Posts filed under ‘Parenting’
Who’s Bag of Chips are Those?
Salt & sugar are just evil! The older I get, the more I realize my eating is tied to my emotions. It’s completely crazy. I am a healthy eater, work out regularly and yet realize
how challenging it is to eat ONLY what is good for you. Here’s an example: diabetes runs in my family, hypertension too. I know this and changed my diet many years ago to eliminate meat and carbs like bread and potatoes. For years, I watched what I ate, and all was good. But as I have gotten older, my taste buds take over! I love French fries! See that’s what I mean. I can be minding my own business and a commercial with pizza or French fries comes on, and now I’m thinking about where I can go to get some, because there is nothing like that in my house! Yesterday, I worked out, ate fruit, salad for lunch, veggies & fish for dinner. On the way home from a meeting, my car drove itself to the local grocery store, so my wallet could buy a bag of potato chips. Yum! No! Yum!
Okay so today, the chips go in the garbage and I’ll start over. No TV commercials are going to make me purchase that delicious chocolate from Portillos. Once on the lips, forever on the lips. WHATEVER!
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Speaker
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
My Books: Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (soon to be released – 220 Communications)
It Doesn’t Matter if You’re Black or White
Let’s take an honest look at an ugly topic – RACE. There I said it! Not just race itself, but what happens when we allow race to permeate our thoughts, feelings and our perceptions. Think about your son or, or if you’re younger and sans kids – your brother. Did it ever occur to you that your child (brother) is held responsible or labeled because of his race? Let me give you an example. When you are walking down the street and you see a black boy walking in your direction, do you a) Cross the street; b) Clutch your purse tightly or c) Continue walking without fear? Or, what would be your first thought if you heard that an altercation occurred between your child and another student? Would you assume it was the other child’s fault? How about if the other child was a black child? What would be your assumptions?
When my son was three years old, his daycare provider (a friendly, white woman) took care of him and several other kids, including her own. We lived in the same neighborhood and our older children attended school together. She was fanatical about cleanliness and that was okay because who wants their child in a pig sty. She loved her family and believed in God. Important points for me! We were off to a great relationship! At least that was what I thought. One day I after work, I picked up my son and she told me that he bit her son. What? Biting was not new to me because my son bit another child at the previous daycare provider. I was very concerned because biting is aggressive act and I needed to know what was going on in my young son’s mind that made him think biting was acceptable. My husband and I would address those concerns with him once we got home. What I wasn’t prepared for were the next words out of my daycare provider’s mouth. She said that he was an aggressive kid and that he would probably grow up and kill someone someday! WHAT?!? At the previous daycare provider, her toddler son (white) started the biting phenomenon and bit our son. I’m not sure if he was punished, but one thing I know, his mother did not decide that he was aggressive and would grow up and one day kill someone. As a matter of fact, she apologized for his behavior, kind of laughed and said “boys will be boys”. Two different kids, same behavior was judged differently. The only difference is that one kid was black (African American) and one was white. 
More recently I was talking about parenting to a business partner of mine who has three sons. Her sons go to predominantly white schools and the youngest tends to show his feelings (good or bad) though facial expressions. He has not learned the art of masking those feelings yet. In any case, her son’s teacher told him to stop doing something and he continued to do it. She told him a second time and he made a face and said okay. She wrote him up and called his mother. Okay! When my business partner asked her son why he didn’t stop when he was instructed, he told her he wasn’t ready to stop. He also told her that Johnnie (white) did the same thing but he was not told to stop. Now you can spin that anyway you like. Should both sons be admonished equally? Of course, but what is happening in many classrooms is that behavior is viewed differently and punishments, suspensions, and expulsions are more severe for children particularly boys of color. WHY IS THAT? And WHAT can we do about it?
Race may not be an issue in countries where people physically look the same. In those instances you are most likely judged by socio-economic standards like who your parents are and whether you have money or don’t. In this country, the United States, race is an out of control issue that is based in fear and needs to be addressed personally as well as societally. In Michael Jackson’s song – Black or White, I have to say – it does matter if you’re black or white. You ARE judged by the color of your skin and not necessarily the content of your character. Isn’t that a shame…
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C. Lynn Williams
Author & Speaker
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
Surviving Loss
One of my former students lost her mother yesterday. Her daughter, (also a former student) told me about it today and it took me back five years ago when I lost my own mother. My initial feels of numbness and grief, turned into days of feeling lost and disconnected. Then I could hardly put two thoughts together without being reduced to tears. Weird huh?
