Posts filed under ‘mothers’

Mothers Are Gifts (Sent From God)

Photo by Magda Ehlers on Pexels.com

The Christmas season is right around the corner, and as usual, I have a million things to do. 🤯

However, one thing that I do every morning, is to take time to pray, meditate, and do my sit-ups. This time, gives me a chance to get in touch with how I feel about what’s going on in my life, in my business, and just to chill for a minute before the day begins.

Today, as I was reading my Daily Word, I thought about how many ways God has stepped into my life, and either suggested that I reach out to someone, talk to my kids about a concern that I have or let them know they were on my mind. I thought about like mothers, God is always watching us, and it blew me away!

God watching us is a good thing, and I’m glad that I have this spiritual support (God), because as you know, there are days that 1+1 does not equal two. And life doesn’t feel fair and people that you love pass away, or move away.

So, in my quiet moment, I think about how we are gifts to our children and our families. Let’s remember that, throughout our day today, when our child is calling, crying, or needing more than what we think we have to give.

I talk more about spiritual gifts and making family life easier for moms, in my 30 day program: How to Simplify Your Family Life Easier and Effectively.

How to Simplify Your Family Life helps women work on three areas: personal, family and relationships to eliminate burnout, mom guilt and exhaustion.

Once you complete the program, you’ll be able to:

  • Create a support system that helps you stay calm and hold onto your temper
  • Create and use morning and evening routines to keep our family organized and in order
  • Develop easy-to-use phrases and affirmations to respond to stressful comments and reduce mom guilt
  • Manage your daily schedule to include a daily activity of fun, rest or relaxation
  • Establish healthy life habits (food, exercise, sleep) that you have practiced during the 30 days individually or with an accountability partner

This online course begins January 9, and I’m offering the first 10 moms a Christmas gift of 50% off the retail price if you schedule time with me (and register for the course) by Dec 24th.

The Lord looks down from heaven, and sees the whole human race. On his throne, he observes all who live on the Earth. He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do. (Psalm 33:13-15)

Have a magnificent day! 🌞☀️

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

http://clynnwilliams.com/

December 14, 2022 at 4:16 pm Leave a comment

14 Steps for Student Moms: Ways to Study Successfully & Stay Sane

contributor, Irene Fenswick | writer and blogger at IvyPanda

Many people say that obtaining a college or university degree was the largest challenge they’ve ever faced. A part-time job can make the process even more overwhelming, although you’ll probably graduate with unparalleled time-management skills. But the most significant advantage of a part-time job is that you can suspend it if you feel overwhelmed.

But being a student and a mom is nothing like that: you cannot take a day off or sick leave to recover from a sleepless night with a baby.

This article prepared by our experts features 14 tips for a person hoping to go after the unattainable – someone who plans to become a mom and a full-time student. Use our advice like Ariadne’s thread to guide you through the labyrinth of term papers, dirty laundry, exams, runny noses, lectures, sandbox conflicts, and other challenges of being a student mom. Two working mothers have prepared this list, so you know we know what we’re talking about!

Table of Contents

  • ✍️ Write Things Down
  • 🏹 Don’t Multitask
  • ⏰ Use Your Time Wisely
  • 😍 Embrace the Chaos
  • 🎯 Set Your Priorities
  • 🤖 Automate Household Chores
  • 🤝 Delegate Things
  • 🗃 Organize Your Space
  • 🏫 Study on Campus
  • ✅ Be Practical
  • 🏃 Think of Your Health
  • 🛀 Relax
  • ❌ Learn to Say No
  • 🌷 Be Kind to Yourself

✍️ Tip #1: Write Things Down

Let’s face it, motherhood and planning for more than one day in advance are hardly compatible. That’s why we decided to abstain from suggesting you make a time-sensitive to-do list. However helpful it may be for any other (non-mom) student, you’ll end up falling behind and scolding yourself for the failure. After all, planning and making lists should facilitate our lives and not add more hassle.

Writing things down is intended to unload temporarily irrelevant or non-urgent things from your head so you can return to them later.

That’s why it is a good idea to write down everything in more than one planner:

  • A paper calendar for educational tasks with deadlines and important details.
  • A school calendar with the schedule of your classes for easier planning.
  • A notebook for your child’s needs.
  • A notebook for study-related issues.
  • A journal for general notes (every day, write down the most important events and thoughts of the day so as not to lose track of them).

