Posts filed under ‘adult sons’
Breakfast, a Cell Phone, and Space Between Fathers & Sons
Today, before I started working on this semester’s classes, my husband and I went out for breakfast. We were enjoying our meal when I noticed a young man—late teens, maybe early 20s—come in, get his breakfast, and sit alone at a table.
About 30 minutes later, a middle-aged man walked in. He took his time getting coffee and a danish before finally sitting at the same table as the young man. I assumed right away that they were father and son.
Here’s the part that caught my attention: the man stayed on his cell phone almost the entire time. He barely acknowledged the young man. No small talk. No eye contact. Just scrolling and talking. After a while, he tossed his coffee cup, stepped outside, and continued his call.
Now, maybe I should have minded my own breakfast. But my extroverted side got the best of me. I told my husband, “I’m going to see if he’ll talk to me.”
I walked over, smiled, and asked if I could join him. I told him I was writing a book about fathers and sons, and I was curious about his interaction with the man who’d just left. Was that his father?
“Yes,” he said, and explained that his dad was on a work call. No big deal. “We’re very close.”
I thanked him for his time and returned to my table.
On the way out, my husband made a good point: “You know, he would never tell you if he was annoyed or having problems with his dad. That’s not guy language to share with a stranger.”
That stuck with me. How many moments do fathers and sons spend together without really connecting—either because one is distracted, or because neither is in the habit of speaking openly? How often does love go unspoken because “that’s just not how guys talk”?
I believe those small everyday moments matter. Even if it’s just coffee and a Danish, even if there’s no deep conversation, the choice to be present—fully present—can strengthen a bond in ways words can’t always capture.
It’s moments like these that inspired me to write my upcoming book, Fathers & Sons: Raising Boys Through Dinosaurs, Testosterone & Girls. In it, I share stories, strategies, and real-life insight to help dads not just show up—but truly connect with their sons.
If you’re a father, son, or parent who wants to build that kind of connection, I’d love for you to be part of my community. You can follow me here, or visit clynnwilliams.com to stay updated on the book release and grab free resources for your parenting journey.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Raising Sons: 3 Essential Tips for Building Strong Bonds
Raising sons is a journey filled with challenges, triumphs, and countless lessons—not just for them but for you as a parent. Whether they’re stomping around like dinosaurs, grappling with teenage moods fueled by testosterone, or navigating the complexities of relationships, one thing is certain: your role as a parent shapes who they become.
As I dive into the unique dynamics of father-son relationships in my upcoming book, Fathers Raising Sons Through Dinosaurs, Testosterone & Girls, I want to share three essential tips for raising emotionally healthy, confident, and compassionate boys.
1. Teach Emotional Intelligence: Let Them Feel
Society often tells boys to “man up” or “stop crying,” leaving them to suppress their emotions instead of understanding and processing them. This emotional suppression can lead to struggles with vulnerability and connection later in life.
Tip:
- Encourage your son to talk about his feelings and assure him that it’s okay to feel sad, scared, or frustrated.
- Share your own experiences with emotions—whether it’s a time you felt overwhelmed or a moment you found joy in the small things. Modeling emotional openness teaches your son that emotions are a strength, not a weakness.
Actionable Idea:
Create a “feelings check-in” routine. At the end of the day, ask your son to share one thing that made him happy, one thing that frustrated him, and one thing he’s grateful for.
2. Discipline with Compassion: Be the Guide, Not the Judge
As parents, it’s easy to fall into the trap of correcting every misstep. However, discipline should be more about teaching than punishing. The goal is to help your son understand the “why” behind your rules, not just enforce compliance.
Tip:
- Set clear expectations and consequences, but always take the time to explain your reasoning.
- Balance discipline with encouragement. When your son succeeds, acknowledge his effort and growth.
Actionable Idea:
Instead of saying, “I told you to clean your room because I said so,” try explaining, “Keeping your space clean helps you stay organized and responsible—it’s a life skill you’ll thank yourself for later.”
3. Spend Quality Time: Presence Over Perfection
Boys thrive on connection, and nothing builds a stronger bond than spending intentional, distraction-free time together. Whether it’s tossing a ball in the backyard, building something together, or simply talking over a meal, your presence matters more than your words.
