Posts tagged ‘daughter’

Boys Will Be Boys…

I could never understand why the things that I got into trouble for, my brother didn’t get into trouble for. The way it was explained to me was: you are not your brother. Fast forward to a story that my husband used to tell me. He was the oldest of four, and two of those siblings were girls. His sisters did not understand why the discipline for him was different than the discipline for them. His dad simply told them you are not a 16-year-old boy. Now whether that’s right or wrong, that’s how our culture decides what’s appropriate for boys versus what’s appropriate for girls. It doesn’t always match up with what is right.

What’s even more unbalanced is how our society is inconsistent in its justice for black boys versus white boys. I taught males in high school. When I taught at a male-only high school, and noticed that the punishment for African-American or Hispanic students tended to be more severe than the punishment for Caucasian students. What was that about?

So growing up as a girl, I realized that boys’ behavior was more acceptable than girls, and as a young adult woman I found that white males received more leniency for punishment than males of color.

So now we have a U.S. Supreme Court candidate who has been accused of sexual harassment as a teenage boy. During one of the news reports yesterday, I heard a commentator or maybe it was a U.S. senator say “well you know boys will be boys.” That’s a travesty and shouldn’t be tolerated! A crime is a crime no matter who does it. If you sell dope, (I think we call them drugs today) then you’re guilty. Your punishment shouldn’t be any different because of your skin color or your gender. If Bill Cosby, who had a reputation of being America’s funniest TV dad, can be accused and convicted of sexual misconduct, then so can Judge Kavanaugh and President Trump.

I mean justice is blind right? Click Here to purchase a copy of The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship With Your Son.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 28, 2018 at 2:44 pm Leave a comment

Summer’s Almost Over – Are You Where You Want to Be?

Have you ever stopped for a moment and thought about some of the things that you’ve accomplished? If your answer is no I completely understand. Usually that’s me too! I am so busy creating and accomplishing, that I don’t think about my achievements. However today is August 1 and the summer is coming to an end. I started thinking about what I’ve accomplished this summer and what it means to me.

I am super passionate about great relationships between parents and their children and have written several books about how achieve the relationship that you want with your children and your parents. This summer I’ve been writing a relationship book about fathers and daughters. While I’ve had some tears, I’ve had some laughter too as I think about my dad and my relationship with him.

You see, I grew up in the 60s, where adults could tell you what to do and you did it. That was a time where your village existed within the neighborhood you lived in, and you had more than one set of parents because every adult could tell you what to do. Parenting then was very different from what’s taking place today – the safety of the villages has all but disappeared.

But back to my father-daughter book. I didn’t think I had a lot to write about my relationship with my dad, until I began writing. His parenting style was quite a bit different from my mother’s and equally important for my growth into womanhood. Dad didn’t sugarcoat what he said, and I knew I could trust him. He was like most dads who don’t provide frills and flowery words to us, but they say what we (daughters) need to hear. 

I can’t wait until my book is ready to share with you. As a matter fact, I will be hosting a father – daughter discussion on August 6 from 7 to 9 PM here in Chicago. Here is the link if you want to attend this free discussion: daddaughtertalk.eventbrite.com. I would love for you to join me. #FathersandDaughtersRock

So… Are you where you want to be?

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

August 1, 2018 at 10:25 pm Leave a comment

Manners Matter

Have you ever seen something and wondered – ‘Did I just see that!’ 

I was driving on the expressway and traffic was really congested. In broad daylight a man pulled over to the side of the road and proceeded to pull out his genitals and use the bathroom! WHAT?!? Seriously!?! I thought what kind of home training did he have?

In another situation, a woman begins to talk on her phone. You can hear the voice on the other end of the phone because she has her caller on speakerphone. Why?

I met with one of my clients last week, at a public playroom for kids, since she had her kiddos with her. The playroom reminded me of when my kids were invited to places to play with each other while parents got to know each other. The biggest difference between then and now is that a few of the parents were on their phones while their child played.

What she did next got my attention. Before allowing her son to play with the other kids, she reminded him of the ‘house rules‘. The house rules were her expectations of his behavior. “Play nice.” “Hitting is not a way to resolve a problem.” Her little guy was only 4 1/2 years old, but he was being taught how to handle conflict and remain mannerable! She said that she noticed that when he and another child had conflict, he would hit. She wanted to teach him other ways to resolve conflict besides hitting (or taking what he wanted). Manners do matter, maybe not to adults who urinate on the side of expressways or when talking on speakerphone in public places. 