There’s no need to have a paper version of all the above. Check out the digital tools below to reduce the weight of your backpack/diaper bag.

🌐TodoistThe most popular task manager and to-do list app. The program features desktop and mobile versions. Price: free or starting from $3 per month for a paid version.
🌐TrelloA tool that is able to organize an individual or group project on a virtual Kanban board. Trello’s popularity largely comes from its simplicity. Price: free or starting from $5 per month for a paid version.
🌐AsanaA cloud-based task management solution for individuals and teams. The app has integration with Google Drive, Outlook and other apps. Price: free for individual purposes.

🏹 Tip #2: Don’t Overdo Multitasking

There is a notion that women do better at multitasking. However, the findings that influenced that idea were highly inconsistent, and contemporary research does not confirm the notion. In truth, all humans are equally bad at multitasking.

The inconsistency may have arisen due to the confusion between the two types of multitasking.

  • Concurrent multitasking is simultaneously performing two or more activities (like texting while driving).
  • Serial multitasking means making rapid switches between tasks (studying for an exam, checking your email and Facebook, and answering the phone). The latter is more frequent and detrimental. In brief, all multitasked activities take longer and bring worse results than if performed separately.
Photo by William Fortunato on Pexels.com

The advice “don’t overdo multitasking” while being a student and a mom sounds laughable. But we are talking about specific activities. Here’s a brief list of dos and don’ts while studying:

  1. Silence your cellphone and put it in an inconveniently distant place.
  2. Turn off the Wi-Fi connection on your computer if you don’t need it.
  3. If you need a Wi-Fi connection, close all messengers.
  4. When you have to study while your child is playing, try listening to background music through earphones. It is a research-proven fact that binaural beats do not just silence distractions but also benefit your concentration.

⏰ Tip #3: Use Your Time Wisely

Being a mom and a full-time student means that you spend half of the day studying and the other half caring for your child. This simple math leaves no room for any “me-time” or even 8 hours of sleep. The only solution is to use the available 24 hours as productively as possible.

  1. The easiest way to boost your productivity is to use a Pomodoro timer.
    This technique divides your studying time into 25-minute sections with 5-minute breaks; it’s as simple as that. The tool has a psychological effect: you know that once you’ve completed the cycles, you can do whatever you want. And besides, small challenges always seem more manageable than a 4-hour marathon.
  2. Time blocking is slightly more complicated but even more efficient for a student mom.
    The idea is to avoid jumping between various activities and focus on one thing at a time. Your task is to divide your timetable into dedicated blocks and do what you are supposed to do during these periods. Cal Newport wrote his book Deep Work about this technique (although the book has other valuable advice too).
    In the event of an emergency, you can painlessly cancel a block or two or change their order. So, if you fail to follow the schedule (which will happen a lot), at least you’ll have a chance to track the most significant time drainers.

😍 Tip #4: Embrace the Chaos

Do you have a child? Congratulations, you are an expert in chaos. Uncertainty is an intrinsic part of human life, but now you feel it more painfully than ever. Still, motherhood has its advantages: you become aware of the chaos.

In the first few years of your child’s life, you learn that total control is an unattainable illusion. All you have to do is relax and try to enjoy the spontaneity.

Here’s why:

  • The future is unpredictable.
  • Chaos makes you stronger.
  • You learn to adapt and become resilient.
  • It forces you to distinguish between the unimportant and essential.
  • The big picture comes into view over time.
  • Going with the flow is exciting.

If the chaos stresses you out in an unhealthy way, try mindful breathing. Focus on your inhalation and exhalation. Empty your mind of any thoughts. If some worries or memories come up, push them away. Regular practice will make you feel more stable in complicated situations.

🎯 Tip #5: Set Your Priorities

The Pareto principle claims that 80% of a result comes from just 20% of the actions. Knowing which activities are the most efficient and focusing on them is often beneficial. Of course, we cannot decide this part for you: you know yourself much better than we ever will! But parental priorities are comparatively similar for all people.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

HBR believes that all parental duties fall under these four categories:

  1. Pastoral care (showing love, setting boundaries, teaching values, etc.);
  2. Decision making (making critical choices on education, healthcare, presents, etc.);
  3. Logistics (taking children to school and social events, etc.);
  4. Household duties (cooking, cleaning the house, laundry., etc.).

