Posts filed under ‘Parenting’

Teaching Responsibility versus Perfection

Perfection

This month I’ve focused on commitment and responsibility within our families, with ourselves as parents, and with our children.

I would not be MsParentguru, if I didn’t mention that many of us grew up with parents who taught us that success meant you did things exactly as you were told – perfectly.

That’s how I was raised.

Thinking back to my childhood, my siblings and I had chores. To deviate from my parent’s expectations was not good! There were consequences. 😩 For example, during the week, I was expected to heat up dinner, by the time my parents got home from work. My sister or brother would set the table.

Being the strong-willed child who stretched the limits of what my mom wanted me to do, I would not focus so much on having dinner ready, I would do something that I thought would make mom happy and proud of me.

Why? 🤷🏽‍♀️ Kids need the why…

Of course she reprimanded me because I did not do what she expected me to do, but what I felt as a child, was that I couldn’t please my mother.

How many times have you felt like that growing up? If you did exactly what your parents asked you to do they still weren’t pleased with the results? So we have children that suffer with self-esteem issues and I wonder if parents are requiring perfection as a need for control instead of teaching children the bigger picture?

The bigger picture is that there are many ways to complete tasks at home, at school or at work. When we get stuck with how something should be done, it causes issues in our relationship with our kids.

So how do we repair those relationships?

One way is to be really clear about what it is that we want our children to do when we assign tasks or chores – simply saying “clean up your room” could mean that there are no dirty clothes or plates of food underneath the bed or stuffed in the closet.

It might mean that your bed is made and whatever else you want them to do in their room. Once you have explained the task, have your child say back to you what it is that they heard you say so that both of you understand. I certainly remember saying “that’s not what I asked you to do”, and hearing – “Mom that’s what you said.”

Will this strategy work the first couple of times maybe so, maybe not. However, as you work on communicating in a way that they understand and cover it with a lot of love and grace, conversations, and the expectations will get better and better. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what it meant to be a perfect, parent and issues that you may have faced trying to control your child’s responses.

What was missing between my mom and I, was the explanation for why what I did was not good enough. These types of conversations help parents teach responsibility and life lessons to their children without squelching their self-esteem.

If your motherhood journey feels more like a chore, than an honored responsibility…Register here for my FREE 3-Day challenge: Make Family Living Easier.

C. Lynn Williams, Ms. Parentguru

January 27, 2023 at 5:30 pm Leave a comment

Which One Are You Today?

It’s funny When your kids are small, you don’t ever want them to grow up. They are so innocent and precious and they listen to our every word. Then the day comes when they start saying things like “I’m grown, I can make my own decisions.” And you realize they are growing up and maybe you should let them make their decisions.

Then they say things like:

  • Can you pay for my phone?
  • Will you complete my FAFSA?
  • Do you have money for me to get my nails done?
  • Can you pay my car insurance?
  • Will you pay my rent?

Hold up! I thought you were grown? What happened to “I can do this.” or “Please stop telling me what to do!?

This is the brain of our teenage or 20-something kid. The problem is that they really don’t want your lessons learned talk, they want your money and support. No commitment!

While I published this blog in 2019, what I neglected to say was how important is it to teach commitment to our children when they are young and eager to learn (and please you). Teaching commitment means giving your children chores, which helps them understand how their chores helps the family operate more effectively. Commitment helps children take responsibility for what they did or didn’t do.

By the time your child is a teenager, they are less inclined to lose their minds when you say “We can’t do that this time.

When your kid says, “I can do it”, it’s important to let him or her do it.

Today’s parents don’t want their children to make the mistakes they made. It sounds good, but isn’t realistic. Growing up, I never liked being nagged and was very independent. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely, but most were never shared with my parents. I would have liked to talk out my decisions before they became mistakes, but didn’t feel my parents would have listened objectively and said, “What do you think you should do?”

