Posts tagged ‘discipline’

Discipline Disparity Between Black Boys & Everybody Else’s Son

When we African American mothers complain that the system is against our son(s), we are told that we are paranoid. Probably not.

Of course it doesn’t help when our sons are consistently targeted /stopped / jailed / shot by law enforcement officers.

When my son was three, I took him to a neighborhood in-home day care. The day care provider had three kids; two who were too young to attend school. One day when I picked up my son, she told me that he bit her youngest son. While I wasn’t surprised; he was going through a biting stage; her next words surprised me. “You better get him some help or else he’s going to be a a danger to society (not verbatim).” 

While I didn’t disregard his biting behavior, I also knew we had recently relocated the family and he was moved from a home he had known and loved since birth to one that was unfamiliar to him. I also knew other sons who bit, spit and punched each other and their moms simply said “Boys will be boys“. 

Understand that I am not saying our sons can do no wrong. If they are wrong, it is our responsibility to correct their behavior. Continual targeting is not the way. If you are a single mother without a positive male role model in your son’s life, then it will be hard not to take to heart what school (or daycare) officials say. Don’t believe the hype.

It’s really important to the socio-emotional health of our sons for us to protect them when it appears that they are constantly punished, suspended or jailed for acts that are considered quite normal for sons of other races and ethnicities.

Please read the Washington Post article by Tunette Powell and let me know your thoughts on this topic. Click here to read.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Founder & Creator of Finding Superwoman

clynnwilliams.com

August 1, 2016 at 2:40 pm Leave a comment

Other Mothers’ Sons…

I am tired, angry, and discouraged with the number of deaths by gun violence over the last 2-3 yearstop-gun-violences. As a mother with two sons, I thought about how I would feel if my sons were shot or killed randomly or by police. I mean, nowadays, there is such a disdain for life by “lost souls” that a bullet meant for someone else, can find its way to my boys.

When I read the news accounts on how the son (Joseph Graves or substitute any dead young man’s name here) was killed, I wonder what were the last words his mother said to him. I think about how he was raised, who were the influential people in his life, was he part of the problem or part of the solution. Since we are at epidemic proportions of young men dying by gun violence, I’ve changed my focus from the mothers of sons who have died, to the mothers of sons who are doing the shooting.

That’s who I want to think about in this post. Who do these young men go to for guidance? What kind of manners are they taught? What are their unmet needs? Do they need more love, more male interaction, or are they dealing with an untreated mental illness? Good behavior starts at home with good consistent parenting. Sons don’t start out bad, they are allowed to misbehave. It is reinforced when we don’t chastise, redirect them, discipline and teach them how to respect us and themselves.

When I was growing up and got out of control, we were called ‘wild hooligans’ and punished. Bad behavior was not tolerated. Nowadays, what are the consequences for temper tantrums for these boys at ages 2, 3 and 4? This is the age to train them to respect us (their parents) and authority. It i
s impossible to wait until your son is a teenager to train him on respect and good behavior.young_Shooters

My oldest son was raised by his mother and I got to be a part of his life when he was a late teen. He was very well-mannered and respectful. That’s how he was raised. My younger son, spent part of his years with me when I was a single parent, and his high school years with his father. He too understood the rules.

What I’m saying here is that respect and good behavior is learned and reinforced. The same is true for misbehavior. If you allow your son to say anything he wants to you, especially when he’s young and you think it’s cute, then you are breeding a monster. If he is a handful, put some male role models in his life either through your church, the local YMCA or a fraternity sponsored program.

Mothers, we can stop the gun violence now. Start controlling your ‘wild hooligan’ I mean your young man now. Teach your son how to treat people and how to behave appropriately, so that the streets or law enforcement won’t have to.

Interested in learning more about your how to best manage your son’s behavior? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons or Blended Families. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
NEW: Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

December 15, 2015 at 4:52 pm Leave a comment

I Hate My Teenage Daughter – Pt 2

Here’s the gist of the new TV show:

I HATE MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER is a new family comedy starring Jaime Pressly and Katie Finneran as single moms, best friends – and former nerds – who fear their privileged and overly indulged daughters are turning out just like the mean girls who picked on them in high school.

ANNIE (Pressly), who was raised in an ultra-strict, über-religious household where she had little-to-no freedom, pretty much allows her daughter, SOPHIE (Kristi Lauren), to do whatever she wants. Annie’s best friend NIKKI (Finneran), once an unpopular, overweight social pariah, is now a pretty Southern belle who also allows her daughter, MACKENZIE (Aisha Dee), to do as she pleases.”

Knowing a little more about what the show is about, I don’t have a problem with the show, just a HUGE problem with the title of the show. Considering that sensationalism sells, I don’t like it, but do understand that producers are trying to bring the issue of overindulgence by parents into discussion. As a parent, overindulgence makes you a great parent for the moment, but the feeling doesn’t last, and you send your teen, mixed messages about who you are.

What do you think?

December 3, 2011 at 2:18 pm Leave a comment

Back to School Kits for Parents

Kids aren’t the only ones who need school supplies!
Parents hit me up if you need a Back to School parenting kit.

August 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm Leave a comment


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