Posts tagged ‘father’
10 Daddy Tips for Raising A Daughter
I ran across this simple, but powerful list for dads to consider when interacting with their daughters, compliments of http://www.loveplayandlearn.com/10-daddy-tips-for-raising-a-daughter/ — Enjoy 
1. Love Her Mother:
I list this first because, arguably, this is the most important in helping to develop my daughter’s ability to develop, and maintain, a stable relationship in her future. Parents are the largest influence in this area and how you treat your spouse reinforces the kind of relationship that your child will seek in their adulthood. Love her mother, treat her with respect, and don’t be afraid to express your love for her in front of your children. Expecting your child to know that you love your spouse without ever showing/expressing it around them sends mixed signals. To put it simply, think of it this way: would you want your daughter to marry someone that treats her the way you treat your spouse?
2. Tell Her She’s Beautiful AND SMART:
It goes without saying that fathers play a significant role in helping develop their daughter’s (really their son’s as well) self-esteem. Your daughter faces a world that is not afraid to bash her self-esteem, and/or self-image, in order to sell her something. It’s important that early, and often, you remind her that you think she’s beautiful, inside and out. Of course beauty isn’t everything and your daughter should know that you value her intellect as much, if not more so, than her appearance. Help her understand that her self-worth is not reliant on her physical appearance so that she learns not to base the value of others on their appearance. Teach her that beauty can be found in everyone and that intellect will help her live a rich and fulfilling life.
3. Spend Time With Her:
We live in an increasingly connected world. Yet, paradoxically, our personal relationships have become disconnected as a result. Your daughter wants requires your attention. There are certainly times in which this will be incredibly difficult, given the demands of your career, but the investment of your time in her life will reap rewards beyond measure in her adulthood. Make sure that she understands, and feels, that she is your number one priority in life.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Act Silly: 
Creative play engages your daughter and enriches her imagination. This means that you shouldn’t be afraid to sit down to a tea party, or dress up now and then. You may feel ridiculous but your daughter will love you for it. It shows her that you value her happiness more than your personal pride and helps stimulate her creativity. This may mean you’ll have to watch a silly, childish movie on occasion, but would you prefer that she remember all the fun you had with her as a child, or the times that you turned her down because it was beneath you?
5. Read…Read…Read:
Nothing stimulates your daughter’s intellect, increases her vocabulary, and helps strengthen your relationship like cuddling and reading a good book. Dedicate a short portion of each day- bedtime is usually the easiest- to read to her whichever books she chooses. If your schedule makes spending time with your daughter difficult, say due to career obligations, commit a small window of your time just to this task and do everything within your power to be there each night – even if it means reading over Skype. This will become something that she looks forward to each day.
6. Share Your Hobbies With Her:
Who says that your daughter wouldn’t be interested in watching the football game or your favorite movie? When she’s young she’ll see this as an opportunity to spend time with her daddy doing something he enjoys. Include her in some of your hobbies so that she can learn to love and appreciate you even more. Perhaps even more importantly, be involved in her hobbies as well. Does she enjoy dance? Sports? Perhaps art? Be sure that you know the answer to that and you show her you care by participating in her hobbies as well. Sure, she may no longer want to join you as she gets older but don’t forget to extend the invitation. She may rather hang with her friends than spend time with the “old man” but at least you’re reminding her that your hobbies can be just as enjoyable, if not more so, with your daughter in tow.
7. Be Respectful of Others:
One of the biggest challenges that your daughter will face in her youth is developing a positive self-image and self-esteem. This is especially critical when she’s in her early teens as her self-esteem is particularly fragile. Be cognizant of what you say of others, especially women, when your daughter is with you (though best practice is even if she’s not with you). Remember that your “joke” or insult may have lasting consequences on your daughter’s psyche. Don’t forget that she looks to you to get an idea of what to expect from the opposite sex.
