Posts tagged ‘parenting’
Dads Are Important Too
family Christmas and other dad traditions
When I think of the holidays, Christmas especially, I think of my dad and my granddad. As I write this post, a myriad of memories crowd into my heart about the men in my family. Today is ‘Dad’s Turn’. My dad would drive our family through different neighborhoods to look at the Christmas decorations. A day or two before Christmas, we would pick out a Christmas tree and decorate it. ..Lots of fun…
My dad was usually the parent that my siblings and I could count on to ‘play’ with us and have fun. He would jump out of the closets and scare us, and tell us stories about him and his brothers growing up. He was the male balance of our household – the last word. When he would play with us, we’d forget he wasn’t a kid like us and be disappointed when he became ‘Dad’ again. No fair… We would drive every week to our grandparents to spend Sundays with them and the Ed Sullivan Show. I hated that show, but loved the family time together. I loved watching my dad interact with his dad. They looked just alike, except for the age difference. While Dad was disciplined, Granddad was even more disciplined, yet he let me do things I couldn’t do with my own dad like comb his hair, and push in the buttons on his very cool Dodge dashboard. Granddad also smoked a pipe and had the most delicious smelling tobacco.
As a young girl growing up, Dad was always there. He may have been preoccupied, or asleep on the couch, but I remember the time he spent with us. I knew what he expected of me. I also knew I could trust him. His way was different from Mom’s. They both meant business; however when Mom told us she was going to ‘tell Dad’, we knew it would not be good. As much fun as we had with him, he was a former ‘military’ man and didn’t tolerate nonsense!
Like most families in the sixties, he was a family man. I never understood why he didn’t do housework. Okay yes he cut the grass, painted things when necessary, and barbecued the meat during holidays, but it never made sense that we (the Gist kids) had to wash walls and clean up the kitchen! When I had the nerve to ask why we had to wash walls, he would say “You dirtied them up didn’t you?” Let me just say that after washing the walls, we kept our hands off the walls! While Dad didn’t cook much except BBQ, occasionally he made lunches for us – fried Spam sandwiches and tomato soup. Yummy! He’d cut the sandwiches into shapes and while no one today would dare eat a Spam sandwich, it was another fun time with Dad.
A lot of those traditions changed as our family went through the transition of divorce and separation, I remember the times when I didn’t see my dad much. He would promise to come by for a visit, and never show up. My mom was careful not to talk bad about him to us, so all we had then was disappointment. I didn’t reestablish my relationship with him until the summer before I left for college. I had sassed my mother and wasn’t on speaking terms with her, so I cherished the times I got to spend with dad. We talked about a lot of topics, and I got a chance to know him as a person. I asked him about the times he didn’t show up and how disappointed we were. I remember him saying that he was barely getting by (financially) and didn’t want to show that side of himself (to us).
Perfect, he was not. Necessary to me growing into the woman I am now, very definitely! Today, there are a lot of girls growing into woman without the benefit of their dad. Woman decide what men they will become involved with based on the relationship they have with their father (dad), stepdad, grandpa or other positive male role model. Merry Christmas Dad!
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Communications, 2013)
Expectations
Since Halloween is right around the corner, many of the movies being shown (the other night) were scary. I didn’t want to watch a scary movie so being the person that loves a happy ending; I watched a tearjerker and then switched to a lighthearted comedy.
I turned on The Object of My Affection starring Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd. She was a social worker (counseling young teen girls about practicing safe sex) who while dating and got pregnant. He didn’t want kids so he broke up with her. Her best friend (Paul) a gay man who told her he would stay by her side throughout her pregnancy. What was interesting was that even though she knew that her best friend was gay she fell in love with him anyway like women who are pregnant, tend to do.
Right now you’re probably wondering why I believe that most women who become pregnant fall in love with the man that they are close to? It has happened to a number of my friends and women who have shared that information with me in one of my many “girlfriend chats”. You could say that it’s in the maternity pills, or the increase in estrogen that our bodies start mass producing. In any case, hopefully that guy that you’re having a child with, is someone that you plan to spend the rest of your life with and the life of your child, because you are going to rely on him for money, moral support, to rub your feet when they’re tired and your back when it starts to ache and you will naturally start to feel closer and closer to him.
