Posts filed under ‘mom’

How to Motivate Our Kids

Did you ever take music lessons or practice a sport to become the best? It’s called deliberate practice and there are important life skills that children learn when they practice becoming better at something. One lesson that comes up for me is resilience. My daughter wanted to take dance lessons, and once she started attending the class, she decided she didn’t like it and wanted to quit. That happens often with children. They will like something because their friends like it. The challenge is getting them to stick it out until a natural ending like a concert or the season ends. Requiring them to finish at a natural ending point, teaches tolerance.

You see it a lot in some cultures where practice is relentless, but the outcomes are amazing. I think about the Olympics and Russians gymnasts. I thought they excelled because of their over-the-top work ethic. I also think about Chinese students and music. Practice makes their performances better!

This deliberate practice requires us (as parents) to perform our show and tell. It’s one thing to tell your child to go and practice their clarinet. It’s quite a different feeling when you share with them that on your job or in your business, you have goals to attain and the better that you are at setting those goals, the better you are at mastering them and achieving them or smashing them!

Parents, we have an opportunity here to build excellence no matter what your economic or social standing. When your kids are with you, get them to do more of what they like and practice it until it is amazing. You notice I’m not saying perfect because perfect means there’s no room to grow and be better and there’s always room to grow and be better. I’m also suggesting that you allow them to do something that they like, as opposed to what you like for them. It’s less of a struggle

By the way, this is not just a skill for musically and sports inclined children. For the kids who love academics; who love reading; who love writing; who love tech; help them find tune that skill and motivate them to become outliers.

An outlier is a person that stands out from all other members of a particular group or set. They stand out! That’s a positive thing. Our children are born with gifts that require motivation, nurturing and fine-tuning to stand out. As parents, this is what we can offer our children:

  • A safe home environment
  • Food to eat
  • Love
  • Encouragement
  • Structure

Sometimes the gifts that live inside of our child, are quite different from ours or anyone within our family. It doesn’t make the gift wrong or strange… just different.

So practice motivating your child and that gift of theirs, while they are on summer break. If you haven’t already seen their brilliance peek out, keep watching.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 26, 2019 at 5:58 pm Leave a comment

How the Sins of Our Mothers Scar Us

My sister and I always felt that our mom favored our brother Tony. Her heart seemed to be softer on his behalf. Don’t get me wrong, Tony got into trouble and was punished too, but not as much once my parents split up. What I now know, is that Mom was compensating for my dad being absent in his life. She did the best she knew how.

Since I was in college during my sister and brother’s high years; years AD (after divorce), I didn’t see much preferential treatment bestowed on Tony.

Mom could do a lot of things really well! When it came to organization and getting things done, my mom was AWESOME! I learned how to speak up for and take care of myself because of my mother. Showing emotions, wasn’t her strength. She was unable to teach me how to love and nurture myself or anyone else. So in high school and college, I was pretty detached in my relationships. I kept to myself and only opened up to my closest friends.

Once I became a mom and started seeking my mother’s advice, I asked her why she seldom said she loved us or hugged. Her words were “My mom didn’t treat us that way.”

Here’s the deal: families live and die emotionally through experiences with the moms in their lives. If your mom did not receive praise and lots of ‘I love yous’ ❤️ as a child, then they either feel that it was unwarranted (when they raise children) or they are emotionally unable to share those kinds of feelings.

It is definitely possible that mothers will give lots of love and praise when they have their own children even if they didn’t receive it as a child. I have many friends who are wonderful moms, and when asked about their childhood, they say they didn’t get along with their mom. When pressed to explain further, they say they wanted a different experience for their own children. ❤️

When mothers are harsh and don’t exhibit warmth and love to their son or daughter, that child grows up similar to a sociopath who acts without feelings or conscious.

How do we change that behavior?

One child at a time…

Yes I know you are busy working and raising a family…

Yes, I know you never had a relationship with your mom or dad and don’t know how to talk (civilly) or show love…

Yes, it’s hard…

But not impossible…

Start by taking baby steps.

  • “Good morning, I love you.”
  • “Good night I love you.”
  • “Have a good day at school.” (Hug your son or daughter)
  • “You mean everything to me.”

