Posts filed under ‘relationships’

How to Successfully Communicate With Adult Children

When my children were little, we discussed lots of different topics with them and encouraged them to talk (to us) about anything. Things that were going on in their school, with their classmates, in our family and current events were all fair game. It didn’t matter whether we liked or agreed with their thoughts or not, we encouraged them to talk about whatever was going on in their lives. 

I believed if we listened to their small issues, they would be comfortable talking with us about their bigger (scarier or life threatening) issues. While I’m sure we didn’t hear everything that occurred in their lives, listening taught me three amazing lessons!

  • Like what my kids liked
  • Be open-minded
  • Ask questions of interest

These three tips allowed me to stay relevant with my children as they became adults. As I approached adulthood, I had secrets that I never shared with my mom or dad. I didn’t want to be judged or reminded, so I didn’t share many things that were going on in my life. As much as I loved my parents, I didn’t want to hear them say, “OMG why’d you do that?” No adult really wants to hear that.

However, I wanted a more open relationship with my children, especially as they became adults. I wanted to stay relevant in their lives. As an example, I liked rock music growing up. When my son realized that I was OPEN to listening to grunge and alternative music, he would invite me to listen to new songs that he liked. “Hey Mom, listen to this.” Keeping that doorway open into his adulthood, allowed to me ask him, “So what’s new?” He could choose to either tell me about some new music he liked, or share a more personal thought or concern.

The same was true with my daughters. I wasn’t afraid to share some of my ‘young woman’ mistakes with them, hoping they wouldn’t make those same mistakes. In turn, they were comfortable sharing their life with me. On the way to learning more about them, I continue to learn more about myself. Isn’t life grand?

It’s never too late to start a conversation with your children. If it’s a new experience, start small, but be consistent. The rewards will change your relationship in a positive way.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

February 11, 2018 at 5:01 pm Leave a comment

What Does 2018 Mean to You?

As I wrote in my last 2017 blog, my thoughts were dark and scary. I felt like some of my solid surfaces had crumbled and things that were normally in order and in place simply weren’t there.

As a person who wears a lot of hats: writer, blogger, wife, mother, entrepreneur, I juggle lots of tasks and activities. It only works well when I’m doing things that support me like:

  • feeding myself good foods
  • getting rest
  • having interesting conversations
  • doing meaningful work
  • connecting with my spiritual source (daily)
  • staying connected with my husband

When either of these stop happening, I find myself “Lost in Space” and freaked out. That happened at the end of last year and it didn’t feel good. However, I did two things that got me on the road to a successful 2018. First I recognized that I had lost touch with myself. Second I attended Watch Service on New Year’s Eve at my church.

As the heart of the family, women feel everything. We feel the conversations that need to happen and anticipate what we intend to say. We feel the frustration of our kids when something doesn’t work out the way they’ve expected. We feel it when our spouse has pulled away from us and it’s time for a heart to heart conversation. We feel when our own spirit has been become restless because we’ve stayed too long in a job or business that no longer feeds us mentally or economically.

The issue is how to have those conversations and continue to move forward, instead of getting stuck. At the end of last year, I had gotten stuck. It was a foreign feeling for me and I almost didn’t recognize what was going on.  However, I had a mild asthma attack! Something I haven’t had in years. Metaphysically, asthma is a deep cry from a soul to be loved and to be cared for. I argued with myself for a day or two – I’ve been loving and caring for myself. Haven’t I? I started taking time to meditate again and did some soul searching. I decided I had more work to do with myself and in my relationships.

What I know is that life is a series of processes. As you work on one area and get it to where you like it and it works well, you realize another part of you needs work. Once that’s done, it may be time to work on the relationships in your life. Are they meeting your needs? Are you meeting theirs? We’re used to overhauling our business and household, but taking a good look at ourselves and our significant others is also important too.

So for 2018, what are you doing differently?

Imagine what it’s like have great time management and work-life balance! If you are struggling to make this happen, Click Here to schedule a complimentary discovery session with me. Want to be a part of something supportive? Click Here to join my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, creator of Finding Superwoman™

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 5, 2018 at 1:43 pm Leave a comment

Don’t Be Afraid to Let Go

Have you ever held onto something that you knew you needed to let go off? A relationship… job… business… Sometimes we hold on tightly because we’re afraid of what the change will mean in our life. And sometimes we’re just afraid of the change itself and what it will mean for our future.

I’m thinking about the changes that I’ve made in my life. Many of them were life-changing. Others were more spiritually oriented and required that I change my thoughts, expectations or wants. Each change made me the women that I am today.

2018 is a year of positive change for me. I can feel it, and today I decided that I am open and receptive to what that will mean for me.

What changes are awaiting you? Are you ready embrace them and move forward? Let’s go!

C. Lynn Williams

#MsParentguru & Founder of Finding Superwoman™

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 20, 2017 at 2:02 pm Leave a comment

Every Adult Is Not Parent Material

When I read or listen to the news about parents abusing or killing their children, my heart breaks and I know they must not have had someone that they could reach out to and ask child-abusefor help. Last night I read about a woman who was insanely jealous and suffocated one of her children because she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her.  Other stories talk about how women didn’t feel they had anything to live for and decided to take their own life and the lives of their children.

I realize that children come into our lives in different ways. Some people have kids very early in life (or late in life) and love them as the spiritual gifts they are. Other people have them “accidentally” and treat them as objects or hindrances and never really “get it“, that the child in their life is truly a gift from God and here to teach us specific lessons.spiritual-gifts

While I was a twenty-something, I didn’t want kids. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder and go as high as I could without the responsibility of raising children. Plus growing up I had had many jobs babysitting kids (as well as watching my own brother & sister), so no thank you was my answer to having kids! After much thought and five years of marriage, I decided, I had room in my heart for a child. While that was my decision, I realize not everybody gets to decide or puts that kind of thought into having their children; I just wish they would.

