Posts filed under ‘motherhood’
Mothers Are Gifts (Sent From God)
The Christmas season is right around the corner, and as usual, I have a million things to do. đ¤Ż
However, one thing that I do every morning, is to take time to pray, meditate, and do my sit-ups. This time, gives me a chance to get in touch with how I feel about whatâs going on in my life, in my business, and just to chill for a minute before the day begins.
Today, as I was reading my Daily Word, I thought about how many ways God has stepped into my life, and either suggested that I reach out to someone, talk to my kids about a concern that I have or let them know they were on my mind. I thought about like mothers, God is always watching us, and it blew me away!
God watching us is a good thing, and I’m glad that I have this spiritual support (God), because as you know, there are days that 1+1 does not equal two. And life doesnât feel fair and people that you love pass away, or move away.
So, in my quiet moment, I think about how we are gifts to our children and our families. Letâs remember that, throughout our day today, when our child is calling, crying, or needing more than what we think we have to give.
I talk more about spiritual gifts and making family life easier for moms, in my 30 day program: How to Simplify Your Family Life Easier and Effectively.
How to Simplify Your Family Life helps women work on three areas: personal, family and relationships to eliminate burnout, mom guilt and exhaustion.
Once you complete the program, youâll be able to:
- Create a support system that helps you stay calm and hold onto your temper
- Create and use morning and evening routines to keep our family organized and in order
- Develop easy-to-use phrases and affirmations to respond to stressful comments and reduce mom guilt
- Manage your daily schedule to include a daily activity of fun, rest or relaxation
- Establish healthy life habits (food, exercise, sleep) that you have practiced during the 30 days individually or with an accountability partner
This online course begins January 9, and Iâm offering the first 10 moms a Christmas gift of 50% off the retail price if you schedule time with me (and register for the course) by Dec 24th.
The Lord looks down from heaven, and sees the whole human race. On his throne, he observes all who live on the Earth. He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do. (Psalm 33:13-15)
Have a magnificent day! đâď¸
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
My Spouse and I Parent Very Differently
How is it possible that the person you fell in love with; who understands you perfectly and finishes your sentences⌠parents so differently from you?
Not only do they parent differently, itâs inconsistent, they show favorites with your kids and itâs ALL WRONG đ
Well, I wonder if they feel the same way about you?
The funny thing about parenting, is this: how can someone else tell you how to raise your child? Yet, thatâs exactly what has to happen when you coparent whether you are in the same household or in separate households.
Ideally you discuss things that are important to you to instill in your children before they are born. If it’s important that your son or daughter to speak candidly, then your spouse can’t be annoyed when your out-spoken child speaks at a family gathering (and the comment embarrasses you).
Parenting isn’t one of those “scripted” professions. You start out with the best intentions of raising your child together, until you hit a non-negotiable topic.
Here are 3 things to consider to help you resolve those sticky parenting issues:
- Take a moment to calm down (if you’re angry)
- Think about whether you can accept what your spouse is saying (lose the ego)
- Communicate your concerns with your spouse (outside of your child’s hearing)
Trying to talk while angry, is insanity. Once you calm down, you may feel differently and be willing to compromise. Marriage and raising children require compromise and patience from both of you. Acceptance of your spouse’s parenting style is important to your relationship, and the relationship of your spouse and child.
If you or your spouse are the bonus parent, and are new to the parent-child relationship, either one of you may have a difficult time, “allowing” the other parent to share in important decisions, behavior management and life issues. It’s a normal human emotion to be protective of your child. However, the blending takes place when you share your concerns and decide how to handle.
That was the challenge my husband and I faced when we married and blended our children of previous relationships together. It wasn’t easy when we started. It took a lot of conversations and a few arguments (when the kids were not around). It also took prayer and patience. Our children are adults now, and we are celebrating 20 years of marriage later this year.
You can do this!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Raising Our Daughters to be Fearless
As we celebrate Womenâs History Month, I think back to when I found out our firstborn child would be a girl. Coming from a long line of strong women, I was excited to be a girlmom. đ
I believe in women being bold, sassy and speaking their truths. What better way to raise a daughter who would live life from her internal perspective instead of how the world thinks she should live.