These statements go a long way toward building a better relationship.

That’s nice. ❤️

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 28, 2019 at 5:33 pm Leave a comment

How To Let Our Daughters Go and Grow

If it’s hard for you to let your daughter go and grow into the young woman that you always imagined she would be… this blog is for you!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons. Subscribe to my YouTube channel: http://bit.ly/youtubeclynn

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

February 18, 2019 at 8:40 pm Leave a comment

How to Be Brave

I used to think being brave was easy. All you had to do was be fearless – not afraid of anything. 

Then I went to fifth grade and experienced a bully in my neighborhood and one at school who terrorized me regularly. So I learned what it meant to be afraid and didn’t feel so brave as I often ran home from school. That fear lasted until I was able to fearlessly stand up to both of the bullies, and my life became relatively carefree again.

Once I became a wife and mother, I realized there were other reasons to be fearful. Wondering things like would I be a good mother; would my children would be safe; what happens to them if I die. Weird right? I had to get control of my thoughts, to keep a positive tone in my life. I began meditating and reading inspirational material to stay positive.

By the way, have you noticed that schools don’t teach classes on how to be brave? I guess it’s not considered a problem for most people, but 67% of Americans live with some kind of fear. As we continue to experience random acts of violence, and less concern for each other as human beings, our world is appearing more and more fearful.

Just recently, I ran across an article on how to be brave, by one of my thought leaders, Lachlan Brown, and am sharing with you my top four:

  • Find Ways To Control Your FearSo that you are able to function in spite of it.
  • Embrace and Challenge Negativity – My fifth grade experience with bullies taught me resilience and how to stand up for myself.
  • Practice Self-Affirmations – Affirmations are positive phrases or mantras that you repeat to yourself consistently until you feel confident and able to move forward. One of the phrases I repeat regularly is “I am amazing!” It’s hard to feel afraid when you repeat (and believe) that you are AMAZING.
  • Find a Role Model – Your role model can be someone in your family, a friend or colleague that has been through some of your same experiences; is easy to talk to and willing to talk with you while you build a coping mechanism for handling your fear(s). Click here to read more.

In a nutshell, you are the one in control. Fear by itself cannot control you, even though it feels like the one in control. You are very powerful and so are the thoughts that you think. Decide now to let go of the negative thoughts and be brave.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my relationship programs for families. Click Here to join my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

July 20, 2018 at 9:35 pm Leave a comment

What International Womens’ Day Means to Me

As more and more women join #MeToo and #TimesUp campaigns, I think of what International Women’s’ Day Means to Me.

By supporting mothers and their daughters through my books, workshops, webinars and blogs, I truly believe that I stand with my sisters locally and globally in solidarity for our rights, safety, health and families. I also believe it’s important to tell our stories to encourage our daughters and the women we mentor to dream and fulfill those dreams.

As I think of the various global women’s movements that have occurred over the past year like women’s rights, equality and justice, I realize how relevant the 2018 theme is for International Women’s Day: #TimeIsNow: Rural and urban activists transforming women’s lives.

“We stand together in solidarity with our partners and children for the protection of our rights, our safety, our health, and our families – recognizing that our vibrant and diverse communities are the strength of our country.” Women’s March mission statement

As International Women’s Day comes and goes for 2018, how are you propelling the women’s movement forward? Change starts with a single positive thought, followed by a positive action. Be the change you want to see in our world.

Interested in joining a movement and making a difference? Join my Finding Superwoman movement and learn how to have it all. Click Here

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 8, 2018 at 8:39 am Leave a comment

How Well Are You Managing Your ADULT Pampered Prince?

I keep running into women who tell me these incredible stories about how their moms (and dads) are still taking care of their brothers. Mind you we aren’t talking about teen or college-aged sons, but sons in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Depending on the situation, taking care of your adult son, means you are paying his rent, car note, buying groceries, washing his laundry or he’s still living with you.

Portrait of a mother and her young adult/late teen son.

While there are cultures where the children stay home until they marry, the son or daughter is either in school or working. These are not the families I’m talking about. I’m referring to those households where no matter what the son has done, mom defends him. I experienced this while teaching at an all-male high school. If my student had cheated on a test or plagiarized a paper, his mom wanted to know what was I doing to cause her son to cheat or plagiarize. Crazy!