Raising kids is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! Kids take your Time, your Patience, your Energy and all of your Money! However I would do it again without a second thought. Were there times that I wanted to give them back to the Creator? Yes – probably so! But that’s the time that you reach out to someone close to you; someone who is saner than you and you say “Help! I need some time to myself“.

If we’re honest, we know some of those women before they’ve reached the breaking point. If you’re like me, you feel their “strangeness” when they come around you. Follow your intuition next time. When you feel that one of your women-friends  or family members is a little too quiet or withdrawn, reach out to her and offer her your time and attention. Take her children for the day, so she can take some time for herself. You’ll have to do it without judging her because life has a way of coming back around to each of us. Today it may be your turn to help a woman out, and tomorrow, that woman may be in a position to help you. You never know. I call it KARMA.

For my prayer warriors, here is my prayer: “Father, today we pray for those facing desperate and lonely times. We pray especially for poor and defenseless children everywhere. Help us meet their needs as we are able.” Daily Bread 12/21/2016

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

C. Lynn Williams
@MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com

December 22, 2016 at 1:04 pm Leave a comment

I’m Grown Now Mom!

 

img_9908Have you ever wanted perfect so bad, you were willing to overstep your boundaries?

This has happened to me often, in different areas of my life, but today I’m talking about mothers & daughters. In her years as a teen, we went from having a I respect you because you’re my mom, to a very enjoyable one as she got older.

I learned a valuable lesson when I overstepped my boundaries thinking I knew best. Mothers always know best right? Well I reached out to one of her friends to resolve what I thought was a problem. I meant no harm, but it got back to her and we went through a rough patch.

It took me and my pride awhile to realize that I had been put in my place by my 20-something daughter, however once we talked about it, I realized I had to allow her to make her own decisions even when I thought they were mistakes.

Find Your Superwoman

I know it’s hard to see our little girls grow into adults and allow them to make their own decisions. When we interfere, we’re telling our daughters that we don’t trust the decisions they are making BUT more importantly, we are admitting to ourselves that we don’t believe we’ve raised them to the best of our ability. That sucks ladies!

Go ahead and let her make her own decision. You be there to cheer her on, or comfort her no matter what happens. Send me a comment and tell me how you’ve handled challenging situations with you daughter.

Need help with the hormones? Order your copy of my book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!

C. Lynn Williams

www.clynnwilliams.com

Author, Creator of Finding Superwoman – a must have program for Women who Want It All

March 20, 2016 at 5:42 pm Leave a comment

Teaching Millennial Young Women…OMG

young-women

I have been absent from this blog for the last month. Hard to believe, but it’s true and I apologize to those of you who look forward to my weekly posts. I have a good excuse though; I’ve been teaching a group of young ladies that have given me a run for my money. Call them young female millennials.

These young women are outspoken, opinionated, oppositional and hard to love. Many of them have dysfunctional relationships with their mothers – they have said “I hate my mom”, don’t respond well to rules and have very short attention spans.

I took it personally at first and couldn’t understand why I was dealing with this type of student. Then I realized that many of you have these young girls or women in your home. These are your daughters and they are not easy to parent or get close to. There are many reasons explaining why our daughters appear distant from us.  It could be the fast pace of social media; how women and girls are portrayed in the media, or the inattention that they receive at home from us their mothers and fathers when we’re busy.

I know we have to change our mindset in order to reach this generation. They love technology. That means we can’t hate technology and expect to stay in touch with our girls. Whether it’s through texting, emailing, Face-timing or Facebook messages, talk to your girls and let them know you love them and are there for them.
millennial women 2
While the attitudes of these students were enough to make me think about retiring early; I realized that I was being given an opportunity to do what I love to do – get close and share my love with this millennial generation – your daughters. There are all kinds of things going on in their young lives. Some good; some not so good. They just need to know that someone really cares and is listening. No matter what type of outward attitude they give off.

Keep the lines of communication open Moms…your daughters really are listening.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for millennial daughters, aging parents, or mothers and sons.

Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

 

November 2, 2015 at 10:10 pm Leave a comment

Hey I’m An Adult… I Don’t Need A Curfew

college student and parentsI remember the summers that I came home from college. At school, I had no curfew; at home, my mother had a different view. Girls did not need to stay out late! While I don’t remember our first encounter with the issue of curfew, I do remember the summer before heading off to law school in the fall. I was 20 years old and felt that I was an adult. I usually made it home just before daybreak. Part of  it was having a great time, and not wanting the fun time to end. The other reason was that I felt I didn’t have to answer to my mother, because of my age. My mother’s conversation with me was “What will the neighbors think?” Being young and full of myself, I told her I didn’t care what the neighbors thought. Case closed right? But it wasn’t. What I now know, is that it’s important for parents to discuss the house rules and expectations especially curfew, guests (girlfriends or boyfriends) sleeping over and issues like that with their young adults preferably before they go out and stay all night.

When our daughter came home on college breaks, we discussed a reasonable curfew – 2 am. As she matured, I only required a text message if she didn’t plan to make it home. Our youngest son is in his mid-20s, and hasn’t come home the last three nights he’s been out. I thought, okay so clearly he’s an adult, but if something has happened, we would never know. So we had the talk. This time, it wasn’t about curfew, but about the responsibility of letting us know his plans, especially with the random violence and police brutality young black males are facing these days.

How are you managing life with your college student at home?

Interested in learning more about generational parenting? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Young Adults, Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

Want to read more about 21st Century parenting with old school values, Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

June 11, 2015 at 1:42 pm Leave a comment

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