This is a wonderful example of the Pareto principle in action. Pastoral care is the primary function of a caregiver, and nobody can replace them in it. And it is also the least time-consuming category. Logistical details take up much more time.

Household duties are the least critical category, and anyone can handle them. But they eat up the most significant part of a parent’s day. The only way out is to automate or delegate your housework, and the following two tips will cover these solutions.

🤖 Tip #6: Automate Household Chores

Researchers predict that robots will do 90% of all household chores by 2040. That’s a dream life for a busy mom!

Unfortunately, we are not in 2040 yet, but many valuable appliances have already appeared. Roomba vacuums and mops, robot lawnmowers, dishwashers, multi-functional pots, and window cleaning robots are only some to mention. Some of them (for instance, smart dog and cat bowls) don’t save much time. Their purpose is to declutter your head from as many duties as possible.

🤝 Tip #7: Delegate Things

Ordering grocery delivery online is fairly automatable. Once you form a weekly list of food supplies, you can re-order them with several mouse clicks. To delegate cooking altogether, arrange pizza evenings from time to time. Besides, healthy ready-made food is also available (although it might be more expensive than cooking yourself).

In a word, if something can be delegated, do it! Babysitters and domestic maids are an excellent way to help your child have a well-rested and healthy mom. If not, friends, family, and your partner are often eager to help but don’t know how to do so.

The only concern here may be that they will have their own ways of doing things. For instance, you sing a song to your children to help them fall asleep, while your partner prefers reading a book. Let them develop different habits and don’t try to micromanage: it is highly discouraging to those who want to help you.

And don’t underestimate your kids: they can make their beds and put away their toys starting in the early years. You’ll have to dedicate some time to training them, but once you are successful, one big problem will be eliminated. And there’s a bonus: each new skill makes your children more independent.

🗃 Tip #8: Organize Your Study Space

A student mom will study at home most of the time, especially in the era of distance learning. The minimum study-at-home kit is a tidy corner, table, laptop, and a “don’t disturb” sign. For more complex organizational solutions for organizing your study space, consult this infographic. But in brief, here’s a set of general recommendations:

Don’t turn your sleeping space into a studying space. Consider finding a separate place for a home office.
🪑Arrange a quiet, well-lit corner with a comfy table and chair. Natural light is ideal for studying. If you’re studying at night, experiment with the brightness levels of your lamp.
📤Remove all unnecessary items for a clutter-free spot. When you have a small child, getting rid of the mess is a challenge. But you can try to keep your computer files organized.
🦄Make your study space inspiring by pinning motivational quotes, beautiful pictures, and using the appropriate color scheme.
⚪️If you study in the same room where your child sleeps, try using a white noise generator. It will prevent your kid from waking up from keyboard clicking sounds.

🏫 Tip #9: Make the Most of Your On-Campus Time

If you rarely skip classes because of parenting, you can consider yourself one of the lucky ones. Many student mothers point out that they feel much more focused and upbeat while on campus. And no surprise – nobody is there calling you ‘mom’ every five minutes.

Take advantage of this opportunity. Leave all your parental concerns off campus:

  • Participate in discussions,
  • Ask questions,
  • Immerse yourself in the available knowledge.

You will also benefit from using breaks between classes to cope with homework. It will take you less time and effort than while you are at home with a baby. Besides, completing all the assignments on campus allows you to turn distracted babysitting into quality time back home.

✅ Tip #10: Be Practical & Realistic about Elective Subjects

Despite the unquestionable benefits of being on campus, be aware that you’ll waste some time getting there and back every day. There are a few rules that can make your schedule more practical:

  • Do enough research in terms of elective subjects. How much coursework and reading will they require? Are they critical for your future specialization and career? The advice here is that quality is better than quantity. If you can select fewer or less time-consuming subjects, do so.
  • Stack as many classes as possible into several days to have more days off.
  • Schedule your classes at the same time as your child’s daycare so you don’t split yourself between home and classes.

🏃 Tip #11: Think of Your Health

Motherhood plus education is not 1+1. It is 22. By the end of the semester, you will be exhausted. But the energy you dedicate to studying is just the tip of the iceberg. Like anyone, you will fall sick from time to time, and it can feel like a low blow. Most colds are unpredictable, but it is always a good idea to take care of your health.

