Posts tagged ‘parenting sons’
Boys Will Be Boys…
I could never understand why the things that I got into trouble for, my brother didn’t get into trouble for. The way it was explained to me was: “you are not your brother”. Fast forward to a story that my husband used to tell me. He was the oldest of four, and two of those siblings were girls. His sisters did not understand why the discipline for him was different than the discipline for them. His dad simply told them “you are not a 16-year-old boy”. Now whether that’s right or wrong, that’s how our culture decides what’s appropriate for boys versus what’s appropriate for girls. It doesn’t always match up with what is right.
What’s even more unbalanced is how our society is inconsistent in its justice for black boys versus white boys. I taught males in high school. When I taught at a male-only high school, and noticed that the punishment for African-American or Hispanic students tended to be more severe than the punishment for Caucasian students. What was that about?
So growing up as a girl, I realized that boys’ behavior was more acceptable than girls, and as a young adult woman I found that white males received more leniency for punishment than males of color.
So now we have a U.S. Supreme Court candidate who has been accused of sexual harassment as a teenage boy. During one of the news reports yesterday, I heard a commentator or maybe it was a U.S. senator say “well you know boys will be boys.” That’s a travesty and shouldn’t be tolerated! A crime is a crime no matter who does it. If you sell dope, (I think we call them drugs today) then you’re guilty. Your punishment shouldn’t be any different because of your skin color or your gender. If Bill Cosby, who had a reputation of being America’s funniest TV dad, can be accused and convicted of sexual misconduct, then so can Judge Kavanaugh and President Trump.
I mean justice is blind right? Click Here to purchase a copy of The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship With Your Son.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
How Do You Manage Anger?
Dealing with anger and its repercussions can be very challenging. Being unaware of how to handle irritating and stressful situations may be a reason for many fits of anger and rage. Most people, except for young children and (possibly) teens, recognize their problem with uncontrollable anger. Although there are many anger management activities which would enable them to better cope with confrontational situations, some people are unaware of these techniques and activities.
There are many anger management activities that parents and their children can practice or participate in when attempting to cope with daily feelings of anger.
One activity which is recommended for anger management is exercise. Exercise has been proven to have a positive impact on a person’s mood. Exercise helps an individual to decrease any negative feelings they might be experiencing. An effective anger management activity might be as simple as going for a walk or jog in the park. Visiting the gym to work out of taking part in their favorite sport may work well for an individual as an anger management activity. Taking a hike or spending a few hours in the beauty of nature would definitely allow a person to clear their head and release tension. Outdoor anger management activities can create an environment of serenity.
Anger management activities such as attending a support group, camp or retreat would help people who are experiencing difficulties controlling their anger. One positive aspect of attending anger management activities allows the person to see that their problem is not unique; that it is shared by plenty of other people. Being able to share with people in similar situations might be the key to anger management for some individuals. Sharing would likely provide hope through success stories. In anger management activities such as these, people are forced
to deal with their anger issues through various activities group sessions and one on one consults.
Anger management activities are recommended when dealing with children who are coping with anger or loss issues. A child is unlikely to respond well to group sessions and perhaps even become bored with one on one consultations. Finding activities which are interesting and even challenging may be a better alternative. Kids enjoy fun and games. Designing anger management games which are enjoyable yet beneficial would be so much more effective than forcing a child to sit down with an anger management counselor. Worksheets, coloring pages, individual games as well as interactive games would be accepted much better by children than a trip to the psychiatrist. When children are involved, it is essential to approach the problem carefully. Being overbearing will not go over well with kids. When considering anger management activities for kids, it is essential to be mindful that they are only children and the approach is important.