Young people today don’t feel that way. They don’t want to be nagged or guilt tripped, but they want to be rescued when they’ve made a mistake. It’s doesn’t work both ways.

Some lessons can only be learned through experience. A daughter who has a child without the security of marriage, takes a risk that she will raise her child alone. (It can also happen if she marries.) A son who wants to play pro ball and decides not to go to college, takes a risk of having an injury and working the rest of his life as a laborer. Being afraid for our children and not letting them make mistakes prolongs the process of growing into a responsible adult.

It’s hard watching our children make mistakes especially ones that can follow them for life. It’s harder when they tell you to butt out and let them live their life. However, just like our parents let us go and grow… we have to do the same thing. A little lesson learning never hurt anybody!

Happy 2023!

Saying Yes when you really mean No? Schedule a complimentary session with me to determine what tools can help make family living easier.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 11, 2023 at 5:21 pm Leave a comment

Wishing You A Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas at the tree
Photo by Any Lane on Pexels.com

Christmas is the time of celebration and merry making for everyone. This holiday is known for the melodious Christmas carols, rhythmical Christmas poems and intoxicating Christmas songs. An occasion of togetherness and merriment with your family is what Christmas is all about.

I wish you a very Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays! Below is a poem I am sharing with you from theparentsday website.

C. Lynn

Home is With Parents

Home is where parents and memories live,
Full of the love only families can give,
It’s a place where you learn
and a place where you play,
It’s a cozy retreat on a cold winter’s day

It’s warm and familiar and yet always new,
A place where there’s always a welcome for you,
Home is where laughter and happiness grow,
A place you’ll remember wherever you go.

Merry Christmas to both of you
With love,

(insert your child’s name)

http://www.theparentsday.com/poems/

December 22, 2022 at 9:50 am Leave a comment

Mothers Are Gifts (Sent From God)

Photo by Magda Ehlers on Pexels.com

The Christmas season is right around the corner, and as usual, I have a million things to do. 🤯

However, one thing that I do every morning, is to take time to pray, meditate, and do my sit-ups. This time, gives me a chance to get in touch with how I feel about what’s going on in my life, in my business, and just to chill for a minute before the day begins.

Today, as I was reading my Daily Word, I thought about how many ways God has stepped into my life, and either suggested that I reach out to someone, talk to my kids about a concern that I have or let them know they were on my mind. I thought about like mothers, God is always watching us, and it blew me away!

God watching us is a good thing, and I’m glad that I have this spiritual support (God), because as you know, there are days that 1+1 does not equal two. And life doesn’t feel fair and people that you love pass away, or move away.

So, in my quiet moment, I think about how we are gifts to our children and our families. Let’s remember that, throughout our day today, when our child is calling, crying, or needing more than what we think we have to give.

I talk more about spiritual gifts and making family life easier for moms, in my 30 day program: How to Simplify Your Family Life Easier and Effectively.

How to Simplify Your Family Life helps women work on three areas: personal, family and relationships to eliminate burnout, mom guilt and exhaustion.

Once you complete the program, you’ll be able to:

  • Create a support system that helps you stay calm and hold onto your temper
  • Create and use morning and evening routines to keep our family organized and in order
  • Develop easy-to-use phrases and affirmations to respond to stressful comments and reduce mom guilt
  • Manage your daily schedule to include a daily activity of fun, rest or relaxation
  • Establish healthy life habits (food, exercise, sleep) that you have practiced during the 30 days individually or with an accountability partner

This online course begins January 9, and I’m offering the first 10 moms a Christmas gift of 50% off the retail price if you schedule time with me (and register for the course) by Dec 24th.

The Lord looks down from heaven, and sees the whole human race. On his throne, he observes all who live on the Earth. He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do. (Psalm 33:13-15)

Have a magnificent day! 🌞☀️

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

http://clynnwilliams.com/

December 14, 2022 at 4:16 pm Leave a comment

14 Steps for Student Moms: Ways to Study Successfully & Stay Sane

contributor, Irene Fenswick | writer and blogger at IvyPanda

Many people say that obtaining a college or university degree was the largest challenge they’ve ever faced. A part-time job can make the process even more overwhelming, although you’ll probably graduate with unparalleled time-management skills. But the most significant advantage of a part-time job is that you can suspend it if you feel overwhelmed.

