Posts filed under ‘relationship’

How to Motivate Our Kids

Did you ever take music lessons or practice a sport to become the best? It’s called deliberate practice and there are important life skills that children learn when they practice becoming better at something. One lesson that comes up for me is resilience. My daughter wanted to take dance lessons, and once she started attending the class, she decided she didn’t like it and wanted to quit. That happens often with children. They will like something because their friends like it. The challenge is getting them to stick it out until a natural ending like a concert or the season ends. Requiring them to finish at a natural ending point, teaches tolerance.

You see it a lot in some cultures where practice is relentless, but the outcomes are amazing. I think about the Olympics and Russians gymnasts. I thought they excelled because of their over-the-top work ethic. I also think about Chinese students and music. Practice makes their performances better!

This deliberate practice requires us (as parents) to perform our show and tell. It’s one thing to tell your child to go and practice their clarinet. It’s quite a different feeling when you share with them that on your job or in your business, you have goals to attain and the better that you are at setting those goals, the better you are at mastering them and achieving them or smashing them!

Parents, we have an opportunity here to build excellence no matter what your economic or social standing. When your kids are with you, get them to do more of what they like and practice it until it is amazing. You notice I’m not saying perfect because perfect means there’s no room to grow and be better and there’s always room to grow and be better. I’m also suggesting that you allow them to do something that they like, as opposed to what you like for them. It’s less of a struggle

By the way, this is not just a skill for musically and sports inclined children. For the kids who love academics; who love reading; who love writing; who love tech; help them find tune that skill and motivate them to become outliers.

An outlier is a person that stands out from all other members of a particular group or set. They stand out! That’s a positive thing. Our children are born with gifts that require motivation, nurturing and fine-tuning to stand out. As parents, this is what we can offer our children:

  • A safe home environment
  • Food to eat
  • Love
  • Encouragement
  • Structure

Sometimes the gifts that live inside of our child, are quite different from ours or anyone within our family. It doesn’t make the gift wrong or strange… just different.

So practice motivating your child and that gift of theirs, while they are on summer break. If you haven’t already seen their brilliance peek out, keep watching.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 26, 2019 at 5:58 pm Leave a comment

The Blending Of Blended Families

my blended family

Falling in love with a man or woman is wonderful and exciting. But how will his children feel with you as their stepmom … or better yet how will yours feel?

Click on the link below and watch the rest of my video blog!

Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Order a copy of my book: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

April 19, 2019 at 1:03 pm Leave a comment

How to Stay Positive

This is a strange time right now, if my mom were alive, we would say “Mercury is retrograde”. If you’re a feeling type, you may just ‘feel’ strange. For me, I watch patterns. I’m used to things flowing evenly and smoothly, so when I start to misplace items, or the people around me become weird, I pay attention to myself and them. Sometimes, my intuition takes over and I feel uncomfortable with my environment, or my social community – the world. That’s definitely happening right now. Besides clients telling me how overwhelmed they feel, I’m reading (or hearing) news reports about more killings and suicides. 

While I know we are not responsible for other people, sometimes those within your circle of influence will say things in an effort to ask for help. I’ve had it happen with my children, my students and friends. If they needed more than a listening ear, I referred them to a (school) social worker or psychologist.

What about you? How do you stay positive when your personal world is turning upside down? Taking a page from one of my thought leaders who deals with mindful-living, here are five things happy people do (to stay positive):[1]

  • They don’t tie happiness to external events
  • They exercise – exercise is shown to help with depression by raising endorphins. Endorphins trigger a positive feeling in the body, which makes you feel good.
  • They have close relationships; ideally 3-5 with people whom they can discuss important ideas or problems
  • They spend money on experiences not things
  • They don’t ignore negative emotions. Sometimes we will tell ourselves that we are imagining the problems and if we ignore them, they will go away. Not true! When you won’t allow yourself to grieve, get angry or feel disappointed, it stuffs those emotions down deep and they will surface much later, when you least expect it.

We are wonderful, complex people, living in a fast-paced, highly technical, global fishbowl. We are subject to make mistakes, lots of them and it’s not the end of the world when we do. Many of us have been taught that a project isn’t complete unless it is perfect. There is no such thing as perfect – especially to entrepreneurs, inventors and creatives. It is just as important to have fun as it is to work. Interact with people that you enjoy.

Talk to someone when you feel you can’t go on.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

[1] https://hackspirit.com/7-habits-authentically-happy-people-nothing-positive-thinking-3/

June 8, 2018 at 1:55 pm Leave a comment

Misconception of Grandparents As Parents

I try not to be surprised at anything I hear when it comes to parenting, but I was surprised during my last parenting class. 