When considering anger management activities, choose ones which you find interesting and enjoyable. Sticking a person in an unfamiliar setting may create additional feelings of anger or isolation, neither of which is the intention of anger management activities. Finding an activity that works should be the key focus. I will be hosting a free parenting class on anger and grief on June 1, 2018 at Dyett High School through Parent University. Registration is highly recommended due to class size: dyettparentu.eventbrite.com
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru & Founder of Finding Superwoman™
The Good..The Bad..The Ugly
Even though my kids are adults, I’m still an involved mom because I talk with one or all of them daily about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. It’s sort of like being on call. I find that I constantly manage my life and work (marriage too) around theirs. Moms who are reading this know what I’m talking about if this happens to you: You have a perfect plan to complete the chapter for your next book and receive a call from your daughter who needs to talk. Do you tell her – “I’m sorry I have a deadline for this chapter and I’ll have to talk with you later”? Or, do you put on your mother hat, and listen to her talk out the 20th problem that is ruining her life?
Whatever you decide, stress sets in when you allow too many of your children’s problems and concerns to hijack your day, week, or month. It’s difficult to say no to our kids, because we are so used to doing for them. However, since they are used to being cared for by us, it can become a challenge letting them grow into the wonderful, self-sufficient adults that we know they can be. Statistics show that 25% of parents are using their retirement to pay rent or groceries for their millennial children (21 years or older).
For Superwomen like me, here are some ideas on how to achieve less stress when it comes to your children:
- Take a moment to think about your answer and what you are committing to before you commit. For example if your son asks you to pay his car insurance (“Just for this month Mom”). Think about what it does to your budget. If you can afford it. What lessons does it teach him?
- Listen without advising the next time your daughter asks you what should she do about the guy that she’s been dating for five years. (You’re not crazy about him anyway, so keeping your opinions to yourself will be very challenging.)
- Let the call go to voicemail when your child calls you for the 5th time today because she can’t figure something out. I know this is really a tough one because who else will talk her through if not you. Give her some time to build her mental muscle (she is a superwoman in the making) and call her later. You will be surprised to see how she worked out her problem and matured a little more in the process.
Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.
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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker
3 Ways to Avoid Cincinnati Zoo Parenting
I normally try to avoid the nightly news, because it’s always so sensational and it seems that each 
network tries to outdo the other network with the worst possible things that humans are doing to each other. My ears pricked up last night when the news reported that a four year old boy crawled/fell through the barriers at the Cincinnati Zoo, was dragged by the gorilla (probably a mother) and rescued by zoo officials after the gorilla was killed.
I felt outraged! How in the world did he get through the barriers? WHERE WAS HIS MOTHER when this happened?
Okay moms before you yell that boys are quicker than the blinking eye – I completely agree. My own son was three when I noticed him smiling (like he just got into something) and running from my bathroom. I caught him and got a whiff of what smelled like fingernail polish remover. My question to myself was how did he get away from me that quickly – it seemed like seconds! But it only takes seconds for your kid to get away from you and unfortunately in this case, he’s slid into the gorilla habitat with Harambe, an endangered and well-loved gorilla.
She was on her phone… Doggone it! Being on your phone with any four year old is dangerous – boy or girl. It only takes a minute for them to get into something. Our phones can take our attention away so quickly that minutes go by like seconds. She probably thought – “who just texted me”. The next thing she knew, her son was gone. She is really lucky that her son is alive. Having raised one son from birth, and another as a bonus, I know boys. They are wonderful but do unexpected things a lot!
Here are three (3) things to remember when raising boys:
- Pay attention at all times especially once he starts crawling through his 6th birthday
- Believe that he can reach anything he sets his mind to – he has No Fear
- They will tell you whatever you want to hear – meaning he won’t always be truthful
Interested in learning more about what makes your son tick? Pick up a copy of my book – The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son. Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com
C. Lynn Williams – #MsParentguru
Author, Coach & Family Dynamics Specialist
Is There a War Going on Between Fathers & Sons?
Ms. Parent Guru wants to know what is going on with the violence between fathers and sons. I get it when dads say “You can’t let your son get away with anything….If you give an inch, he will take a mile.” I realize that there is
a level of respect that every man wants his son to have for him. What is hard to understand is the aggression that seems to go along with the level of respect that fathers require from their sons.