But being a student and a mom is nothing like that: you cannot take a day off or sick leave to recover from a sleepless night with a baby.

This article prepared by our experts features 14 tips for a person hoping to go after the unattainable – someone who plans to become a mom and a full-time student. Use our advice like Ariadne’s thread to guide you through the labyrinth of term papers, dirty laundry, exams, runny noses, lectures, sandbox conflicts, and other challenges of being a student mom. Two working mothers have prepared this list, so you know we know what we’re talking about!

Table of Contents

  • ✍️ Write Things Down
  • 🏹 Don’t Multitask
  • ⏰ Use Your Time Wisely
  • 😍 Embrace the Chaos
  • 🎯 Set Your Priorities
  • 🤖 Automate Household Chores
  • 🤝 Delegate Things
  • 🗃 Organize Your Space
  • 🏫 Study on Campus
  • ✅ Be Practical
  • 🏃 Think of Your Health
  • 🛀 Relax
  • ❌ Learn to Say No
  • 🌷 Be Kind to Yourself

✍️ Tip #1: Write Things Down

Let’s face it, motherhood and planning for more than one day in advance are hardly compatible. That’s why we decided to abstain from suggesting you make a time-sensitive to-do list. However helpful it may be for any other (non-mom) student, you’ll end up falling behind and scolding yourself for the failure. After all, planning and making lists should facilitate our lives and not add more hassle.

Writing things down is intended to unload temporarily irrelevant or non-urgent things from your head so you can return to them later.

That’s why it is a good idea to write down everything in more than one planner:

  • A paper calendar for educational tasks with deadlines and important details.
  • A school calendar with the schedule of your classes for easier planning.
  • A notebook for your child’s needs.
  • A notebook for study-related issues.
  • A journal for general notes (every day, write down the most important events and thoughts of the day so as not to lose track of them).

There’s no need to have a paper version of all the above. Check out the digital tools below to reduce the weight of your backpack/diaper bag.

🌐TodoistThe most popular task manager and to-do list app. The program features desktop and mobile versions. Price: free or starting from $3 per month for a paid version.
🌐TrelloA tool that is able to organize an individual or group project on a virtual Kanban board. Trello’s popularity largely comes from its simplicity. Price: free or starting from $5 per month for a paid version.
🌐AsanaA cloud-based task management solution for individuals and teams. The app has integration with Google Drive, Outlook and other apps. Price: free for individual purposes.

🏹 Tip #2: Don’t Overdo Multitasking

There is a notion that women do better at multitasking. However, the findings that influenced that idea were highly inconsistent, and contemporary research does not confirm the notion. In truth, all humans are equally bad at multitasking.

The inconsistency may have arisen due to the confusion between the two types of multitasking.

  • Concurrent multitasking is simultaneously performing two or more activities (like texting while driving).
  • Serial multitasking means making rapid switches between tasks (studying for an exam, checking your email and Facebook, and answering the phone). The latter is more frequent and detrimental. In brief, all multitasked activities take longer and bring worse results than if performed separately.
Photo by William Fortunato on Pexels.com

The advice “don’t overdo multitasking” while being a student and a mom sounds laughable. But we are talking about specific activities. Here’s a brief list of dos and don’ts while studying:

  1. Silence your cellphone and put it in an inconveniently distant place.
  2. Turn off the Wi-Fi connection on your computer if you don’t need it.
  3. If you need a Wi-Fi connection, close all messengers.
  4. When you have to study while your child is playing, try listening to background music through earphones. It is a research-proven fact that binaural beats do not just silence distractions but also benefit your concentration.

