Posts filed under ‘Parenting’
Is Your Teen Hormonal or Food Addicted?
Teaching puts me in touch with a lot of people – the young & not so young. What I found is that there is not much difference in the dietary habits of students. While teaching my high school students, it was pretty common to see bags of flaming hot Cheetos and red punch for breakfast. Could all of that burning red colored junk food be good for them? What was even more interesting was the number of overweight kids, those who had high blood pressure, diabetes, AD/HD or were autistic. That data got my complete attention and prompted this blog topic.
When I was growing up (light years ago), most of us kids were healthy and skinny. There was no local McDonalds was just starting and Burger King had just introduced the Whopper. We rarely ate out and potato chips were eaten with burgers (occasionally). Has it ever occurred to you how much of our food is genetically modified? I mean can a chicken wing actually be the size that many of them are without the help of growth hormones (additives). I read an article over the weekend by a person identifying herself as ‘the Food Babe’ where she talks about food that is manufactured for Americans is vastly different from food manufactured for Europeans, Chinese and other countries. http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/07/07/van-hari-food-babe.aspx
According to the ‘Food Babe’, food manufacturers are allowed to produce genetically modified (GMs) foods and many of the processed foods that we eat contain products that contain preservatives and synthetic food dyes that are banned in other countries. As you read this, we still eat seven foods that have been banned in Europe, like chlorinated chickens, bovine growth hormone, pesticides, food contact chemicals like phthalates & bisphenols (products found in plastic that makes them soft & moldable), food dyes (Red 40, Yellow 5, etc.).
http://www.treehugger.com/green-food/7-foods-banned-in-europe-still-available-in-the-us.html
Now think about those wonderful teens of ours who are already hormonal. Hormonal changes that make them love you one minute and hate you the next. I was a hormonal teen, you probably were too! However, classroom control issues, anger management issues, or worse yet, depression, suicide and physical health issues may be easily avoided if we put ourselves and our children on sugar-free, GM free, dairy-free alkaline diets. Still interested in those ‘flaming hots’?
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter: the Joys, Tears & Hormones available in late summer, 2013
We Choose People Like Our Parents
Do you believe we choose mates like our parents? My daughter certainly thinks so, and I am really wondering if parents are the reasons young women in our communities to go awry, south, crazy, whatever phrase you want to attach here.
Here’s the story: I am related or mentoring at least five women over the age of 20, who are pregnant and unmarried. Two of the young women I have known all of their lives. Their parents are hard-working people. Well their mother is hard-working; dad is retired now, but was always what my grandmother would say – ‘nickel slick’. Nickel slick is someone who knows the rules, but doesn’t always abide by the rules. These girls were raised properly, taught to respect themselves and yet seemed to follow the path of their girlfriends (getting pregnant) and not their mother. Why?
Daily I hear that social norms are changing, and marriage is passé. It’s no longer necessary to be married to have children. One of the young ladies felt that way long before she got pregnant. While I completely disagree with that line of thinking, let’s dig deeper to get at the root of the issue. Why are our daughters feeling that they have to raise children by themselves, with no husband and many times, no boyfriend? In African American communities, “Non-Hispanic black men and women aged 25-44 have lower percentages who have ever been married than non-Hispanic white and Hispanic persons of the same age.” – See more at: http://marriage.laws.com/marriage-statistics#sthash.ydfVSfgd.dpuf. According to Dr. Boyce Watkins, “black women aren’t getting married because many of the available black men are incarcerated.” http://tiny.cc/mtyjzw.
I believe the issue has to do with how we are raising our daughters. I talk about it in my new book: Raising Your Daughter: the Joys, Tears & Hormones! It’s one thing to expect your daughter to conduct herself as a lady, wait until marriage to have sex, and allow men to respect her as the beautiful woman that she is. Is that the example that she sees growing up? Is that how you conducted yourself? Was her father (your husband) faithful to you? Did he treat you kindly and respectfully? Today, many women are starved for love & attention. Maybe you don’t have a relationship with your father. Maybe you didn’t know your father. Maybe he didn’t tell you he loved you. So, the first ‘nice’ comment you receive from a guy, you have sex with him and you believe you’re in love. Major mistake! And not a mistake you want your daughter to have to learn from. Teach your daughter to have dates where nothing is required of her but her company. Matter of fact, teach her to be selective, have many dates, and decide if you like what your date is talking about. Get to know him, his family and his background before you become intimate.
