Posts tagged ‘daughters’

Boys Will Be Boys…

I could never understand why the things that I got into trouble for, my brother didn’t get into trouble for. The way it was explained to me was: you are not your brother. Fast forward to a story that my husband used to tell me. He was the oldest of four, and two of those siblings were girls. His sisters did not understand why the discipline for him was different than the discipline for them. His dad simply told them you are not a 16-year-old boy. Now whether that’s right or wrong, that’s how our culture decides what’s appropriate for boys versus what’s appropriate for girls. It doesn’t always match up with what is right.

What’s even more unbalanced is how our society is inconsistent in its justice for black boys versus white boys. I taught males in high school. When I taught at a male-only high school, and noticed that the punishment for African-American or Hispanic students tended to be more severe than the punishment for Caucasian students. What was that about?

So growing up as a girl, I realized that boys’ behavior was more acceptable than girls, and as a young adult woman I found that white males received more leniency for punishment than males of color.

So now we have a U.S. Supreme Court candidate who has been accused of sexual harassment as a teenage boy. During one of the news reports yesterday, I heard a commentator or maybe it was a U.S. senator say “well you know boys will be boys.” That’s a travesty and shouldn’t be tolerated! A crime is a crime no matter who does it. If you sell dope, (I think we call them drugs today) then you’re guilty. Your punishment shouldn’t be any different because of your skin color or your gender. If Bill Cosby, who had a reputation of being America’s funniest TV dad, can be accused and convicted of sexual misconduct, then so can Judge Kavanaugh and President Trump.

I mean justice is blind right? Click Here to purchase a copy of The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship With Your Son.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 28, 2018 at 2:44 pm Leave a comment

Summer’s Almost Over – Are You Where You Want to Be?

Have you ever stopped for a moment and thought about some of the things that you’ve accomplished? If your answer is no I completely understand. Usually that’s me too! I am so busy creating and accomplishing, that I don’t think about my achievements. However today is August 1 and the summer is coming to an end. I started thinking about what I’ve accomplished this summer and what it means to me.

I am super passionate about great relationships between parents and their children and have written several books about how achieve the relationship that you want with your children and your parents. This summer I’ve been writing a relationship book about fathers and daughters. While I’ve had some tears, I’ve had some laughter too as I think about my dad and my relationship with him.

You see, I grew up in the 60s, where adults could tell you what to do and you did it. That was a time where your village existed within the neighborhood you lived in, and you had more than one set of parents because every adult could tell you what to do. Parenting then was very different from what’s taking place today – the safety of the villages has all but disappeared.

But back to my father-daughter book. I didn’t think I had a lot to write about my relationship with my dad, until I began writing. His parenting style was quite a bit different from my mother’s and equally important for my growth into womanhood. Dad didn’t sugarcoat what he said, and I knew I could trust him. He was like most dads who don’t provide frills and flowery words to us, but they say what we (daughters) need to hear. 

I can’t wait until my book is ready to share with you. As a matter fact, I will be hosting a father – daughter discussion on August 6 from 7 to 9 PM here in Chicago. Here is the link if you want to attend this free discussion: daddaughtertalk.eventbrite.com. I would love for you to join me. #FathersandDaughtersRock

So… Are you where you want to be?

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

August 1, 2018 at 10:25 pm Leave a comment

How Do You Manage Anger?

Dealing with anger and its repercussions can be very challenging. Being unaware of how to handle irritating and stressful situations may be a reason for many fits of anger and rage. Most people, except for young children and (possibly) teens, recognize their problem with uncontrollable anger.  Although there are many anger management activities which would enable them to better cope with confrontational situations, some people are unaware of these techniques and activities.

There are many anger management activities that parents and their children can practice or participate in when attempting to cope with daily feelings of anger.

One activity which is recommended for anger management is exercise. Exercise has been proven to have a positive impact on a person’s mood. Exercise helps an individual to decrease any negative feelings they might be experiencing. An effective anger management activity might be as simple as going for a walk or jog in the park. Visiting the gym to work out of taking part in their favorite sport may work well for an individual as an anger management activity. Taking a hike or spending a few hours in the beauty of nature would definitely allow a person to clear their head and release tension. Outdoor anger management activities can create an environment of serenity.

Anger management activities such as attending a support group, camp or retreat would help people who are experiencing difficulties controlling their anger. One positive aspect of attending anger management activities allows the person to see that their problem is not unique; that it is shared by plenty of other people. Being able to share with people in similar situations might be the key to anger management for some individuals. Sharing would likely provide hope through success stories. In anger management activities such as these, people are forced

to deal with their anger issues through various activities group sessions and one on one consults.

Anger management activities are recommended when dealing with children who are coping with anger or loss issues. A child is unlikely to respond well to group sessions and perhaps even become bored with one on one consultations. Finding activities which are interesting and even challenging may be a better alternative. Kids enjoy fun and games. Designing anger management games which are enjoyable yet beneficial would be so much more effective than forcing a child to sit down with an anger management counselor. Worksheets, coloring pages, individual games as well as interactive games would be accepted much better by children than a trip to the psychiatrist. When children are involved, it is essential to approach the problem carefully. Being overbearing will not go over well with kids. When considering anger management activities for kids, it is essential to be mindful that they are only children and the approach is important.