Whatâs crazy is that nobody expects girls to speak with confidence, especially girls of color. đ As mothers, we have to encourage that confidence daily, so that our daughters are comfortable speaking up and out whether with their girlfriends, boyfriends, in the classroom or in their work environments. Living life on your own terms is important today where there are many opportunities to succeed, even when people tell you, you canât.
Patience is key in this relationship with our daughter(s). As you help her build her âvoiceâ, she will use it to argue and sometimes compete with you.đŁ Donât be offended, just know that as her staunchest supporter – her mom, you are someone she trusts and loves.
Be her fence, love her unconditionally, but give her room to grow. She may make decisions that you donât respect as she grows and matures. Itâs okay. It has to be okay – itâs her life. Be there as her guide and coach.
Enjoy the journey with her, as she becomes the woman you always wanted and expected her to become. đ¸đđş
C. Lynn Williams, aka MsParentguru
The Secret Lives of Teens on Social Media: Here’s What You Need to Know
Social media has become an integral part of our everyday lives. Parents use it, just like their children. However, on average, teenagers are the ones who spend the most time on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok and similar platforms.
This leaves many parents worried. Some are afraid that this habit will grow into an addiction, while others are concerned about cyberbullying, over-sharing, and an âall-about-attentionâ attitude.
Author Donna Lynn Hope asks an important question: âHow different would people act if they couldn’t show off on social media? Would they still do it?â
If our children were to be born in more innocent times, without social media, would they be any different?
Consider these questions:
- How do we know what our children are doing online?
- Is there a way to control our childâs behavior on social media, without invading their privacy and breaking their trust?
- How do we recognize if social media is negatively affecting our children?
This topic is complicated, and there are no simple answers. However, if you ask your child about the time they spend on social media, you might be surprised at how willing they are to talk about it.
When you speak with them about their emotions and challenges, and address potential issues in self-esteem, you may find that social media wonât pose such a threat to them.
Even so, you may still be wondering how you can safely explore your childâs secret life on social media.
These solutions will help:
- Dignify their devices. If you want to limit your childâs social media usage, avoid taking away their device. They will find another one. Help them find effective ways to self-regulate, instead.
- Fear of missing out often motivates the time spent on social media.
- However, teens are aware of the consequences this habit creates. Encourage them to reflect on these consequences and focus on the impact social media overload has on their personal, academic, and other goals.
- Fear of missing out often motivates the time spent on social media.
- Ask about the apps. Ask your child which apps they spend the most time on. Is it Instagram, Facebook, or perhaps Snapchat? Once you find out, install those apps on your phone, too, and figure out how they work.
- Some apps have geolocation which can pose a real danger. Try to manage your childâs social media activity by informing them of the danger rather than imposing your opinion.
- Donât be a manager, be a mentor.
- Some apps have geolocation which can pose a real danger. Try to manage your childâs social media activity by informing them of the danger rather than imposing your opinion.
- Help them to protect their privacy. Talk about privacy settings on different social media accounts. Some teens are not aware of this option.
- Agree with them to accept only the followers and friends that they know personally. This is not an easy task for a teen because the number of followers is often the barometer of popularity.
- However, if they understand the necessity for well-managed online presence, this shouldnât be a problem.
- Agree with them to accept only the followers and friends that they know personally. This is not an easy task for a teen because the number of followers is often the barometer of popularity.
- Talk about sexting. Parents find the infamous conversation about âThe Birds and the Beesâ just as awkward as children do. However, now you have another level to deal with â sexting.
- Teens can often confuse sending explicit messages and photos for intimacy that might not exist.
- Talk about what it means to have a healthy relationship and how to develop and maintain one.
- Teens can often confuse sending explicit messages and photos for intimacy that might not exist.
- Overcome social media prejudice. Many parents believe that social media is completely, or almost completely, bad. However, it is neither good nor bad per se. Itâs a new form of communication.
- When parents talk to their children about social media from this standpoint, the child is likely to withhold and hide information.
- Genuine curiosity and an open mind about your childâs interest in social media can make a significant difference.
- When parents talk to their children about social media from this standpoint, the child is likely to withhold and hide information.
- Care about their emotions. Teenagers want their opinions to be heard. This especially goes for the things theyâre passionate or angry about. Social media offers instant feedback to their posts, which makes kids feel listened to, validated, and acknowledged.