Manners are behaviors that are taught either by how you are raised or what you see at home. If kids are taught to be mannerable by adults who are mannerable, then that’s what they are. If the environment where you live, permits misbehavior like disrespect, littering, fighting, road rage, temper tantrums, things like that; then manners don’t matter to you.

But we live in a global society, where people from many cultures are expected to get along with each other. Manners matter because how we live our everyday lives spills over into how we treat each other and our neighbors. Respecting each other, protecting our environment and raising our children to do the same is what matters.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting relationship programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

May 30, 2017 at 1:41 pm Leave a comment

Motherhood – The Greatest Role Ever

As March 2017 begins, I’m thinking about Women’s History Month, Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent, as well as my oldest daughter’s impending womens-history-month-2wedding. While each event influences my life in some way, anything related to my children touches me on a much deeper level.

My role as a mother has required that I learn how to:

  • Love
  • Share
  • Care
  • Stand firm
  • Fight
  • Listen
  • Become fearless
  • Hold my children (and myself) accountable

It’s the only role that I know of where you create a human legacy, and generations of people are born. Motherhood is a gift from our Creator that we can choose to be amazingly great at, or an abysmal failure. Often our childhood experiences shape the kind of mothers we become.

Mums and Babies

Mums and Babies

I will be sharing my thoughts about Motherhood today, March 1, 2017, 7:30 PM (CST) on Real Life, Real Love with Chatdaddy Sims on WVON 1390 AM. I would love for you to call in and join the conversation.

motherhood-quote

Interested in taking your family’s dynamics to a new level? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 1, 2017 at 4:19 pm Leave a comment

The Good..The Bad..The Ugly

Even though my kids are adults, I’m still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. It’s sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what I’m talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her – “I’m sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and I’ll have to talk with you later”? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?

Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your children’s problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. It’s difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).communicating-with-adult-children-1c7xd8i

For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:

  1. Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (“Just for this month Mom”). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
  2. Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that she’s been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
  3. Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she can’t figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.

 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to receive my newsletter and notices of my future events.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 13, 2017 at 9:16 pm Leave a comment

Merry Christmas

merry-christmas christmas-family
I love the festivities of Christmas whether I’m addressing Christmas cards, buying gifts (I hate wrapping them), putting up decorations and getting the house ready for Christmas and Kwanzaa. I’ve to be careful in what I want out of the holidays – enjoyable time with my family versus a stressed out wife and mom who tries to do everything. My enthusiasm for trying to do everything, makes a wonderful time of year just another huge exhausting commitment!

As adults and parents, we know how hectic the holidays can be, however our excitement may not translate to our teens and adult children. Our kids may be finishing projects or exams and it just seems that Mom (or Dad) are ‘doing too much’.

Here are four tips to keep the holiday season in perspective and enjoyable for you and your children:

1) Don’t try to do everything yourself. Ask your kids and spouse for help. A great example is buying and dressing the Christmas tree. We love having a tree and even when I least feel like decorating the tree, one of our kids will help, takeover the job entirely or talk to me until I’ve finished ‘dressing’ the tree.

2) Relax your expectations. You may get push-back from your college kids if you expect them to get up (early) on a Saturday morning and go shopping. Early Saturdays may be a great time to take the younger kids to see Santa Claus or make cookies. You can still have family time, without the stress and attitudes.

3) Take some time for you. If sleeping late on a Saturday or Sunday morning is not possible, then go workout, slip out to yoga class (while everyone is asleep) or take yourself shopping and enjoy being in the stores without someone constantly calling your name.

4) Do something different this year. Consider starting a new tradition with your family. It makes getting ready for the holidays so much more exciting. As a kid, my family drove through different neighborhoods looking at Christmas decorations. That was so much fun because my siblings, parents and I were all together! As a parent, my kids and I took the train to Chicago and watched the Lighting Ceremony at the Magnificent Mile. Oh boy! Was that fun!! Depending on the age of your children, let them help decide what new and exciting family activity you will try for the holidays!

To make this time even more special, we’ve prepared a wonderful Christmas gift to help you get ready for the Holiday spirit! Quantities are limited! To receive your Christmas gift, send me an email with your name & mailing address. I will send you my very special gift!