Relying on your ‘guy’ while you’re pregnant, didn’t bother me as much as the comments that women like Jennifer Aniston (in the movie) have when their significant other tells them they don’t want to have children and that it’s a deal breaker for their relationship. THESE ARE THE WORDS: “That’s okay I’ll raise the baby on my own, I don’t need him.” Liar! Raising a child on your own is really difficult and to tell yourself that it isn’t, that you can do it alone is simply not true. Here’s my suggestion. Wait until marriage to have sex or use more reliable birth control. It’s hard enough raising children in a two parent household without having to raise your child without his father.
By the way, Jennifer was pissed when her best friend brought a guy home for the night, but what she stopped realizing was that her best friend was there for her, just not romantically into her. Dang it! It wasn’t the happy ending I’d hoped for, but it was pretty realistic! Kind of like real life!
…
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parent Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Order My Books on Amazon.com:
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES (220 Communications, 2013)
Parenting Rules revisited after Hannah Anderson kidnapping
“. . . let’s be honest. None of us is a perfect parent. I know I’m not. Like most parents, I’m trying my best to make good decisions for my children, and I’m doing so without an instruction manual.” Solomon Jones
While Mr. Jones could sit in a few of my workshops, it sounds like the Anderson family could too. Isn’t it always a close friend of the family that you & your children love and trust, that end up being the kidnapper or sexual predator? Who would have suspected nice Mr. DiMaggio of murder and kidnapping?
Parents follow your intuition, if someone is always available to drop off or pick up your kids from soccer or cheerleader practice, be careful. As my grandmother used to say, “Familiarity breeds contempt”. In other words, if someone wants to spend that much time with your children, BEWARE!
Click here to read the rest of the article:
http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/philadelphiaexperiment/item/58446
C. Lynn Williams
#MsParentguru
Follow me on Twitter @cgwwbook
Moms: Take Time for You!
Like Sarah Hall, it took me a long time to realize just how important it was to take time for myself. 
Except for a brief period as a stay-at-home mom, I’ve been a full-time working mom, and now, a part-time work from home mom, albeit my youngest is 22. It is only now with everyone out of the nest, that I realize how much I really juggled. When the kids come home to visit (we have had weekly visits from one of the four kids since the summer began), I still drop everything and support them, either by cooking, making sure all that they need is there for them or being available to talk and run errands.
I love taking baths, but hadn’t taken one in months until Sunday, when the house was quiet, and nobody “called that magical name – Mom”.
“There’s a lot on my plate, juggling the lives and schedules of my girls, along with my own work and household responsibilities. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day requirements. And it’s easy to think that that solo trip to the grocery store is actually “me time,” which is about all that I made time for a long time.” http://www.wral.com/parenting-tips-why-moms-need-to-take-time-for-themselves/12641055/
Take time for you! Get a manicure and a pedicure, go for a long walk or bike ride, take yourself to lunch, read a good book. Your psyche will appreciate it and you will have so much more to give to your children, because your emotional cup will be full as opposed to empty.
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & Hormones! Available in August, 2013
Racial Differences – What We Can Do
In my last article, I talked about whether there were racial differences between my son and yours? If you believe in the circle of life,
My Son, Your Son
you know that what goes around comes around. So right now, Black boys are being murdered at an alarming rate. However, it’s a matter of time before another ethnic group is targeted. I say, let’s band together, let’s change the laws that are unfairly targeting our youth no matter what race, ethnicity or religion and be about human unity.
I also want to know if it’s possible for African American people to begin operating (again) as a village, looking out for each other and each other’s children, supporting each other physically, financially, spiritually and combining our resources as necessary. There’s economic & political power if we operate as a group. We can share resources whether it’s with cooperative farming or loaning our gifts and skills to each other, so we will all thrive. Then it’s not life threatening to our families if Link or unemployment insurance is cut, a company downsizes and you lose your job, or the bank declines your loan for a new business. We have got to prevent outside societal issues from breaking us and damaging our families. Operating as a village means that we are empowered to speak out if we see each other’s child act inappropriately. Instead of being afraid of the young males on the block, mentor and share your skills with them. There is more to be said on this topic, but I think you understand what to do next. By the way, thanks for supporting authors like me and buying our books.