- However, if you offer empathy for challenges your child is facing, you can provide listening and validation inside of your family, too. This will give you an insight into what your teen posts on social media and an opportunity to help them self-filter.
When your child asks you for the first time if they can open a social media account, avoid judging them or jumping to conclusions. Accept their need to engage in such community-based way of communication, talk about it, and help them build a safe profile.
Teach them how to protect themselves and what to expect.
Youâll never have all the information about their activity, but if youâre interested and understanding, you might get just the right amount.
I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows parent-child relationships to grow and feel better through coaching and parent classes. Email me for more information: info@clynnwilliams.com đ
Thanks for reading my blog and following me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
The Voices Heard Before Suicide
Suicide is a profound tragedy…
My daughter was a young girl when my brother committed suicide. I was devastated. He had been suffering with a chronic illness and told us he was praying to die, while we prayed for him to live.
He had talked about dying years before that because he was so unhappy. Suicide is seldom unplanned, and victims leave clues.
It is up to us to pay attention to those clues and intervene. That’s easy to say, and harder to do. There are lots of external influences that will make it challenging to notice the clues.
These days children are dealing with life issues that they don’t want to talk about. Bullying. Sexual abuse. Peer pressure. Parental expectations. Excelling in school. These issues are further exacerbated by the separatism that technology provides. Many of these issues young people face without appropriate coping skills. When an unpleasant event occurs they feel that life canât go on and so they attempt suicide or they are successful. đ¤Ż
I recently heard the story of a good kid who received detention at school and then was reprimanded by his s parents at home. Concerned that he had jeopardized his chances to get into a Ivy League school for college; he committed suicide. Did he leave any clues that he was fragile?
What about the girl who can no longer face school or online bullies and decides that suicide is a better alternative to living. What behaviors did her parents notice before she took her life?
How do we stop this madness?
Suicide is beyond devastating! Itâs really bad when it happens to a child that you think is safe; has a good life; and looks normal.
Are there warning signs? Theyâre probably arenât many if any unless you are watching intently and you are in tune with your child; even then thereâs no guarantee that you will be aware of whatâs going on.
Here is what I can tell you:
- Watch for changes of behavior
- Mood swings
- Quiet and withdrawn in an otherwise outgoing joyous kid.
Thereâs no guarantee that youâll catch the clues then, but it least if you start a conversation beyond ‘how was your day’; if you talk about how to build resilience; if you let your child know that there is nothing worth taking their life over…
Have those hard conversations now when everything is good. Let your child know that correcting their behavior is your job, but that you are always proud of them and love them. reprinted from November 23, 2019
Interested in learning more about your familyâs dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Six Tips for Being Better Parents
Avoid harsh discipline
Explain your role and decisions
Be involved in your child’s life
Guide your child through their mistakes and weaknesses
Live in the nowÂ
Be a parent, not pal
Happy birthday to my amazing first-born, **Candace**, who started me on this journey of parenting and being better. The first child is lucky because s/he pulls love and emotions out of you that you never knew existed. They are also your âexperimentâ child. You try techniques, other peopleâs thoughts and that firstborn is like a stew of everyoneâs ideas of how you should raise your child.
Just remember that this is your child!
Follow your gut!
Have fun!
Make wonderful memories together!
Interested in learning more about your familyâs dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Being Friends With Our Kids
I remember one of my motherâs favorite phrases when I was growing up â âI am not here to be friends with you.â
I never wanted to be friends with her, I just wanted her to stop being so meanâŚ
And then I had my own children…
What I found, was as my children became tweens and teens, I wanted to be friends with them. I wanted to laugh and enjoy them because they were growing into people that I loved and respected.Â
What I found out that was, being friends with my kids compromised me being their boundary setter, the consequence handler, the Mom that they could count on when they needed somebody to talk with them honestly; when they need the adult-in-charge to take over!
I found it difficult to be both friend and adult parent. So I too repeated my momâs words: âIâm not here to be your friend, but you can count on me anytime and all the time.â
What I learned from my kids, is that when I gave them boundaries they felt safe, and I often heard them repeating the house rules to their friends. I liked that! Being the adult in charge is important because your kids donât have to worry about who you are today. They know you are the person they can rely on when life is crashing and burning around them. đĽ They wonât have to worry if you allow them to drink or smoke illegal substances (because youâre their friend) one day and other days itâs not tolerated. The lines are not blurred.
