Posts tagged ‘Mother’

Teaching Responsibility versus Perfection

Perfection

This month I’ve focused on commitment and responsibility within our families, with ourselves as parents, and with our children.

I would not be MsParentguru, if I didn’t mention that many of us grew up with parents who taught us that success meant you did things exactly as you were told – perfectly.

That’s how I was raised.

Thinking back to my childhood, my siblings and I had chores. To deviate from my parent’s expectations was not good! There were consequences. 😩 For example, during the week, I was expected to heat up dinner, by the time my parents got home from work. My sister or brother would set the table.

Being the strong-willed child who stretched the limits of what my mom wanted me to do, I would not focus so much on having dinner ready, I would do something that I thought would make mom happy and proud of me.

Why? 🤷🏽‍♀️ Kids need the why…

Of course she reprimanded me because I did not do what she expected me to do, but what I felt as a child, was that I couldn’t please my mother.

How many times have you felt like that growing up? If you did exactly what your parents asked you to do they still weren’t pleased with the results? So we have children that suffer with self-esteem issues and I wonder if parents are requiring perfection as a need for control instead of teaching children the bigger picture?

The bigger picture is that there are many ways to complete tasks at home, at school or at work. When we get stuck with how something should be done, it causes issues in our relationship with our kids.

So how do we repair those relationships?

One way is to be really clear about what it is that we want our children to do when we assign tasks or chores – simply saying “clean up your room” could mean that there are no dirty clothes or plates of food underneath the bed or stuffed in the closet.

It might mean that your bed is made and whatever else you want them to do in their room. Once you have explained the task, have your child say back to you what it is that they heard you say so that both of you understand. I certainly remember saying “that’s not what I asked you to do”, and hearing – “Mom that’s what you said.”

Will this strategy work the first couple of times maybe so, maybe not. However, as you work on communicating in a way that they understand and cover it with a lot of love and grace, conversations, and the expectations will get better and better. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what it meant to be a perfect, parent and issues that you may have faced trying to control your child’s responses.

What was missing between my mom and I, was the explanation for why what I did was not good enough. These types of conversations help parents teach responsibility and life lessons to their children without squelching their self-esteem.

If your motherhood journey feels more like a chore, than an honored responsibility…Register here for my FREE 3-Day challenge: Make Family Living Easier.

C. Lynn Williams, Ms. Parentguru

January 27, 2023 at 5:30 pm Leave a comment

How Do You Teach Kindness to Your Kid?

What kindness do you see in the world today? It starts within families…

Continue Reading November 16, 2022 at 10:45 pm Leave a comment

Want to Learn a New Lesson Everyday… Become a Parent

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

Every summer we keep our grandson, Aidan for a week. It helps out because his daycare is closed the week before school begins in the fall, and it gives his parents a rest. 😴

I love spending time with him. It gives my husband and I a chance to spend time with him, teach him some of our values and customs, and to learn more about him and his generation through his experiences.

I continue to learn patience from Aidan, which is funny because after raising four children, I feel like I already know quite a bit about parenting. 😉

Here’s what I learned this week from Aidan:

⁃ Sitting next to him is not necessarily spending time with him, especially if I’m engrossed with one of my devices.

⁃ Expecting him to do the right thing doesn’t work unless I explain it clearly and give him a good example to follow.

⁃ Having fun and learning new things is what’s important to him as a three-year-old and I’m OK with that.

Being a great parent or grandparent really works if you are willing to:

1. Spend the time

2. Make the time

3. Be present and love them unconditionally

Have a blast & enjoy every minute.💥

Interested in managing your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parent coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

August 20, 2022 at 9:15 am Leave a comment

One Size Does Not Fit Everyone

Thank you for reading and sharing my blogs. As a mom who has raised 4 children, and has taught teens and young adults, I know how important it is to live in a stable, loving home. I believe in healthy family relationships, and doing all I can to support moms, dads, to raise the next generation. I am here to support you through my books, blogs, workshops and coaching programs.

