Posts filed under ‘parenting’
How to Motivate Our Kids
Did you ever take music lessons or practice a sport to become the best? It’s called deliberate practice and there are important life skills that children learn when they practice becoming better at something. One lesson that comes up for me is resilience. My daughter wanted to take dance lessons, and once she started attending the class, she decided she didn’t like it and wanted to quit. That happens often with children. They will like something because their friends like it. The challenge is getting them to stick it out until a natural ending like a concert or the season ends. Requiring them to finish at a natural ending point, teaches tolerance.
You see it a lot in some cultures where practice is relentless, but the outcomes are amazing. I think about the Olympics and Russians gymnasts. I thought they excelled because of their over-the-top work ethic. I also think about Chinese students and music. Practice makes their performances better!
This deliberate practice requires us (as parents) to perform our show and tell. It’s one thing to tell your child to go and practice their clarinet. It’s quite a different feeling when you share with them that on your job or in your business, you have goals to attain and the better that you are at setting those goals, the better you are at mastering them and achieving them or smashing them!
Parents, we have an opportunity here to build excellence no matter what your economic or social standing. When your kids are with you, get them to do more of what they like and practice it until it is amazing. You notice I’m not saying perfect because perfect means there’s no room to grow and be better and there’s always room to grow and be better. I’m also suggesting that you allow them to do something that they like, as opposed to what you like for them. It’s less of a struggle…
By the way, this is not just a skill for musically and sports inclined children. For the kids who love academics; who love reading; who love writing; who love tech; help them find tune that skill and motivate them to become outliers.
An outlier is a person that stands out from all other members of a particular group or set. They stand out! That’s a positive thing. Our children are born with gifts that require motivation, nurturing and fine-tuning to stand out. As parents, this is what we can offer our children:
- A safe home environment
- Food to eat
- Love
- Encouragement
- Structure
Sometimes the gifts that live inside of our child, are quite different from ours or anyone within our family. It doesn’t make the gift wrong or strange… just different.
So practice motivating your child and that gift of theirs, while they are on summer break. If you haven’t already seen their brilliance peek out, keep watching.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
The Blending Of Blended Families
Falling in love with a man or woman is wonderful and exciting. But how will his children feel with you as their stepmom … or better yet how will yours feel?
Click on the link below and watch the rest of my video blog!
Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Order a copy of my book: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How the Sins of Our Mothers Scar Us
My sister and I always felt that our mom favored our brother Tony. Her heart seemed to be softer on his behalf. Don’t get me wrong, Tony got into trouble and was punished too, but not as much once my parents split up. What I now know, is that Mom was compensating for my dad being absent in his life. She did the best she knew how.
Since I was in college during my sister and brother’s high years; years AD (after divorce), I didn’t see much preferential treatment bestowed on Tony.
Mom could do a lot of things really well! When it came to organization and getting things done, my mom was AWESOME! I learned how to speak up for and take care of myself because of my mother. Showing emotions, wasn’t her strength. She was unable to teach me how to love and nurture myself or anyone else. So in high school and college, I was pretty detached in my relationships. I kept to myself and only opened up to my closest friends.
Once I became a mom and started seeking my mother’s advice, I asked her why she seldom said she loved us or hugged. Her words were “My mom didn’t treat us that way.”
Here’s the deal: families live and die emotionally through experiences with the moms in their lives. If your mom did not receive praise and lots of ‘I love yous’ ❤️ as a child, then they either feel that it was unwarranted (when they raise children) or they are emotionally unable to share those kinds of feelings.
It is definitely possible that mothers will give lots of love and praise when they have their own children even if they didn’t receive it as a child. I have many friends who are wonderful moms, and when asked about their childhood, they say they didn’t get along with their mom. When pressed to explain further, they say they wanted a different experience for their own children. ❤️
When mothers are harsh and don’t exhibit warmth and love to their son or daughter, that child grows up similar to a sociopath who acts without feelings or conscious.
How do we change that behavior?
One child at a time…
Yes I know you are busy working and raising a family…
Yes, I know you never had a relationship with your mom or dad and don’t know how to talk (civilly) or show love…
Yes, it’s hard…
But not impossible…
Start by taking baby steps.
- “Good morning, I love you.”
- “Good night I love you.”
- “Have a good day at school.” (Hug your son or daughter)
- “You mean everything to me.”
These statements go a long way toward building a better relationship.
That’s nice. ❤️
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How to Defuse Anger in Your Family
Have you noticed that the people around you (at work or school) are so angry? Maybe it’s you or people within your family.
How do you keep that anger emotion from taking over?