⏰ Tip #3: Use Your Time Wisely

Being a mom and a full-time student means that you spend half of the day studying and the other half caring for your child. This simple math leaves no room for any “me-time” or even 8 hours of sleep. The only solution is to use the available 24 hours as productively as possible.

  1. The easiest way to boost your productivity is to use a Pomodoro timer.
    This technique divides your studying time into 25-minute sections with 5-minute breaks; it’s as simple as that. The tool has a psychological effect: you know that once you’ve completed the cycles, you can do whatever you want. And besides, small challenges always seem more manageable than a 4-hour marathon.
  2. Time blocking is slightly more complicated but even more efficient for a student mom.
    The idea is to avoid jumping between various activities and focus on one thing at a time. Your task is to divide your timetable into dedicated blocks and do what you are supposed to do during these periods. Cal Newport wrote his book Deep Work about this technique (although the book has other valuable advice too).
    In the event of an emergency, you can painlessly cancel a block or two or change their order. So, if you fail to follow the schedule (which will happen a lot), at least you’ll have a chance to track the most significant time drainers.

😍 Tip #4: Embrace the Chaos

Do you have a child? Congratulations, you are an expert in chaos. Uncertainty is an intrinsic part of human life, but now you feel it more painfully than ever. Still, motherhood has its advantages: you become aware of the chaos.

In the first few years of your child’s life, you learn that total control is an unattainable illusion. All you have to do is relax and try to enjoy the spontaneity.

Here’s why:

  • The future is unpredictable.
  • Chaos makes you stronger.
  • You learn to adapt and become resilient.
  • It forces you to distinguish between the unimportant and essential.
  • The big picture comes into view over time.
  • Going with the flow is exciting.

If the chaos stresses you out in an unhealthy way, try mindful breathing. Focus on your inhalation and exhalation. Empty your mind of any thoughts. If some worries or memories come up, push them away. Regular practice will make you feel more stable in complicated situations.

🎯 Tip #5: Set Your Priorities

The Pareto principle claims that 80% of a result comes from just 20% of the actions. Knowing which activities are the most efficient and focusing on them is often beneficial. Of course, we cannot decide this part for you: you know yourself much better than we ever will! But parental priorities are comparatively similar for all people.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

HBR believes that all parental duties fall under these four categories:

  1. Pastoral care (showing love, setting boundaries, teaching values, etc.);
  2. Decision making (making critical choices on education, healthcare, presents, etc.);
  3. Logistics (taking children to school and social events, etc.);
  4. Household duties (cooking, cleaning the house, laundry., etc.).

This is a wonderful example of the Pareto principle in action. Pastoral care is the primary function of a caregiver, and nobody can replace them in it. And it is also the least time-consuming category. Logistical details take up much more time.

Household duties are the least critical category, and anyone can handle them. But they eat up the most significant part of a parent’s day. The only way out is to automate or delegate your housework, and the following two tips will cover these solutions.

🤖 Tip #6: Automate Household Chores

Researchers predict that robots will do 90% of all household chores by 2040. That’s a dream life for a busy mom!

Unfortunately, we are not in 2040 yet, but many valuable appliances have already appeared. Roomba vacuums and mops, robot lawnmowers, dishwashers, multi-functional pots, and window cleaning robots are only some to mention. Some of them (for instance, smart dog and cat bowls) don’t save much time. Their purpose is to declutter your head from as many duties as possible.

🤝 Tip #7: Delegate Things

Ordering grocery delivery online is fairly automatable. Once you form a weekly list of food supplies, you can re-order them with several mouse clicks. To delegate cooking altogether, arrange pizza evenings from time to time. Besides, healthy ready-made food is also available (although it might be more expensive than cooking yourself).

In a word, if something can be delegated, do it! Babysitters and domestic maids are an excellent way to help your child have a well-rested and healthy mom. If not, friends, family, and your partner are often eager to help but don’t know how to do so.