Photo by Ella Olsson on Pexels.com
  1. Adjust your diet to your brain’s needs. Opt for healthy fats (fatty fish, avocado, and veggie oils) and protein-rich products (nuts, eggs, dairy, and meat). Don’t forget about healthy carbs that can be found in fruit, berries, and whole grains.
  2. Carry a bottle of still water wherever you go. Dehydration makes you feel tired and dizzy.
  3. Stay physically active. For instance, if taking public transport or walking takes almost the same time, choose the latter. Besides, you’ll be able to listen to an online lecture on the go.
  4. Try to stay on schedule, though this is challenging. Wake up and go to bed at a specific time, so your body gets accustomed to the timetable.
  5. Address a sleep consultant if your child disrupts your sleep on a regular basis. A good one may cost a fortune, but the result will be worth the effort.

🛀 Tip #12: Find Time for Yourself

Some moms experience guilt if they leave their child with a babysitter while studying or working. They use every free minute to do homework or housework to make up for this feeling. But this approach won’t bring you more freedom. There’ll always be chores and assignments to do. And another hour of sleep does not count as “me-time.”

Arrange cozy evenings with your partner while another family member babysits your kid. Read books outside the curriculum while your child is quietly playing (happily, such moments do also happen). We cannot say for sure about becoming “dull,” but all work and no play makes you sick, nervous, and unmotivated.

Kids need a happy mom. If you cannot afford to relax for the sake of your health, do so for the sake of your children.

❌ Tip #13: Learn to Say No

If you are one of the people who struggle with saying “no,” being a full-time mom and student will make you reconsider your priorities. You cannot be everywhere at the same time.

Partying with college friends, going out with your partner, reading to your kid, and cooking meals for house guests are incompatible activities. They can be equally pleasurable, but all have an identical drawback: you can only do them in succession. Thus, make wise choices and say “no” to the things you can skip.

Be ready to confront persuasive techniques:

🚩Asking twiceIf you reject a request, they may ask you for a smaller favor. Don’t agree if you feel uncomfortable about doing it.
🚩Inflicting guiltFriends never keep score. If they helped you once and remind you of it each time you put yourself first, are they really your friends?
🚩Comparing you to others“Everyone is going to be at the party. Why don’t you come?” You’re not everyone. You have your unique needs, schedule, family situation, and preferences.

The good news is that there’s always a way to say a polite “no.” For example:

👌Promise to think about itThe method works well with emotionally intelligent people or in cases where you are not the only one being asked.
👌Start with gratitude or a compliment“I am touched that you would like to see me on your special day, but I cannot accept your invitation.”
👌Encourage the person to ask someone elseA good idea would be to suggest other people.

🌷 Tip #14: Be Kind to Yourself

Trying to excel in everything will bring you to ruins. Burnout and depression are much more than catchwords in life coaching videos on YouTube. What would you like to achieve in your studies? If getting a degree is not as important as being a full-time mom, reconsider your reasons for studying. And yes, this type of critical analysis takes immense amounts of discipline and honesty.

Having a purpose brings happiness. You feel more accomplished, successful, and motivated when you achieve your goal. 

But remember, if something doesn’t work out and you fail a class, it is not the end of the world. Even the best students have their worst days. Retake the course later, i.e., focus on the solution, not the problem.

We hope our advice will bring you a more fulfilled life, and your kids will see you as a role model of persistence and self-discipline. Below you’ll find an infographic that contains all the tips described in this article. Enjoy!

Photo by Meruyert Gonullu on Pexels.com

Remember: if you are worried about being a good parent and student, know that you are already a good one. Bad ones don’t even consider that they could be better. Have any tips to share with other student moms reading this article? You are welcome to do so in the comments below. Click here for a copy of the infographic.

🔗 References

  1. The student mom: How to maximize study time – SheKnows
  2. How To Combine Motherhood With Studies at the Institute?
  3. How to Be a Working Mom – The New York Times
  4. 13 science-backed tips to stay focused and avoid distractions
  5. 5 Best Daily Planner Apps To Boost Your Productivity – Lifehack
  6. How to Delegate: 14 Steps (with Pictures) – wikiHow
  7. Studying 101: Study Smarter Not Harder – UNC Learning Center
  8. How do working moms find time for themselves? – Quora
  9. The Professional Women Who Are Leaning Out – The Atlantic

Want to learn more about how to get along with your family members? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

http://clynnwilliams.com/

December 9, 2022 at 2:26 pm Leave a comment

Raising Our Daughters to be Fearless

My daughter and me

As we celebrate Women’s History Month, I think back to when I found out our firstborn child would be a girl. Coming from a long line of strong women, I was excited to be a girlmom. 😆

I believe in women being bold, sassy and speaking their truths. What better way to raise a daughter who would live life from her internal perspective instead of how the world thinks she should live.

