Posts filed under ‘role model’
Breakfast, a Cell Phone, and Space Between Fathers & Sons
Today, before I started working on this semester’s classes, my husband and I went out for breakfast. We were enjoying our meal when I noticed a young man—late teens, maybe early 20s—come in, get his breakfast, and sit alone at a table.
About 30 minutes later, a middle-aged man walked in. He took his time getting coffee and a danish before finally sitting at the same table as the young man. I assumed right away that they were father and son.
Here’s the part that caught my attention: the man stayed on his cell phone almost the entire time. He barely acknowledged the young man. No small talk. No eye contact. Just scrolling and talking. After a while, he tossed his coffee cup, stepped outside, and continued his call.
Now, maybe I should have minded my own breakfast. But my extroverted side got the best of me. I told my husband, “I’m going to see if he’ll talk to me.”
I walked over, smiled, and asked if I could join him. I told him I was writing a book about fathers and sons, and I was curious about his interaction with the man who’d just left. Was that his father?
“Yes,” he said, and explained that his dad was on a work call. No big deal. “We’re very close.”
I thanked him for his time and returned to my table.
On the way out, my husband made a good point: “You know, he would never tell you if he was annoyed or having problems with his dad. That’s not guy language to share with a stranger.”
That stuck with me. How many moments do fathers and sons spend together without really connecting—either because one is distracted, or because neither is in the habit of speaking openly? How often does love go unspoken because “that’s just not how guys talk”?
I believe those small everyday moments matter. Even if it’s just coffee and a Danish, even if there’s no deep conversation, the choice to be present—fully present—can strengthen a bond in ways words can’t always capture.
It’s moments like these that inspired me to write my upcoming book, Fathers & Sons: Raising Boys Through Dinosaurs, Testosterone & Girls. In it, I share stories, strategies, and real-life insight to help dads not just show up—but truly connect with their sons.
If you’re a father, son, or parent who wants to build that kind of connection, I’d love for you to be part of my community. You can follow me here, or visit clynnwilliams.com to stay updated on the book release and grab free resources for your parenting journey.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
We Can Save Our Boys
It’s hard to advocate for equality and fairness from others, when our sons kill each other. Beefs, challenges, gang wars, whatever… it takes superhuman strength to change the heart and action of young men once the streets have become their parents.
Offer them love, support, structure and discipline while they are young. Continue it through their adolescent and teen years. Teach them to be good people, so they will grow up and be great adults
Be willing to move them out of dangerous communities and away from dangerous people. When I was growing up, an unruly young man was sent to the Army or military school.
If you are a single mom and your son’s dad is not in his life, find a good role model that will provide male support and discipline. Let’s start repeating affirmations of peace, freedom and love over ourselves and our sons. Instead of sending your son out to play, go outside and play with him. I coach parents, and one of my parents said her son has no one to play with outside, because the other kids are afraid of getting shot. That’s a sad commentary on some of our communities now. We can do better.
Our current circumstances do not define who we are, or who our sons are.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters and Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams @MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Hey Parents What Are You Wearing?
When I was growing up, there were certain things that I could wear while playing outside (like shorts) that I couldn’t wear off the block. My mom and dad were really particular about how we looked and the impressions we would make on other people.
Not only was my mother specific about what we wore or didn’t wear, she and dad had a specific way they dressed as well. One of the family rules was no rollers out of the house. which simply meant that your hair was combed and you had on appropriate clothes and shoes. My father was formal (old school) and wore a shirt, usually a tie and pants. Depending on where he was going, he had on a brim. The only time he had on house slippers was in the house.
There was no way my mother would’ve come out of the house with her house slippers or anything that looked like pajamas either. As she put it, she would never want to embarrass her family’s name or ours.
Fast forward to today’s times where some parents show up to their child’s school dressed really bad! So I wasn’t surprised to read the article yesterday where the Houston principal, Carlotta Brown gave her parents a dress code when coming to school. She was tired of them showing up inappropriately dressed and setting bad examples for her students.
To all of the haters who disagreed with the principal’s rules, saying that it was discrimination against those parents who had low income. I disagree! Have one dress or shirt (blouse) and pair of pants that looks respectable. And wear that – even if you wear the same outfit every time you attend a school event.
It’s really about the kids and the role that you play in your child’s life. It is completely inappropriate to wear see-through clothing around adolescents – your child’s or someone else‘s. Talk about early sex education! “Hey John, I could see through your Mom’s blouse! She’s hot!” How embarrassing is that? Also leave the hair bonnets at home too. They are just to protect the hair while you sleep.
I know you believe that as an adult you can do whatever you want.
You can!
Just remember that everything you do reflects back on your children and sets an example (for the rest of their lives) whether you like it or not.
Just my two cents worth.
Learn more about your family’s dynamics. Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.
Click Here to be a part of my parenting community.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
www.clynnwilliams.com
Kids Do the Darnedest Things
I have the cutest great nephew, and one day he said s*~t. He was two years old and we couldn’t understand where he heard a word like that and could repeat it so clearly. Periodically, swear words are sprinkled throughout his conversations especially when he gets frustrated. It doesn’t really matter where he picked up his irreverent language, just know that he was imitating someone close to him (that he respected).
Young children are like sponges and they pick up our words, phrases and mannerisms so easily. They watch us to determine how they should act, and then they surprise us with an exact replica of ourselves. That’s one of the things they do quite well without any prompting from us.
I said young children didn’t I? Actually it doesn’t matter how old our child is, they imitate our behaviors whether positive or negative.
Both my parents smoked like sailors as I was growing up. The first semester that I was home from college, I lit up a cigarette in front of my mother. She was horrified and asked “Why are you smoking?” I told her that since she did it, I’d decided to smoke too. Then we had a conversation about her addiction to cigarettes. She begged me to stop and that was the first (and last) cigarette I smoked.
Here are five thoughts to remember as your kids continue to grow:
- Watch your language
- Manage your temper (no popping off)
- Model kindness
- Be open (for them to talk)
- LISTEN
Enjoy your family and have a Happy Thanksgiving.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
How to be a Committed 2015 Parent
As 2014 draws to a close, thank you for supporting me and reading my Staying Sane blog. 2014 was a tough year for parents. The news constantly reported assaults (or murders) on our kids whether from strangers, peers or adults. It’s enough to make you want to move to an uninhabited island until your child becomes an adult. However, we know that’s not going to happen! The best we can do is enjoy the time we have with our young people, and be awesome role models. As a parent, my goal in 2015 is to be a better listener and example setter. What are your parent goals for 2015?
Love between dads & daughters
It’s easy to be the type of parent that says “Do What I Say” instead of being the type of role model that you want your son or daughter to follow. God holds us accountable to be the best parents we can be. Fatherless or motherless kids are forced to raise themselves and we have seen the devastation that a kid trying to raise himself/herself brings.
Are you committed to being the best parent you can possibly be? Our kids spell L-O-V-E with T-I-M-E. Make 2015 special with the time, love and commitment that you share with your son or daughter. Dads talk to that pre-teen daughter about a pledge to wait before having sex. Moms help your son become the best man he can become by holding him accountable to complete tasks and responsibilities when you assign them.
Is parenting easy? Not at all, however you can do this. And I can help! Become a part of my new parent membership program called Parent Sense. Click here to give me your contact information so that I can notify you with more details.
Happy New Parenting Year!
C. Lynn Williams, Ms. Parent Guru
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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