Posts filed under ‘anxiety’
Is It Really Okay to Not Be Ok?
Many of us view success as pretty, handsome, moneyed, good job, well-liked…
Then when we don’t achieve success for any of the reasons listed below or more…
- Haven’t finished (or started) college
- Don’t have the right job
- Grew up in the wrong neighborhood
- Married… didn’t marry
- Wrong skin color, gender, religious belief
We wonder why we feel defeated, depressed, uninspired.
Or, we have “everything going for ourselves”, outwardly as my mom would say, and yet we feel defeated, depressed, or uninspired inside. Today in our How to ❤️ Love ❤️ Yourself More…Intentionally clubhouse, we talked about how being pretty and beautiful are NICE, but have nothing to do with how you feel inside. People are obsessed with looks and fortune. How can you be sad and depressed when you have good looks and wealth?
Easy!
As my co-moderator said, we are “cracked glass” and looking out we don’t see our external beauty and wealth. We only feel brokenness and sadness. Many of us live in quiet desperation and don’t know how to find our way out.
Suicide is not the answer.
I’ve lost several family members to suicide and while I don’t know exactly what each one felt before taking their life, I know what it feels to be the one left to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what happened? Each member had worth and value but did not feel that there was another way for their story to be told.
One of the best things you can do is open up and share your pain with a supportive friend, group, or a therapist. The other thing to do is remember, you are unique with a God-given purpose! Be who you want to be instead of a copy of someone else. Stop buying the “image” and be the original – one of a kind – amazing you!
Interested in loving yourself more deeply? Click Here – to schedule a complimentary chat with Ms. Parent Guru about how her How to Love Yourself In 30 Days coaching program can support you.
Click Here to become a part of her parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Relinquishing Control Releases Stress
It’s the wee hours of the morning, as I lay here trying to go back to sleep, a car sits outside beeping it’s horn for whomever is supposed to come out. I want to yell at that person to stop 🛑 waking up everyone while he tries to get his passenger. 🤬
The question at the moment is, can I do anything about the beeping horn? Am I going to lose more sleep 😴 or can I refocus on something else?
2021 taught me three things:
• There are things I can’t change like: when COVID ends, how to make an adult act differently, etc.
• Remember who I am and be true to myself
• Focus on what is working instead of what isn’t
The common denominator here was that I focused a lot on controlling events, relationships and my feelings. When I chose to live through each experience, I discovered the best parts of it and moved on, I was happier.
I learned in 2021 that when it comes to peace of mind, control is overrated‼️
Are you thinking about those Aha” moments you experienced?
Or maybe like me, you’ve had enough experiences occur that have left you worn out‼️ As my friends at Unity School of Christianity say – “Give life the light touch”
How are you ending 2021? 🤔💬
Wishing you and your family lots of love and a happy and prosperous new year. 😘 🌚🎉🧧
Thanks for reading my blog, and following me on Instagram, Twitter & TikTok @MsParentguru.
C. Lynn Williams
3 Thoughts on The Overuse of Resilience
We keep telling ourselves that “kids are resilient”. By that we mean:
⁃ Teens handle change well (not always true)
⁃ Teens embrace technology (some tech; not all)
⁃ Teens are able to move past personal & professional trauma (untrue without professional mental health support)
Teens handle change well when parents and the related adults in their life, help them build coping skills like acknowledging that bad things happen and you can survive. When we teach our children that they must have the highest grades or top success as student athletes, it builds stress and anxiety which they hold inside. Depending on how fragile they are to change, can be an indication of how they internalize pressure (and fix it by harming themselves).
Many teens and tweens love the technology that gives them ways to communicate with each other, and watch movies and videos. Their natural curiosity allows them to understand (intuitively) how to use new tech, games and apps. Being technologically savvy does not mean they will write papers faster or complete homework on time unless you have instilled that skill into their daily routine early in their educational career.
We assume that our teens are able to move past trauma easily because they are flexible, young and tell us everything is okay. These thoughts are far from the truth when you look at the number of teens who perform self-injury or attempt suicide.
This period of isolation (caused by the COVID-19 pandemic) has also contributed to our teens anxiety and depression.
Things to remember that will help your teen be more resilient:
• Stay connected by communicating & listening 👂 🗣
• If your instincts say something wrong… It is… 😰 If your teen won’t talk, reach out to the school counselor, social worker or ask your pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist 👩⚕️
• Stay connected to school staff as they can be resources for support 🎗✂️✏️🖇
Your teen will tell you that you are overreacting. It’s not overreacting if they need help and you are able to provide it.
