Posts filed under ‘daughter’
Question for You!
What should you do if you don’t like your kid? “I didn’t want a child, but my husband did. So we had a child. She is cared for by my husband and his parents. She is 4, and talks constantly. She’s driving me crazy. What can I do?”
(This question was posed on one of my online networks for parents, and it really touched my heart)
How would you advise this mom? I’d love to hear back from you. I’ll print the first 5 responses (serious answers only, no sarcasm please) in next week’s blog.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com/contact
What Happens When You Make Time for Conversations…
If you ever wondered how in the world it is, that you and your mother could get along so well most of the time, and then all of a sudden something happens and your communications come to a dead halt! 
Mother-daughter relationships are one of the most rewarding and challenging relationships in the family structure. It’s a complex relationship because of the range of emotions that are shared between you and your mother. You could be best friends, mortal enemies or somewhere in between.
Motherhood is one of the toughest jobs on the planet, as well as the most rewarding. Raising a daughter is really CHALLENGING! Daughters are opinionated, bossy and emotional creatures. When they are happy, their community of friends knows about it, and when they are unhappy, the whole world knows about it. However, having a close, warm, wonderful relationship with your daughter is a priceless, lifelong experience! According to SixWise.com, 88 percent of adults say that their mother has had a positive influence on them.
When I was a teen, I remember thinking how little my mom knew about me. I had secrets because … well because I didn’t think she would approve of them. It was hard to gain her approval, and I believe that had she not tried to hold down two jobs to support my sister, brother and I, she and I may have had a different relationship.
The first time I shared how I felt, was when I wanted to wear pants to high school. It was a brand new dress code policy and my mom was completely against it! “You’ll sit with your legs open like a boy!” It took my best friend and I a good hour to wear down her defenses, and I learned that she wasn’t completely unreasonable. I just had to have a great argument. She taught me not to give up so easily.
The more I talked with my mother, the more I grew to trust her judgement. We were entirely different people, but I believe I taught her lessons too. After having raised my own daughter and spent time with my bonus daughter, I know for a fact that time means everything to this complex relationship between mothers & daughters. Daughters may listen to you while they are adolescents (7 years and younger), but once they start interacting with their peers, they will quickly develop opinions of their own and tell them to you. Spending quality time with them, allows the defenses to come down, and for love to permeate your conversations – even the difficult ones. Each daughter requires her own time with you to create the warmth and love that you want in your relationship. Invest time in her and nurture her like a beautiful bed of roses. You won’t be disappointed in how your relationship blossoms.
Our next live mother-daughter time is important webinar is scheduled for Tuesday, July 18th at 12 pm (CDT) and it’s titled “Why Mother & Daughter Time is Important?” Here’s the link to register: Click
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author
The Good..The Bad..The Ugly
Even though my kids are adults, I’m still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. It’s sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what I’m talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her – “I’m sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and I’ll have to talk with you later”? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?
Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your children’s problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. It’s difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).
For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:
- Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (“Just for this month Mom”). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
- Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that she’s been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
- Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she can’t figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
3 Habits for Healthy Families
During this Thanksgiving holiday, we will share many things with our families: holiday traditions, good-night hugs and good times. I truly love family customs and traditions, hugs (not just at night) and the good times we share as our family gathers together.
In addition to these things, check your ‘list’ to see if you are including these healthy habits as well. I’m including three of my favorite ones here:
- Make mealtime family time – This matters because shared meals help families catch up and connect. Studies show that kids who regularly eat with their families have healthier eating habits than those who don’t.
- Volunteer together – This is important because helping others lifts our spirits and improves our overall sense of well-being. It also teaches our children that they can make a difference, which can help boost their self-confidence and make them feel good about themselves.
- Handle anger in a healthy way – When we lash out it strains relationships within and outside our family. “Kids tend to express anger by lashing out at parents and teachers, and their anger may isolate them from their peers.”[1] In adults, angry outbursts can raise the risks of heart attack and stroke.
Thank you Rush University Medical Center for these healthy tips for our families!
As you welcome your college students back home and see family members you haven’t seen in a while, take time to relax and enjoy them. Even Aunt Josephine who manages to say something completely crazy to everyone she sees, still needs a hug. ♥
Time Saving Tip: Sparkl Now – The Car Wash Service That Comes to You!
