Which One Are You Today?
January 11, 2023 at 5:21 pm Leave a comment
It’s funny When your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them make their decisions.
Then they say things like:
- Can you pay for my phone?
- Will you complete my FAFSA?
- Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
- Can you pay my car insurance?
- Will you pay my rent?
Hold up! I thought you were grown? What happened to “I can do this.” or “Please stop telling me what to do!?”
This is the brain of our teenage or 20-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want your lessons learned talk, they want your money and support. No commitment!
While I published this blog in 2019, what I neglected to say was how important is it to teach commitment to our children when they are young and eager to learn (and please you). Teaching commitment means giving your children chores, which helps them understand how their chores helps the family operate more effectively. Commitment helps children take responsibility for what they did or didn’t do.
By the time your child is a teenager, they are less inclined to lose their minds when you say “We can’t do that this time.”
When your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it.
Today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up, I never liked being nagged and was very independent. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely, but most were never shared with my parents. I would have liked to talk out my decisions before they became mistakes, but didn’t feel my parents would have listened objectively and said, “What do you think you should do?”
Young people today don’t feel that way. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways.
Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage, takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. (It can also happen if she marries.) A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury and working the rest of his life as a laborer. Being afraid for our children and not letting them make mistakes prolongs the process of growing into a responsible adult.
It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out and let them live their life. However, just like our parents let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody!
Happy 2023!
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Parent Coach, Author & Speaker
Entry filed under: Parenting. Tags: entitlement.
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