Parents who have lost their children to death by suicide, would love a 2nd opportunity to follow their 1st mind.
Besides reaching out to your child’s school support staff or pediatrician, here are a couple of additional resources:
Suicide Prevention:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Self-injury Awareness:
https://www.destinationsforteens.com/destinations-blog/march-is-self-injury-awareness-month/
Thanks for reading my blog, and following me on Instagram, Twitter & TikTok @MsParentguru.
C. Lynn Williams
It Is Okay to Feel What You’re Feeling
We’ve been quarantined for 7 weeks now. It’s okay to express what you’re feeling.
Why I Do What I Do
I never really understood what my mother went through with me as a strong-willed daughter until I had my own children. After the childhood I had, I never wanted kids of my own. Kids were worrisome, needy and a pain in the neck! And they were yours forever! No I didn’t want children of my own. However after 3 -4 years into my first marriage, I knew I wanted somebody that looked like me. Sound selfish? Yes I’ll admit it was probably selfish. It didn’t help that my parents and my in-laws were constantly asking – “WHEN ARE YOU HAVING KIDS?”
So my parenting journey began. From the beginning I believed that children were little adults with opinions and thoughts of their own. As idealistic as that sounds, I always wanted to give my kids an opportunity to speak openly and honestly. My parenting ideas were not well-received by my mom and her generation, because children were seen and not heard when she was a child. An out-spoken kid was considered a disrespectful one. As a mom, I was more concerned with raising leaders and critical thinkers, not followers. 
While my parenting journey began in the middle ‘80s, my career as an author began a decade later. A painful divorce and family relocation left me with co-parenting responsibilities as well as the challenge of parenting with adults who had entirely different philosophies of what being a parent meant. I was an old school parent with 21st century parenting ideas. Basically, I believed in eating dinners together, kids that obeyed, and bed times with technology turned off. I also encouraged my kids to talk because I wanted to hear what they were thinking and that they had a right to be heard. It’s hard to run a company or manage a city, if you’ve never been taught to think on your own.
This time of COVID-19 quarantine is a challenging time for many reasons. Men and women are working from home and parenting from home. For some parents, that’s a new skill-set that you are building. Normally you spend 5-6 hours per day with your children. With the quarantine in place, you’re spending 24 hours per day with your children AND you’re trying to work 
from home. How’s that working? Not so bad, if your child is school age and can work on his or her own. You can put together a family plan that gives your child time to complete school work, family time together and mom/dad work time.
If your child is under five years of age, your parenting skills are getting a great workout. Your day is structured to include lots of interactivity with your child, nap time and consistent meal times. I know work is important, because that’s how you support your family. However, if I had to choose between working or spending time with kids, I’d say make the time with your child first. Build memories that your son or daughter will talk about for the rest of their life. Have as much fun and meaningful time as possible. If your job requires daily online meetings, work around that work meetings and do something physical with your children every day.
So why do I do what I do as a parent? I do what I do, because my children are part of the next generation and I care about their success as humans.
Stay safe and healthy!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Hey Mom Lose The Guilt!
It never surprises me when I ask a question to a mom and her daughter, and they have entirely different thoughts about how a particular experience or conversation turned out. Invariably the daughter may feel that the experience was worse than what her mom thought.
When that happens, mom feels like she has to defend her position. But it’s not the end of the world; just an opportunity to have a deeper understanding of what took place during that experience.
When my daughter was a teen, what I remember thinking was that I was a pretty understanding mom. According to my daughter, I was intolerant (and in her words – scary) 😞.
The good news was that I had a choice. I could modify my behavior so that we could hear and understand each other or I could decide that we just didn’t understand each other and never would. Feeling like a “bad parent” was the bad news.
As a parent, there are lots of uncharted territory, and if you feel guilty every time you do something that backfires, you’ll feel guilty A LOT! Plus your kids will use your guilt against you to get more privileges 😉.
After listening to many stories about challenges and misunderstandings that mothers and daughters face, I began conducting Mother & Daughter Teas. These events are fun, generate laughter, dress up, silly photos, yummy foods, good feelings and authentic conversations. 
I conduct them in school settings, ideally on Saturdays (or Sundays after church). If you are interested in how this event can be conducted with your school’s parents reply to this email.
I have a limited number of dates between March and May, so don’t wait!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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