I’ve also been guilty of zealously taking my son’s side when I thought his father or stepdad was being too harsh with him. But here’s the thing I’ve learned: the more you defend your son to his father, stepdad, teacher, or whomever – the more your son feels that he can do whatever he wants without consequences. You see it in toddler boys. Often his behavior is considered cute even when he says “shut-up” or hits you back. It’s a different story when he tells you to shut up and he’s six or 16. Then it’s not cute. Hold him accountable when he’s a teen and doesn’t want to stay in school. It’s not okay to let him quit just because he can’t get along with his teacher or coach.

As a divorced mom, I thought I was raising my son properly. At the time, it was hard hearing any criticism of him. Not that I thought he was perfect, more that I felt it reflected badly on my parenting skills. In my The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son book, I talk about how teaching at the all-male high school made me a better parent. I required my students to follow my class rules, complete their assignments on time and be respectful. When they didn’t, I had consequences for them. As I thought about it, I realized those same rules applied to my own son – my pampered prince. It was a great AHA moment for me! 

Today as I watch the news and hear from mothers who vigorously defend their son’s behavior, I think about the importance of holding those sons accountable at an early age. Saying “shut up” at two and three years old isn’t cute, it’s disrespectful. If you allow that behavior to continue, you’re creating a monster. Just like you teach your son to read, write and count. Teach him to be accountable for what he does, and to be respectful of others – those who look like him and those who don’t. If life brings him back home to live with you (as an adult), remember he is an adult and can take care of himself. Washing his clothes and cooking meals for him is not going to encourage him to move out of your house, or make him good material for marriage!

#StaySane

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to pick up a copy of this book. 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

August 31, 2017 at 3:06 pm Leave a comment

What Happens When You Make Time for Conversations…

If you ever wondered how in the world it is, that you and your mother could get along so well most of the time, and then all of a sudden something happens and your communications come to a dead halt! 

Mother-daughter relationships are one of the most rewarding and challenging relationships in the family structure. It’s a complex relationship because of the range of emotions that are shared between you and your mother. You could be best friends, mortal enemies or somewhere in between.

Motherhood is one of the toughest jobs on the planet, as well as the most rewarding. Raising a daughter is really CHALLENGING! Daughters are opinionated, bossy and emotional creatures. When they are happy, their community of friends knows about it, and when they are unhappy, the whole world knows about it. However, having a close, warm, wonderful relationship with your daughter is a priceless, lifelong experience! According to SixWise.com, 88 percent of adults say that their mother has had a positive influence on them.

When I was a teen, I remember thinking how little my mom knew about me. I had secrets because … well because I didn’t think she would approve of them. It was hard to gain her approval, and I believe that had she not tried to hold down two jobs to support my sister, brother and I, she and I may have had a different relationship.

The first time I shared how I felt, was when I wanted to wear pants to high school. It was a brand new dress code policy and my mom was completely against it! “You’ll sit with your legs open like a boy!” It took my best friend and I a good hour to wear down her defenses, and I learned that she wasn’t completely unreasonable. I just had to have a great argument. She taught me not to give up so easily.

The more I talked with my mother, the more I grew to trust her judgement. We were entirely different people, but I believe I taught her lessons too. After having raised my own daughter and spent time with my bonus daughter, I know for a fact that time means everything to this complex relationship between mothers & daughters. Daughters may listen to you while they are adolescents (7 years and younger), but once they start interacting with their peers, they will quickly develop opinions of their own and tell them to you. Spending quality time with them, allows the defenses to come down, and for love to permeate your conversations – even the difficult ones. Each daughter requires her own time with you to create the warmth and love that you want in your relationship. Invest time in her and nurture her like a beautiful bed of roses. You won’t be disappointed in how your relationship blossoms.

Our next live mother-daughter time is important webinar is scheduled for Tuesday, July 18th at 12 pm (CDT) and it’s titledWhy Mother & Daughter Time is Important?” Here’s the link to register: Click

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

July 14, 2017 at 8:53 pm Leave a comment

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