Quantities are limited so email me right away!hannukah

If you would like to learn about my activities and events before everyone else Click Here to join my parenting community.

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentgurukwanzaa

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 16, 2016 at 6:53 pm 3 comments

If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…

Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your img_9908daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.

Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?

Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here

If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru

Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com

November 10, 2016 at 1:32 pm Leave a comment

10 Daddy Tips for Raising A Daughter

I ran across this simple, but powerful list for dads to consider when interacting with their daughters, compliments of http://www.loveplayandlearn.com/10-daddy-tips-for-raising-a-daughter/  — Enjoy  dad-holding-school-age-daughter-beach

1. Love Her Mother:

I list this first because, arguably, this is the most important in helping to develop my daughter’s ability to develop, and maintain, a stable relationship in her future. Parents are the largest influence in this area and how you treat your spouse reinforces the kind of relationship that your child will seek in their adulthood. Love her mother, treat her with respect, and don’t be afraid to express your love for her in front of your children. Expecting your child to know that you love your spouse without ever showing/expressing it around them sends mixed signals. To put it simply, think of it this way: would you want your daughter to marry someone that treats her the way you treat your spouse?

2. Tell Her She’s Beautiful AND SMART:

It goes without saying that fathers play a significant role in helping develop their daughter’s (really their son’s as well) self-esteem. Your daughter faces a world that is not afraid to bash her self-esteem, and/or self-image, in order to sell her something. It’s important that early, and often, you remind her that you think she’s beautiful, inside and out. Of course beauty isn’t everything and your daughter should know that you value her intellect as much, if not more so, than her appearance. Help her understand that her self-worth is not reliant on her physical appearance so that she learns not to base the value of others on their appearance. Teach her that beauty can be found in everyone and that intellect will help her live a rich and fulfilling life.

3. Spend Time With Her:

We live in an increasingly connected world. Yet, paradoxically, our personal relationships have become disconnected as a result. Your daughter wants requires your attention. There are certainly times in which this will be incredibly difficult, given the demands of your career, but the investment of your time in her life will reap rewards beyond measure in her adulthood. Make sure that she understands, and feels, that she is your number one priority in life.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Act Silly:  daughter-dad

Creative play engages your daughter and enriches her imagination. This means that you shouldn’t be afraid to sit down to a tea party, or dress up now and then. You may feel ridiculous but your daughter will love you for it. It shows her that you value her happiness more than your personal pride and helps stimulate her creativity. This may mean you’ll have to watch a silly, childish movie on occasion, but would you prefer that she remember all the fun you had with her as a child, or the times that you turned her down because it was beneath you?

5. Read…Read…Read:

Nothing stimulates your daughter’s intellect, increases her vocabulary, and helps strengthen your relationship like cuddling and reading a good book. Dedicate a short portion of each day- bedtime is usually the easiest- to read to her whichever books she chooses. If your schedule makes spending time with your daughter difficult, say due to career obligations, commit a small window of your time just to this task and do everything within your power to be there each night – even if it means reading over Skype. This will become something that she looks forward to each day.

6. Share Your Hobbies With Her:

Who says that your daughter wouldn’t be interested in watching the football game or your favorite movie? When she’s young she’ll see this as an opportunity to spend time with her daddy doing something he enjoys. Include her in some of your hobbies so that she can learn to love and appreciate you even more. Perhaps even more importantly, be involved in her hobbies as well. Does she enjoy dance? Sports? Perhaps art? Be sure that you know the answer to that and you show her you care by participating in her hobbies as well. Sure, she may no longer want to join you as she gets older but don’t forget to extend the invitation. She may rather hang with her friends than spend time with the “old man” but at least you’re reminding her that your hobbies can be just as enjoyable, if not more so, with your daughter in tow.

7. Be Respectful of Others:

One of the biggest challenges that your daughter will face in her youth is developing a positive self-image and self-esteem. This is especially critical when she’s in her early teens as her self-esteem is particularly fragile. Be cognizant of what you say of others, especially women, when your daughter is with you (though best practice is even if she’s not with you). Remember that your “joke” or insult may have lasting consequences on your daughter’s psyche. Don’t forget that she looks to you to get an idea of what to expect from the opposite sex.