8. Be Her “BFF”:
At 19 months, I make it a priority to ask my daughter how her day went every night I come home from work. Sure, her incoherent ramblings usually consist of a smattering of words along with pure gibberish but I appear genuinely interested nonetheless. I make it a habit so that when she gets old enough to speak, she’ll know that I look forward to hearing about her day each evening. Your daughter will face many challenges and frustrations in her youth; make sure that she understands that she can always come to her daddy to share the good, and the bad, of her day on a regular basis. There will be times when she’ll need your shoulder to cry on, or just a pat on the back for a job well done. Be there, nonetheless. She’ll remember it.
9. Help Her Reach For The Stars:
Whether it’s an artist, nurse, lawyer, engineer, or mathematician, remind her that she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to, regardless of her sex. Help her understand that she can break the boundary and become successful in whatever endeavor she chooses and then help her achieve this. Don’t just tell her that she could be President of the United States if she asks, take her to a local government meeting to see politics in action. She won’t reach for the stars if you simply tell her to; she needs you to show her how to get there.
10. Cherish The Moments:
The most common line I heard when we were expecting was, “enjoy it; they grow up fast.” I wasn’t sure just what this meant until one day, several months ago, my daughter went from stumble-walking to running, practically overnight. It dawned on me that day that she was never going to be the little baby that would fall asleep in my arms during a movie. Cherish every moment with your daughter, because one day you’ll look back and wish that you had just given her one more hug, one more kiss, or one more “I love you”. She’ll always be your little girl but there’s only so long that you’ll be able to hold her in your arms and carry her up to bed after a long day of play. I’ll be the first to admit (and my wife will likely be the second to confirm) that I don’t always follow these steps perfectly. As long as I give it my best effort, I can feel comfortable in the knowledge that I’m giving my daughter the best chance to grow up to be a happy, self-assured, woman.
Happy Parenting!
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
www.clynnwilliams.com
Parent Goodies – Video Blog (Letting Kids Make Mistakes)
We are told that making mistakes helps us grow.
As parents, it’s hard to let our kids make mistakes. 
Click here to view: https://youtu.be/QK09flTHbyw
Enjoy!
Ms. Parent Guru
Desperate for Love…
Some of us marry to close that gaping hole. Others of us have sex early in our lives; maybe we have children (earlier than we are ready) that we hope will love us and fill that void. 
What we find is that NOTHING fills that void like a relationship with God. But as little girls, before we know God, we know our parents. As I watch programs like Being Mary Jane… or any reality show that deals with society’s view of relationships, I want you to know is that, the very first love that a young girl knows is with her father. She determines that by how much he provides emotional support and is present in her life. The second but equally important relationship is her relationship with her mother. Here she learns what is acceptable and what isn’t. Programs like Empire or Scandal may be entertaining, but the situations are fake. We have to teach our daughters that those are actors, who are paid to act a certain way. Teach them not to idolize the lifestyle shown in these programs; this is not real life.
If we want daughters that grow up without gaping holes, we must tell them w
e love them. We must show them we love them by making time for them and being patient as they grow and mature. We have to use words that heal instead of those that tear down. She is not a little b*&^%! If we want them to respect themselves, we (women) have to upgrade our standards for ourselves by walking away from dysfunctional relationships. Not every man is the one for you. If he is married, leave him alone. Take time to take care of you. Let’s focus on taking care of our bodies, mind and spirit too.
Let’s move away from desperate, damaged and defeated to caring, courageous, and CONFIDENT!
Interested in learning more about parenting, self-care & self-love? Contact Ms. Parent Guru (by email) to register for her parent mentoring program for Mothers and Daughters. Email her at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Strategist
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Is There a War Going on Between Fathers & Sons?
Ms. Parent Guru wants to know what is going on with the violence between fathers and sons. I get it when dads say “You can’t let your son get away with anything….If you give an inch, he will take a mile.” I realize that there is
a level of respect that every man wants his son to have for him. What is hard to understand is the aggression that seems to go along with the level of respect that fathers require from their sons.