Tip:
- Make time for activities that your son loves—even if they’re outside your comfort zone.
- Create traditions, big or small, that give your son something to look forward to and cherish.
Actionable Idea:
Establish a weekly “Dad & Son Day” or “Parent-Son Day” where you dedicate time to an activity of his choice. It could be as simple as going for ice cream or as adventurous as a hike.
Final Thoughts
Raising sons isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about showing up with love, intention, and a willingness to learn together. The father-son relationship is one of the most profound bonds in a child’s life. By nurturing emotional intelligence, guiding with compassion, and investing in quality time, you’re not just raising a boy—you’re shaping a man who will carry your lessons into the world.
As I share more tips, stories, and insights in my upcoming book, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I’m deciding between two potential titles:
- Fathers Raising Sons Through Dinosaurs, Testosterone & Girls
- Fathers & Sons: Turning Boys Into Men
Which one speaks to you the most? Drop your favorite in the comments, send me a direct message, or connect with me on social media—I’d love your input! Your feedback will help shape how I connect with fathers, sons, and families everywhere.
👉 Connect with me here:
- Instagram: @msparentguru
- Facebook: msparentguru
- Email: clynn@clynnwilliams.com
- Visit my website: clynn.company.site to order your copy of my books or explore my coaching programs designed to help parents strengthen their family relationships.
Let’s raise the next generation of kind, confident, and resilient men together!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Stop Missing Out on Vital Father-Son Time
The significance of father-son relationships is underscored by personal experiences of missed connections. Strong emotional bonds foster stability and personal growth in sons while allowing fathers to model positive behaviors. By being present, showing vulnerability, and encouraging independence, fathers can build lasting connections that influence future generations positively.
Continue Reading October 22, 2024 at 5:30 pm Leave a comment
Is It Really Okay to Not Be Ok?
Many of us view success as pretty, handsome, moneyed, good job, well-liked…
Then when we don’t achieve success for any of the reasons listed below or more…
- Haven’t finished (or started) college
- Don’t have the right job
- Grew up in the wrong neighborhood
- Married… didn’t marry
- Wrong skin color, gender, religious belief
We wonder why we feel defeated, depressed, uninspired.
Or, we have “everything going for ourselves”, outwardly as my mom would say, and yet we feel defeated, depressed, or uninspired inside. Today in our How to ❤️ Love ❤️ Yourself More…Intentionally clubhouse, we talked about how being pretty and beautiful are NICE, but have nothing to do with how you feel inside. People are obsessed with looks and fortune. How can you be sad and depressed when you have good looks and wealth?
Easy!
As my co-moderator said, we are “cracked glass” and looking out we don’t see our external beauty and wealth. We only feel brokenness and sadness. Many of us live in quiet desperation and don’t know how to find our way out.
Suicide is not the answer.
I’ve lost several family members to suicide and while I don’t know exactly what each one felt before taking their life, I know what it feels to be the one left to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what happened? Each member had worth and value but did not feel that there was another way for their story to be told.
One of the best things you can do is open up and share your pain with a supportive friend, group, or a therapist. The other thing to do is remember, you are unique with a God-given purpose! Be who you want to be instead of a copy of someone else. Stop buying the “image” and be the original – one of a kind – amazing you!
Interested in loving yourself more deeply? Click Here – to schedule a complimentary chat with Ms. Parent Guru about how her How to Love Yourself In 30 Days coaching program can support you.
Click Here to become a part of her parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Who We Are Matters
When I was growing up, my mom would tell me that my actions were a direct reflection of my home training by her and my dad. While I hated hearing that, I taught the same thing to my children as well.
Who we are matters.
I have been trying to write today’s blog since the January 6 insurrection at the White House. As I watched the people storm through the barriers, break glass, pump their fists, and FaceTime their audiences; all I could think of was “What would your mom (or dad) think of you?” Also, how could I explain (to my children) why these people are allowed to deface the nation’s capitol without being dragged to jail. Most of the people who participated in the insurrection were white males and females.
The other major event that has my attention, is a rash of carjackings/robberies that have been taking place in different communities in the Chicagoland area. Many of the young people who are carjacking people, are young black teenagers. I thought how I would feel if one of those young men was my son.