The friendship between the two of you will definitely come, probably when youâre both adults and they are making their own decisions. By then, sharing an alcoholic beverage is both legal and tolerated.Â
I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows relationships to grow and feel better. Call me to schedule a complimentary chat session or to book a seat in my coaching program.đÂ
Thanks for reading my blog. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.
C. Lynn Williams
clynnwilliams.com
What Mother’s Day Means to Me
As we approach Mother’s Day, I’m reminded of a question that I asked my Mom years ago as my sister and I were planning a Mother’s Day celebration for her. I wanted to know why she waited to confirm our activities (with her) until she had spoken with my grandmother – her mother. She told me as long as her mother was alive, she would celebrate Mother’s Day with her. My mom is no longer with me, and as a mom and grandmother, I now understand the “order of things“.
Here are 5 lessons that I learned from my mom:
- Be nice to people (you never now what they’re going through)
- Slow down and look at yourself in the mirror (you’re moving too fast)
- Have FUN
- When things are going awry (crazy), declare Divine Order
- Keep a credit card or mad money handy in case you need it
Those tips helped me through the sanest and the craziest times of my life. My mom was very practical! My mother wasn’t the affectionate type who constantly told me how much she loved me. That was okay, because she showed me how much I meant to her – that mattered.
Celebrate the love you have for mother figures in your life. I realize that some of us didn’t have the love relationship with our mothers. If so, I hope you had someone that nurtured you in loving ways. If you haven’t spoken in a while, pick up the phone and say hi. Mend the fence. Let go of those painful memories and make some new ones. Think of the other women who made life complete for you – grandmothers, aunties, your best friend’s mom and everyone else who held the space that mothers hold. Enjoy your weekend.Â
Life is too short to sweat the small stuff!
Happy Mother’s Day
C. Lynn Williams, @MsParentguru
How the Sins of Our Mothers Scar Us
My sister and I always felt that our mom favored our brother Tony. Her heart seemed to be softer on his behalf. Donât get me wrong, Tony got into trouble and was punished too, but not as much once my parents split up. What I now know, is that Mom was compensating for my dad being absent in his life. She did the best she knew how.
Since I was in college during my sister and brotherâs high years; years AD (after divorce), I didnât see much preferential treatment bestowed on Tony.
Mom could do a lot of things really well! When it came to organization and getting things done, my mom was AWESOME! I learned how to speak up for and take care of myself because of my mother. Showing emotions, wasn’t her strength. She was unable to teach me how to love and nurture myself or anyone else. So in high school and college, I was pretty detached in my relationships. I kept to myself and only opened up to my closest friends.
Once I became a mom and started seeking my mother’s advice, I asked her why she seldom said she loved us or hugged. Her words were âMy mom didnât treat us that way.â
Hereâs the deal: families live and die emotionally through experiences with the moms in their lives. If your mom did not receive praise and lots of âI love yousâ â¤ď¸ as a child, then they either feel that it was unwarranted (when they raise children) or they are emotionally unable to share those kinds of feelings.
It is definitely possible that mothers will give lots of love and praise when they have their own children even if they didnât receive it as a child. I have many friends who are wonderful moms, and when asked about their childhood, they say they didnât get along with their mom. When pressed to explain further, they say they wanted a different experience for their own children. â¤ď¸
When mothers are harsh and donât exhibit warmth and love to their son or daughter, that child grows up similar to a sociopath who acts without feelings or conscious.
How do we change that behavior?
One child at a time…
Yes I know you are busy working and raising a family…
Yes, I know you never had a relationship with your mom or dad and donât know how to talk (civilly) or show love…
Yes, itâs hard…
But not impossibleâŚ
Start by taking baby steps.
- âGood morning, I love you.â
- âGood night I love you.â
- âHave a good day at school.â (Hug your son or daughter)
- âYou mean everything to me.â
These statements go a long way toward building a better relationship.
Thatâs nice. â¤ď¸
Interested in learning more about your familyâs dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How To Let Our Daughters Go and Grow
If it’s hard for you to let your daughter go and grow into the young woman that you always imagined she would be… this blog is for you!
Interested in learning more about your familyâs dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons. Subscribe to my YouTube channel: http://bit.ly/youtubeclynn
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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