Staying Sane While Parenting Teens
Radio Show with Lon Woodbury (September 30, 2013)
With the lack of communication between parents and their teens in homes today, today’s guest on Parent Choices for Struggling Teens, C. Lynn Williams shared some “time tested tips” and strategies for parents to “stay sane” while raising their tweens and teens with host Lon Woodbury. In order for parents to stay sane, to keep their cool and not lose their temper, the first thing parents need to do is take care of themselves! With the life changes parents are also going through, it is important to take care of yourself, get out and get some exercise and get more sleep (rather than getting by on less.) In addition, having healthy meals together as a family is a must. There are great discussions and conversations that can come up, plus you get a visual on how your teen is doing- both physically and emotionally.
Some general tips that C Lynn recommends include: consistency. Especially on this brink of adulthood, parents need to have a wall of structure and consistent follow through. “No idle threats…if you say it, then you mean it” shared Lon. Another tip: you have to remain and remember that you are the parent. You are not their friend and as a parent there are standards you have to uphold. Lastly, you need to build individual relationships with each child. Spend time exclusively with each child and get to know them because each one is different. When they need to talk, they can then come to you to talk, from building the relationship and trust together. “Find out what their ‘love language’ is, ways your child receives and accepts love, whether it is attention, gifts or words of affirmation. Yet be appropriate in praising your teen, don’t praise them unless they have truly earned it…be honest with your teen.
For those with tweens, remember they are at the age where their hormones are in full force. “They still want to please you and then the next second, they don’t like you.” During this puberty stage there are lots of influences in your child’s life. The girls want to belong and the boys are centered on sports. This is a good time to get your child involved in extracurricular activities. They need to be kept busy and they need to be in a structured setting. And the good thing that comes out of this is the friendships they make, they want to please their coach, they are not sitting on the couch becoming a couch potato and they get a chance to explore their different interests.
When it comes to a parent needing to seek help for their out of control teen, “you should do so when you notice a drastic change in their behavior, their temperament, if they are quite and morose, depressed or you notice weight gain or weight loss” says C Lynn. And the first step to take is to contact the school and make an appointment with the school psychologist. “Just talk to your kid and if they won’t talk, seek help.”
“Parents need support, like in the old days; everyone on the block would look out for each other’s kids. We need to get back to that again. Involve the teachers, involve the neighbors, give them your phone number and have them call you if they see something not right with your child.
To listen to the full interview, go to Staying Sane While Parenting Teens on LATalkRadio
Contact:
Lon Woodbury, MA, CEP, IECA
208-267-5550
lonwoodbury@gmail.com
http://www.strugglingteens.com
Featuring:
C. Lynn Williams
Parenting Coach, Author, Speaker
224-357-6315
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
www.clynnwilliams.com
How You Can Protect Your Daughter Against Teen Dating Violence?
Teen dating violence touches families from all walks of life, cultures, educational and socioeconomic backgrounds. It is a method of one partner controlling the behavior of another partner. Alright, now let’s talk about our daughters. It is important to meet the young man that our daughters are going out with because if we haven’t met him, how do we know whether or not he is good for our daughter or not?
Teen girls are hormonal & impressionable. They fall in and out of like/love with many people. And often times are easily impressed by what we consider bad boys. Bad boys can be young men who break rules, who are defiant, who are slightly dangerous or whatever other characteristics that come to mind. Many times our daughters may be attracted to that silent brooding type who later turns out to be very controlling.
And what often happens is that the young man appeals to the parents. Maybe he’s quiet but he’s polite and he says all the right things around the parent, but behind the scenes he is telling your daughter what to do, where to go, and who she should hang out with. Maybe he’s the type that calls her cell phone constantly and when she doesn’t answer, he harasses her.
Unbeknownst to you maybe he’s snatched her arm a few times or pushed her; small things that she doesn’t want to share with you because you would tell her to stop dating him. Maybe it’s progressed to the fact that he’s hit her once, but not anything that’s noticeable. What should she do and how do you find out what’s happening?
Start the dialogue now! If your daughter isn’t dating anyone start talking about scenarios where something like this could happen and what she should do, because I promise you talking sooner than later is always a good thing. she’ll probably tell you “don’t worry mom that’s not going to happen to me”.
