Posts filed under ‘conversation’

Why Staying Relevant With Our Adult Children Keeps Us Young

What kind of conversations do you have with your adult children? Are they meaningful? Do you feel good after talking with them?

SSBlog_BondingWithYourChildren_1400x1050-1024x768

Last week my oldest son turned 35 years old and I wanted to wish him happy birthday when it was my turn to talk. He’s my oldest child, and was 20 years old when his dad and I married, so I’m always amazed at the depth of our conversations, wondering what I can say to stay relevant when we talk. I should probably tell you that my son and I don’t talk often, like I do with my oldest daughter. That’s just the nature of mother & son relationships. Boys don’t talk nearly as much as girls, unless they (boys) are trying to work out a situation. #thepamperedprincebook

So while I waited to talk with him, thinking that our conversation would be short and sweet,  what I got was a very extensive conversation.  we probably talked about 45 minutes about things that were important to him and our relationship and it was just a wonderful conversation overall.

Portrait of a loving mother and her young adult/late teen son.

My point in staying relevant as a parent is that it keeps the lines of communications open between you and your child. It also keeps you young. I remember some of the challenges I faced when I was in my 20’s. Most of the time, I kept those challenges to myself for fear of what my mother would think of me. Once I reached out to her and realized that she wasn’t judging me, we had great talks. That was a lesson that I promised I would remember once I had kids of my own. I never wanted my children to feel stupid or that they couldn’t talk to me. I also hoped they would confide in me before talking to their friends. When they did talk to me, it made me feel young. I felt like I was part of a younger generation (because I was, compliments of them).

As a parent coach and parent of adult children, here are three (3) tips for maintaining relevancy in your relationship with your children:

  • Don’t Judge – You may think the decisions they’ve made are just dumb. But think back on some of the hair-brained decisions you made as a teen or young adult. They may not have been the best decisions, but they were yours.
  • Listen – As parents we always feel like we have to have the answers to our kids’ problems. That’s not always true or possible. Actually one of the lessons I learned most recently, is that my kids usually want me to listen and not comment. It’s not easy, but staying relevant sometimes means that we are their sounding boards and silence is golden.
  • There’s No Room For Drama – Sometimes the conversations that our adult children need or want to have with us are hair-raising and you may be inclined to say “What in the hell made you do that?“. Resist the urge to say anything negative and follow my advice in the tip #2 – Listen!

I’m looking forward to sharing this Easter birthday weekend with most of my blended family, with the exception of my middle daughter, who wasn’t able to join us. I plan on taking my own advice and listening, enjoying my sons and daughter and having a lot of fun. I wish you and your family a wonderful Easter or Passover holiday. 

Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

March 28, 2018 at 6:04 pm Leave a comment

3 Habits for Healthy Families

happy-thanksgiving

During this Thanksgiving holiday, we will share many things with our families: holiday traditions, good-night hugs and good times. I truly love family customs and traditions, hugs (not just at night) and the good times we share as our family gathers together.

In addition to these things, check your ‘list’ to see if you are including these healthy habits as well. I’m including three of my favorite ones here:

  • Make mealtime family time – This matters because shared meals help families catch up and connect. Studies show that kids who regularly eat with their families have healthier eating habits than those who don’t.
  • Volunteer together – This is important because helping others lifts our spirits and improves our overall sense of well-being. It also teaches our children that they can make a difference, which can help boost their self-confidence and make them feel good about themselves.
  • Handle anger in a healthy way – When we lash out it strains relationships within and outside our family. “Kids tend to express anger by lashing out at parents and teachers, and their anger may isolate them from their peers.”[1] In adults, angry outbursts can raise the risks of heart attack and stroke.

           Thank you Rush University Medical Center for these healthy tips for our families!

As you welcome your college students back home and see family members you haven’t seen in a while, take time to relax and enjoy them. Even Aunt Josephine who manages to say something completely crazy to everyone she sees, still needs a hug. 

Time Saving Tip: Sparkl Now – The Car Wash Service That Comes to You!

Are you tired of riding around in a dirty, cheerio-ridden car?

I was just like you!  As a mom of busy and messy boys, I found myself living most of my day in the car—shuttling to/from school, practices and play dates.  My kids often had to eat meals in the car in order to get to where we needed to be on time.

This is what inspired me to launch Sparkl – an eco-friendly, waterless car wash that comes to YOU.  All you have to do is download our app, register, and schedule a date and time.  We do the rest.   Our products are bio-degradable and our waterless solution is safe enough to use on any car.  All of our washers are background checked and trained to provide a quality car wash anytime anywhere.  We will come to your home, office, parking garage, or just the street.  It’s that simple…and convenient.  No more dirty car… and no more waiting in line at the car wash!  Now your car can get cleaned without wasting your precious time…or our environment’s precious resources. To learn more about Sparkl, please check out our website:  www.sparklnow.com.

C. Lynn Williams’ Upcoming Events:

Dating With The Right Tools webinar Dec 6thPart 2 of Romance Series
Kick the Chaos workshop Dec 9thkickthechaos.eventbrite.com

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Coach & Author
www.clynnwilliams.com

[1] Adrienne Adams, MD, MS – Rush University Medical Center

November 23, 2016 at 1:25 pm Leave a comment

The Beauty Inside…

Last week I had a chance to spend time with my biological sister and my wonderful sorority sisters of Alpha Kappa Alpha. It was our aka_ladiesbiennial  conference and thousands of us descended onto Atlanta, Georgia. It was a beautiful sight, and connecting with each other, some who I hadn’t seen in two years, was just great. My sorors are part of my extended family.