Having a child should not be a ‘Rights of Passage’ for your young daughter. I guess that means you have to do a better job of picking your mate too.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter: the Joys, Tears & Hormones! Available in late summer, 2013
Racial Differences When Raising Sons
If you have raised or are raising a son, this article’s for you! 
I have a series of questions for you. The first question is: Are there differences between raising a son that is Black versus White, versus Hispanic versus Asian? Would your answer be yes or would you answer no? I would answer yes. As a Black mother raising Black boys, society’s rules are different when it comes to my sons. If my sons get stopped for a traffic violation, they are more likely to be harassed. If they are in unfamiliar cars or neighborhoods, they are more likely to be stopped. If either son makes the mistake of using drugs, he has a higher chance of being convicted than his White counterparts. As author Marita Golden says in her book, Saving Our Sons, “…there is always the fear that he will make a fatal detour, be seduced, or be hijacked by a White or Black cop, or a young predator, or a Nazi skinhead, or his own bad judgment…”
Does a Hispanic or Asian mother face the same concerns when raising her son? Quite possibly, but it’s how society’s rules and the legal system handles them that can make the difference in how that son is handled. Stay tuned for part 2 in this series on racial differences when raising sons.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter – Joys, Tears & Hormones! available in summer, 2013
My Dad
I love Father’s Day because I get to honor my dad, but it’s weird like Mother’s Day because how do you celebrate someone (for a day) who has loved you all of your life? The question for me is what did I learn from my dad? Hm… Well, my dad was very patient and easy-going. So during those times, when I’m not running at 100 miles per hour, I’m probably acting like my dad! 
In addition, he accepted people for who they were. I very seldom heard him talk badly about anyone. Okay I have half of that trait from him! On good days, when I’m not yelling at the driver in front of me, I’m probably acting more like my dad. I’m pretty competitive, believe in helping others (got that from both parents), and I’d say the rest of my traits are a result of my mother. (She was pretty awesome too!) The one thing I don’t see a lot anymore is that my father taught me to respect myself as a woman and to be selective in my choices of men. I’m sure I learned other things, but those are the main traits that make me who I am today.
However, my dad taught me tolerance because when I went through a divorce, my ex-husband had a hard time paying child support. My mother said, “throw the book at him”. My dad agreed with me when I decided to work things out. My ex-husband was a good father, so having him continue to work and provide what he could for his children was more important to me than having him sit in jail.
By the way, my dad turned 81 years old last week, and he’s in great health. Happy Father’s Day Horace!
Dad, Patti & Me
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Wolves Are Out There – Have you Protected Your Daughter available in summer, 2013
Mom Love
“Can you just love me as the daughter that I am?” That’s a question that many girls and women ask these days. “What did I do to make my mother treat me the way she does?” A friend of mine talks of how her mother belittles her and treats her like she’s a three year old. One of my adult students says that her mother can’t seem to find a kind word to say to her and she just avoids her. Why is that? As they say, there is nothing like a mother’s love. When you don’t have it, don’t you feel unbalanced?
In one of the chapters of my soon-to-be released book, “How to Raise Your Princess into a Queen”, I discuss what it means to be proud of your daughter. As a mother of two daughters, I remember how much I expected out of them.
My stepdaughter joined our family at the age of 16, so I didn’t get to participate in her training as a young girl. Yes I expected a lot from them, but I also explained why. I remember one of the conflicts that my daughter and I had, was when she became a teen. She told me that my expectations were too high for her. So we talked about it. Part of her problem with me was that I just told her what to do and didn’t seem to care how I said what I said. So it really wasn’t my expectations, but how I said what I expected. What did I expect?
• Be responsible
• Be respectable
• Finish school
• Believe in God
• Work & manage your money
• Respect your parents and other adults
• Think before you act
I think in all of the raising that we do with our daughters, we forget to be human with them, to love and enjoy them. Have a good relationship with your daughter. Talk to her, the way you would want her to talk to you if she were your mother. Cursing and harsh talking will not endear her to you. If she is a strong-willed person, like I was, not only will she not respect you, you may just tell you to jump in the lake. (I’m being funny here, but you don’t want an unnecessary fight on your hands.) Parenting is about gently leading and guiding our children, and teaching them right from wrong. As my grandmother used to say, “You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar”.