November is domestic violence month not only for women but girls too. If you think that your daughter is being abused by her boyfriend or husband, help her seek help. There are a number of places that you can call. Here is one agency:
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Preorder my upcoming book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! – https://raisingyourdaughterpresale.eventbrite.com/
Hey Your Pants are Sagging…
I get it that each generation has a unique “something” that characterizes who they are. I was part of the 60’s gen and we wore large Afros, headbands, and platform shoes. I still remember my grandmother asking if I was going to get my hair “pressed” for graduation. She just didn’t understand us.
Well I have a major problem with our latest generation’s wearing of pants. Why do the pants have to sag so that I see your underwear? I don’t want to see your underwear! What’s so weird is how can you walk with you pants halfway down your butt? I mean I’ve seen you walk, so I know it’s possible, but it looks so crazy. My real problem is that our young males believe the rappers started this trend and they want to show society that they can do their own thing. However, according to Greg Mathis (Judge Mathis) sagging was adopted from the United States prison system where belts are sometimes prohibited [1] to prevent prisoners from using them as weapons or committing suicide by hanging themselves.
So, young men: knowing the origins of the SAGGING PANTS – do you still want to sag? Just saying…
…
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Preorder my upcoming book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES – https://raisingyourdaughterpresale.eventbrite.com/
[1] Christian, Margena A. (May 7, 2007). “The facts behind the saggin’ pants craze”. Jet
When Suicide is NOT the Answer
I had a friend in high school who told me he was going to ‘kill himself’. I was beside myself with worry, told my parents and my dad said – “If he was going to kill himself, he wouldn’t tell you first.” Of course the guy did not kill himself, but my brother did… Parents should never have to bury their children but they certainly shouldn’t have to bury them because they’ve committed suicide. Suicide is such a desperate call for help and in my opinion indicates that there were no other options. The problem for most parents is how is it that our child, teen or post-teen adult lives and interacts with us every day and we have no idea that they are contemplating suicide? Mental disorder, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism, or drug abuse is often the cause of suicide.[1] Additional stress factors such as difficult interpersonal relationships, long-term sickness or financial worries can also contribute to feelings that “life is no longer worth living”.
According to HelpGuide.org, most suicidal people give signals of their intentions. Below are some warning signs that we can look for to recognize and hopefully prevent suicides with our family, friends and students:
|
Suicide Warning Signs |
|
| Talking about suicide | Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as “I wish I hadn’t been born,” “If I see you again…” and “I’d be better off dead.” |
| Seeking out lethal means | Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt. |
| Preoccupation with death | Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death. |
| No hope for the future | Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped (“There’s no way out”). Belief that things will never get better or change. |
| Self-loathing, self-hatred | Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden (“Everyone would be better off without me”). |
| Getting affairs in order | Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members. |
| Saying goodbye | Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seen again. |
| Withdrawing from others | Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone. |
| Self-destructive behavior | Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Taking unnecessary risks as if they have a “death wish.” |
| Sudden sense of calm | A sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed can mean that the person has made a decision to commit suicide. [2] |
As a parent, we don’t understand it when a young person takes his/her life because of hopelessness or frustration. We often wonder where we went wrong. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the third-leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-olds, after accidents and homicide. It’s also thought that at least 25 attempts are made for every completed teen suicide. If you are concerned, here are some prevention tips that you may use:
- Speak to that person if you are worried
- Respond quickly in a crisis. Determine if the risk is low, moderate or high
- Offer professional help & support
Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Support
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Suicide prevention telephone hotline funded by the U.S. government. Provides free, 24-hour assistance. 1-800-273-TALK (8255). (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)
National Hopeline Network – Toll-free telephone number offering 24-hour suicide crisis support. 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). (National Hopeline Network)
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available in September, 2013 (220 Communications)
Who’s Bag of Chips are Those?
Salt & sugar are just evil! The older I get, the more I realize my eating is tied to my emotions. It’s completely crazy. I am a healthy eater, work out regularly and yet realize
how challenging it is to eat ONLY what is good for you. Here’s an example: diabetes runs in my family, hypertension too. I know this and changed my diet many years ago to eliminate meat and carbs like bread and potatoes. For years, I watched what I ate, and all was good. But as I have gotten older, my taste buds take over! I love French fries! See that’s what I mean. I can be minding my own business and a commercial with pizza or French fries comes on, and now I’m thinking about where I can go to get some, because there is nothing like that in my house! Yesterday, I worked out, ate fruit, salad for lunch, veggies & fish for dinner. On the way home from a meeting, my car drove itself to the local grocery store, so my wallet could buy a bag of potato chips. Yum! No! Yum!