Being a mom requires you to be on call 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. Moms soothe sick kids, scared kids, broken hearts, and those who struggle with insecurities. They also take care of their brothers, sisters, parents and friends. Remind yourself that you are doing an AWESOME job! Take time to do something relaxing or fun for you!

Moms, help me help you guide the next generation. Completing this survey helps me design coaching programs and workshops that make you feel better mentally and physically. A one size program does not fit every mom!

Check out my survey and thanks for completing it. You will find the link below the graphic. Share it on your social media page and tag me @msparentguru, to receive a complimentary gift.

Mom4moms survey

Click here for survey link.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

http://clynnwilliams.com/

August 4, 2022 at 7:04 pm Leave a comment

New Mom Advice: Remember Yourself While Breastfeeding

Guest blog by Katherine Williams, whenthebabysleeps.com

Breastfeeding takes a lot of energy out of new moms. From late-night nursing sessions to minimal sleep, to feeling emotionally drained, having a new baby has its challenges. To make this special time better for both your baby and you, it’s crucial to find ways to take care of yourself. As laughable as it might sound, author and coach C. Lynn Williams offers up several ways to make self-care happen without feeling overwhelmed or guilty.

Care for the Necessities

Your kids need you to care for not only them but also yourself. When breastfeeding, it may feel like you spend all your time and effort on one child. Raising a baby can be mentally taxing and you must take care of your kids to give you the peace that you want.

You have to learn to stay calm, not only for your sake but for the baby. Kids pick up on your stress and if you do not stay calm, the baby may not want to keep close to you. All your baby wants is skin-to-skin contact and food. When breastfeeding, find yourself a comfortable chair to sit down in. You should feel supported by the chair and have no trouble elevating your legs if necessary. Additionally, stay close to your baby. Babies need a comfortable feeding session to remain close to their mothers.

In addition, find clothes that fit you correctly and remain comfortable. For instance, maternity bras are supportive but also can help prevent leaks. Do not wear a regular bra when nursing; instead, look for a nursing bra.

Take Control of Your Mental Health

Before you can fix your mental health, look at your diet. According to the experts, a healthy diet consists of fiber, fat, calcium, and protein. If you want to succeed and feel better mentally and physically, prepare your meals and make changes to the way you eat with or without help.

A new baby can be the source of a lot of stress. New mothers may go through physical changes, fatigue, or lose confidence about breastfeeding. Be careful not to try diets that may slow you down or cause rapid weight loss while engaged in breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding comes with various emotions attached, including postpartum. You may need help from a therapist to stop feeling overwhelmed. Virtual therapy is a good option to consider. Online therapy is easy because anyone can go online to watch a therapist. To ease your mind, take part in physical activity. Different types of exercises, including walking, can be done anywhere.

Teach Older Kids How to Cope

When your other kids welcome a new baby brother or sister home, they may seem overjoyed. Even excited kids need reassurance from their parents. Try to prioritize time with all of your kids. If you do not spend time with them, you may feel more pressure or guilt. Do what you can to stay available each night. You may want to help your kids with basic chores or make sure to plan for new experiences you can all celebrate as a family and keep morale up.

When it comes to your other children, acknowledge how they feel. Even if they act scared or negative, remind them that being an older sibling does come with responsibility and allow them to take as much time as necessary to build their confidence as a big brother or sister. When you acknowledge your children’s feelings, you have more coping tools and less jealousy to deal with.

Image via Pexels

Interested in managing your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parent coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

July 15, 2022 at 5:59 pm Leave a comment

4 Reasons to Write a Will

Here are 4 reasons why having a will is important to your family.

Continue Reading June 30, 2022 at 4:38 pm Leave a comment

What Do I Need to Do To Get Your Attention❓

Starting my How to Love Yourself in 30 Days online course on June 5th. Click on the link to join.

What’s one of the first things you do when you get a moment to yourself? You probably pull out your phone. 📱

There’s so much you can do on your phone. You can have a whole conversation by text or talking. You can play a game, shop or watch one of your favorite shows.