Are you tired of riding around in a dirty, cheerio-ridden car?
I was just like you! As a mom of busy and messy boys, I found myself living most of my day in the car—shuttling to/from school, practices and play dates. My kids often had to eat meals in the car in order to get to where we needed to be on time.
This is what inspired me to launch Sparkl – an eco-friendly, waterless car wash that comes to YOU. All you have to do is download our app, register, and schedule a date and time. We do the rest. Our products are bio-degradable and our waterless solution is safe enough to use on any car. All of our washers are background checked and trained to provide a quality car wash anytime anywhere. We will come to your home, office, parking garage, or just the street. It’s that simple…and convenient. No more dirty car… and no more waiting in line at the car wash! Now your car can get cleaned without wasting your precious time…or our environment’s precious resources. To learn more about Sparkl, please check out our website: www.sparklnow.com.
C. Lynn Williams’ Upcoming Events:
Dating With The Right Tools webinar Dec 6th – Part 2 of Romance Series
Kick the Chaos workshop Dec 9th – kickthechaos.eventbrite.com
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Coach & Author
www.clynnwilliams.com
[1] Adrienne Adams, MD, MS – Rush University Medical Center
If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…
Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your 
daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.
Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?
Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here
If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru
Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com
The Cost of Anger to Me
Last week as I was driving to a meeting, I signaled to move into the lane to my right. Apparently I was too close to the driver behind me because the 
next thing I knew, he sped ahead of me, changed into my lane and put on his brakes… I said to myself – “I’ve just been a victim of road rage! He probably didn’t think more about it, because he had satisfied that moment of complete rage. But I thought about how our anger, our rage gets the best of us every day.
My hubs tells me I’m on the ‘red train’ when I get really angry. Physiologically, my head hurts and I feel irrational. Imagine what that does to the organs in our bodies like our hearts, our brains, etc. The urban idiom is called ‘pop off’ meaning you lost your cool.
According to Livestrong.com, “Anger is an emotion that is associated with resentment, frustration, irritability and rage. Chinese medicine asserts that this choleric emotion is stored in the liver and gallbladder, which produce and store bile, respectively. This anger can affect many biological processes that sap energy and cause headaches, dizziness and high blood pressure.”¹ According to Lavelle Hendricks, “Before anger affects any part of our body, it has to affect our brain first. When we experience anger, the brain causes the body to release stress hormones, adrenaline and
noradrenaline. These chemicals help the body control the heart rate and blood pressure.”²
Just think about how many people you know who have experienced heart attacks or aneurysms. I’m thinking about how my anger affects not only me, but also my kids and my husband. As a mom, I like being in control – to understand where everything is, my role, and how it affects my family. But, there are so many things that are outside of my control. Like someone bumping into to me on the street, or driving too close, or your kid having a bad day and saying something disrespectful. For our own sanity and the sake of our bodies, we have to let things go and move on without anger or self-recrimination. Hey…don’t lose your cool…
[1] http://www.livestrong.com/article/193234-what-emotions-affect-different-organs-in-the-human-body/
[2]http://www.nationalforum.com/Electronic%20Journal%20Volumes/Hendricks,%20LaVelle%20The%20Effects%20of%20Anger%20on%20the%20Brain%20and%20Body%20NFJCA%20V2%20N1%202013.pdf
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers & Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Finding Superwoman™ for Overworked Moms.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
Want more Romance ♥ in your life? Register for my Nov 1st webinar: How To Put Romance Back Into Your Schedule
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Speaker & Author
www.clynnwilliams.com
3 Ways to Protect Your Daughter
I went to a local viewing of Lady Sings the Blues last week and remember how much I enjoyed the music. The clothes and make-up were beautiful and the singing by Diana Ross was superb. Her life story was hard to watch and I couldn’t finish the movie. I was also reminded of how easy it was for her to be 
marginalized as a young black teenager. Everybody that was supposed to keep an eye on her had other ideas. Her mom sent her to live with her aunt (mom’s sister); she was left home to clean the house, and was molested because nobody was really looking out for her. As she became a young successful woman, it was easy to assume she was living a great life because she had the ‘look’.