Listen to my YouTube vlog and let me know what you think. Click here. Once you’re done subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
When Growing Up Is Hard To Do
I am sharing a sad but heartfelt response from a mother who cannot get her 19 year old son to go to school or get a job. Thank you Jennifer Perez.
“Drive him to a homeless shelter and help him get on the waiting list. Then, on the way home, while he’s waiting for his name to come up on the list, discuss what homelessness will be like.
This way, you won’t find him in the streets when you kick him out…he’ll be on the list for shelter. No guilt! No worries! It’s all in his hands! And he’s already on a path to correction.
Then, give him a 30-day notice to either find a job, go to school or move. And have him pack while waiting to leave. Tell him, since he’s on the homeless list, he’ll be okay, EVENTUALLY, but he can sleep in the streets like other “bums” until then.
Stop giving him any more money. Make him earn it. And tell him he can collect cans and save to get a place. Let him learn how to get money when he’s homeless. Also, stop allowing him to use the washer and dryer at home. Let him figure out another way to get his clothing clean.
Put him in the life and let him see what he’s about to lose. He may change his mind and if he doesn’t? You’ve already prepared him for homelessness.”
This is tough love, and not something that is easy to do. At some point, when our young adult won’t move forward with their life, they need our help. We experienced this with our youngest son, who wouldn’t go to school and couldn’t (wouldn’t) work. For mothers, it is particularly hard to put your son out. We love our sons so much, and feel that putting them out is giving up on them.
Just remember that if you practice tough love at 19 years old, you won’t still support him financially at 35 years old.
Interested in learning more about mother-son dynamics? Read my book: The Pampered Prince: Mom’s Create A GREAT Relationship With Your Son. Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
Kids Do the Darnedest Things
I have the cutest great nephew, and one day he said s*~t. He was two years old and we couldn’t understand where he heard a word like that and could repeat it so clearly. Periodically, swear words are sprinkled throughout his conversations especially when he gets frustrated. It doesn’t really matter where he picked up his irreverent language, just know that he was imitating someone close to him (that he respected).
Young children are like sponges and they pick up our words, phrases and mannerisms so easily. They watch us to determine how they should act, and then they surprise us with an exact replica of ourselves. That’s one of the things they do quite well without any prompting from us.
I said young children didn’t I? Actually it doesn’t matter how old our child is, they imitate our behaviors whether positive or negative.
Both my parents smoked like sailors as I was growing up. The first semester that I was home from college, I lit up a cigarette in front of my mother. She was horrified and asked “Why are you smoking?” I told her that since she did it, I’d decided to smoke too. Then we had a conversation about her addiction to cigarettes. She begged me to stop and that was the first (and last) cigarette I smoked.
Here are five thoughts to remember as your kids continue to grow:
- Watch your language
- Manage your temper (no popping off)
- Model kindness
- Be open (for them to talk)
- LISTEN
Enjoy your family and have a Happy Thanksgiving.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Misconception of Grandparents As Parents
I try not to be surprised at anything I hear when it comes to parenting, but I was surprised during my last parenting class. 
One of the attendees spoke about her challenge as a grandmother raising her grandchild. Even though both granddaughter and son live with her, she spends more time with her granddaughter than her son does. But that wasn’t her issue. After having done parent activities like pick up report card, check homework and feed her “granddaughter”, her son’s comment the next morning was – “Why did you let her watch TV with those grades?” Really Son?
I remember hearing a similar comment from a grandfather who had taken care of his grandson the entire weekend, and the only comment his daughter had was why was her son so dirty? When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandmother. I loved her completely! Not only did I spend time at her house, but she often lived with us and took care of my siblings and I while my mom and dad worked. But she quit often. Usually on a Friday evening. I wonder was the responsibility and expectation too much?
Hey Parents – where is the gratitude? As much as your parents love your children, they are doing you a huge favor when they take care of them for an extended period, bring them into their homes, take over custody, or attend parent-teacher conferences on your behalf. They are grandparents for a reason. This is their time to enjoy your children, spoil them and then give them back to you. There is a misconception that your parents are going to provide the structure and discipline (to your kids) that they provided to you (when you were growing up). That may happen, but it’s not the norm. 
Here are five pleasurable differences between grandparenting and parenting:[1]
- Grands are their hero (your child’s)
- Grands have all the time in the world
- Grands are the ultimate ‘good cop’
- Grands do not have the same responsibility
So readjust your expectations of your parents and allow them to enjoy being the doting grandparents. It’s okay if you have some non-negotiables; but please don’t let there be a laundry list of things you expect your parents to do when spending time with your kids.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
[1] https://www.bowerretirement.co.uk/family/difference-parenting-grandparenting
Blogpost Comments