When considering anger management activities, choose ones which you find interesting and enjoyable. Sticking a person in an unfamiliar setting may create additional feelings of anger or isolation, neither of which is the intention of anger management activities. Finding an activity that works should be the key focus. I will be hosting a free parenting class on anger and grief on June 1, 2018 at Dyett High School through Parent University. Registration is highly recommended due to class size: dyettparentu.eventbrite.com

 

C. Lynn Williams

#MsParentguru & Founder of Finding Superwoman™

clynnwilliams.com

May 30, 2018 at 9:23 pm Leave a comment

The Good..The Bad..The Ugly

Even though my kids are adults, I’m still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. It’s sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what I’m talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her – “I’m sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and I’ll have to talk with you later”? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?

Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your children’s problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. It’s difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).communicating-with-adult-children-1c7xd8i

For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:

  1. Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (“Just for this month Mom”). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
  2. Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that she’s been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
  3. Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she can’t figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.

 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to receive my newsletter and notices of my future events.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 13, 2017 at 9:16 pm Leave a comment

Merry Christmas

merry-christmas christmas-family
I love the festivities of Christmas whether I’m addressing Christmas cards, buying gifts (I hate wrapping them), putting up decorations and getting the house ready for Christmas and Kwanzaa. I’ve to be careful in what I want out of the holidays – enjoyable time with my family versus a stressed out wife and mom who tries to do everything. My enthusiasm for trying to do everything, makes a wonderful time of year just another huge exhausting commitment!

As adults and parents, we know how hectic the holidays can be, however our excitement may not translate to our teens and adult children. Our kids may be finishing projects or exams and it just seems that Mom (or Dad) are ‘doing too much’.

Here are four tips to keep the holiday season in perspective and enjoyable for you and your children:

1) Don’t try to do everything yourself. Ask your kids and spouse for help. A great example is buying and dressing the Christmas tree. We love having a tree and even when I least feel like decorating the tree, one of our kids will help, takeover the job entirely or talk to me until I’ve finished ‘dressing’ the tree.

2) Relax your expectations. You may get push-back from your college kids if you expect them to get up (early) on a Saturday morning and go shopping. Early Saturdays may be a great time to take the younger kids to see Santa Claus or make cookies. You can still have family time, without the stress and attitudes.

3) Take some time for you. If sleeping late on a Saturday or Sunday morning is not possible, then go workout, slip out to yoga class (while everyone is asleep) or take yourself shopping and enjoy being in the stores without someone constantly calling your name.

4) Do something different this year. Consider starting a new tradition with your family. It makes getting ready for the holidays so much more exciting. As a kid, my family drove through different neighborhoods looking at Christmas decorations. That was so much fun because my siblings, parents and I were all together! As a parent, my kids and I took the train to Chicago and watched the Lighting Ceremony at the Magnificent Mile. Oh boy! Was that fun!! Depending on the age of your children, let them help decide what new and exciting family activity you will try for the holidays!

To make this time even more special, we’ve prepared a wonderful Christmas gift to help you get ready for the Holiday spirit! Quantities are limited! To receive your Christmas gift, send me an email with your name & mailing address. I will send you my very special gift!

Quantities are limited so email me right away!hannukah

If you would like to learn about my activities and events before everyone else Click Here to join my parenting community.

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentgurukwanzaa

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 16, 2016 at 6:53 pm 3 comments

If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…

Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your img_9908daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.

Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?

Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here

If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru

Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com

November 10, 2016 at 1:32 pm Leave a comment

3 Tips to Prevent Excessive Prom Spending (reprinted)

Reprinted 5/26/2016 from Moms Magazine ~~~ prom car

Eons ago, I attended prom. I actually had my dress made and it was a big deal to match the dress with my shoes. I wore a natural hair style, so I only needed a trip to the barbershop to have it properly shaped. I’m sure I wore some make-up and polished my nails, but the entire the whole preparation didn’t cost more than maybe $200.

Have you had to prepare your child for prom recently? I remember getting my own daughters ready for prom and it was certainly more elaborate than when I was in high school. I believe the cost of one of the prom dresses was three hundred dollars!

There was even a process for how your date asked you to prom. Apparently your favorite girl wouldn’t consider going to prom with you unless you had a creative way of asking her. prom2

Attended a prom party lately? My hubs and I attended a prom party and I was amazed and surprised at the elaborate things that took place. Her dress was flown out of New York and he had on the baddest pair of shoes I’ve ever seen even on a grown man; the fact that he was a high school kid made it unreal. I believe the shoes were blue suede. Between the videographer and the Rolls Royce limo, I imagine those parents easily spent $4,000.

Some parents feel if you have the money to spend why not spend it? My concern is that if you’re spending thousands of dollars for prom, what do you do when your daughter(s) or son(s) get married?

I believe we’re teaching our young people that they are entitled to this kind of excessive spending, when in actuality they aren’t. What have they done to deserve this excess?

Instead here are three things we can teach them to help them develop fiscal responsibility.
1. Let them know that they are responsible for some of their prom expenses. Set a dollar amount of what you will contribute.
2. Open a savings account when they are in grade school. Help them develop a habit of savings.
3. Teach them the value of being frugal. Show them how to get the best for their money. (Help them learn this early – during middle school would be good.)

Recently parents were telling me how concerned they were that their children particularly the teens acted so entitled. How can you not feel entitled if your parents will allow you to spend thousands of dollars on your dress or tux without establishing limits?

Interested in learning more about your how to communicate with your teen daughter? Pick up a copy of my book -Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring family coaching programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist
http://www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

June 7, 2016 at 3:55 pm Leave a comment

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