What was funny about my reaction after losing my mother was that my sister was closest to my mom; they talked regularly throughout the day, and were cooking and drinking buddies. My mom and I talked daily but relied on each other in different ways. Being more private in my thoughts I didn’t feel the need to share everything with my mom. She taught me how to be resourceful, so I shared problems that I couldn’t figure out alone. Yet when I did share my secrets with her, I could count on her to keep them secret forever. Yes, we were mother & daughter, but we were also good friends, quite different from our relationship during my years as a teenager! Mom was my chief strategist in many ways. Her suggestions and ideas guided me through relationships, both work & personal, childrearing, and through all of my entrepreneurial pursuits. Mothers are a part of our lives in so many ways, is it possible to exist when that relationship comes to an end?
To read more about my thoughts (personal & parenting) about mother & daughter relationships, preorder a copy of my soon to be released book, “Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!”…
C. Lynn Williams
Author & Speaker
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
Good Girl Gone Bad?
As a writer, author & musician, I truly enjoy creativity in music, art and clothing. However as a mother, I frown when I see artists change their behavior to appear “cool”, “trendy”, or sell more of their products. This is what I believe happened with Miley Cyrus at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards. Miley, who started her career as a ‘good girl’, starring in wholesome movies and on the Disney Channel as Hannah Montana, decides she wants to change her image. I get that! She wants to stretch herself in her craft.
However when I watched her performance, twerking and barely clothed I was horrified. I know everything is about more sales these days, and I’m sure record sales went through the roof, at least for Robin Thicke, Pharrell Williams and T.I. The song Blurred Lines is already quite controversial because while the beat is great, the music video shows young girls traipsing across the screen half-naked, and the song plagiarizes songs from two of my favorite music artists, one of them being Marvin Gaye. However sales aren’t everything, and it takes years to build a great image and repetition; while it only takes one performance to burn that image to the ground.
I digress… As a woman, I am always concerned when other women (or girls) feel that they have to remove their clothes, dance sexually suggestively or sell out to become successful. I’m concerned because if you’re good in your craft and you network, (and pray) the success will come, and it will come in a way that you can look in the mirror and not be disappointed in yourself. You will also have a career that you can share with your daughters, nieces and girls who want to be ‘just like you’ when they grow up. Miley – I’m talking to you young lady! Oh well, I guess I’m showing my age… If you’re interested, you can read more about my views on raising awesome daughters in my upcoming book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! – https://raisingyourdaughterpresale.eventbrite.com/
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Speaker
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
Letting Your College Student Go…
Did you ever imagine that you would be putting forlorn messages on your social media sites like ‘We just dropped my daughter off to school and I can’t stop crying’ or ‘I drove my son to school today and we’ve talked twice since then.’? What is it about parting with your part teen/part adult child that reduces us moms to emotional blobs?I believe there is something very final about taking your son or daughter to college. Your mind tells you that you will see them again soon (probably at Homecoming), and yet at that very moment, your heart is breaking into tiny pieces. In spite of the arguments and minor irritations that we face with our college-bound kids, the fact is, things will never be the same again. Yes we know they will come home for winter and summer breaks, but it won’t feel quite the same, because you both will have changed.
The summer of 2003, we drove my daughter to college. It had been fraught with argument and irritations. We could barely tolerate each other! I could not believe how many shoes she was taking to a tiny dorm room, and why was it necessary to take both cars (both her dad and I drove down, each with a carload full of items)? As much as my daughter and I love each other, the weeks leading up to her departure were tortuous! Once we arrived at her dorm, we met her roommate and her roommate’s parents, helped her get settled in, attended parent orientation and then got on the road to return home. Of course I had plenty of time to replay our final words and felt quite foolish for arguing when I knew I would miss her terribly. I cried like a baby all the way home.
So mothers & dads, if this is your son or daughter’s first year at ‘school’, you have my permission to reminisce, shed a few tears or drink a much needed glass of wine. Salute!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available August, 2013 – release date Aug 23rd
Parenting Rules revisited after Hannah Anderson kidnapping
“. . . let’s be honest. None of us is a perfect parent. I know I’m not. Like most parents, I’m trying my best to make good decisions for my children, and I’m doing so without an instruction manual.” Solomon Jones
While Mr. Jones could sit in a few of my workshops, it sounds like the Anderson family could too. Isn’t it always a close friend of the family that you & your children love and trust, that end up being the kidnapper or sexual predator? Who would have suspected nice Mr. DiMaggio of murder and kidnapping?
Parents follow your intuition, if someone is always available to drop off or pick up your kids from soccer or cheerleader practice, be careful. As my grandmother used to say, “Familiarity breeds contempt”. In other words, if someone wants to spend that much time with your children, BEWARE!
Click here to read the rest of the article:
http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/philadelphiaexperiment/item/58446
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
Follow me on Twitter @cgwwbook
Does Music Influence My Teen?