Thinking back, my dad required respect from all of us, not just my brother. He hugged my sister and I, but I don’t remember seeing him hug my brother. He was from the school of hard knocks for boys. That’s the idea that some fathers tell me – “If I am not hard on him, he will not grow up and become a Man!”
Does that type of thinking push sons over the edge? I mean what could possibly be the reason that Thomas Gilbert Jr would kill his father over a decrease in allowance. What would cause Duffy Grogan to shoot his father? And what type of relationship existed between a father and his son would cause Marvin Gaye Sr. to shoot his own flesh and blood? 
There are probably a number of reasons like greed, drug usage, mental illness. However, as a society, the fact that we start removing any trace of love and nurture in young boys by telling them “Stop crying, you’re acting like a girl” or telling mothers (and fathers) “If you keep hugging him (your son), he won’t become a strong man.” All of that is hogwash! Boys need nurturing just like girls. Dads: please shower lots of love and attention on your son, so that he will grow up into a wonderful man that loves himself and is able to love others as well. Hopefully we can eliminate the aggression that exists.
If you want to understand more of what makes your son tick, invest in a copy of my book, ‘The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son’. http://amzn.to/1l6PUcv If you would like to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our sons, reach out to me on Twitter @MsParentguru or on my Facebook author page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. Use hashtag #WarBetweenFathersnSons
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
If you Divorce Mom Does it Mean You Divorce Me Too? #DivorceHurts
I remember when my parents divorced, I was actually happy! I know that sounds strange, but my dad had started drinking more heavily, and I felt 
uncomfortable around him. He was my lovable dad, but I didn’t like being hugged by him when he reeked of alcohol!
I was happy, and yet my family was breaking up. As a teen, I thought I understood (in my little teen mind) what was going on, but I had no idea that mom and dad divorcing would be a terrible thing for all of us, especially my brother. My mom initiated the divorce, the details didn’t really matter. What did matter was that once my dad moved out, our relationship as his children seemed to change forever.
He would tell my mom (or tell me) that he was coming to get us and visit, but often he didn’t. We saw him occasionally which didn’t make much sense to me, but I had already put up a wall of protection around me – so I told myself I didn’t care. I don’t remember how my sister felt, but my brother started acting out. He got in trouble in school; starting hanging around the ‘bad’ boy next door and stealing from the local store. When that happened, my dad came around and beat his behind. My law enforcement uncle came around more often to talk with my brother. He got the attention he craved, at a high emotional cost. As I became an adult, I asked my father why he promised to visit and didn’t. His answer was that he often had no money to give us and it was hard for him to come around us as a broke dad.
Yes, I truly felt that when our parents divorced, we also divorced the parent who left. This story is for those of you with children who are contemplating divorce; already going through divorce or completely divorced. I get it! Living with someone you no longer get along with for whatever reason is unbearable. I’ve divorced too! I’m sure my children feel the sting that divorce left on them, because they no longer saw their father daily. Please consider an arrangement that allows your ex-spouse to see their kids as often as possible. Get your emotions and hurt feelings out of the way and allow your children to continue to love you and your ex no matter what. #DivorceHurts
If you want to read more #divorcehurts, follow My Blog and sign up for my Parenting Newsletter. Want to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our families; reach out to me on Twitter @cgwwbook or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. #DivorceHurts
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Strategist
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010) The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012) Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)P.S. Hey… I have a new book coming out soon about #BlendedFamilies.
Contact me if you want to read a short excerpt…
Keep Your Hands (and Other Body Parts) to Yourself
At the risk of sounding insensitive, I admit that I have gotten desensitized to news about priests and coaches molesting boys and girls. It happens so often, it seems like daily news. I don’t like it, and it seems to take forever for the truth to come out (the kids are usually adults). Of course, nobody believes that a man of the cloth or a favorite coach is touching our kids inappropriately. Wake up America! Did it ever occur that the ‘acting out’ that our kids are doing, may be related to a secret they are ashamed to tell you?