The only concern here may be that they will have their own ways of doing things. For instance, you sing a song to your children to help them fall asleep, while your partner prefers reading a book. Let them develop different habits and don’t try to micromanage: it is highly discouraging to those who want to help you.

And don’t underestimate your kids: they can make their beds and put away their toys starting in the early years. You’ll have to dedicate some time to training them, but once you are successful, one big problem will be eliminated. And there’s a bonus: each new skill makes your children more independent.

🗃 Tip #8: Organize Your Study Space

A student mom will study at home most of the time, especially in the era of distance learning. The minimum study-at-home kit is a tidy corner, table, laptop, and a “don’t disturb” sign. For more complex organizational solutions for organizing your study space, consult this infographic. But in brief, here’s a set of general recommendations:

Don’t turn your sleeping space into a studying space. Consider finding a separate place for a home office.
🪑Arrange a quiet, well-lit corner with a comfy table and chair. Natural light is ideal for studying. If you’re studying at night, experiment with the brightness levels of your lamp.
📤Remove all unnecessary items for a clutter-free spot. When you have a small child, getting rid of the mess is a challenge. But you can try to keep your computer files organized.
🦄Make your study space inspiring by pinning motivational quotes, beautiful pictures, and using the appropriate color scheme.
⚪️If you study in the same room where your child sleeps, try using a white noise generator. It will prevent your kid from waking up from keyboard clicking sounds.

🏫 Tip #9: Make the Most of Your On-Campus Time

If you rarely skip classes because of parenting, you can consider yourself one of the lucky ones. Many student mothers point out that they feel much more focused and upbeat while on campus. And no surprise – nobody is there calling you ‘mom’ every five minutes.

Take advantage of this opportunity. Leave all your parental concerns off campus:

  • Participate in discussions,
  • Ask questions,
  • Immerse yourself in the available knowledge.

You will also benefit from using breaks between classes to cope with homework. It will take you less time and effort than while you are at home with a baby. Besides, completing all the assignments on campus allows you to turn distracted babysitting into quality time back home.

✅ Tip #10: Be Practical & Realistic about Elective Subjects

Despite the unquestionable benefits of being on campus, be aware that you’ll waste some time getting there and back every day. There are a few rules that can make your schedule more practical:

  • Do enough research in terms of elective subjects. How much coursework and reading will they require? Are they critical for your future specialization and career? The advice here is that quality is better than quantity. If you can select fewer or less time-consuming subjects, do so.
  • Stack as many classes as possible into several days to have more days off.
  • Schedule your classes at the same time as your child’s daycare so you don’t split yourself between home and classes.

🏃 Tip #11: Think of Your Health

Motherhood plus education is not 1+1. It is 22. By the end of the semester, you will be exhausted. But the energy you dedicate to studying is just the tip of the iceberg. Like anyone, you will fall sick from time to time, and it can feel like a low blow. Most colds are unpredictable, but it is always a good idea to take care of your health.

Photo by Ella Olsson on Pexels.com
  1. Adjust your diet to your brain’s needs. Opt for healthy fats (fatty fish, avocado, and veggie oils) and protein-rich products (nuts, eggs, dairy, and meat). Don’t forget about healthy carbs that can be found in fruit, berries, and whole grains.
  2. Carry a bottle of still water wherever you go. Dehydration makes you feel tired and dizzy.
  3. Stay physically active. For instance, if taking public transport or walking takes almost the same time, choose the latter. Besides, you’ll be able to listen to an online lecture on the go.
  4. Try to stay on schedule, though this is challenging. Wake up and go to bed at a specific time, so your body gets accustomed to the timetable.
  5. Address a sleep consultant if your child disrupts your sleep on a regular basis. A good one may cost a fortune, but the result will be worth the effort.

🛀 Tip #12: Find Time for Yourself

Some moms experience guilt if they leave their child with a babysitter while studying or working. They use every free minute to do homework or housework to make up for this feeling. But this approach won’t bring you more freedom. There’ll always be chores and assignments to do. And another hour of sleep does not count as “me-time.”