8. Be Her “BFF”:

At 19 months, I make it a priority to ask my daughter how her day went every night I come home from work. Sure, her incoherent ramblings usually consist of a smattering of words along with pure gibberish but I appear genuinely interested nonetheless. I make it a habit so that when she gets old enough to speak, she’ll know that I look forward to hearing about her day each evening. Your daughter will face many challenges and frustrations in her youth; make sure that she understands that she can always come to her daddy to share the good, and the bad, of her day on a regular basis. There will be times when she’ll need your shoulder to cry on, or just a pat on the back for a job well done. Be there, nonetheless. She’ll remember it.

9. Help Her Reach For The Stars:

Whether it’s an artist, nurse, lawyer, engineer, or mathematician, remind her that she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to, regardless of her sex. Help her understand that she can break the boundary and become successful in whatever endeavor she chooses and then help her achieve this. Don’t just tell her that she could be President of the United States if she asks, take her to a local government meeting to see politics in action. She won’t reach for the stars if you simply tell her to; she needs you to show her how to get there.

10. Cherish The Moments:

The most common line I heard when we were expecting was, “enjoy it; they grow up fast.” I wasn’t sure just what this meant until one day, several months ago, my daughter went from stumble-walking to running, practically overnight. It dawned on me that day that she was never going to be the little baby that would fall asleep in my arms during a movie. Cherish every moment with your daughter, because one day you’ll look back and wish that you had just given her one more hug, one more kiss, or one more “I love you”. She’ll always be your little girl but there’s only so long that you’ll be able to hold her in your arms and carry her up to bed after a long day of play. I’ll be the first to admit (and my wife will likely be the second to confirm) that I don’t always follow these steps perfectly. As long as I give it my best effort, I can feel comfortable in the knowledge that I’m giving my daughter the best chance to grow up to be a happy, self-assured, woman.

Happy Parenting!

C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com

 

February 23, 2016 at 9:08 pm 1 comment

Teaching Millennial Young Women…OMG

young-women

I have been absent from this blog for the last month. Hard to believe, but it’s true and I apologize to those of you who look forward to my weekly posts. I have a good excuse though; I’ve been teaching a group of young ladies that have given me a run for my money. Call them young female millennials.

These young women are outspoken, opinionated, oppositional and hard to love. Many of them have dysfunctional relationships with their mothers – they have said “I hate my mom”, don’t respond well to rules and have very short attention spans.

I took it personally at first and couldn’t understand why I was dealing with this type of student. Then I realized that many of you have these young girls or women in your home. These are your daughters and they are not easy to parent or get close to. There are many reasons explaining why our daughters appear distant from us.  It could be the fast pace of social media; how women and girls are portrayed in the media, or the inattention that they receive at home from us their mothers and fathers when we’re busy.

I know we have to change our mindset in order to reach this generation. They love technology. That means we can’t hate technology and expect to stay in touch with our girls. Whether it’s through texting, emailing, Face-timing or Facebook messages, talk to your girls and let them know you love them and are there for them.
millennial women 2
While the attitudes of these students were enough to make me think about retiring early; I realized that I was being given an opportunity to do what I love to do – get close and share my love with this millennial generation – your daughters. There are all kinds of things going on in their young lives. Some good; some not so good. They just need to know that someone really cares and is listening. No matter what type of outward attitude they give off.

Keep the lines of communication open Moms…your daughters really are listening.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for millennial daughters, aging parents, or mothers and sons.

Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

 

November 2, 2015 at 10:10 pm Leave a comment

10 Dating Tips for College Women

three college womenNext
Dating in college can be really fun. It can also be disappointing, frustrating and just plain old annoying, but finding the right guy for you doesn’t need to take an act from Congress. So here are the top ten dating tips by college students for college students, or in other words things that have worked! (reposted from EmpowerHER.com)

Tip 1

Find someone who likes you for you. This might sound cliché, but it means that your guy loves you even with your many imperfections. If you worry about what he thinks about you too much it can hurt your relationship more than it could help. Your man should love you for all the quirks and cute things you do, just because he cares about you.

Click on the link below to read more tips.

http://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/top-ten-dating-tips-college-students

Interested in learning more about self-care and balance for women? Join us on March 24th for our Balancing Life with Love virtual webinar. REGISTER => http://bit.ly/1b9sCko

Contact Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about her inspiring parenting programs for Mothers & Daughters, Mothers & Sons or Dads & Daughters. Email her at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

March 15, 2015 at 3:31 pm Leave a comment

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