Posts filed under ‘son’
Mothers – What’s Happening to Our Sons?
It’s been little more than a month since the Newtown shootings, and as a mother, I am still at a complete loss for how a son could kill his mother. I have two sons, my own and one I lovingly inherited when I married his father. I love them both and while I have had difficult conversations and tense moments with both sons, never in my wildest nightmares, would I imagine dying by their hand.
While we will never hear Nancy Lanza’s story about her relationship with her son Adam (the shooter), I came across an article where she cautioned one of her son’s babysitters to never turn his back on her son. Can you imagine living with a person and not being able to turn your back on him? http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57559502/ex-babysitter-says-newtown-conn-school-shooter-adam-lanzas-mother-warned-dont-turn-your-back/
When we raise our sons, we pour so much love, attention, (hopefully) discipline, values and the kitchen sink into our boys, and yet many of them end up being killed, killing others, or going to prison. Mothers, where are we failing and why?
I also came across another article, where another mother lost her only son to gun violence and he was a good kid! We always think our sons are good kids! But this teen did what he was told; went to school every day (one of my requirements); obeyed his mother; and yet was randomly shot in the back after leaving a basketball game. http://my.chicagotribune.com/#section/544/article/p2p-74054502/
I’d like my sons to grow into wonderful men with families and great careers, like my dad and granddad. Is that too much to ask these days?
C. Lynn Williams
Author and Parenting Coach
#msparentguru
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Your Son’s Role Model?
I keep trying to understand the male culture of taking one’s enemies out. As a woman, it is not an easily understood phenomenon. In my neighborhood, African American men and boys resolve their differences by shooting each other. Lots of males are dying these days. This kind of ethnic cleansing happens in Hispanic neighborhoods as well. Males in mainstream America also shoot, often harming or killing everyone in the general vicinity.
Very little discussion takes place because our society doesn’t seem to remember a time when we resolved our differences by talking things out. Tolerance is not a skill that seems to be taught or valued anymore. In the political arena, instead of working together, candidates annihilate each other with lies and insinuations, basically killing the accused candidate’s chances of winning anything. In corporate America, money and power rule to such an extent, that discussion and the possibility of working things out, very seldom occurs, unless a watchdog agency intervenes.
How do we teach our sons a better way to grow up in a society that does not value love, respect, honor and truth? What happened to the dads of yesteryear? My dad is one of those “yesteryear” dads. He was Dr. Huxtable from The Cosby Show, Steve Douglas on My Three Sons (dating myself here), or the Mr. Eddie’s father on the Courtship of Eddie’s Father. I am talking about a dad that spends time with his family and talks to and with his son(s). How else can boys grow into men without that kind of guidance?
I wonder if the Colorado shooter had had positive, quality time with his father during his formative years, if he would have been inclined to randomly shoot and kill people in a movie theatre. Don’t get me wrong, women own a piece of this parenting debacle too. Our boys can’t grow up like wild, uncontrollable plants without our assistance or good parenting. However, in the end they (our sons) are looking for a male role model; any old role model will do. If the only available role model is a drug dealer, that is who our sons will follow. If the role model is a caring, tolerant, man of faith – that’s who are son will follow instead.
Who is your son’s role model?
C. Lynn
The Pampered Prince 03/12 by booktalkchicago | Blog Talk Radio
The Pampered Prince 03/12 by booktalkchicago | Blog Talk Radio.
Great interview with Constance Shabazz about parenting boys.
Parenting the Pampered Prince
How do you feel about deadlines? As a rule, I don’t like deadlines but you must admit, they keep you on track and focused. Our pampered prince has a deadline to re-enroll in school or find a full-time job or else he has to move out. Big risk! Huge consequences! It was necessary because I continue meet you (other mothers) who are sharing horror stories about their sons who live at home expecting to be supported by their parents. Needless to say, these are men who are in their 30s, 40s and 50s.
I was proud that we gave him a deadline, however a part of me wants to continue to mother him, cajol, help, (fill-in-the-blank here) and yet how do I expect him to successfully complete this task if I constantly run after him?
What would you do???
Punishing Autistic Children
Did you hear about this?
When Sandra Baker was called to pick up her 9-year-old autistic son, Chris, from his Mercer County, Kentucky school, she was stunned by what she found: She says that Chris’s teacher had stuffed him in a gym bag and left him in the hallway as punishment.
“When I walked in,” Sandra told CBS News, “I went down his hallway, and I saw this big green bag laying in the floor beside the [teacher’s] aide, and I saw it moving.”
Then Sandra heard a voice come from inside the bag: “Momma, is that you?”
Sandra demanded her son be released immediately, but allegedly the bag was tied so tightly the teacher’s aide struggled to open it. When Chris finally got out, his mom says he was sweaty and uncommunicative.
Lydia Brown, a freshman at Georgetown University, is autistic, too. When she heard about Chris’s ordeal at school , she started a petition on Change.org demanding the Mercer County school district discipline the teacher who put Chris in the bag and require its teachers to complete training on interacting with autistic children. Click here to sign Lydia’s petition now.
At a meeting with school officials last week, Sandra learned this wasn’t the first time Chis had been stuffed in the duffel bag as punishment. The teachers allegedly referred to the duffel as a “therapy bag,” but lacking even basic training for working with autistic children, were unable to explain how confining Chris to a drawstring bag constituted “therapy” of any kind.
Here’s the worst part: after her meeting, Sandra says she rec eived no guarantee that this kind of abuse wouldn’t happen again — either to Chris or to other students in Mercer County schools.
That’s just not acceptable to Sandra, or to the 12,000 people who’ve already signed Lydia’s petition on Change.org. Lydia is hoping to deliver the petition to the Mercer County school board at their next meeting. The school board won’t be able to ignore this issue when they see the thousands of people angry about Chris’s treatment and calling for changes.
Please sign Lydia’s petition to get Mercer County schools to fire Chris’s teacher, and to get the school district to require its staff to complete comprehensive training on i nteracting with autistic children.
My Son The Pampered Prince
I always know when I have to address an issue because I start to lose sleep or the issue begins to occupy my thoughts. Well the white elephant in the room is my son. This son dropped out of an Ivy League school because he wasn’t completing the work. Our house rules for our kids have always been either attend school or get a job (or both). For some reason, he has lived on the very edge of those rules and this weekend things came to a head. The class he attended has ended for the semester and the part-time job he had, ended in November.
Now the rubber is meeting the road because like all of the other adult children in this family, he has to work or attend school or make his way somewhere else. Being a mom, I hate the somewhere else option!
However being a parent of integrity, I felt it necessary to discuss his plans and next steps. Our son was very tight-lipped during the discussion, however we gave him our goals and a deadline (to meet our goals). Loving him as I do, I really hope he finds work or re-enrolls in school.
I’ll keep you posted!
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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