Posts filed under ‘daughter’
How to Build Accountability In Your Child
Happy New Year and no… this is not a list of resolutions for better parenting!
Having talked to quite a few parents during the Holidays who wanted their child to do what they were asked; I’m reminded of two things:
- Keep it simple
- Hold your child accountable
As you tell your child for the 5th time to pick up his/her toys, clothes, etc. you might wonder what it will take for that delightful child of yours to become more accountable.
According to Century Dictionary, accountability is the state of being accountable or answerable; responsibility for the fulfilment of obligations; liability to account for conduct, meet or suffer consequences, etc.
The thing is, we want our kids to grow into accountable adults, which means that we want accountable teens, youths, toddlers.
So how do you get started?
Start now…ideally when your child is very young and impressionable. My daughter has been “guiding” our 2½ year old grandson with picking up his toys, since he could walk. He understands what picking up toys means, how to do it and the consequences of leaving them all over the floor.
Is she 100% successful? Nope, but she and her husband have a great start provided they stay consistent with their work with him. It gets more challenging, if you are starting to with children who are older and aren’t used to having to pick up after themselves.
Not impossible, but your work is cut out for you because your child won’t understand why all of a sudden, you are asking them to do something they’ve never had to do before.
3 tips for helping your child be more accountable:
- Model behavior (that you want to see repeated)
- Be as consistent as possible in holding your child responsible for what you’ve asked them to do
- Help your child see things from another person’s viewpoint
Modeling the behavior, you want to see, is one of the skills that a leader uses. It’s much easier to get your child to pick up their toys, clean their room, clean the bathroom, if they see you do the same.
Teaching your child to see things from another’s perspective builds empathy and compassion. If occasionally you have your daughter help her brother or sister clean their room, fold clothes or clean the kitchen, they may be less inclined to fight, argue and compete with each other.
Just a couple of thoughts as we enter 2022.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
It Is Okay to Feel What You’re Feeling
We’ve been quarantined for 7 weeks now. It’s okay to express what you’re feeling.
Hey Mom Lose The Guilt!
It never surprises me when I ask a question to a mom and her daughter, and they have entirely different thoughts about how a particular experience or conversation turned out. Invariably the daughter may feel that the experience was worse than what her mom thought.
When that happens, mom feels like she has to defend her position. But it’s not the end of the world; just an opportunity to have a deeper understanding of what took place during that experience.
When my daughter was a teen, what I remember thinking was that I was a pretty understanding mom. According to my daughter, I was intolerant (and in her words – scary) 😞.
The good news was that I had a choice. I could modify my behavior so that we could hear and understand each other or I could decide that we just didn’t understand each other and never would. Feeling like a “bad parent” was the bad news.
As a parent, there are lots of uncharted territory, and if you feel guilty every time you do something that backfires, you’ll feel guilty A LOT! Plus your kids will use your guilt against you to get more privileges 😉.
After listening to many stories about challenges and misunderstandings that mothers and daughters face, I began conducting Mother & Daughter Teas. These events are fun, generate laughter, dress up, silly photos, yummy foods, good feelings and authentic conversations. 
I conduct them in school settings, ideally on Saturdays (or Sundays after church). If you are interested in how this event can be conducted with your school’s parents reply to this email.
I have a limited number of dates between March and May, so don’t wait!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
The Voices Heard Before Suicide
Suicide is a profound tragedy…
My daughter was a young girl when my brother committed suicide. I was devastated. He had been suffering with a chronic illness and told us he was praying to die, while we prayed for him to live.
He had talked about dying years before that because he was so unhappy. Suicide is seldom unplanned, and victims leave clues.
It is up to us to pay attention to those clues and intervene. That’s easy to say, and harder to do. There are lots of external influences that will make it challenging to notice the clues.
These days children are dealing with life issues that they don’t want to talk about. Bullying. Sexual abuse. Peer pressure. Parental expectations. Excelling in school. These issues are further exacerbated by the separatism that technology provides. Many of these issues young people face without appropriate coping skills. When an unpleasant event occurs they feel that life can’t go on and so they attempt suicide or they are successful. 🤯
I recently heard the story of a good kid who received detention at school and then was reprimanded by his s parents at home. Concerned that he had jeopardized his chances to get into a Ivy League school for college; he committed suicide. Did he leave any clues that he was fragile?
What about the girl who can no longer face school or online bullies and decides that suicide is a better alternative to living. What behaviors did her parents notice before she took her life?
How do we stop this madness?
Suicide is beyond devastating! It’s really bad when it happens to a child that you think is safe; has a good life; and looks normal.