Here’s an excerpt from Chapter Ten, Reaching the Goal in Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen. “I think we can all agree that the goal is to have raised healthy, successful adult children who we can be proud of. Isn’t it? You want them to respect themselves and those around them. You pray that they are intelligent and are able to support themselves (hold a job), fight their own battles, and have a family. In short, “reaching the goal” means that they reflect to the world the best that you have given them.” Click here to purchase a copy for yourself or a friend. http://www.amazon.com/dp/0982796641 
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Order My Books on Amazon.com:
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & Hormones! Available in summer, 2013
Justice or Just Us
As an African American mother with two sons, the George Zimmerman verdict was really disturbing. As a matter of fact, it broke my heart. I wonder if other mothers feel the same way I do, no matter what your ethnic background? How would you feel, if the son you nurtured and raised, was shot and killed for no apparent reason? You see, as an American I truly believe in the “American dream”. Here’s the dream: get an education, get a job – a good job, start a family, teach your kids to respect themselves and other people, have a belief in something bigger than you (for me that’s God), live peaceably among my neighbors and give back to those less fortunate than you.
What this verdict says to me is that no matter how good my parenting is, no matter how educated, well-behaved, or respected my sons are, they can be gunned down and the killer (particularly if not a person of color) is guaranteed to go free. Where is the justice for my boys and other African American males here in America? How do we protect our sons? Where is the love & justice for people of all colors, not just those whose skin looks different from mine?
God asks that we love each other. Let’s eliminate the racial lines along which we are divided and draw a new world of love, peace and justice for all people collectively. #MsParentguru
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter: the Joys, Tears & Hormones (available in Summer, 2013)
My Dad
I love Father’s Day because I get to honor my dad, but it’s weird like Mother’s Day because how do you celebrate someone (for a day) who has loved you all of your life? The question for me is what did I learn from my dad? Hm… Well, my dad was very patient and easy-going. So during those times, when I’m not running at 100 miles per hour, I’m probably acting like my dad! 
In addition, he accepted people for who they were. I very seldom heard him talk badly about anyone. Okay I have half of that trait from him! On good days, when I’m not yelling at the driver in front of me, I’m probably acting more like my dad. I’m pretty competitive, believe in helping others (got that from both parents), and I’d say the rest of my traits are a result of my mother. (She was pretty awesome too!) The one thing I don’t see a lot anymore is that my father taught me to respect myself as a woman and to be selective in my choices of men. I’m sure I learned other things, but those are the main traits that make me who I am today.
However, my dad taught me tolerance because when I went through a divorce, my ex-husband had a hard time paying child support. My mother said, “throw the book at him”. My dad agreed with me when I decided to work things out. My ex-husband was a good father, so having him continue to work and provide what he could for his children was more important to me than having him sit in jail.
By the way, my dad turned 81 years old last week, and he’s in great health. Happy Father’s Day Horace!
Dad, Patti & Me
C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Author & Parenting Coach
http://www.clynnwilliams.com
Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Wolves Are Out There – Have you Protected Your Daughter available in summer, 2013
When to Cut Finances to Your Adult Child
When do you stop helping your children (even those over age 21) financially? I remember paying my daughters’ phone bills until they were about 25 years old. We wanted to make sure they were able to handle their household bills, and we were able to help them, so we did.
What’s interesting is that I met a woman whose husband still relied on his mother to pay his rent. This man was 50 years old. That’s pretty riduculous right? Here is a link to an article that advises us on when to close our checkbooks:
http://www.bankrate.com/finance/personal-finance/cut-financial-cord-on-kids-1.aspx?ec_id=cmct_02_comm_PF_mainlink
Let me know what you think..
MsParentguru
My Pampered Prince Turns 22
What age determines ADULTHOOD?Over the weekend, my son turned 22 years old, and I had mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I realized, I no longer have to caretake him, he’s a man now. Exciting!! However, we’ve had a year of ups and downs while he determines where he wants to go in life. He’s drifting right now, and it’s hard to understand a kid who drifts.
He recently shared that he was still stuck about the divorce of his father and I, and attributed that to his bouts of depression and inactivity. I don’t know about you, but as a mother, I felt responsible for why he was stuck. Crazy!!
Even with our difference in gender, I remember wanting to be my own person in my early twenties, and only communicating with my mother when necessary. I shouldn’t be surprised when I get the same treatment from him. And yet, if he were successfully completing college or had a promising job, I wouldn’t be so concerned for him. For me the hardest part of parenting is patiently waiting for him to be more than he’s settling for. Oh well, I’ll wait.. Ugh, I hate waiting..
Peace,
C Lynn
Staying Sane While Raising Your Teens 
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