Posts filed under ‘hopelessness’
Is It Really Okay to Not Be Ok?
Many of us view success as pretty, handsome, moneyed, good job, well-liked…
Then when we don’t achieve success for any of the reasons listed below or more…
- Haven’t finished (or started) college
- Don’t have the right job
- Grew up in the wrong neighborhood
- Married… didn’t marry
- Wrong skin color, gender, religious belief
We wonder why we feel defeated, depressed, uninspired.
Or, we have “everything going for ourselves”, outwardly as my mom would say, and yet we feel defeated, depressed, or uninspired inside. Today in our How to ❤️ Love ❤️ Yourself More…Intentionally clubhouse, we talked about how being pretty and beautiful are NICE, but have nothing to do with how you feel inside. People are obsessed with looks and fortune. How can you be sad and depressed when you have good looks and wealth?
Easy!
As my co-moderator said, we are “cracked glass” and looking out we don’t see our external beauty and wealth. We only feel brokenness and sadness. Many of us live in quiet desperation and don’t know how to find our way out.
Suicide is not the answer.
I’ve lost several family members to suicide and while I don’t know exactly what each one felt before taking their life, I know what it feels to be the one left to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what happened? Each member had worth and value but did not feel that there was another way for their story to be told.
One of the best things you can do is open up and share your pain with a supportive friend, group, or a therapist. The other thing to do is remember, you are unique with a God-given purpose! Be who you want to be instead of a copy of someone else. Stop buying the “image” and be the original – one of a kind – amazing you!
Interested in loving yourself more deeply? Click Here – to schedule a complimentary chat with Ms. Parent Guru about how her How to Love Yourself In 30 Days coaching program can support you.
Click Here to become a part of her parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
I Accept You Just As You Are
Have a teen or adult child with a secret? Not just any secret, their sexuality secret? Did they tell you or you just ‘knew’ that they preferred same sex mates? What did you do with that information? Did you ostracize them or tell them that you accept them for who they are?
The beautiful thing about being parents, is that we not only have the task of raising teens into wonderful adults, we also need to listen with non-judgmental ears when they tell us things about themselves – especially things that may be different from us. If your teen feels that you don’t or won’t accept them for who they are, they begin to lose trust in you and in themselves. If you won’t accept them, what’s the chance that society will accept them? Who do they go to share their “weight of the world” secrets? Many teens who feel that they can’t talk to anyone (their secret is so bad), commit suicide.
Here are some words you may share if or when you need them.
“It’s time for you to move forward with your life and stop worrying about whether you will be accepted for who you are. I’ve known (intuitively) that you had a different sexual preference since your high school / college days. It’s okay with me. Don’t worry about your father either. None of us has the right to cast stones. There is no reason to feel ashamed or have any other feelings that make you feel depressed, unworthy, needing to hide. It’s important (to me) that you live an authentic life, full of love. Be who you are and leave those other concerns behind you. You are important to me. You are safe and perfect just as you are. I love you.”
As parents, we have the responsibility for raising our children, and we also have the choice of accepting them for who they are. We may not like decisions that they ultimately make, but God doesn’t always like the decisions that we make. Accepting our kids for who they are helps them build self-acceptance and self-esteem. We also have to be okay that our friends, family and church may not agree with or accept our child’s sexuality. Thinking now about how you want to handle discussions with your family, friends or pastor, would be a great idea.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
When Suicide is NOT the Answer
I had a friend in high school who told me he was going to ‘kill himself’. I was beside myself with worry, told my parents and my dad said – “If he was going to kill himself, he wouldn’t tell you first.” Of course the guy did not kill himself, but my brother did… Parents should never have to bury their children but they certainly shouldn’t have to bury them because they’ve committed suicide. Suicide is such a desperate call for help and in my opinion indicates that there were no other options. The problem for most parents is how is it that our child, teen or post-teen adult lives and interacts with us every day and we have no idea that they are contemplating suicide? Mental disorder, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism, or drug abuse is often the cause of suicide.[1] Additional stress factors such as difficult interpersonal relationships, long-term sickness or financial worries can also contribute to feelings that “life is no longer worth living”.
According to HelpGuide.org, most suicidal people give signals of their intentions. Below are some warning signs that we can look for to recognize and hopefully prevent suicides with our family, friends and students:
|
Suicide Warning Signs |
|
| Talking about suicide | Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as “I wish I hadn’t been born,” “If I see you again…” and “I’d be better off dead.” |
| Seeking out lethal means | Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt. |
| Preoccupation with death | Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death. |
| No hope for the future | Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped (“There’s no way out”). Belief that things will never get better or change. |
| Self-loathing, self-hatred | Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden (“Everyone would be better off without me”). |
| Getting affairs in order | Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members. |
| Saying goodbye | Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seen again. |
| Withdrawing from others | Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone. |
| Self-destructive behavior | Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Taking unnecessary risks as if they have a “death wish.” |
| Sudden sense of calm | A sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed can mean that the person has made a decision to commit suicide. [2] |
As a parent, we don’t understand it when a young person takes his/her life because of hopelessness or frustration. We often wonder where we went wrong. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the third-leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-olds, after accidents and homicide. It’s also thought that at least 25 attempts are made for every completed teen suicide. If you are concerned, here are some prevention tips that you may use:
- Speak to that person if you are worried
- Respond quickly in a crisis. Determine if the risk is low, moderate or high
- Offer professional help & support
Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Support
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Suicide prevention telephone hotline funded by the U.S. government. Provides free, 24-hour assistance. 1-800-273-TALK (8255). (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)
National Hopeline Network – Toll-free telephone number offering 24-hour suicide crisis support. 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). (National Hopeline Network)
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available in September, 2013 (220 Communications)
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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