Do You Know the Difference Between Nurturing and Spoiling?

August 10, 2019 at 2:29 pm Leave a comment

A spoiled child or spoiled brat is a derogatory term aimed at children who exhibit behavioral problems from being overindulged by their parents.

Let’s test your parental emotional quotient (EQ):

What’s your response when your child falls (after you just told him to stop running) and he skins his knees?
You hug him and remind him that if he’s not careful, he can fall and hurt himself.
You scold him for running and tell him it was his fault that he fell.

How you answer that question has everything to do with how you were raised and what sense of security you are instilling in your child.
To have a happy, outgoing child, requires that you treat him (her) with patience, openness, love and kindness. You will not spoil your child by giving them hugs and kisses. You will cultivate a child that understands what love feels like and how to be kind.
Behavior correction (Discipline) is needed too, as long as it’s done:

In moderation
Age appropriately
With clarity so that the child understands why

Often we may respond harshly or sarcastically to our child when what we really feel is our own fears (taking over) and feeling uncertain about how best to respond.

Depending on how we were treated as a child, nurturing was considered spoiling a child. There are many adults who are nurture-deficient and are looking for ways to feel better about who they are.

Spoiling a child is giving in to her (his) whims over and over. Nurturing a child is comforting them (mistakes made or not), listening without judgement, and caring how they feel.

I grew up in a generation where a child’s feelings were seldom taken into account unless he or she was sick. She was considered clingy if she needed hugs and kisses. Most likely she was told to “grow up” or “stop being a baby”.

I wanted well-adjusted, emotionally stable children, so I hugged a lot , and loved them as much as possible. As I matured, I learned to listen more.
My best advice is to follow your heart when it comes to your children. If it feels right to sit and hold them…

Give lots of hugs and kisses. Listen… alot.
If your parents or in-laws harass you about “spoiling” your kids, tell them like I told my father-in-law: “you can’t give too much love to your kids.”

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C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author

Entry filed under: Parenting.

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