Arrange cozy evenings with your partner while another family member babysits your kid. Read books outside the curriculum while your child is quietly playing (happily, such moments do also happen). We cannot say for sure about becoming “dull,” but all work and no play makes you sick, nervous, and unmotivated.

Kids need a happy mom. If you cannot afford to relax for the sake of your health, do so for the sake of your children.

❌ Tip #13: Learn to Say No

If you are one of the people who struggle with saying “no,” being a full-time mom and student will make you reconsider your priorities. You cannot be everywhere at the same time.

Partying with college friends, going out with your partner, reading to your kid, and cooking meals for house guests are incompatible activities. They can be equally pleasurable, but all have an identical drawback: you can only do them in succession. Thus, make wise choices and say “no” to the things you can skip.

Be ready to confront persuasive techniques:

🚩Asking twiceIf you reject a request, they may ask you for a smaller favor. Don’t agree if you feel uncomfortable about doing it.
🚩Inflicting guiltFriends never keep score. If they helped you once and remind you of it each time you put yourself first, are they really your friends?
🚩Comparing you to others“Everyone is going to be at the party. Why don’t you come?” You’re not everyone. You have your unique needs, schedule, family situation, and preferences.

The good news is that there’s always a way to say a polite “no.” For example:

👌Promise to think about itThe method works well with emotionally intelligent people or in cases where you are not the only one being asked.
👌Start with gratitude or a compliment“I am touched that you would like to see me on your special day, but I cannot accept your invitation.”
👌Encourage the person to ask someone elseA good idea would be to suggest other people.

🌷 Tip #14: Be Kind to Yourself

Trying to excel in everything will bring you to ruins. Burnout and depression are much more than catchwords in life coaching videos on YouTube. What would you like to achieve in your studies? If getting a degree is not as important as being a full-time mom, reconsider your reasons for studying. And yes, this type of critical analysis takes immense amounts of discipline and honesty.

Having a purpose brings happiness. You feel more accomplished, successful, and motivated when you achieve your goal. 

But remember, if something doesn’t work out and you fail a class, it is not the end of the world. Even the best students have their worst days. Retake the course later, i.e., focus on the solution, not the problem.

We hope our advice will bring you a more fulfilled life, and your kids will see you as a role model of persistence and self-discipline. Below you’ll find an infographic that contains all the tips described in this article. Enjoy!

Photo by Meruyert Gonullu on Pexels.com

Remember: if you are worried about being a good parent and student, know that you are already a good one. Bad ones don’t even consider that they could be better. Have any tips to share with other student moms reading this article? You are welcome to do so in the comments below. Click here for a copy of the infographic.

🔗 References

  1. The student mom: How to maximize study time – SheKnows
  2. How To Combine Motherhood With Studies at the Institute?
  3. How to Be a Working Mom – The New York Times
  4. 13 science-backed tips to stay focused and avoid distractions
  5. 5 Best Daily Planner Apps To Boost Your Productivity – Lifehack
  6. How to Delegate: 14 Steps (with Pictures) – wikiHow
  7. Studying 101: Study Smarter Not Harder – UNC Learning Center
  8. How do working moms find time for themselves? – Quora
  9. The Professional Women Who Are Leaning Out – The Atlantic

Want to learn more about how to get along with your family members? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

http://clynnwilliams.com/

December 9, 2022 at 2:26 pm Leave a comment

How Do You Teach Kindness to Your Kid?

What kindness do you see in the world today? It starts within families…

Continue Reading November 16, 2022 at 10:45 pm Leave a comment

Parenting Skills All Moms Need

Mom and kids

How many times have you thought that your kids were the worst kids in the neighborhood, but you weren’t sure how to make them more well behaved? 🤔

Reading the news and watching people with their children, I wonder what kind of discussions take place at home. For example, you tell your child “Clean up your room”. You walk by his room an hour later, and not only is it not cleaned up, but he’s also playing a video game.

