Posts filed under ‘son’

Why Dads Have to Add Their Two Cents

When I think back to my childhood, I don’t remember my father voicing his opinions often. So when he did, it was crystal clear and quite memorable. As I got older, I realized how important his opinions were in relationship to my career decisions and the men that I dated or married. One thing about many dads is that they are quiet when it comes to the day-to-day workings of household activities and child-rearing. It may not be that way in your household, and many of the millennial fathers are very present in their opinions and in the raising of their children. I prefer that style of parenting because the energy that fathers offer is very different from the energy of mothers. Dads don’t freak out as easily as we moms do. This is quite helpful for your emotional child (tween or teen) who has daily fits of hysteria. 

The other things about fathers is that they use less words to get their point across. Less words gives your brain a chance to hear and process what was said. They also don’t repeat what they’ve said, so you have to listen and get it the first time (most dads anyway). I like that technique and share it in my Pampered Prince book to help mothers who are raising sons, communicate more effectively.

Yesterday I saw an article about a group of dads – Dads4Justice, who were pretty pissed off with how Kellogg’s was marketing their Coco Pops cereal. They considered the slogan sexist and protested to Kellogg’s. The slogan has since been changed. Click here to read the entire article. 

If you haven’t spoken to your dad in a while, give him a call. You may be surprised at what he might tell you.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact meMs. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 6, 2018 at 12:56 pm Leave a comment

How Do You Protect Your Gang Connected Kid?

I would talk to her, take her phone and try to keep her away from it, but it was hard,” said Brown, who believed her daughter was trying to protect herself from people who had targeted her. “You got to put up a tough front. I knew she was scared. She was scared all the time.” 

My heart goes out to this mom as she explains what she did to protect her daughter from gang members, yet in the end, her daughter was still targeted and killed.

I’m reading this article in the Chicago Tribune and thinking about the influence that social media plays in the lives of our kids. Cell phones were important when my children were tweens and teens, but I would confiscate my older child’s phone at night or let her minutes run out. If the minutes ran out before the month was over, her phone didn’t work. Unfortunately there are many cell phone packages and providers, so paying for minutes is no longer an issue.

Kids now take to their social media pages to rant and emote (about pretty much everything). There is no difference between kids who are in or connected to gang members and social media and those who aren’t except for the retaliative violence that they tell their followers they are planning. If I lose a friend or family member to gun violence, I go on Twitter, Facebook or Snapchat and talk about what I plan to do. It’s a form of empowerment that gives our children a feeling of control and power.

The question is, as a parent, how do you manage this type of child? How do you keep them safe and help them feel empowered to make a positive difference? Maybe you send them to live with your family members in other cities where they can go to school and grow into adults.

That could work if you have family members living somewhere else and your displaced kids stay off of social media. These are two big questions and I don’t have the answers. Let’s start a online dialogue and figure out how to save our children.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

April 12, 2018 at 9:46 am 4 comments

How Well Are You Managing Your ADULT Pampered Prince?

I keep running into women who tell me these incredible stories about how their moms (and dads) are still taking care of their brothers. Mind you we aren’t talking about teen or college-aged sons, but sons in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Depending on the situation, taking care of your adult son, means you are paying his rent, car note, buying groceries, washing his laundry or he’s still living with you.

Portrait of a mother and her young adult/late teen son.

While there are cultures where the children stay home until they marry, the son or daughter is either in school or working. These are not the families I’m talking about. I’m referring to those households where no matter what the son has done, mom defends him. I experienced this while teaching at an all-male high school. If my student had cheated on a test or plagiarized a paper, his mom wanted to know what was I doing to cause her son to cheat or plagiarize. Crazy!

I’ve also been guilty of zealously taking my son’s side when I thought his father or stepdad was being too harsh with him. But here’s the thing I’ve learned: the more you defend your son to his father, stepdad, teacher, or whomever – the more your son feels that he can do whatever he wants without consequences. You see it in toddler boys. Often his behavior is considered cute even when he says “shut-up” or hits you back. It’s a different story when he tells you to shut up and he’s six or 16. Then it’s not cute. Hold him accountable when he’s a teen and doesn’t want to stay in school. It’s not okay to let him quit just because he can’t get along with his teacher or coach.

As a divorced mom, I thought I was raising my son properly. At the time, it was hard hearing any criticism of him. Not that I thought he was perfect, more that I felt it reflected badly on my parenting skills. In my The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son book, I talk about how teaching at the all-male high school made me a better parent. I required my students to follow my class rules, complete their assignments on time and be respectful. When they didn’t, I had consequences for them. As I thought about it, I realized those same rules applied to my own son – my pampered prince. It was a great AHA moment for me! 