Okay so today, the chips go in the garbage and I’ll start over. No TV commercials are going to make me purchase that delicious chocolate from Portillos. Once on the lips, forever on the lips. WHATEVER!
…
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Speaker
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
My Books: Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (soon to be released – 220 Communications)
It Doesn’t Matter if You’re Black or White
Let’s take an honest look at an ugly topic – RACE. There I said it! Not just race itself, but what happens when we allow race to permeate our thoughts, feelings and our perceptions. Think about your son or, or if you’re younger and sans kids – your brother. Did it ever occur to you that your child (brother) is held responsible or labeled because of his race? Let me give you an example. When you are walking down the street and you see a black boy walking in your direction, do you a) Cross the street; b) Clutch your purse tightly or c) Continue walking without fear? Or, what would be your first thought if you heard that an altercation occurred between your child and another student? Would you assume it was the other child’s fault? How about if the other child was a black child? What would be your assumptions?
When my son was three years old, his daycare provider (a friendly, white woman) took care of him and several other kids, including her own. We lived in the same neighborhood and our older children attended school together. She was fanatical about cleanliness and that was okay because who wants their child in a pig sty. She loved her family and believed in God. Important points for me! We were off to a great relationship! At least that was what I thought. One day I after work, I picked up my son and she told me that he bit her son. What? Biting was not new to me because my son bit another child at the previous daycare provider. I was very concerned because biting is aggressive act and I needed to know what was going on in my young son’s mind that made him think biting was acceptable. My husband and I would address those concerns with him once we got home. What I wasn’t prepared for were the next words out of my daycare provider’s mouth. She said that he was an aggressive kid and that he would probably grow up and kill someone someday! WHAT?!? At the previous daycare provider, her toddler son (white) started the biting phenomenon and bit our son. I’m not sure if he was punished, but one thing I know, his mother did not decide that he was aggressive and would grow up and one day kill someone. As a matter of fact, she apologized for his behavior, kind of laughed and said “boys will be boys”. Two different kids, same behavior was judged differently. The only difference is that one kid was black (African American) and one was white. 
More recently I was talking about parenting to a business partner of mine who has three sons. Her sons go to predominantly white schools and the youngest tends to show his feelings (good or bad) though facial expressions. He has not learned the art of masking those feelings yet. In any case, her son’s teacher told him to stop doing something and he continued to do it. She told him a second time and he made a face and said okay. She wrote him up and called his mother. Okay! When my business partner asked her son why he didn’t stop when he was instructed, he told her he wasn’t ready to stop. He also told her that Johnnie (white) did the same thing but he was not told to stop. Now you can spin that anyway you like. Should both sons be admonished equally? Of course, but what is happening in many classrooms is that behavior is viewed differently and punishments, suspensions, and expulsions are more severe for children particularly boys of color. WHY IS THAT? And WHAT can we do about it?
Race may not be an issue in countries where people physically look the same. In those instances you are most likely judged by socio-economic standards like who your parents are and whether you have money or don’t. In this country, the United States, race is an out of control issue that is based in fear and needs to be addressed personally as well as societally. In Michael Jackson’s song – Black or White, I have to say – it does matter if you’re black or white. You ARE judged by the color of your skin and not necessarily the content of your character. Isn’t that a shame…
…
C. Lynn Williams
Author & Speaker
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
Surviving Loss
One of my former students lost her mother yesterday. Her daughter, (also a former student) told me about it today and it took me back five years ago when I lost my own mother. My initial feels of numbness and grief, turned into days of feeling lost and disconnected. Then I could hardly put two thoughts together without being reduced to tears. Weird huh?