Have you heard that song? You know the one that has the great beat? Have you heard the words? Yes they’re a little suggestive but the beat is really great! Wait a minute.. There’s a video too, except the girls are dancing & naked. The song I’m talking about is Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke. Catchy rhythm and melody, but I actually heard the words and it’s talking about convincing “good girls” to have sex.
As a mom, I don’t want my nice daughter being convinced by music lyrics or music videos to want sex! Moms are you listening to the lyrics that your teens are listening to? Remember how music puts you “in the mood”? Well sexually suggestive music is not the mood I want my teens in. How about you?
#MsParentguru
C. Lynn Williams
Moms: Take Time for You!
Like Sarah Hall, it took me a long time to realize just how important it was to take time for myself. 
Except for a brief period as a stay-at-home mom, I’ve been a full-time working mom, and now, a part-time work from home mom, albeit my youngest is 22. It is only now with everyone out of the nest, that I realize how much I really juggled. When the kids come home to visit (we have had weekly visits from one of the four kids since the summer began), I still drop everything and support them, either by cooking, making sure all that they need is there for them or being available to talk and run errands.
I love taking baths, but hadn’t taken one in months until Sunday, when the house was quiet, and nobody “called that magical name – Mom”.
“There’s a lot on my plate, juggling the lives and schedules of my girls, along with my own work and household responsibilities. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day requirements. And it’s easy to think that that solo trip to the grocery store is actually “me time,” which is about all that I made time for a long time.” http://www.wral.com/parenting-tips-why-moms-need-to-take-time-for-themselves/12641055/
Take time for you! Get a manicure and a pedicure, go for a long walk or bike ride, take yourself to lunch, read a good book. Your psyche will appreciate it and you will have so much more to give to your children, because your emotional cup will be full as opposed to empty.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & Hormones! Available in August, 2013
Racial Differences – What We Can Do
In my last article, I talked about whether there were racial differences between my son and yours? If you believe in the circle of life,
My Son, Your Son
you know that what goes around comes around. So right now, Black boys are being murdered at an alarming rate. However, it’s a matter of time before another ethnic group is targeted. I say, let’s band together, let’s change the laws that are unfairly targeting our youth no matter what race, ethnicity or religion and be about human unity.
I also want to know if it’s possible for African American people to begin operating (again) as a village, looking out for each other and each other’s children, supporting each other physically, financially, spiritually and combining our resources as necessary. There’s economic & political power if we operate as a group. We can share resources whether it’s with cooperative farming or loaning our gifts and skills to each other, so we will all thrive. Then it’s not life threatening to our families if Link or unemployment insurance is cut, a company downsizes and you lose your job, or the bank declines your loan for a new business. We have got to prevent outside societal issues from breaking us and damaging our families. Operating as a village means that we are empowered to speak out if we see each other’s child act inappropriately. Instead of being afraid of the young males on the block, mentor and share your skills with them. There is more to be said on this topic, but I think you understand what to do next. By the way, thanks for supporting authors like me and buying our books.
Here’s an excerpt from Chapter Ten, Reaching the Goal in Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen. “I think we can all agree that the goal is to have raised healthy, successful adult children who we can be proud of. Isn’t it? You want them to respect themselves and those around them. You pray that they are intelligent and are able to support themselves (hold a job), fight their own battles, and have a family. In short, “reaching the goal” means that they reflect to the world the best that you have given them.” Click here to purchase a copy for yourself or a friend. http://www.amazon.com/dp/0982796641 
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Order My Books on Amazon.com:
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & Hormones! Available in summer, 2013
Justice or Just Us
As an African American mother with two sons, the George Zimmerman verdict was really disturbing. As a matter of fact, it broke my heart. I wonder if other mothers feel the same way I do, no matter what your ethnic background? How would you feel, if the son you nurtured and raised, was shot and killed for no apparent reason? You see, as an American I truly believe in the “American dream”. Here’s the dream: get an education, get a job – a good job, start a family, teach your kids to respect themselves and other people, have a belief in something bigger than you (for me that’s God), live peaceably among my neighbors and give back to those less fortunate than you.
What this verdict says to me is that no matter how good my parenting is, no matter how educated, well-behaved, or respected my sons are, they can be gunned down and the killer (particularly if not a person of color) is guaranteed to go free. Where is the justice for my boys and other African American males here in America? How do we protect our sons? Where is the love & justice for people of all colors, not just those whose skin looks different from mine?
God asks that we love each other. Let’s eliminate the racial lines along which we are divided and draw a new world of love, peace and justice for all people collectively. #MsParentguru
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter: the Joys, Tears & Hormones (available in Summer, 2013)
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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