Today as I watch the news and hear from mothers who vigorously defend their son’s behavior, I think about the importance of holding those sons accountable at an early age. Saying “shut up” at two and three years old isn’t cute, it’s disrespectful. If you allow that behavior to continue, you’re creating a monster. Just like you teach your son to read, write and count. Teach him to be accountable for what he does, and to be respectful of others – those who look like him and those who don’t. If life brings him back home to live with you (as an adult), remember he is an adult and can take care of himself. Washing his clothes and cooking meals for him is not going to encourage him to move out of your house, or make him good material for marriage!

#StaySane

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to pick up a copy of this book. 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

August 31, 2017 at 3:06 pm Leave a comment

PBS Documentary Looks at One Juvenile’s Life-Without-Parole Sentence

Imagine this happening to your fourteen or fifteen year old son.

PBS Documentary Looks at One Juvenile's Life-Without-Parole Sentence

 

PBS Documentary Looks at One Juvenile’s Life-Without-Parole Sentence.

August 5, 2014 at 8:25 pm Leave a comment

MOTHERS Be Nice…

mother_son_girlfriendCompeting for your son’s attention? Stop! Find someone your own age to rely on and release him from your servitude! You have had your son all of his life, and it is time for him to spread his wings and fly away from your nest. He’s 18 now. You’ve taught him how to take care of himself (cook & clean his clothes and the house), as well as select, treat and respect nice women right? So be NICE to his girlfriend when he brings her to your house. Don’t try to find some reason NOT to like her. His choice of girlfriend may not be who you would have chosen for him. It’s OKAY! Will she be everything that you want for him? Maybe not…then again her parents may feel the same way about him. I am not telling you to keep quiet if you believe your son is dating a ‘black widow’ or something!

Speaking from experience as both a mother of sons, and a woman being brought home to meet “his parents” for the first time, mothers are some rough people to get to know. If your son’s girlfriend uses slang, she’s too common. If she uses an extensive vocabulary, you decide that she thinks she’s better than ‘us’. OMG! He will always be your Pampered Prince – your boy. The true conversation occurs if he asks your opinion of her. If not, don’t offer it.

It’s said that our sons choose women like us.  If you (and his dad) have raised him properly, he will make a great husband and father. You really do want someone to love him and take him off your hands…living with you into his forties is not the plan is it?

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)

February 17, 2014 at 5:22 pm Leave a comment

Just Let Go

Eagle and her babies

Eagle and her babies

Ever had a problem that you could not resolve? Sometimes that’s what parenting is to me, a series of problems (challenges) that seem momentarily unresolvable. The kid that was never a problem growing up, is suddenly a thorn in your side when they move into their 20s. You think, by the time they reach their twenties, you have completed your job as a parent. However, many of our adult children come back home and then what? Or maybe you had high hopes for that child that you waited years for, and once they came into your life, they never have the aspirations to stand on their own and make a living. In fact they are still ‘living’ with you. What do you do?

As mothers, I think it’s doubly hard to push our eaglets out of the nest. I know birds do it all the time, but human mothers are different from animals because we have reasoning abilities. We say to ourselves, ‘well they’re (our children) having a hard time finding a job’ or ‘he’s running with the wrong crowd’ or ‘if I were a better parent, she would be doing ______’ or ‘if I don’t help them, who will?’

We make lots of excuses to ourselves and others when our kids (young or old) have not succeeded the way we would like. It’s probably one of the most painful lessons a mother or father face (in their parenting career). Today let’s use a phrase I learned years ago called “Let Go and Let God”. Unless your child is disabled (mentally or physically), let’s gently push them out of our nest. Encourage them to take that next step, stop making excuses for them, and stop doing things that cripple them. I know it seems scary, but isn’t our job to help them grow into adults that can take care of themselves?  #Parenting101

 

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February 1, 2014 at 2:34 pm Leave a comment

Want Your Son to Talk to You?

Not CommunicatingEver felt like if you yelled a little louder, he (your son) would get it? Well he doesn’t get it, he actually retreats from you into a place where you can’t reach him.

Trust me, I know about these things, I’m a mother of two male adult children. Make it easy to talk to you – pass no judgments, no I told you so, no condescending remarks like “You’re just like your no-good father!” Just listen and let him talk. You will be surprised at what your son will say, once he starts talking.

Here is a link to my video on YouTube about communicating with your son: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m21r1QzYkY

C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 5, 2013 at 2:23 am Leave a comment

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