouse and they may not. Give them guilt-free permission to hire a nanny or a housekeeper to help with the house and children.

I mean if we are not honest with our daughters, who will be?

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

August 13, 2018 at 12:10 pm Leave a comment

Why Staying Relevant With Our Adult Children Keeps Us Young

What kind of conversations do you have with your adult children? Are they meaningful? Do you feel good after talking with them?

SSBlog_BondingWithYourChildren_1400x1050-1024x768

Last week my oldest son turned 35 years old and I wanted to wish him happy birthday when it was my turn to talk. He’s my oldest child, and was 20 years old when his dad and I married, so I’m always amazed at the depth of our conversations, wondering what I can say to stay relevant when we talk. I should probably tell you that my son and I don’t talk often, like I do with my oldest daughter. That’s just the nature of mother & son relationships. Boys don’t talk nearly as much as girls, unless they (boys) are trying to work out a situation. #thepamperedprincebook

So while I waited to talk with him, thinking that our conversation would be short and sweet,  what I got was a very extensive conversation.  we probably talked about 45 minutes about things that were important to him and our relationship and it was just a wonderful conversation overall.

Portrait of a loving mother and her young adult/late teen son.

My point in staying relevant as a parent is that it keeps the lines of communications open between you and your child. It also keeps you young. I remember some of the challenges I faced when I was in my 20’s. Most of the time, I kept those challenges to myself for fear of what my mother would think of me. Once I reached out to her and realized that she wasn’t judging me, we had great talks. That was a lesson that I promised I would remember once I had kids of my own. I never wanted my children to feel stupid or that they couldn’t talk to me. I also hoped they would confide in me before talking to their friends. When they did talk to me, it made me feel young. I felt like I was part of a younger generation (because I was, compliments of them).

As a parent coach and parent of adult children, here are three (3) tips for maintaining relevancy in your relationship with your children:

  • Don’t Judge – You may think the decisions they’ve made are just dumb. But think back on some of the hair-brained decisions you made as a teen or young adult. They may not have been the best decisions, but they were yours.
  • Listen – As parents we always feel like we have to have the answers to our kids’ problems. That’s not always true or possible. Actually one of the lessons I learned most recently, is that my kids usually want me to listen and not comment. It’s not easy, but staying relevant sometimes means that we are their sounding boards and silence is golden.
  • There’s No Room For Drama – Sometimes the conversations that our adult children need or want to have with us are hair-raising and you may be inclined to say “What in the hell made you do that?“. Resist the urge to say anything negative and follow my advice in the tip #2 – Listen!

I’m looking forward to sharing this Easter birthday weekend with most of my blended family, with the exception of my middle daughter, who wasn’t able to join us. I plan on taking my own advice and listening, enjoying my sons and daughter and having a lot of fun. I wish you and your family a wonderful Easter or Passover holiday. 

Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

March 28, 2018 at 6:04 pm Leave a comment

Father and Daughter Relationships

There is NOTHING like a great father & daughter relationship. When I say great, I mean the father is active in his daughter’s life. They spend time together, and talk about most topics (some are still Mom-only topics like menstrual periods and bra sizes) and they listen to each other. But most importantly, dads are a girl’s first male relationship. How he responds or doesn’t respond to her can color her relationships with men forever. 

I had a great dad. He was the go-to person when my mother felt she needed the other parent to step in. He was also the fun parent. He would play with us (until he had had enough), as a teen, I could talk to him, when there was no one else to talk to. He was a sane voice I needed to hear, when I went through divorce. Yet he was flawed at the strangest times. #newbook

As part of my research for my new father-daughter book, I have an online survey for fathers and one for daughters. I would appreciate it if you completed it. I will also conduct a focus group, so email me if you would like to be a part of it.

Daughter Survey

Father Survey

Thank you in advance for your support!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 14, 2018 at 3:00 pm Leave a comment

What International Womens’ Day Means to Me

As more and more women join #MeToo and #TimesUp campaigns, I think of what International Women’s’ Day Means to Me.

By supporting mothers and their daughters through my books, workshops, webinars and blogs, I truly believe that I stand with my sisters locally and globally in solidarity for our rights, safety, health and families. I also believe it’s important to tell our stories to encourage our daughters and the women we mentor to dream and fulfill those dreams.

As I think of the various global women’s movements that have occurred over the past year like women’s rights, equality and justice, I realize how relevant the 2018 theme is for International Women’s Day: #TimeIsNow: Rural and urban activists transforming women’s lives.

“We stand together in solidarity with our partners and children for the protection of our rights, our safety, our health, and our families – recognizing that our vibrant and diverse communities are the strength of our country.” Women’s March mission statement

As International Women’s Day comes and goes for 2018, how are you propelling the women’s movement forward? Change starts with a single positive thought, followed by a positive action. Be the change you want to see in our world.

Interested in joining a movement and making a difference? Join my Finding Superwoman movement and learn how to have it all. Click Here

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 8, 2018 at 8:39 am Leave a comment

How to Successfully Communicate With Adult Children

When my children were little, we discussed lots of different topics with them and encouraged them to talk (to us) about anything. Things that were going on in their school, with their classmates, in our family and current events were all fair game. It didn’t matter whether we liked or agreed with their thoughts or not, we encouraged them to talk about whatever was going on in their lives. 

I believed if we listened to their small issues, they would be comfortable talking with us about their bigger (scarier or life threatening) issues. While I’m sure we didn’t hear everything that occurred in their lives, listening taught me three amazing lessons!

  • Like what my kids liked
  • Be open-minded
  • Ask questions of interest

These three tips allowed me to stay relevant with my children as they became adults. As I approached adulthood, I had secrets that I never shared with my mom or dad. I didn’t want to be judged or reminded, so I didn’t share many things that were going on in my life. As much as I loved my parents, I didn’t want to hear them say, “OMG why’d you do that?” No adult really wants to hear that.

However, I wanted a more open relationship with my children, especially as they became adults. I wanted to stay relevant in their lives. As an example, I liked rock music growing up. When my son realized that I was OPEN to listening to grunge and alternative music, he would invite me to listen to new songs that he liked. “Hey Mom, listen to this.” Keeping that doorway open into his adulthood, allowed to me ask him, “So what’s new?” He could choose to either tell me about some new music he liked, or share a more personal thought or concern.

The same was true with my daughters. I wasn’t afraid to share some of my ‘young woman’ mistakes with them, hoping they wouldn’t make those same mistakes. In turn, they were comfortable sharing their life with me. On the way to learning more about them, I continue to learn more about myself. Isn’t life grand?

It’s never too late to start a conversation with your children. If it’s a new experience, start small, but be consistent. The rewards will change your relationship in a positive way.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

February 11, 2018 at 5:01 pm Leave a comment


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