What’s crazy is that nobody expects girls to speak with confidence, especially girls of color. 🙄 As mothers, we have to encourage that confidence daily, so that our daughters are comfortable speaking up and out whether with their girlfriends, boyfriends, in the classroom or in their work environments. Living life on your own terms is important today where there are many opportunities to succeed, even when people tell you, you can’t.

Patience is key in this relationship with our daughter(s). As you help her build her “voice”, she will use it to argue and sometimes compete with you.🗣 Don’t be offended, just know that as her staunchest supporter – her mom, you are someone she trusts and loves.

Be her fence, love her unconditionally, but give her room to grow. She may make decisions that you don’t respect as she grows and matures. It’s okay. It has to be okay – it’s her life. Be there as her guide and coach.

Enjoy the journey with her, as she becomes the woman you always wanted and expected her to become. 🌸💕🌺

C. Lynn Williams, aka MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

March 9, 2022 at 3:29 pm Leave a comment

How to Build Accountability In Your Child

Happy New Year and no… this is not a list of resolutions for better parenting!

Having talked to quite a few parents during the Holidays who wanted their child to do what they were asked; I’m reminded of two things:

  1. Keep it simple
  2. Hold your child accountable

As you tell your child for the 5th time to pick up his/her toys, clothes, etc. you might wonder what it will take for that delightful child of yours to become more accountable.

According to Century Dictionary, accountability is the state of being accountable or answerable; responsibility for the fulfilment of obligations; liability to account for conduct, meet or suffer consequences, etc.

The thing is, we want our kids to grow into accountable adults, which means that we want accountable teens, youths, toddlers.

So how do you get started?

Start now…ideally when your child is very young and impressionable. My daughter has been “guiding” our 2½ year old grandson with picking up his toys, since he could walk. He understands what picking up toys means, how to do it and the consequences of leaving them all over the floor.

Is she 100% successful? Nope, but she and her husband have a great start provided they stay consistent with their work with him. It gets more challenging, if you are starting to with children who are older and aren’t used to having to pick up after themselves.

Not impossible, but your work is cut out for you because your child won’t understand why all of a sudden, you are asking them to do something they’ve never had to do before.

3 tips for helping your child be more accountable:

  • Model behavior (that you want to see repeated)
  • Be as consistent as possible in holding your child responsible for what you’ve asked them to do
  • Help your child see things from another person’s viewpoint

Modeling the behavior, you want to see, is one of the skills that a leader uses. It’s much easier to get your child to pick up their toys, clean their room, clean the bathroom, if they see you do the same.

Teaching your child to see things from another’s perspective builds empathy and compassion. If occasionally you have your daughter help her brother or sister clean their room, fold clothes or clean the kitchen, they may be less inclined to fight, argue and compete with each other.

Just a couple of thoughts as we enter 2022.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 6, 2022 at 9:38 pm 1 comment

The Secret Lives of Teens on Social Media: Here’s What You Need to Know

Social media has become an integral part of our everyday lives. Parents use it, just like their children. However, on average, teenagers are the ones who spend the most time on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok and similar platforms.

This leaves many parents worried. Some are afraid that this habit will grow into an addiction, while others are concerned about cyberbullying, over-sharing, and an “all-about-attention” attitude.

Author Donna Lynn Hope asks an important question: “How different would people act if they couldn’t show off on social media? Would they still do it?”

If our children were to be born in more innocent times, without social media, would they be any different?

Consider these questions:

  • How do we know what our children are doing online?

  • Is there a way to control our child’s behavior on social media, without invading their privacy and breaking their trust?

  • How do we recognize if social media is negatively affecting our children?

This topic is complicated, and there are no simple answers. However, if you ask your child about the time they spend on social media, you might be surprised at how willing they are to talk about it.

When you speak with them about their emotions and challenges, and address potential issues in self-esteem, you may find that social media won’t pose such a threat to them.

Even so, you may still be wondering how you can safely explore your child’s secret life on social media.