I just wished Elenora/Billy Holiday’s and her mother had had a real conversation and her mom was able to offer her some true support. I believe this is where some of us are with our sons & daughters. If we’re bold enough we ask the right questions:
1. Are you having sex?
2. Are you using/selling drugs?
3. Are you dating older men?
4. Are you being sexually abused by my new husband? 
We need to be prepared to handle the answers that we may receive? Here are some ideas:
1. If your daughter’s behavior changes ask her “what’s going on“.
2. If she tells you an unbelievable story, believe her.
3. If she is being harassed or abused, support and protect her without judgement.
If we want to turn around our current and future generations, we have to be courageous and fearless. Our kids certainly are.
I’m Grown Now Mom!
Have you ever wanted perfect so bad, you were willing to overstep your boundaries?
This has happened to me often, in different areas of my life, but today I’m talking about mothers & daughters. In her years as a teen, we went from having a I respect you because you’re my mom, to a very enjoyable one as she got older.
I learned a valuable lesson when I overstepped my boundaries thinking I knew best. Mothers always know best right? Well I reached out to one of her friends to resolve what I thought was a problem. I meant no harm, but it got back to her and we went through a rough patch.
It took me and my pride awhile to realize that I had been put in my place by my 20-something daughter, however once we talked about it, I realized I had to allow her to make her own decisions even when I thought they were mistakes.
I know it’s hard to see our little girls grow into adults and allow them to make their own decisions. When we interfere, we’re telling our daughters that we don’t trust the decisions they are making BUT more importantly, we are admitting to ourselves that we don’t believe we’ve raised them to the best of our ability. That sucks ladies!
Go ahead and let her make her own decision. You be there to cheer her on, or comfort her no matter what happens. Send me a comment and tell me how you’ve handled challenging situations with you daughter.
Need help with the hormones? Order your copy of my book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!
C. Lynn Williams
Author, Creator of Finding Superwoman – a must have program for Women who Want It All
10 Daddy Tips for Raising A Daughter
I ran across this simple, but powerful list for dads to consider when interacting with their daughters, compliments of http://www.loveplayandlearn.com/10-daddy-tips-for-raising-a-daughter/ — Enjoy 
1. Love Her Mother:
I list this first because, arguably, this is the most important in helping to develop my daughter’s ability to develop, and maintain, a stable relationship in her future. Parents are the largest influence in this area and how you treat your spouse reinforces the kind of relationship that your child will seek in their adulthood. Love her mother, treat her with respect, and don’t be afraid to express your love for her in front of your children. Expecting your child to know that you love your spouse without ever showing/expressing it around them sends mixed signals. To put it simply, think of it this way: would you want your daughter to marry someone that treats her the way you treat your spouse?
2. Tell Her She’s Beautiful AND SMART:
It goes without saying that fathers play a significant role in helping develop their daughter’s (really their son’s as well) self-esteem. Your daughter faces a world that is not afraid to bash her self-esteem, and/or self-image, in order to sell her something. It’s important that early, and often, you remind her that you think she’s beautiful, inside and out. Of course beauty isn’t everything and your daughter should know that you value her intellect as much, if not more so, than her appearance. Help her understand that her self-worth is not reliant on her physical appearance so that she learns not to base the value of others on their appearance. Teach her that beauty can be found in everyone and that intellect will help her live a rich and fulfilling life.
3. Spend Time With Her:
We live in an increasingly connected world. Yet, paradoxically, our personal relationships have become disconnected as a result. Your daughter wants requires your attention. There are certainly times in which this will be incredibly difficult, given the demands of your career, but the investment of your time in her life will reap rewards beyond measure in her adulthood. Make sure that she understands, and feels, that she is your number one priority in life.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Act Silly: 
Creative play engages your daughter and enriches her imagination. This means that you shouldn’t be afraid to sit down to a tea party, or dress up now and then. You may feel ridiculous but your daughter will love you for it. It shows her that you value her happiness more than your personal pride and helps stimulate her creativity. This may mean you’ll have to watch a silly, childish movie on occasion, but would you prefer that she remember all the fun you had with her as a child, or the times that you turned her down because it was beneath you?
5. Read…Read…Read:
Nothing stimulates your daughter’s intellect, increases her vocabulary, and helps strengthen your relationship like cuddling and reading a good book. Dedicate a short portion of each day- bedtime is usually the easiest- to read to her whichever books she chooses. If your schedule makes spending time with your daughter difficult, say due to career obligations, commit a small window of your time just to this task and do everything within your power to be there each night – even if it means reading over Skype. This will become something that she looks forward to each day.
