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Timeout for Bullies

Last week one of my friends found out that her nine year old son was being bullied at school. Not only did she find out that he was being bullied, she found out from her mother (his grandmother) because he didn’t want to tell her! As a result of the bullying, he had become withdrawn in class and a couple of his teachers were yelling at him too. So how do you get your child to talk to you about bullying?
When I talk to parents about their children being bullied, I often remember running home from school daily in fifth grade. There were two girls – one lived on my block, and the other was in my fifth grade class. What was interesting about the school bully was that the teacher knew that I was being constantly bullied by this girl. I told her. I was involved in a fight after school. Actually it was no fight; I was usually beaten unless I could outrun her (which I often did). Think about it for a minute. The adult that I trusted, my teacher offered no refuge for me except to let me out of school a few minutes early or to keep me after class with the hopes that the other student got tired of waiting and went home. My mother had a different approach altogether. There was no sitting down with the parent of the bully on the block and talking things out. Oh no. My mother talked to me and said “you fight back”. She actually spanked me when I came home crying indicating once again that I hadn’t fought back! Now I know that my mother did the best she could to help me protect myself against the girls who were bullying me. Then, it was a nightmare!

According to MBMBD: http://www.makebeatsnotbeatdowns.org/facts_new.html
90% of 4th through 8th graders report being victims of bullying
Among students, homicide perpetrators were more than twice as likely as homicide victims to have been bullied by peers.

Today, there is a plethora of anti-bullying resources available to parents. One website, Kidpower offers resources to not only parents but youth and teens to protect against bullying, molestation, abduction and other violence. http://www.kidpower.org/
One of the reasons that I like having dinner with family is that you get to ask and talk about your day and your children’s day. It helps if there are siblings who also go to the same school, because often siblings tell what’s going on when the child being harassed won’t.
If your child becomes withdrawn, won’t eat or communicate with you, let him or her spend time with grandma or grandpa or another close family member to see if they will share what’s causing them to withdraw. If a family member is not available, check with your child’s school for the name of the school psychologist or social worker. Bullying is devastating and doesn’t go away on its own.

C. Lynn Williams, #msparentguru
Author and Parenting Coach

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)

February 25, 2013 at 12:45 pm Leave a comment

Let’s Go Back to Parenting 101

My heart goes out to all of the parents who have lost children, no matter whether it was due to a serious illness, child custody, runaway, and suicide or gun violence. We are seeing troubled times these days, and a large part is probably due to a number of reasons, one being that people have lost their minds! Also in this wonderful, global society we live in, news is reported instantly overwhelming us with tragic news accounts throughout any given day.

Example of someone who has lost his mind: A person that kills a school bus driver, kidnaps an autistic kid and holds him hostage for unknown reasons. http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/05/us/alabama-child-hostage/index.html
Between situations like this and the random (and not so random) shootings that are killing our children at alarming rates, I recommend that we go back to Parenting 101!

Parenting 101 requires:
• That you know where your child is (and your child knows you have eyes watching him or her) at all times.
• Your child comes home directly after school lets out. If (s)he is involved in extracurricular activities, you arrange for your child to be picked up by a family member or trusted family friend
• You know most if not all of your child’s friends.
• You are friends with your neighbors and they have your permission to chastise your child when you are not around.
• Your child is at home, not out on the streets when the streetlights come on.

By the way, it’s also good to eat at least one meal together daily, so that you and your child can talk about the day’s events, possible issues at school with friends or bullies, and share time with each other. Just my parent thought.

C. Lynn Williams, #msparentguru
Author and Parenting Coach

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)

February 5, 2013 at 10:36 am 1 comment

We Care…

These last two months have been tumultous months of chaos and violent events especially geared toward children and women. Just in the last two weeks, I have read about violence in Illinois, Colorado, Indiana and now Connecticut and China. I used to write that the violence that we are experiencing in our country is based on the breakdown of the family, lack of morals being taught in the home, or a lack of discipline. That is probably an easy answer. A more honest answer is that brutality and violence are common in TV shows, movies, comics, etc. and what way to look “cool” than to do the unconscionable – hurt someone! That may be a simplistic answer as well, so I’m not sure why there is such an attack on humanity, but the killings that are occurring in our homes, schools, businesses and communities is alarming to say the least!

What can we do as parents to shore up and protect our children from the chaos that is currently taking place in our world? There is no guarantee that you and your loved ones will be reunited at the end of the day. So here are my suggestions:
1. Love and hug your kids EVERYDAY!
2. Explain and communicate in a way that your child understands your care & concern for them!
3. Be concerned about other kids in your community as well, and
4. Support the teachers in your child’s life.

We are experiencing an enormous shift in how little we interact with each other and how easy it is to hide behind the technology that conveniences our lives. My son and daughter tell me they can always tell if a good television program is on. They can tell because I can hardly say two words together – I am distracted. Today is not a good time to be distracted from our children. We miss things they feel, think, say and do when we are distracted.

My heart goes out to the victims of domestic violence, dating violence, gun violence, and bullying.

CLW

December 15, 2012 at 10:42 pm 2 comments

Plain Talk About Spanking

As a parent, I believe in a good mix of love and discipline. I ran across a website/article that disagrees with the values of corporal punishment and gives reasons why. Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education (PTAVE) supports this article as well.

Let me know what you think.

http://www.nospank.net/pt2011.htm?goback=%2Egde_135134_member_115738148

May 29, 2012 at 4:03 pm Leave a comment

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