These solutions will help:

  1. Dignify their devices. If you want to limit your child’s social media usage, avoid taking away their device. They will find another one. Help them find effective ways to self-regulate, instead.

    • Fear of missing out often motivates the time spent on social media.

    • However, teens are aware of the consequences this habit creates. Encourage them to reflect on these consequences and focus on the impact social media overload has on their personal, academic, and other goals.

  2. Ask about the apps. Ask your child which apps they spend the most time on. Is it Instagram, Facebook, or perhaps Snapchat? Once you find out, install those apps on your phone, too, and figure out how they work.

    • Some apps have geolocation which can pose a real danger. Try to manage your child’s social media activity by informing them of the danger rather than imposing your opinion.

    • Don’t be a manager, be a mentor.

  3. Help them to protect their privacy. Talk about privacy settings on different social media accounts. Some teens are not aware of this option.

    • Agree with them to accept only the followers and friends that they know personally. This is not an easy task for a teen because the number of followers is often the barometer of popularity.

    • However, if they understand the necessity for well-managed online presence, this shouldn’t be a problem.

  4. Talk about sexting. Parents find the infamous conversation about “The Birds and the Bees” just as awkward as children do. However, now you have another level to deal with – sexting.

    • Teens can often confuse sending explicit messages and photos for intimacy that might not exist.

    • Talk about what it means to have a healthy relationship and how to develop and maintain one.

  5. Overcome social media prejudice. Many parents believe that social media is completely, or almost completely, bad. However, it is neither good nor bad per se. It’s a new form of communication.

    • When parents talk to their children about social media from this standpoint, the child is likely to withhold and hide information.

    • Genuine curiosity and an open mind about your child’s interest in social media can make a significant difference.

  6. Care about their emotions. Teenagers want their opinions to be heard. This especially goes for the things they’re passionate or angry about. Social media offers instant feedback to their posts, which makes kids feel listened to, validated, and acknowledged.

    • However, if you offer empathy for challenges your child is facing, you can provide listening and validation inside of your family, too. This will give you an insight into what your teen posts on social media and an opportunity to help them self-filter.

When your child asks you for the first time if they can open a social media account, avoid judging them or jumping to conclusions. Accept their need to engage in such community-based way of communication, talk about it, and help them build a safe profile.

Teach them how to protect themselves and what to expect.

You’ll never have all the information about their activity, but if you’re interested and understanding, you might get just the right amount.

I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows parent-child relationships to grow and feel better through coaching and parent classes. Email me for more information: info@clynnwilliams.com 😘 

Thanks for reading my blog and following me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

November 5, 2021 at 8:00 am Leave a comment

The Voices Heard Before Suicide

Suicide is a profound tragedy…

My daughter was a young girl when my brother committed suicide. I was devastated. He had been suffering with a chronic illness and told us he was praying to die, while we prayed for him to live.

He had talked about dying years before that because he was so unhappy. Suicide is seldom unplanned, and victims leave clues.

It is up to us to pay attention to those clues and intervene. That’s easy to say, and harder to do. There are lots of external influences that will make it challenging to notice the clues.

These days children are dealing with life issues that they don’t want to talk about. Bullying. Sexual abuse. Peer pressure. Parental expectations. Excelling in school. These issues are further exacerbated by the separatism that technology provides. Many of these issues young people face without appropriate coping skills. When an unpleasant event occurs they feel that life can’t go on and so they attempt suicide or they are successful. 🤯

I recently heard the story of a good kid who received detention at school and then was reprimanded by his s parents at home. Concerned that he had jeopardized his chances to get into a Ivy League school for college; he committed suicide. Did he leave any clues that he was fragile?

What about the girl who can no longer face school or online bullies and decides that suicide is a better alternative to living. What behaviors did her parents notice before she took her life?

How do we stop this madness?

Suicide is beyond devastating! It’s really bad when it happens to a child that you think is safe; has a good life; and looks normal.

Are there warning signs? They’re probably aren’t many if any unless you are watching intently and you are in tune with your child; even then there’s no guarantee that you will be aware of what’s going on.

Here is what I can tell you:

  • Watch for changes of behavior
  • Mood swings
  • Quiet and withdrawn in an otherwise outgoing joyous kid.