Are there warning signs? They’re probably aren’t many if any unless you are watching intently and you are in tune with your child; even then there’s no guarantee that you will be aware of what’s going on.
Here is what I can tell you:
• Watch for changes of behavior
• Mood swings
• Quiet and withdrawn in an otherwise outgoing joyous kid
There’s no guarantee that you’ll catch the clues then, but it least if you start a conversation beyond ‘how was your day’; if you talk about how to build resilience; if you let your child know that there is nothing worth taking their life over…
Have those hard conversations now when everything is good. Let your child know that correcting their behavior is your job, but that you are always proud of them and love them.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How to Motivate Our Kids
Did you ever take music lessons or practice a sport to become the best? It’s called deliberate practice and there are important life skills that children learn when they practice becoming better at something. One lesson that comes up for me is resilience. My daughter wanted to take dance lessons, and once she started attending the class, she decided she didn’t like it and wanted to quit. That happens often with children. They will like something because their friends like it. The challenge is getting them to stick it out until a natural ending like a concert or the season ends. Requiring them to finish at a natural ending point, teaches tolerance.
You see it a lot in some cultures where practice is relentless, but the outcomes are amazing. I think about the Olympics and Russians gymnasts. I thought they excelled because of their over-the-top work ethic. I also think about Chinese students and music. Practice makes their performances better!
This deliberate practice requires us (as parents) to perform our show and tell. It’s one thing to tell your child to go and practice their clarinet. It’s quite a different feeling when you share with them that on your job or in your business, you have goals to attain and the better that you are at setting those goals, the better you are at mastering them and achieving them or smashing them!
Parents, we have an opportunity here to build excellence no matter what your economic or social standing. When your kids are with you, get them to do more of what they like and practice it until it is amazing. You notice I’m not saying perfect because perfect means there’s no room to grow and be better and there’s always room to grow and be better. I’m also suggesting that you allow them to do something that they like, as opposed to what you like for them. It’s less of a struggle…
By the way, this is not just a skill for musically and sports inclined children. For the kids who love academics; who love reading; who love writing; who love tech; help them find tune that skill and motivate them to become outliers.
An outlier is a person that stands out from all other members of a particular group or set. They stand out! That’s a positive thing. Our children are born with gifts that require motivation, nurturing and fine-tuning to stand out. As parents, this is what we can offer our children:
- A safe home environment
- Food to eat
- Love
- Encouragement
- Structure
Sometimes the gifts that live inside of our child, are quite different from ours or anyone within our family. It doesn’t make the gift wrong or strange… just different.
So practice motivating your child and that gift of theirs, while they are on summer break. If you haven’t already seen their brilliance peek out, keep watching.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Hey Parents What Are You Wearing?
When I was growing up, there were certain things that I could wear while playing outside (like shorts) that I couldn’t wear off the block. My mom and dad were really particular about how we looked and the impressions we would make on other people.
Not only was my mother specific about what we wore or didn’t wear, she and dad had a specific way they dressed as well. One of the family rules was no rollers out of the house. which simply meant that your hair was combed and you had on appropriate clothes and shoes. My father was formal (old school) and wore a shirt, usually a tie and pants. Depending on where he was going, he had on a brim. The only time he had on house slippers was in the house.
There was no way my mother would’ve come out of the house with her house slippers or anything that looked like pajamas either. As she put it, she would never want to embarrass her family’s name or ours.
Fast forward to today’s times where some parents show up to their child’s school dressed really bad! So I wasn’t surprised to read the article yesterday where the Houston principal, Carlotta Brown gave her parents a dress code when coming to school. She was tired of them showing up inappropriately dressed and setting bad examples for her students.
To all of the haters who disagreed with the principal’s rules, saying that it was discrimination against those parents who had low income. I disagree! Have one dress or shirt (blouse) and pair of pants that looks respectable. And wear that – even if you wear the same outfit every time you attend a school event.
It’s really about the kids and the role that you play in your child’s life. It is completely inappropriate to wear see-through clothing around adolescents – your child’s or someone else‘s. Talk about early sex education! “Hey John, I could see through your Mom’s blouse! She’s hot!” How embarrassing is that? Also leave the hair bonnets at home too. They are just to protect the hair while you sleep.
I know you believe that as an adult you can do whatever you want.
You can!
Just remember that everything you do reflects back on your children and sets an example (for the rest of their lives) whether you like it or not.
Just my two cents worth.