Thinking back, my dad required respect from all of us, not just my brother. He hugged my sister and I, but I don’t remember seeing him hug my brother. He was from the school of hard knocks for boys. That’s the idea that some fathers tell me – “If I am not hard on him, he will not grow up and become a Man!”
Does that type of thinking push sons over the edge? I mean what could possibly be the reason that Thomas Gilbert Jr would kill his father over a decrease in allowance. What would cause Duffy Grogan to shoot his father? And what type of relationship existed between a father and his son would cause Marvin Gaye Sr. to shoot his own flesh and blood? 
There are probably a number of reasons like greed, drug usage, mental illness. However, as a society, the fact that we start removing any trace of love and nurture in young boys by telling them “Stop crying, you’re acting like a girl” or telling mothers (and fathers) “If you keep hugging him (your son), he won’t become a strong man.” All of that is hogwash! Boys need nurturing just like girls. Dads: please shower lots of love and attention on your son, so that he will grow up into a wonderful man that loves himself and is able to love others as well. Hopefully we can eliminate the aggression that exists.
If you want to understand more of what makes your son tick, invest in a copy of my book, ‘The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son’. http://amzn.to/1l6PUcv If you would like to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our sons, reach out to me on Twitter @MsParentguru or on my Facebook author page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks. Use hashtag #WarBetweenFathersnSons
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
4 Shockingly Simple Rules That Could Keep Lots Of Teenaged Boys From Committing Rape (reblog)
A lot of people feel that this article is inappropriate and will be offended. I suggest that you read to the end and decide for yourself. Reblogged from Angieup.tumblr
Instead of teaching girls how to not get raped (“don’t wear this,” “don’t ever drink,” etc.), what if we went to the root of the problem and raised boys to know the ins and outs of consent?*
Here’s how you can rule out sleeping with someone:
1. She’s hammered.
2. She seems unsure if she wants to (you should never have to talk anyone into it).
3. She’s passed out.
4. It seems like there’s any other reason she might regret it in the morning. (Even if it’s not rape, do you really want to be someone’s morning-after regret, when instead they can remember you as a total gentleman?)
P.S. My he/she conventions here are in no way an attempt to shut out gay men from the conversation — these are notes to my son (who happens to be heterosexual) and other heterosexual sons. To gay sons out there, just pretend I said he, because this goes for you, too!
Here’s how you can be sure it’s okay to proceed with sex:
1. She is in control of her faculties.
2. She is enthusiastically willing.
3. Check in with her! “Do you want to be doing this?” is a great thing to ask when things are going to another sexual level. The worst thing that will happen is she’ll rethink it and say, no, she’s actually not ready. It’s important at that point to pivot to doing something else together, and not make her feel guilty for changing her mind. While that may feel like a bummer to you in the moment, what you’ve just achieved there is fucking badass. You’ve just put someone else’s feelings ahead of your physiological needs. You’ve just treated somebody the way you hope another guy would treat your sister.
All of this is to say, I actually think you’ve got this. You’re going to do great things in the world as you fully inhabit your manhood, and I think the integrity you’re made of is going to come through in all kinds of situations. I really wish you a great, fulfilling sex life where you each mutually benefit and you each come away from it feeling fortified and better for it; not damaged, confused, or disappointed in yourself.
Love and hugs and rainbows and all that,
Mom
To read the full article, click here: Son It’s Okay
If you liked what you read, follow my blog for more articles, info and camaraderie with other people just like you & me. Reach out to me on Twitter (@cgwwbook) or Facebook (CGWWBooks)
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Want Your Son to Talk to You?
Ever felt like if you yelled a little louder, he (your son) would get it? Well he doesn’t get it, he actually retreats from you into a place where you can’t reach him.
Trust me, I know about these things, I’m a mother of two male adult children. Make it easy to talk to you – pass no judgments, no I told you so, no condescending remarks like “You’re just like your no-good father!” Just listen and let him talk. You will be surprised at what your son will say, once he starts talking.
Here is a link to my video on YouTube about communicating with your son: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m21r1QzYkY
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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