To raise the consciousness of our people (and I’m talking humans everywhere), we have to lead by example and do it with love. The way you treat her, will be the way she treats her children.
I am putting together a mother-daughter workshop that will be offered in late summer, 2013. Let me know if you have a story that you’d like to share with me.
My email is: cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
How to Turn Your Princess into a Queen – The Art of Raising an Awesome Daughter available in late spring, 2013
Single By Choice?
My daughter attended a wedding this weekend of her former college roommate. When I asked her what she thought of the wedding, she surprised me by saying how interesting it was that the majority of the women, who attended, came unattached. Mind you these are not unattractive, uneducated women or candidates for spinsterhood. These are attractive, well educated, gainfully employed African-American women who for whatever reason chose to attend the wedding alone. My question was WHY? Where were their boyfriends, husbands, significant others?
Just for the record, my daughter is a Gen Yer, or considered part of the Millennial Generation. Known as “Generation Me”[1], characteristics of this generation are: confidence, tolerance and also a sense of entitlement and narcissism. Most in this generation believe that life owes them something wonderful and they don’t mind waiting for it. My generation was a little different. We met, dated and married men that our parents approved of (possibly despite their approval). Very few of the girls in my class chose not to marry.
The irony is that I too have a number of friends and associates who are single by choice. Many were once married and are now divorced or widowed; a handful have chosen to remain single. Those who divorced decided that men were crazy and they were not interested in tying the knot again! The good news is that my contemporaries are no longer having children. However, one problem that I see is that it appears that two generations of African-American women are single and raising children as single moms without the benefit or assistance of a husband or significant partner. You might say, “What’s wrong with that?” My answer is that we are crippling generations of children who don’t know what it means to have a dad and a mom in the same household. That’s a problem because of the difficulty of raising a child singly – exhaustion, financial, and discipline to name a few. Let alone the issues that single moms have raising boys. Add to that, households of children that are born with different fathers and little connectedness to their larger family unit (grandfathers, aunts, uncles, etc.) and what we have is a breakdown of the African-American family unit.
I shared these thoughts with my sister (who is divorced by the way) and her perspective was entirely different. She felt that the problem was with African-American men. If men were more responsible, less unfaithful, more interested in raising families and employed, the world would be Perfect! I wonder what men would say about us? How do you feel? Let’s start a dialogue! Feel free to share your thoughts.
[1] Jean Twenge, author of the 20
06 book Generation Me
Happy Mother’s Day – Mothers Care!!!
Happy Mother’s Day to all! As my pastor explained yesterday in church, a mother is more than a biological designation. Any woman with the right ‘plumbing’ can have a child. However it takes someone who has nurtured, loved, and encouraged a child that is engaged in the act of mothering. That would explain the close bond that many athletes have with their coaches; how a foster or step parent can join a family and be the very glue that helps that family become close-knit; and how teachers who have never had children of their own, end up parenting hundreds of kids because of their love and concern for those students (my aunt – Priscilla).
I finally get it! As a mother, a coach (for three seasons – OMG) and a step parent, I care. The basic component of mothering is the caring. People thrive when you actively care for them. Caring can be shown in many ways. Maybe you are there to listen. Many teachers do that daily. There are lots of children who are growing up without someone at home to listen to them. A caring teacher who listens is a mother… Maybe you are a step parent or a foster parent or a guardian parent, and the only tie you have to your “child” is because of court appointment or through the legalities of marriage. Show compassion, be kind, care. Your kindness may not be appreciated right away, but in time, your child(ren) will talk about what they liked/loved about you..
Right now you may feel that your children may not appreciate all that you do to help them grow into magnificent men and women. Don’t worry; just keep loving, nurturing, giving, caring and starting all over again tomorrow doing the same thing. During those times when you feel too exhausted or discouraged to continue, pray for guidance and replenishment to continue caring and loving your child(ren). It will pay off in tremendous ways! You will see!