Learn more about your family’s dynamics. Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to be a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
www.clynnwilliams.com
The Blending Of Blended Families
Falling in love with a man or woman is wonderful and exciting. But how will his children feel with you as their stepmom … or better yet how will yours feel?
Click on the link below and watch the rest of my video blog!
Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Order a copy of my book: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How the Sins of Our Mothers Scar Us
My sister and I always felt that our mom favored our brother Tony. Her heart seemed to be softer on his behalf. Don’t get me wrong, Tony got into trouble and was punished too, but not as much once my parents split up. What I now know, is that Mom was compensating for my dad being absent in his life. She did the best she knew how.
Since I was in college during my sister and brother’s high years; years AD (after divorce), I didn’t see much preferential treatment bestowed on Tony.
Mom could do a lot of things really well! When it came to organization and getting things done, my mom was AWESOME! I learned how to speak up for and take care of myself because of my mother. Showing emotions, wasn’t her strength. She was unable to teach me how to love and nurture myself or anyone else. So in high school and college, I was pretty detached in my relationships. I kept to myself and only opened up to my closest friends.
Once I became a mom and started seeking my mother’s advice, I asked her why she seldom said she loved us or hugged. Her words were “My mom didn’t treat us that way.”
Here’s the deal: families live and die emotionally through experiences with the moms in their lives. If your mom did not receive praise and lots of ‘I love yous’ ❤️ as a child, then they either feel that it was unwarranted (when they raise children) or they are emotionally unable to share those kinds of feelings.
It is definitely possible that mothers will give lots of love and praise when they have their own children even if they didn’t receive it as a child. I have many friends who are wonderful moms, and when asked about their childhood, they say they didn’t get along with their mom. When pressed to explain further, they say they wanted a different experience for their own children. ❤️
When mothers are harsh and don’t exhibit warmth and love to their son or daughter, that child grows up similar to a sociopath who acts without feelings or conscious.
How do we change that behavior?
One child at a time…
Yes I know you are busy working and raising a family…
Yes, I know you never had a relationship with your mom or dad and don’t know how to talk (civilly) or show love…
Yes, it’s hard…
But not impossible…
Start by taking baby steps.
- “Good morning, I love you.”
- “Good night I love you.”
- “Have a good day at school.” (Hug your son or daughter)
- “You mean everything to me.”
These statements go a long way toward building a better relationship.
That’s nice. ❤️
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Which One Are You Today?
It’s funny when your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them (make their decisions). 
Then they change back into a non-adult! They say things like:
- Can you pay for my phone?
- Will you complete my FAFSA?
- Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
- Can you pay my car insurance?
- Will you pay my rent?
Wait a minute!
- I thought you were an adult?
- Isn’t that what you told me you were?
- What happened to “I can do this? Please stop telling me what to do!?”
This is the brain of our teenage or twenty-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want a lessons learned talk, they kinda want to figure it out, but don’t mind asking for your money and support.
My feeling is that when your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it. I believe today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes that they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up means you make mistakes. I made them? You did too. It’s okay. 
Young people today don’t mind making mistakes. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they also want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways! Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage (against the advice of her parents), takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury (that keeps him from playing) and working the rest of his life as a laborer.
It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out – let them live their life. Those are hard lessons for us as parents. However, just like our parents had to let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody! Happy 2019!
Are you saying Yes when you really mean No? Click here to Join my FREE Facebook Group – Balanced Moms Club to join with other moms to receive tips about time management, organization and basic meal planning.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Have You Established A School Routine?
When I was in elementary and high school, my mother started preparing my siblings and me for our 1st day of school several weeks in advance. She changed our bedtimes and reduced our outside playing time to prepare us for the new school year. It didn’t make sense at the time, but the transition to school was smoother and we weren’t sleepy in the mornings. 
Once I had children of my own, having a routine, made a lot of sense. And as a former high school teacher, I could tell which students had routines at home and those who didn’t. Email me back if you want to know how I knew….
If you are dreading the first week of school and wondering how you are going to prepare for a new routine where everyone is on time to where they are going – l CAN HELP!
As a Back to School gift to all parents who are getting children of all ages back into the groove of school, I am offering you a gift of peace instead of chaotic mornings and bedtimes. To receive this gem of information, join my parent community. I promise that your contact information will be safe and is not for sale by me or anyone on my staff.
Below is a link to preschool, elementary and high school routines that I created to help you help your child get into the groove of school as easily as possible.
CLICK HERE
If your current routines aren’t working to your satisfaction, build a new set of routines this year. The routines will teach your children how to manage themselves and their time for better success in school. Have a great school year!
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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