What was funny about my reaction after losing my mother was that my sister was closest to my mom; they talked regularly throughout the day, and were cooking and drinking buddies. My mom and I talked daily but relied on each other in different ways. Being more private in my thoughts I didn’t feel the need to share everything with my mom. She taught me how to be resourceful, so I shared problems that I couldn’t figure out alone. Yet when I did share my secrets with her, I could count on her to keep them secret forever. Yes, we were mother & daughter, but we were also good friends, quite different from our relationship during my years as a teenager! Mom was my chief strategist in many ways. Her suggestions and ideas guided me through relationships, both work & personal, childrearing, and through all of my entrepreneurial pursuits. Mothers are a part of our lives in so many ways, is it possible to exist when that relationship comes to an end?
To read more about my thoughts (personal & parenting) about mother & daughter relationships, preorder a copy of my soon to be released book, “Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!”…
C. Lynn Williams
Author & Speaker
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
Good Girl Gone Bad?
As a writer, author & musician, I truly enjoy creativity in music, art and clothing. However as a mother, I frown when I see artists change their behavior to appear “cool”, “trendy”, or sell more of their products. This is what I believe happened with Miley Cyrus at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards. Miley, who started her career as a ‘good girl’, starring in wholesome movies and on the Disney Channel as Hannah Montana, decides she wants to change her image. I get that! She wants to stretch herself in her craft.
However when I watched her performance, twerking and barely clothed I was horrified. I know everything is about more sales these days, and I’m sure record sales went through the roof, at least for Robin Thicke, Pharrell Williams and T.I. The song Blurred Lines is already quite controversial because while the beat is great, the music video shows young girls traipsing across the screen half-naked, and the song plagiarizes songs from two of my favorite music artists, one of them being Marvin Gaye. However sales aren’t everything, and it takes years to build a great image and repetition; while it only takes one performance to burn that image to the ground.
I digress… As a woman, I am always concerned when other women (or girls) feel that they have to remove their clothes, dance sexually suggestively or sell out to become successful. I’m concerned because if you’re good in your craft and you network, (and pray) the success will come, and it will come in a way that you can look in the mirror and not be disappointed in yourself. You will also have a career that you can share with your daughters, nieces and girls who want to be ‘just like you’ when they grow up. Miley – I’m talking to you young lady! Oh well, I guess I’m showing my age… If you’re interested, you can read more about my views on raising awesome daughters in my upcoming book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! – https://raisingyourdaughterpresale.eventbrite.com/
…
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Speaker
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
Where are You Putting Your Trash?
Please tell me What it is that makes a person drop trash out of a car or out of a window? No home training you say? I don’t believe it I answer
Is it that it is no longer a crime to “litter”? Maybe a $100 ticket would lessen these offenses? Or maybe as a child, when you dropped something on the floor at home, your mother picked it up for you, so you think the “street maid” will pick up your your stuff? In Chicago it’s an epidemic. Earlier this summer I watched a guy empty the trunk of his car and place the papers at the curb.
Being the assertive, Save-the-Earth person that I am, I marched out of my car and asked him why he was littering my neighborhood. He apologized and picked up his trash and placed it in the nearest garbage can. I’ve also found soiled diapers by the curb. Isn’t that what diaper bags are for?
Now if I can just catch those dog owners who allow their pets to defecate on my lawn without picking it up! Mayor Emanuel, we need enforcement of that littering law.
Just my ordinary thoughts
…
C. Lynn Williams
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Preorder my upcoming book: Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES https://raisingyourdaughterpresale.eventbrite.com/
Waiting for Real Love
Do people fall in love anymore? With dating services like E Harmony, Match.com and Christian Mingles, do people marry for convenience, or do people actually wait for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right to come along? I remember a conversation that I had years ago with my aunt. She wasn’t happy with the man that I planned to marry, and in so many words, told me so! She preferred that I marry a doctor or lawyer to have “the finer things in life”. That would have been okay, except that I had to be in love with the man I planned to marry.
My girlfriend feels the same way too. Her very complicated life has recently gotten a lot simpler and she says if she ever marries again, it will be the kind of “hard to breathe”, “can’t sleep at night without thinking about him” kind of love. I mean face it, if you marry someone for money or looks, both could vanish overnight right? A couple in New York felt the same way and married each other 35 years after falling in love at first sight! Okay maybe I wouldn’t wait that long. Oh the power of true love!
Click here to read the article: http://tiny.cc/tsx41w 
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
My Books:
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! Available August, 2013 – preorder starts Aug 23rd http://raisingyourdaughterpresale-esli.eventbrite.com/#!
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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