In each case, I’m angry and think what kind of training did the insurrectionists and carjackers receive at home while growing up? Were they raised to respect others? Were they respected by the people they lived with?
Here’s something that I want parents to remember: how your child shows up is a reflection of how you interacted with them. Children aren’t born to fight and attack. They learn that behavior. When you grow up in an angry environment, that’s what you do when you respond to situations whether you understand what’s going on or not.
There are many young people who are raising themselves; who are not participating in online school learning, (parents may or may not be home with them) and who are trying to survive. Survival tells them that they must steal from other people in order to survive. They believe If they don’t steal, they won’t eat or they will be unsheltered.
The insurrectionists have been told that the rights and privileges that they are used to experiencing, are going away. Having to play nice with people that don’t look like them, is a scary idea!
In both cases, people are afraid. They feel that they don’t matter. And when people feel that they don’t matter, they do extraordinarily dumb things to help those around them know that they do matter.
So what does that mean to everybody else?
- God made us a little lower than the angels, which means we are powerful.
- We are each other’s keepers.
- No one can achieve what they are trying to achieve by themselves.
- Our differences and cultures are okay – we don’t have act like anybody else to succeed.
Raising your children to “be somebody” as my grandmother used to say, is still noble and honorable. Love and respect yourself and know that what you do to others and for others – Matters. ✌🏽
What are your thoughts?
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Reprinted from January 28, 2021
Give Them Something To Believe In
Life is funny, you leave one crisis, and move into a second or third one.
This week I’m thinking about boys… yes, our sons. And the challenges some of them face growing up.
For the last several years, we have experienced a number of young men losing their life to gun violence. Violence of being shot by rivals and violence due to police shootings. Last year (2020), not only did we experience over 600,000 people who died from COVID-19, we also watched as the number of black boys and men who were shot and killed by police, increased.
Toward the end of 2020, many cities noticed a rash of crimes where people were being carjacked and robbed or killed. Many of these crimes were committed by young men, some as young as 11 or 12. It makes you wonder what kind of direction or guidance they are receiving at home?
I had firsthand knowledge of guidance for a young boy.
My little brother…
I think back to my brother and how he responded to my mom and dad’s divorce. He was young, about 11 years old and missed having Dad at home. He was angry and felt alone.
He started getting into trouble.
A lot. Getting into trouble in those days, meant being disrespectful, destroying somebody’s property, or stealing. Our dad wasn’t coming by for regular visits, but if my mother called about my brother, Dad would come and discipline him.
My brother was so unhappy that he began trying to take his life. (Thank God he was unsuccessful.) He also began hanging out with the “bad boys” in the neighborhood.
My mother sold our house and moved to a different neighborhood.
Who can say what kind of stress these boys are undergoing at home?
- It could be due to financial issues.
- Maybe the stress is verbal or physical.
- Your son could be dealing with depression.
- Perhaps he is reacting to deaths of people he knows due to COVID-19, domestic or gun violence. If his family has gang affiliation and the violence is orchestrated by gang leaders, imagine how stressful that could be.
How do you help your son if he is facing any of these (or other issues)? What do you do if he’s going through male teen angst? Maybe he’s exhibiting disrespectful, aggressive, violent behavior or mood swings.
What happens if you can’t change neighborhoods?
Try these five things before giving up or seeking professional help:
- Schedule Time With Your Son – talk frequently and spend regularly scheduled time with him and keep his schedule jam-packed with school, sports, clubs, time with friends, and after-school jobs.
- Set a Sleep Routine – it’s easier being a teen if he’s getting enough sleep.
- Get Moving – the last thing a moody teen wants to do is get up and move, but it’s one of the best ways he can feel better.
- Listen Without Lecturing – resist the urge to lecture your son. Listen with an open mind.
- Keep Your Cool – take a deep breath, keep your cool and find a way to communicate without lashing out.
Find an honorable, trustworthy male mentor that he can talk to, when he can’t talk to you. Remember to model healthy ways to handle stress. Take good care yourself.