What do you do?

1. Yell at your child
2. Ignore them
3. Institute consequences

I love instituting consequences because it teaches your child life lessons. The life lesson is that people like dealing with well-mannered people. So, as adorable as your child is (to you), when they mis-behave no one likes them, including you. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Did you know, the older your child is, the harder it is to teach them manners and good behavior. They are difficult to deal with at school and in public. Then they become the teacher’s problem, or a statistic with law enforcement.

If you ask your child to do something and it’s not done – how do you hold them accountable?

If you don’t hold them accountable, what are the consequences to you and your child?

How do they learn the lesson that you’re trying to teach them?

If you are having a difficult time holding your child accountable, it might seem easier to expect your child’s teacher or another adult to take responsibility for parenting your child. It sends mixed messages to a child when someone else outside of you or your spouse becomes the responsible parent your child. Because that’s what happens when law-enforcement gets involved or the teacher has to discipline your child at school. Instead start when your child is very young, giving consequences that are appropriate for them at their age.

For example, before naptime, show your child how to pick up their toys and put them in the toy box. They cannot take a nap until the toys are in the toybox. My mom used to do that with us. What’s crazy is that I hated taking naps, 😴 so I can’t believe that I was duped into cleaning up my room before I laid down to take a nap that I didn’t want.

But it worked!

If you start when they’re 2-3 years old, by the time they are 5, 6, or 7, they are pretty well mannered.

The other thing about discipline and consistency is that it doesn’t work (as well) if you are not giving your child your attention on a regular basis. If the only time you interact with your child is to discipline, yell or scream at them, then you have lost their attention (and respect) when you want them to be well mannered and obedient.

Let me know how instituting consequences works for you and your child. If you need help, click on the link and let’s talk:

Want to learn more about how to get along with your family members?

Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

http://clynnwilliams.com

November 4, 2022 at 9:56 pm Leave a comment

Creating Safe and Resilient Kids

happy, resilient girl
Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

How do you create resilient kids during times like these where there is so much violence and access to people all over the world via technology?

One thing I did, was start conversations when my kids were very young. We talked about:

  • How to stay safe
  • Who to talk to
  • What people to be wary of
  • Experiences they are having
  • Let them talk about any topic that they are curious about

I took examples from nightly news stories, and what was trending at school or in the community to have dinner time discussions with my children. There was no social media when they were adolescents and teens. Opening the conversation with “feel free to talk about whatever you want“, made it easier for them to talk about what was going on at school, in the neighborhood and with their friends.

Listen a lot.

Remember some of the stories that you’ve heard and ask if anything has happened since you talked.

Let them talk without feeling ashamed or stupid. The more you listen (judgement-free), the more trust you’ll build, and don’t be surprised that they will tell you lots more than you ever expected.

The more conversations you and your children have, the easier it will be to talk about situations that are unsafe or should be avoided. It’s those series of conversations, during family-times like dinner, which are great times to ask what’s going on, do what-if scenarios and build kids that can bounce back from disappointments and unexpected situations.

Resilient kids.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

http://clynnwilliams.com/

October 21, 2022 at 8:00 am Leave a comment

Are You Following Your Gut?

IndianonIndian

There were two women in my life that had an uncanny sense of showing up when I least expected. One was my mother, the other my grandmother. How they knew that I was either getting into trouble or thinking about getting into trouble, I’ll never know. But they showed up at times that really helped me develop into the woman that I am today. My mom used to say, “you’ll never know when I’ll show up.”

I used to think they were magical, scary women! What I have learned as I’ve raised my own children, is that they were simply following their hunches, their intuition, their sixth sense.

We all have a sixth sense, it’s one of those spiritual qualities that God gives us and in my culture, it’s a trait that women develop. I’m sure men have a gut feeling; they just don’t talk about it. It’s really important to pay attention to your intuition, and not discount it, because it may make a difference between saving your life or the life of those around you especially your children.

