Posts tagged ‘entitlement’
Which One Are You Today?
It’s funny When your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them make their decisions.
Then they say things like:
- Can you pay for my phone?
- Will you complete my FAFSA?
- Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
- Can you pay my car insurance?
- Will you pay my rent?
Hold up! I thought you were grown? What happened to “I can do this.” or “Please stop telling me what to do!?”
This is the brain of our teenage or 20-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want your lessons learned talk, they want your money and support. No commitment!
While I published this blog in 2019, what I neglected to say was how important is it to teach commitment to our children when they are young and eager to learn (and please you). Teaching commitment means giving your children chores, which helps them understand how their chores helps the family operate more effectively. Commitment helps children take responsibility for what they did or didn’t do.
By the time your child is a teenager, they are less inclined to lose their minds when you say “We can’t do that this time.”
When your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it.
Today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up, I never liked being nagged and was very independent. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely, but most were never shared with my parents. I would have liked to talk out my decisions before they became mistakes, but didn’t feel my parents would have listened objectively and said, “What do you think you should do?”
Young people today don’t feel that way. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways.
Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage, takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. (It can also happen if she marries.) A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury and working the rest of his life as a laborer. Being afraid for our children and not letting them make mistakes prolongs the process of growing into a responsible adult.
It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out and let them live their life. However, just like our parents let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody!
Happy 2023!
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Single By Choice?
My daughter attended a wedding this weekend of her former college roommate. When I asked her what she thought of the wedding, she surprised me by saying how interesting it was that the majority of the women, who attended, came unattached. Mind you these are not unattractive, uneducated women or candidates for spinsterhood. These are attractive, well educated, gainfully employed African-American women who for whatever reason chose to attend the wedding alone. My question was WHY? Where were their boyfriends, husbands, significant others?
Just for the record, my daughter is a Gen Yer, or considered part of the Millennial Generation. Known as “Generation Me”[1], characteristics of this generation are: confidence, tolerance and also a sense of entitlement and narcissism. Most in this generation believe that life owes them something wonderful and they don’t mind waiting for it. My generation was a little different. We met, dated and married men that our parents approved of (possibly despite their approval). Very few of the girls in my class chose not to marry.
The irony is that I too have a number of friends and associates who are single by choice. Many were once married and are now divorced or widowed; a handful have chosen to remain single. Those who divorced decided that men were crazy and they were not interested in tying the knot again! The good news is that my contemporaries are no longer having children. However, one problem that I see is that it appears that two generations of African-American women are single and raising children as single moms without the benefit or assistance of a husband or significant partner. You might say, “What’s wrong with that?” My answer is that we are crippling generations of children who don’t know what it means to have a dad and a mom in the same household. That’s a problem because of the difficulty of raising a child singly – exhaustion, financial, and discipline to name a few. Let alone the issues that single moms have raising boys. Add to that, households of children that are born with different fathers and little connectedness to their larger family unit (grandfathers, aunts, uncles, etc.) and what we have is a breakdown of the African-American family unit.
I shared these thoughts with my sister (who is divorced by the way) and her perspective was entirely different. She felt that the problem was with African-American men. If men were more responsible, less unfaithful, more interested in raising families and employed, the world would be Perfect! I wonder what men would say about us? How do you feel? Let’s start a dialogue! Feel free to share your thoughts.
[1] Jean Twenge, author of the 20
06 book Generation Me
Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen
I was searching on Youtube and found this video by a really angry dad. It’s includes explicit language, so listen without young ears around you. This is why I wrote, Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen.
Watch the video and tell me what you think!
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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