I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows parent-child relationships to grow and feel better through coaching and parent classes. Email me for more information: info@clynnwilliams.com 😘
Thanks for reading my blog. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Six Tips for Being Better Parents
Avoid harsh discipline
Explain your role and decisions
Be involved in your child’s life
Guide your child through their mistakes and weaknesses
Live in the now
Be a parent, not pal
Happy birthday to my amazing first-born, **Candace**, who started me on this journey of parenting and being better. The first child is lucky because s/he pulls love and emotions out of you that you never knew existed. They are also your “experiment” child. You try techniques, other people’s thoughts and that firstborn is like a stew of everyone’s ideas of how you should raise your child.
Just remember that this is your child!
Follow your gut!
Have fun!
Make wonderful memories together!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Have a Son – Be Prepared to Be Swept Off Your Feet
My grandson is 7 months old and his personality is coming out more and more. I’m always happy to hear about his latest discovery and activity. While my daughter and son-in-law believe in Baby A sleeping in his own bed, lately he has been sleeping in theirs.
My daughter says she woke up one morning and Baby A had his arm around her neck, like a boyfriend and she was amused. Her hubby wasn’t…
Here’s what I know:
Moms are the first “girl” that their son knows…
He quickly learns that she takes care of him a lot, especially if she is breastfeeding him.
She plays with him and he loves it, so he gives her attention and unconditional love.
Unconditional love is intoxicating like a delicious bottle of wine…
You can’t get enough of it.
As baby boys get older, they bring their “favorite girl” (Mom) flowers (dandelions), gifts (worms or rocks) and anything else that will make her smile. Mom of course loves the gifts and the attention, and now the sweeping off your feet is taking place.
There is nothing like a son. Depending on his home environment, he will always be concerned about “Mom”. It’s a wonderful relationship to have as long as we remember that our sons will grow up, fall in love and leave home.
Let him and welcome the person that he chooses.
He will always be your son and you will always be his mother.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics?
Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
The Blending Of Blended Families
Falling in love with a man or woman is wonderful and exciting. But how will his children feel with you as their stepmom … or better yet how will yours feel?
Click on the link below and watch the rest of my video blog!
Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Order a copy of my book: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How the Sins of Our Mothers Scar Us
My sister and I always felt that our mom favored our brother Tony. Her heart seemed to be softer on his behalf. Don’t get me wrong, Tony got into trouble and was punished too, but not as much once my parents split up. What I now know, is that Mom was compensating for my dad being absent in his life. She did the best she knew how.
Since I was in college during my sister and brother’s high years; years AD (after divorce), I didn’t see much preferential treatment bestowed on Tony.
Mom could do a lot of things really well! When it came to organization and getting things done, my mom was AWESOME! I learned how to speak up for and take care of myself because of my mother. Showing emotions, wasn’t her strength. She was unable to teach me how to love and nurture myself or anyone else. So in high school and college, I was pretty detached in my relationships. I kept to myself and only opened up to my closest friends.
Once I became a mom and started seeking my mother’s advice, I asked her why she seldom said she loved us or hugged. Her words were “My mom didn’t treat us that way.”
Here’s the deal: families live and die emotionally through experiences with the moms in their lives. If your mom did not receive praise and lots of ‘I love yous’ ❤️ as a child, then they either feel that it was unwarranted (when they raise children) or they are emotionally unable to share those kinds of feelings.
It is definitely possible that mothers will give lots of love and praise when they have their own children even if they didn’t receive it as a child. I have many friends who are wonderful moms, and when asked about their childhood, they say they didn’t get along with their mom. When pressed to explain further, they say they wanted a different experience for their own children. ❤️
When mothers are harsh and don’t exhibit warmth and love to their son or daughter, that child grows up similar to a sociopath who acts without feelings or conscious.
How do we change that behavior?
One child at a time…
Yes I know you are busy working and raising a family…
Yes, I know you never had a relationship with your mom or dad and don’t know how to talk (civilly) or show love…
Yes, it’s hard…
But not impossible…
Start by taking baby steps.
- “Good morning, I love you.”
- “Good night I love you.”
- “Have a good day at school.” (Hug your son or daughter)
- “You mean everything to me.”
These statements go a long way toward building a better relationship.
That’s nice. ❤️
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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