However, when you’re raising children, there’s so much of you that’s required for them to grow up healthy: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Most important is to know what’s going on in their heads.

I was talking to one of my friends about their kids who are under the age of 5. We all agreed that if your child was awake and the house was quiet 🤫, they were probably getting into something! You had to watch them constantly!

baby in bathroom

As our kids get older, we feel that we don’t have to watch them as closely and assume that things are okay with them. If they weren’t, our kids would tell us. Natural assumption right?

Wrong!

In families today, our children are relying on us to put aside our devices and initiate discussions; listen to what’s going on with them. It’s not easy….

Your teen will talk. They have to be assured that you’re listening and won’t judge them. There can’t be any topic that you won’t discuss with them. Are you willing to talk about anything and everything? Can you listen without letting your facial expressions show how horrified you are with the conversation? 😫🤯

We are living in times where anything is possible and are kids want to explore, try out new and different theories, relationships and experiences. Being able to share their thoughts and concerns with you, helps them put them in perspective. Keeping the lines of communication open, by relating to your child’s thoughts and feelings; asking them what they think – makes all the difference in the world.

Have a meal together; it doesn’t matter which one. First require that all phones and tablets be put away. 2nd requirement: allow your child the freedom to say whatever is on their mind (must be respectful). Ask “Tell me what’s going on”. The first several conversations may be awkward while your kids try to figure out if you’re being honest and whether they can say what they feel. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Every time I hear or read about another mass shooting; I wonder who the shooter had to talk to within his family. If they shot or killed a family member before taking other lives, I wonder what kind of dysfunction was taking place. Were they able to share the fact that they were being bullied or that they were feeling anti-social? Were they abused? Are they suffering from a mental illness that went unaddressed?

Shooter & Ak rifle

I realize these are simple questions for complex issues. But what I do know is that young people have lots of challenges going on in their lives these days. We as parents can’t solve them all. However, being watchful, following your intuition (if you feel something is wrong, it is) and making it safe to tell you what’s going on, goes a long way to minimize issues that cause our kids to self-harm or harm others. Peace.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parent coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mother and Daughter drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

clynnwilliams.com

May 26, 2022 at 9:15 pm 1 comment

Raising Our Daughters to be Fearless

My daughter and me

As we celebrate Women’s History Month, I think back to when I found out our firstborn child would be a girl. Coming from a long line of strong women, I was excited to be a girlmom. 😆

I believe in women being bold, sassy and speaking their truths. What better way to raise a daughter who would live life from her internal perspective instead of how the world thinks she should live.

What’s crazy is that nobody expects girls to speak with confidence, especially girls of color. 🙄 As mothers, we have to encourage that confidence daily, so that our daughters are comfortable speaking up and out whether with their girlfriends, boyfriends, in the classroom or in their work environments. Living life on your own terms is important today where there are many opportunities to succeed, even when people tell you, you can’t.

Patience is key in this relationship with our daughter(s). As you help her build her “voice”, she will use it to argue and sometimes compete with you.🗣 Don’t be offended, just know that as her staunchest supporter – her mom, you are someone she trusts and loves.

Be her fence, love her unconditionally, but give her room to grow. She may make decisions that you don’t respect as she grows and matures. It’s okay. It has to be okay – it’s her life. Be there as her guide and coach.

Enjoy the journey with her, as she becomes the woman you always wanted and expected her to become. 🌸💕🌺

C. Lynn Williams, aka MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

March 9, 2022 at 3:29 pm Leave a comment

How to Boost Your Confidence to the Max

Image via Unsplash

When you exude confidence and you’re comfortable in your own skin, the world becomes a better place, and you attract positivity. During times of stress, your mental and physical health can take a nosedive, and it affects your outlook on everything. There are many steps you can take to get your motivation back on track so that you can look and feel your best. Guest blog by Gwen Payne from invisiblemoms.com.