6. Share Your Hobbies With Her:
Who says that your daughter wouldn’t be interested in watching the football game or your favorite movie? When she’s young she’ll see this as an opportunity to spend time with her daddy doing something he enjoys. Include her in some of your hobbies so that she can learn to love and appreciate you even more. Perhaps even more importantly, be involved in her hobbies as well. Does she enjoy dance? Sports? Perhaps art? Be sure that you know the answer to that and you show her you care by participating in her hobbies as well. Sure, she may no longer want to join you as she gets older but don’t forget to extend the invitation. She may rather hang with her friends than spend time with the “old man” but at least you’re reminding her that your hobbies can be just as enjoyable, if not more so, with your daughter in tow.
7. Be Respectful of Others:
One of the biggest challenges that your daughter will face in her youth is developing a positive self-image and self-esteem. This is especially critical when she’s in her early teens as her self-esteem is particularly fragile. Be cognizant of what you say of others, especially women, when your daughter is with you (though best practice is even if she’s not with you). Remember that your “joke” or insult may have lasting consequences on your daughter’s psyche. Don’t forget that she looks to you to get an idea of what to expect from the opposite sex.
8. Be Her “BFF”:
At 19 months, I make it a priority to ask my daughter how her day went every night I come home from work. Sure, her incoherent ramblings usually consist of a smattering of words along with pure gibberish but I appear genuinely interested nonetheless. I make it a habit so that when she gets old enough to speak, she’ll know that I look forward to hearing about her day each evening. Your daughter will face many challenges and frustrations in her youth; make sure that she understands that she can always come to her daddy to share the good, and the bad, of her day on a regular basis. There will be times when she’ll need your shoulder to cry on, or just a pat on the back for a job well done. Be there, nonetheless. She’ll remember it.
9. Help Her Reach For The Stars:
Whether it’s an artist, nurse, lawyer, engineer, or mathematician, remind her that she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to, regardless of her sex. Help her understand that she can break the boundary and become successful in whatever endeavor she chooses and then help her achieve this. Don’t just tell her that she could be President of the United States if she asks, take her to a local government meeting to see politics in action. She won’t reach for the stars if you simply tell her to; she needs you to show her how to get there.
10. Cherish The Moments:
The most common line I heard when we were expecting was, “enjoy it; they grow up fast.” I wasn’t sure just what this meant until one day, several months ago, my daughter went from stumble-walking to running, practically overnight. It dawned on me that day that she was never going to be the little baby that would fall asleep in my arms during a movie. Cherish every moment with your daughter, because one day you’ll look back and wish that you had just given her one more hug, one more kiss, or one more “I love you”. She’ll always be your little girl but there’s only so long that you’ll be able to hold her in your arms and carry her up to bed after a long day of play. I’ll be the first to admit (and my wife will likely be the second to confirm) that I don’t always follow these steps perfectly. As long as I give it my best effort, I can feel comfortable in the knowledge that I’m giving my daughter the best chance to grow up to be a happy, self-assured, woman.
Happy Parenting!
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com
Wicked Stepmoms Unite
I don’t think of myself as a stepmom, except when all of our kids are home to visit, or most recently to gather for my dad’s memorial service. While I am mother to children that I did physically have, I’d like to think that I am far from wicked.
Two events caused me to thinkof stepmoms and “wicked” in the same sentence. The first was a conversation I’ve been having with one of my students about her stepmother and how controlling she is, and the other is a relative’s belief that stepchildren don’t have the same attachments to family members as our biological children, therefore they are not entitled to be part of the ‘inner family circle’.
I say hogwash! We stepmoms / blended family moms have a responsibility to keep our children close to us and keep the distinctions to a minimum.
I know it’s easy to write this and hard to live it, but I know what it’s like to be seen as ‘different’ from the other children. So when we favor our biological children over our stepchildren, or allow others to show favoritism between our kids, we begin to create scars that last well into adulthood. If you feel insecure when your husband wants to spend time with his daughter (your stepdaughter), seek out a therapist, become a part of a supportive stepmoms support group or join my upcoming coaching program for mothers.
Happy, secure mothers are well loved and a joy to be around. Let’s remove “wicked” from our family’s vocabulary.
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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