Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens

4 Shockingly Simple Rules That Could Keep Lots Of Teenaged Boys From Committing Rape (reblog)

September 17, 2014 at 10:53 am Leave a comment

A lot of people feel that this article is inappropriate and will be offended. I suggest that you read to the end and decide for yourself. Reblogged from Angieup.tumblr

Instead of teaching girls how to not get raped (“don’t wear this,” “don’t ever drink,” etc.), what if we went to the root of the problem and raised boys to know the ins and outs of consent?*

Here’s how you can rule out sleeping with someone:

1. She’s hammered.

2. She seems unsure if she wants to (you should never have to talk anyone into it).

3. She’s passed out.

4. It seems like there’s any other reason she might regret it in the morning. (Even if it’s not rape, do you really want to be someone’s morning-after regret, when instead they can remember you as a total gentleman?)

P.S. My he/she conventions here are in no way an attempt to shut out gay men from the conversation — these are notes to my son (who happens to be heterosexual) and other heterosexual sons. To gay sons out there, just pretend I said he, because this goes for you, too!

Here’s how you can be sure it’s okay to proceed with sex:

1. She is in control of her faculties.

2. She is enthusiastically willing.

3. Check in with her! “Do you want to be doing this?” is a great thing to ask when things are going to another sexual level. The worst thing that will happen is she’ll rethink it and say, no, she’s actually not ready. It’s important at that point to pivot to doing something else together, and not make her feel guilty for changing her mind. While that may feel like a bummer to you in the moment, what you’ve just achieved there is fucking badass. You’ve just put someone else’s feelings ahead of your physiological needs. You’ve just treated somebody the way you hope another guy would treat your sister.

All of this is to say, I actually think you’ve got this. You’re going to do great things in the world as you fully inhabit your manhood, and I think the integrity you’re made of is going to come through in all kinds of situations. I really wish you a great, fulfilling sex life where you each mutually benefit and you each come away from it feeling fortified and better for it; not damaged, confused, or disappointed in yourself.

Love and hugs and rainbows and all that,

Mom

To read the full article, click here: Son It’s Okay

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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Generational Development Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)

Entry filed under: boys, daughter, gender, gentleman, Parenting, rape, sex. Tags: girls, mothers, parenting sons, when girls say no.