Ways to Look and Feel Good

Sign up for a family photoshoot

Family photoshoots can inject a lot of fun into your life and give you an opportunity to connect with your loved ones. For the photoshoot, you can dress up and make an effort, which can help make you feel positive about your appearance. A skilled photographer will capture you and your family in the best light, making everyone look and feel good. 

Improve your nutrition

Both sugar and caffeine give you an instant boost of energy, but too much can make your body crash and become fatigued. Too many additives, sugar, and processed foods can lead to weight gain. Improving your overall nutrition with a balanced diet can help clear brain fog and give you more body confidence. 

Improve your living space

When your house is cluttered, disorganized and messy, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. And most likely, you never want anyone to visit. If you love to entertain, this is likely holding you back from spending time with friends and family. Fortunately, you can easily reverse this! Spend a few weekends clearing out everything, cleaning and reorganizing your space. Next, open the shades, light some scented candles and add some new decor, and your home will be primed for maximum positivity.

Set goals 

Set future goals and hold yourself accountable. When setting goals it’s important to make them challenging but achievable by breaking a big goal down into short and long-term goals. Draw up a step-by-step plan to achieve your goal, and then break it down into daily tasks. If you don’t achieve your daily or monthly goal, do better the next month. 

A good goal is to go after career and academic goals. For example, if you’ve always wanted to get your master’s degree, enroll in an online program to start. An MBA program can increase your business knowledge in areas such as strategic planning and leadership, and enhance your self-awareness and self-assessment abilities. 

Monthly pamper sessions

Don’t feel guilty about indulging in some pampering, as these can be great for detoxing, circulation, and creating a sense of calm. Whether it’s a sports massage or spa treatment, these moments can really make you feel good about yourself.

Pursue a childhood hobby

Get in touch with your child-like spirit by pursuing a hobby you enjoyed as a child. Loved roller skating? Buy a pair of skates! Enjoyed dancing and gymnastics? Sign-up for online dance classes. You don’t have to be the best at it — just do something you enjoy. 

Outdoor activities

Nature has the power to rejuvenate both mind and body. Take up an outdoor sport like running, walking, hiking, biking, or watersports, to enjoy the healing effect of nature and the rush of endorphins. Treat yourself to new gear when you take up an outdoor sport. Track your progress by investing in a fitness watch where you can download apps to map out new routes and monitor your efforts in real-time.

Take Steps to Feel Good

If you’re stuck in a rut, you’ll have to make a conscious effort to change. The most important thing is sticking to a game plan and making one small change at first.  

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my parenting coaching programs that help guide you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters drama, Mothers and their Sons challenges, Fathers and Daughters as well as Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

March 2, 2022 at 2:39 pm Leave a comment

Shifting Your Mood Helps

Today I hit a brick wall and my morning wasn’t as sunny as it usually is when I wake up. Meh 😒

A couple of my projects had flopped this week and I had taken on too many assignments that were all due at the same time. Some of my project results weren’t spectacular (which is what I expect) and I felt blah. 😕

As I sat quietly and expectantly, I listened to the very wise person that lives inside of me – my Spirit.

I tell myself that I’m a good person, God loves me, and I love me. Those words help loosen any feelings of defeat or sadness that had caused this ‘Wednesday Blues’.

I read today’s scripture from my bible app (a few times) and my mood starts to shift… I’m feeling… better… If this has happened to you, how do handle these unwelcome feelings?

Here are eight ways to shift yourself out of a Bad Mood:

1. Be Here Now. Focus on the present moment. …

2. Be Silly. …

3. Practice “Pivoting” …

4. Take a Walk. …

5. Lend a Hand. …

6. Laugh More. …

7. This, Too, Shall Pass. …

8. Indulge Yourself.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/8-ways-to-shift-a-bad-mood-and-feel-better-fast_b_8201180/amp

Taking time for yourself is monumental to staying sane – during the best of times, but especially during the COVID-19 quarantine that we find ourselves experiencing.

Our family relies on us to stay balanced, happy and upbeat (fun). There is nothing fun about feeling ‘blue’ or depressed. Stay encouraged.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

July 15, 2020 at 7:00 am Leave a comment

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