What I still can’t stomach, is when our teen girls tell us (mothers) that they are being sexually molested by their fathers, stepfathers, uncles (family members) and we don’t listen. What is that about? As I mentor teen girls and young women, I want to say that I’m shocked that mothers prefer to believe their (in some cases) pedophile boyfriend to their own daughter. The sex can’t be that good. To make matters worse, you kick your daughter out, because you can’t possibly believe her. Now what is she supposed to do?
Remember the movie Precious? Precious’ mother knew her husband (Precious’ biological dad) was having sex with his daughter and had fathered Precious’ two children. Yuck! But it happens, probably more often than we care to admit, and it’s a dirty little family secret – especially if a child is born. If there was ever a reason for castration, sexually molesting your kid, niece, nephew or granddaughter is number one as far as this mother is concerned! What are your thoughts?
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
Dads Are Important Too
family Christmas and other dad traditions
When I think of the holidays, Christmas especially, I think of my dad and my granddad. As I write this post, a myriad of memories crowd into my heart about the men in my family. Today is ‘Dad’s Turn’. My dad would drive our family through different neighborhoods to look at the Christmas decorations. A day or two before Christmas, we would pick out a Christmas tree and decorate it. ..Lots of fun…
My dad was usually the parent that my siblings and I could count on to ‘play’ with us and have fun. He would jump out of the closets and scare us, and tell us stories about him and his brothers growing up. He was the male balance of our household – the last word. When he would play with us, we’d forget he wasn’t a kid like us and be disappointed when he became ‘Dad’ again. No fair… We would drive every week to our grandparents to spend Sundays with them and the Ed Sullivan Show. I hated that show, but loved the family time together. I loved watching my dad interact with his dad. They looked just alike, except for the age difference. While Dad was disciplined, Granddad was even more disciplined, yet he let me do things I couldn’t do with my own dad like comb his hair, and push in the buttons on his very cool Dodge dashboard. Granddad also smoked a pipe and had the most delicious smelling tobacco.
As a young girl growing up, Dad was always there. He may have been preoccupied, or asleep on the couch, but I remember the time he spent with us. I knew what he expected of me. I also knew I could trust him. His way was different from Mom’s. They both meant business; however when Mom told us she was going to ‘tell Dad’, we knew it would not be good. As much fun as we had with him, he was a former ‘military’ man and didn’t tolerate nonsense!
Like most families in the sixties, he was a family man. I never understood why he didn’t do housework. Okay yes he cut the grass, painted things when necessary, and barbecued the meat during holidays, but it never made sense that we (the Gist kids) had to wash walls and clean up the kitchen! When I had the nerve to ask why we had to wash walls, he would say “You dirtied them up didn’t you?” Let me just say that after washing the walls, we kept our hands off the walls! While Dad didn’t cook much except BBQ, occasionally he made lunches for us – fried Spam sandwiches and tomato soup. Yummy! He’d cut the sandwiches into shapes and while no one today would dare eat a Spam sandwich, it was another fun time with Dad.
A lot of those traditions changed as our family went through the transition of divorce and separation, I remember the times when I didn’t see my dad much. He would promise to come by for a visit, and never show up. My mom was careful not to talk bad about him to us, so all we had then was disappointment. I didn’t reestablish my relationship with him until the summer before I left for college. I had sassed my mother and wasn’t on speaking terms with her, so I cherished the times I got to spend with dad. We talked about a lot of topics, and I got a chance to know him as a person. I asked him about the times he didn’t show up and how disappointed we were. I remember him saying that he was barely getting by (financially) and didn’t want to show that side of himself (to us).
Perfect, he was not. Necessary to me growing into the woman I am now, very definitely! Today, there are a lot of girls growing into woman without the benefit of their dad. Woman decide what men they will become involved with based on the relationship they have with their father (dad), stepdad, grandpa or other positive male role model. Merry Christmas Dad!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
Patiently Waiting for Dad
As I travel back to my hometown, I think about my annual weekend visit spent with my dad. We talk weekly, but seeing Dad face to face is another story altogether. Over the phone he sounds pretty normal; a little more cantankerous the older he gets, but still my wonderful dad. Up close, I get to see how time has started to slow his walk considerably and determines how many household chores he is able to accomplish at any one time. Seeing him, I understand that it really is difficult to cook dinner and talk to me on the phone at the same time, because he has to focus.