When my daughter was in high school, I worked a traditional 9 to 5 job and had to be at work at 8:30 am. My gut told me to stop by her school building first. I ran into her, and she wasn’t doing anything wrong, but was surprised that I showed up unexpectedly. To this day, I have no idea why I needed to show up to. Maybe she was thinking about “cutting school”. I don’t know. However, the point was made and I became one of those scary people!

When I think about the violence that is happening to our children, I believe in my heart that moms get one of those feelings before something happens. It’s Spirit’s way of telling us to follow through… most likely as a way to stop what could happen from happening. So when your first mind (intuition) tells you that the party your teenager is trying to attend is unsafe, keep them at home. You won’t be the most popular parent, but you will feel better if/when you hear on the evening news that something happened at that same address, knowing your child was safe at home with you.

Having conversations with your child about your “gut feelings” will help your child understand that the decisions you are making, are for their highest good.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

http://clynnwilliams.com/

September 30, 2022 at 1:00 pm Leave a comment

Raising Children Without Losing Yourself

Image via Pexels

Guest blogger, Jenny Miller

Becoming a parent changes everything. Your priorities shift, your responsibilities grow, and suddenly you’re no longer the most important thing in your life. While it’s normal for parenthood to bring major changes, becoming a parent shouldn’t mean losing your sense of self, though. In fact, it’s possible to be a great parent without putting your goals and dreams on pause. Today, C. Lynn Williams explains how!

Loving with Limits: Why Parents Need Boundaries

You’d do anything for your child. However, many parents struggle to balance supporting their child with setting limits.

  • Healthy boundaries benefit a child’s emotional and social development, encourage autonomy, and ease the workload of parenthood.
  • According to Hand in Hand Parenting, children need four types of limits to flourish: safety, values, expectations, and proposal limits.
  • Limits also promote age-appropriate independence. At an early age, that may mean entertaining themselves. As they get older, independent children can troubleshoot problems and do simple chores.

Maintaining Your Identity in Parenthood

Do you feel like you’ve lost your identity since becoming a parent? Parenthood takes a lot of time and energy, but it’s possible to adjust and feel like yourself again.

  • Make time for adult relationships. Schedule kid-free time with your partner and maintain a social life, even if it looks different nowadays.
  • Set goals for yourself. Do you want to get back into a hobby, learn something new, or adopt a healthier lifestyle? Goals are the key to building a happy life long-term.
  • If you’re a stay-at-home parent, consider going back to work. There are numerous job boards where you can find a position that fits your skills. Use a resume builder to give your resume a makeover, then create a winning cover letter to get noticed.
  • If you need extra education or training to improve your hireability, look into online learning. For instance, most popular medical coding courses can be done online in less than 30 hours and can really open up doors!

Self-Care Is Family Care

Self-care tends to drop down the priority list after starting a family, but it shouldn’t disappear from it entirely. A good parent is a happy parent, and happiness starts with self-care.

  • Focus on the positive changes parenthood brings. There are always challenges, but practicing gratitude makes them feel easier.
  • Spend quality time with your children. Take just a few minutes for meaningful connection each day. Even reading to your children each day makes a big difference for you and your kids.
  • Take care of your health. Not only do healthy habits give you the physical and mental stamina to rise to life’s challenges, and it also sets a good example for your children.

There’s no question that parenthood requires sacrifice. However, you don’t have to sacrifice your own goals to be an exceptional parent. In fact, by taking care of yourself and continuing on a path of personal growth, you provide your children with a role model for thriving through life’s transitions.

C. Lynn Williams is a veteran educator, speaker, workshop presenter, passionate mother & wife, as well as author of Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen: A primer for parents”, “The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son”, “Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES!“, “Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula“, and “Daddy & Daughter Thoughts: A Dad’s Guide to Daughters“. 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

clynnwilliams.com

September 9, 2022 at 4:37 pm Leave a comment

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