Take the rest of May and celebrate Mother’s Day with me! If you want to compare your parenting styles to the crazy parenting styles of different celebs, click on this link: http://www.crushable.com/2013/05/12/other-stuff/mothers-day-celebrity-parenting-advice/
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru
Author & Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
How to Turn Your Princess Into a Queen – The Art of Raising an Awesome Daughter available in late spring, 2013
Peer Pressure is REAL
Missed a word..
It’s pretty easy to talk about peer pressure in teens. “Watch the people your kids pal around with because they are easily influenced.” I know it’s true because I always knew who my daughter and son hung around; their speech and mannerisms were the same as the new person with whom they had become friends. Many years ago, my mother would say “that girl is going to get you into trouble, stop associating with her.” I hated hearing those words because most times, she was right. In those days trouble meant I would eventually say something that wasn’t tolerated in our home, or ‘act fast’. Anything like that was enough to warrant my mom’s strong admonishment.
Last week on one of those rare evenings when I was out after 9 p.m., I noticed that most of t
he women had on the same type of shoes and wore the same hairstyle…
View original post 219 more words
12/14 Parenting
I listened to the 60 Minutes interview of the Newtown parents and people who lost children and loved ones in the December 14th Sandy Hook Elementary massacre. The Newtown group has successfully lobbied for historic gun control legislation, which was signed into law by Connecticut’s Gov. Dannel Malloy last week. The group is now hoping the gun control legislation will be signed into law by the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate. It was a very difficult show to watch as the parents talked about how important the new legislation was, and while it wouldn’t protect their child who had been killed, it would (hopefully) save countless other lives. The parents that spoke out during the 60 Minutes interview were pretty ordinary, everyday parents like you and me. What was profound were words they used like “there seems to be a sense of complacency in this country” or “loving my child does not mean I give my child everything he wants”. There are many parents who have lost their children to gun violence, who were not privy to television interviews or continuous news coverage, yet the message is still the same. How do we protect our children from the dangers of senseless shootings? As one father said, better parenting has to take place. We can legislate gun control, but we can’t legislate sound parenting. At the risk of sounding judgmental, parents – be a parent, not your child’s friend. Are you living with an out of control teen or twenty-something?
Is your son or daughter running rampant, ignoring your rules, coming and going as they please? Do you need help parenting your kids? For help, contact me at: cgwillnot@comcast.net Will more restrictive legislation curb the gun violence? I don’t know, but I do know that doing nothing means we get more of the same, senseless KILLINGS!
C. Lynn Williams,
Author and Parenting Coach
#MsParentguru
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010) 
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012) 
How to Turn Your Princess Into a Queen – The Art of Raising an Awesome Daughter (available in late spring, 2013)
Manners Matter
I belong to an era where men opened doors for women and children, trash was thrown into garbage cans, and men removed their hats when they entered a building. Women and girls also ‘dressed up’ to go shopping. Dressing up meant my hair was freshly shampooed and curled (by my grandmother), I had on a nice dress, anklet socks, black patent leather shoes and white gloves. We usually took the bus to the “Loop” and visited Marshall Fields and several other stores located on State Street in Chicago.
Dressing up to shop or dine changed dramatically by the late 70’s and early 80’s, and our societal rules relaxed, where people became comfortable dressing (and acting) more casually. Now it’s not uncommon to go to a restaurant to dine and see people dressed in sweats or very casual outfits, including men wearing hats while they eat, or women wearing hair rollers or night caps. I have even seen men keep their hats on during Christian worship services. Don’t get me wrong, I love dressing casually too. But I wonder if being more casual has resulted in a general loss of manners? It’s one thing to dress casually, but today some people empty trash from their car onto the street. It doesn’t matter whether it is emptying the ashtray or an empty McDonald’s bag. You open the window of your car, and throw it out. It’s also not uncommon for people to spit on the street; walk their dogs and leave the remains on your grass, or curse you out for driving too slowly. Last Sunday, a man was asked to remove his hat during church service and instead of removing it, he left the church. What kind of world are we living in?
While each of these events is random and unrelated to each other, I can’t help wondering how our actions are affecting today’s youth. They are watching us – the adults in their lives. Is our lack of civility and good manners reasons that many of our youth are disrespectful and disconnected from us?
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
How to Turn Your Princess Into a Queen – The Art of Raising an Awesome Daughter available in late spring, 2013
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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