Although he is prescription and disease free, his short-term memory comes and goes, which is really scary. During our weekend together, I didn’t understand his need to stay in the house and decided he was just being a stick-in-the mud. 
I remembered that “he’s eighty-one years old, and while he looks to be in his early seventies, his body (and mind) probably feel his actual age. Did I mention that he doesn’t have the modern conveniences I think all households have – cable TV and Internet access? So once I got it into my technology driven mind that Dad lived in the horse & buggy era, I collected my thoughts, reminded myself how glad I was to have a dad that loved me and who was alive, and I challenged him to a game of Scrabble. Parenting 101: enjoy your family with the tools that are readily available! Guess What? His mind was alert enough to beat me by nine points! Ahhh.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
When Is Close Too Close?
Is there ever a time when is a Parent – Child relationship too close?
What does that mean? If you spend time with your son or daughter or talk on the phone daily, is that too close? Does your close relationship interfere with your ability to parent that child? If the lines are blurred, meaning you such good friends, that you can’t give well-deserved consequences for misbehaving, then YES, you are probably too close.
I believe that teenagers and parents can’t be friends because when you need to discipline them or expect them to follow your rules, because they won’t understand how you’ve switched from friend to parent and may not obey you. On the other hand, if you are an aloof parent – the kind that just administers rules and won’t allow a close relationship to develop between you and your tween or teen, how do they learn that important skill of allowing others to be close to them?
However, what happens when your child becomes an adult and a real friendship develops? How much sharing is too much? Can you go out together and drink socially? Can you share the disappointments that you are experiencing in your own life? How do you maintain those relationships in a friendly way and yet not get hurt, the way adults do when one ‘friend’ feels differently or doesn’t respond in a way that you expect? We recently had a social event, and one of my friends, (she’s 40ish), told me that she asked her mother not to attend, so she could comfortably go and ‘have fun’. I had a completely different experience with my mother. Once I went away to school, we became friends and it was not uncommon to come home during break and be part of one my Mom’s famous parties. We’d have a blast!
So share your experiences with your mother. Email me at: cgwwbooks@yahoo.com
Hope you will follow some of my new #blogger friends:
Phil Rowlands Blog: Kindle Authors http://bit.ly/1ix9A3T (password: childsplay)
Christie Edwards Blog: Living Simplistically http://bit.ly/HwlFui
…
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Order My Books on Amazon.com:
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
My Dad
I love Father’s Day because I get to honor my dad, but it’s weird like Mother’s Day because how do you celebrate someone (for a day) who has loved you all of your life? The question for me is what did I learn from my dad? Hm… Well, my dad was very patient and easy-going. So during those times, when I’m not running at 100 miles per hour, I’m probably acting like my dad! 
In addition, he accepted people for who they were. I very seldom heard him talk badly about anyone. Okay I have half of that trait from him! On good days, when I’m not yelling at the driver in front of me, I’m probably acting more like my dad. I’m pretty competitive, believe in helping others (got that from both parents), and I’d say the rest of my traits are a result of my mother. (She was pretty awesome too!) The one thing I don’t see a lot anymore is that my father taught me to respect myself as a woman and to be selective in my choices of men. I’m sure I learned other things, but those are the main traits that make me who I am today.
However, my dad taught me tolerance because when I went through a divorce, my ex-husband had a hard time paying child support. My mother said, “throw the book at him”. My dad agreed with me when I decided to work things out. My ex-husband was a good father, so having him continue to work and provide what he could for his children was more important to me than having him sit in jail.
By the way, my dad turned 81 years old last week, and he’s in great health. Happy Father’s Day Horace!
Dad, Patti & Me
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Wolves Are Out There – Have you Protected Your Daughter available in summer, 2013
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
Blogpost Comments