There’s no guarantee that you’ll catch the clues then, but it least if you start a conversation beyond ‘how was your day’; if you talk about how to build resilience; if you let your child know that there is nothing worth taking their life over…

Have those hard conversations now when everything is good. Let your child know that correcting their behavior is your job, but that you are always proud of them and love them. reprinted from November 23, 2019

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

October 14, 2021 at 7:04 am Leave a comment

Six Tips for Being Better Parents

Avoid harsh discipline

Explain your role and decisions

Be involved in your child’s life

Guide your child through their mistakes and weaknesses

Live in the now 

Be a parent, not pal

Happy birthday to my amazing first-born, **Candace**, who started me on this journey of parenting and being better. The first child is lucky because s/he pulls love and emotions out of you that you never knew existed. They are also your “experiment” child. You try techniques, other people’s thoughts and that firstborn is like a stew of everyone’s ideas of how you should raise your child.

Just remember that this is your child!

Follow your gut!

Have fun!

Make wonderful memories together!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 24, 2021 at 12:56 pm Leave a comment

Being Friends With Our Kids

I remember one of my mother’s favorite phrases when I was growing up – “I am not here to be friends with you.”

I never wanted to be friends with her, I just wanted her to stop being so mean… 

And then I had my own children…

What I found, was as my children became tweens and teens, I wanted to be friends with them. I wanted to laugh and enjoy them because they were growing into people that I loved and respected

Photo by Any Lane on Pexels.com

What I found out that was, being friends with my kids compromised me being their boundary setter, the consequence handler, the Mom that they could count on when they needed somebody to talk with them honestly; when they need the adult-in-charge to take over!

I found it difficult to be both friend and adult parent. So I too repeated my mom’s words: “I’m not here to be your friend, but you can count on me anytime and all the time.” 

What I learned from my kids, is that when I gave them boundaries they felt safe, and I often heard them repeating the house rules to their friends. I liked that! Being the adult in charge is important because your kids don’t have to worry about who you are today. They know you are the person they can rely on when life is crashing and burning  around them. 🔥 They won’t have to worry if you allow them to drink or smoke illegal substances (because you’re their friend) one day and other days it’s not tolerated. The lines are not blurred.

The friendship between the two of you will definitely come, probably when you’re both adults and they are making their own decisions. By then, sharing an alcoholic beverage is both legal and tolerated

I help parents build the kind of communication and trust that allows relationships to grow and feel better. Call me to schedule a complimentary chat session or to book a seat in my coaching program.😘 

Thanks for reading my blog. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @MsParentguru.

C. Lynn Williams

clynnwilliams.com

May 12, 2021 at 8:15 pm Leave a comment

What Mother’s Day Means to Me

As we approach Mother’s Day, I’m reminded of a question that I asked my Mom years ago as my sister and I were planning a Mother’s Day celebration for her. I wanted to know why she waited to confirm our activities (with her) until she had spoken with my grandmother – her mother. She told me as long as her mother was alive, she would celebrate Mother’s Day with her. My mom is no longer with me, and as a mom and grandmother, I now understand the “order of things“.

Here are 5 lessons that I learned from my mom:

  • Be nice to people (you never now what they’re going through)
  • Slow down and look at yourself in the mirror (you’re moving too fast)
  • Have FUN
  • When things are going awry (crazy), declare Divine Order
  • Keep a credit card or mad money handy in case you need it


Those tips helped me through the sanest and the craziest times of my life. My mom was very practical! My mother wasn’t the affectionate type who constantly told me how much she loved me. That was okay, because she showed me how much I meant to her – that mattered.

Celebrate the love you have for mother figures in your life. I realize that some of us didn’t have the love relationship with our mothers. If so, I hope you had someone that nurtured you in loving ways. If you haven’t spoken in a while, pick up the phone and say hi. Mend the fence. Let go of those painful memories and make some new ones. Think of the other women who made life complete for you – grandmothers, aunties, your best friend’s mom and everyone else who held the space that mothers hold. Enjoy your weekend. 

Life is too short to sweat the small stuff!

Happy Mother’s Day

C. Lynn Williams, @MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

May 6, 2021 at 10:45 pm Leave a comment

The Blending Of Blended Families

my blended family

Falling in love with a man or woman is wonderful and exciting. But how will his children feel with you as their stepmom … or better yet how will yours feel?

Click on the link below and watch the rest of my video blog!

Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Order a copy of my book: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

April 19, 2019 at 1:03 pm Leave a comment

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