One of the attendees spoke about her challenge as a grandmother raising her grandchild. Even though both granddaughter and son live with her, she spends more time with her granddaughter than her son does. But that wasn’t her issue. After having done parent activities like pick up report card, check homework and feed her “granddaughter”, her son’s comment the next morning was – “Why did you let her watch TV with those grades?” Really Son?

I remember hearing a similar comment from a grandfather who had taken care of his grandson the entire weekend, and the only comment his daughter had was why was her son so dirty? When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandmother. I loved her completely! Not only did I spend time at her house, but she often lived with us and took care of my siblings and I while my mom and dad worked. But she quit often. Usually on a Friday evening. I wonder was the responsibility and expectation too much?

Hey Parents – where is the gratitude? As much as your parents love your children, they are doing you a huge favor when they take care of them for an extended period, bring them into their homes, take over custody, or attend parent-teacher conferences on your behalf. They are grandparents for a reason. This is their time to enjoy your children, spoil them and then give them back to you. There is a misconception that your parents are going to provide the structure and discipline (to your kids) that they provided to you (when you were growing up). That may happen, but it’s not the norm. 

 

 

 

Here are five pleasurable differences between grandparenting and parenting:[1]

  • Grands are their hero (your child’s)
  • Grands have all the time in the world
  • Grands are the ultimate ‘good cop’
  • Grands do not have the same responsibility

So readjust your expectations of your parents and allow them to enjoy being the doting grandparents. It’s okay if you have some non-negotiables; but please don’t let there be a laundry list of things you expect your parents to do when spending time with your kids.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

[1] https://www.bowerretirement.co.uk/family/difference-parenting-grandparenting

April 25, 2018 at 4:13 pm Leave a comment

Father and Daughter Relationships

There is NOTHING like a great father & daughter relationship. When I say great, I mean the father is active in his daughter’s life. They spend time together, and talk about most topics (some are still Mom-only topics like menstrual periods and bra sizes) and they listen to each other. But most importantly, dads are a girl’s first male relationship. How he responds or doesn’t respond to her can color her relationships with men forever. 

I had a great dad. He was the go-to person when my mother felt she needed the other parent to step in. He was also the fun parent. He would play with us (until he had had enough), as a teen, I could talk to him, when there was no one else to talk to. He was a sane voice I needed to hear, when I went through divorce. Yet he was flawed at the strangest times. #newbook

As part of my research for my new father-daughter book, I have an online survey for fathers and one for daughters. I would appreciate it if you completed it. I will also conduct a focus group, so email me if you would like to be a part of it.

Daughter Survey

Father Survey

Thank you in advance for your support!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 14, 2018 at 3:00 pm Leave a comment

Don’t Be Afraid to Let Go

Have you ever held onto something that you knew you needed to let go off? A relationship… job… business… Sometimes we hold on tightly because we’re afraid of what the change will mean in our life. And sometimes we’re just afraid of the change itself and what it will mean for our future.

I’m thinking about the changes that I’ve made in my life. Many of them were life-changing. Others were more spiritually oriented and required that I change my thoughts, expectations or wants. Each change made me the women that I am today.

2018 is a year of positive change for me. I can feel it, and today I decided that I am open and receptive to what that will mean for me.

What changes are awaiting you? Are you ready embrace them and move forward? Let’s go!

C. Lynn Williams

#MsParentguru & Founder of Finding Superwoman™

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 20, 2017 at 2:02 pm Leave a comment

When He or She Is Not That Into You

(Reprinted from Candace A Williams.com blog.)

Watching the 2009 romantic comedy, He’s Just Not That Into You, is full of laughs and embarrassing moments, but there are some real examples of behaviors that men and women do when they are just not that into someone. What’s ironic about the movie is, when I went to go see it, I ran into someone who clearly wasn’t that into me. His words said one thing, his actions said another. I chuckled because he showed me exactly who I thought he was. From then on, I vowed to myself that I would share my knowledge and intuition with others [about relationships].

REGISTER for our Jan 10th webinar So You Want To Get Married

Now, of course, most people nod and agree; but they rarely listen to my advice because the reality is we all want to be loved. We want that romantic fairytale and we want someone to grow old with. As the holidays are fastly approaching and we are beginning a new year, 2017; my advice to everyone struggling with whether or not he or she is into you, if you have to ask, he or she is probably not. They could like you and not love you, date you and not want to marry you, have children with you but not want to stay committed to you. Run…and run fast. Deep down inside you truly know how that person makes you feel and what you want. Do not allow yourself to settle for anything else. Why stay with someone that you do not want or get along with? Why keep someone around when you know he or she is “Just Not That Into You?” So stop second guessing yourself when it comes to relationships and join our webinar.

We will discuss relationship issues like this and more in our free Jan 10th webinar.
Here’s the link to register: So You Want To Get Married

C. Lynn Williams,
Owner & Creator of Finding Superwoman™

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

December 28, 2016 at 8:31 pm Leave a comment


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