However I also thought about my biological sister and how blessed I am to have her in my life. I know there are families where sisters don’t get along or support each other. I’m the oldest, and when I was growing up, my mother told me to look out for my sister. I never forgot my mother’s words and we continue to look out for each other.

I also look out for my “girls” – ladies I grew up with and those who are more recent friends. That’s something we were raised with, but I don’t think it’s being taught anymore. Look out for your family, friends, or neighbors. It’s about me and nothing more. That’s probably why there are the random acts of violence taking place all over the world instead of random acts of kindness.

Do me a favor. Smile at someone as you walk down the street. Hold the door open for a perfect stranger. Let a car pull out in front of you and instead of cursing, give them a friendly nod. Sisterliness begins with me and I’m paying it forward. Quote-on-sisters

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and their Sons. Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

While we may come from different walks of life, as women young and old, we share common challenges, goals and passions. If you want to share the love with girls and other womenfolk join me on August 14, 2016 by attending my Mom & Me  Tea, designed to provide a setting where girls and their caregivers can enjoy an afternoon of communication, culture and fun together. Register here.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author
http://www.clynnwilliams.com

 

July 20, 2016 at 6:18 pm Leave a comment

The Peculiar Language Between Mothers & Their Sons (reprinted)

Periodically I write articles for Moms Magazine. It’s a great resource for mothers. I encourage you to check them outmomsmagazine.com This is my article reprinted from Moms Magazine 2/16/2016

When my biological son was in his late teens, he stopped communicating with me. It was an odd time because he had started college and I didn’t see him often, so talking with him was very important to me. What I didn’t know was that he was having difficulty managing his time and assignments. I knew something was wrong, (a mother’s instinct) just didn’t know what. So my husband (his stepdad) and I took a road trip down to his campus and made a surprise visit. The conversation wasn’t easy and he continued to give us one word answers and stony looks, but we eventually understood the entire story.
I continued to use the practices and tips that I talk about in my book – The Pampered Prince: Mom Create a GREAT Relationship With Your Son and made sure that whemother-kissing-sonn I felt he was distant or needed to talk, I reached out and didn’t tell myself I was wrong. Once he knew I wasn’t just trying to “get in his business” or “wreck his life”, he talked to me.

I thought about our relationship as I watched the ABC 20/20 show where the mother of one of the Columbine shooters talked about how she didn’t acknowledge the distance she felt with her son, and how she had no idea he was planning the shooting or was so easily influenced by another boy, also a shooter. She also did what many of us do when our sons show us some attention – she thought things were much better. It was just a smokescreen to get her out of his Kool-Aid. My point here is that some of the messages we receive are a mother’s intuition and while it may not make sense, if we don’t act on it, we’re screwed.

columbine mom
It may be awkward if you are not used to conversing with your son. They are very good at ignoring us or making us feel like we are wasting their time. Push through that feeling and make some space for a conversation to begin. Inviting my son to dinner or out for ice cream worked 90% of the time. He loves both and once we start eating, the words seem to tumble out. This idea works for sons from teen to mid-twenties. Try it and let me know what happened. I would love to hear from you.

Want to learn more about how to communicate with your son? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my life-changing parenting programs for blended families, aging parents, mothers and daughters or mothers and sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author ~ Coach ~ Family Dynamics Specialist
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW – Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

February 17, 2016 at 8:35 pm Leave a comment

Parent Goodies – Kool-Aid Girls

While I love to write, there is nothing like a video to make the point clearer! koolaidmangetshis

This week began the launch of Parent Goodies, a weekly  topic of interest to parents that will be aired on my MsParentguru YouTube channel.

Today’s topic is a little gritty, but part of the adolescent scene. Welcome to Kool Aid girls. Welcome to my new video blog called Parent Goodies.
Click on the link:
https://youtu.be/bNKxtGG0EjI

What you think about this?

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

July 14, 2015 at 11:30 am Leave a comment

If You Make Time, They Will Come..

Mom Talking to Daughter 2

Ever wonder why we like reality TV? Probably because the stories are so true-life; the characters get to say & do whatever (ridiculous or not) comes to their minds (or the mind of the show’s writer) and there’s always a new angle! Oh most importantly — they are addicting.

Here’s an alternative: You and your daughter take some time 30-60-90 minutes; list your top five issues with each other. Set ground rules and make it ‘safe’ to talk openly & honestly. Promise each other that you will not HOLD Grudges after your time together. For my journalers, write down your thoughts. At my recent Stop Driving Me CraZy Mother – Daughter Retreat, daughters shared that they liked the activities like Mirror-Mirror and Trust Me! Some opened up and told their moms what was on their mind. Mothers enjoyed the video and breakout sessions.

It might feel awkward or ‘fake’, but don’t worry it can breathe life into your relationship. She may act like it doesn’t matter if you both talk or not. But don’t listen to that. Secretly (inside) she is dying for a wonderful relationship with you! Your normally unresponsive, hormonal teen daughter may share things you wouldn’t have imagined. Just try not to flip out if you hear something weird.

By the way, feel free to share this blog post with others and (share) your thoughts with me. I’d love to hear them! My next mother – daughter retreat will be held in November in Chicago, IL. Interested? Email me at clynn@clynnwilliams.com

Happy Relating!

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)

June 19, 2014 at 4:39 pm Leave a comment


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