Posts filed under ‘acceptance’

My Spouse and I Parent Very Differently

How is it possible that the person you fell in love with; who understands you perfectly and finishes your sentences… parents so differently from you?

Not only do they parent differently, it’s inconsistent, they show favorites with your kids and it’s ALL WRONG 😑

Well, I wonder if they feel the same way about you?

The funny thing about parenting, is this: how can someone else tell you how to raise your child? Yet, that’s exactly what has to happen when you coparent whether you are in the same household or in separate households.

Ideally you discuss things that are important to you to instill in your children before they are born. If it’s important that your son or daughter to speak candidly, then your spouse can’t be annoyed when your out-spoken child speaks at a family gathering (and the comment embarrasses you).

Parenting isn’t one of those “scripted” professions. You start out with the best intentions of raising your child together, until you hit a non-negotiable topic.

Here are 3 things to consider to help you resolve those sticky parenting issues:

  • Take a moment to calm down (if you’re angry)
  • Think about whether you can accept what your spouse is saying (lose the ego)
  • Communicate your concerns with your spouse (outside of your child’s hearing)

Trying to talk while angry, is insanity. Once you calm down, you may feel differently and be willing to compromise. Marriage and raising children require compromise and patience from both of you. Acceptance of your spouse’s parenting style is important to your relationship, and the relationship of your spouse and child.

If you or your spouse are the bonus parent, and are new to the parent-child relationship, either one of you may have a difficult time, “allowing” the other parent to share in important decisions, behavior management and life issues. It’s a normal human emotion to be protective of your child. However, the blending takes place when you share your concerns and decide how to handle.

That was the challenge my husband and I faced when we married and blended our children of previous relationships together. It wasn’t easy when we started. It took a lot of conversations and a few arguments (when the kids were not around). It also took prayer and patience. Our children are adults now, and we are celebrating 20 years of marriage later this year.

You can do this!

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

clynnwilliams.com

April 28, 2022 at 8:00 pm Leave a comment

Relinquishing Control Releases Stress

It’s the wee hours of the morning, as I lay here trying to go back to sleep, a car sits outside beeping it’s horn for whomever is supposed to come out. I want to yell at that person to stop 🛑 waking up everyone while he tries to get his passenger. 🤬

The question at the moment is, can I do anything about the beeping horn? Am I going to lose more sleep 😴 or can I refocus on something else?

2021 taught me three things:

• There are things I can’t change like: when COVID ends, how to make an adult act differently, etc.

• Remember who I am and be true to myself

• Focus on what is working instead of what isn’t

The common denominator here was that I focused a lot on controlling events, relationships and my feelings. When I chose to live through each experience, I discovered the best parts of it and moved on, I was happier.

I learned in 2021 that when it comes to peace of mind, control is overrated‼️

Are you thinking about those Aha” moments you experienced?

Or maybe like me, you’ve had enough experiences occur that have left you worn out‼️ As my friends at Unity School of Christianity say – “Give life the light touch

How are you ending 2021? 🤔💬

Wishing you and your family lots of love and a happy and prosperous new year. 😘 🌚🎉🧧

Thanks for reading my blog, and following me on Instagram, Twitter & TikTok @MsParentguru.

C. Lynn Williams

clynnwilliams.com

December 30, 2021 at 8:33 pm 1 comment

What Did You REALLY Want?

Love is the common denominator in relationships. Knowing how to best express your love takes practice. When it comes to your children, the effort is definitely worth it.

Continue Reading October 22, 2021 at 7:30 am Leave a comment

Six Tips for Being Better Parents

Avoid harsh discipline

Explain your role and decisions

Be involved in your child’s life

Guide your child through their mistakes and weaknesses

Live in the now 

Be a parent, not pal

Happy birthday to my amazing first-born, **Candace**, who started me on this journey of parenting and being better. The first child is lucky because s/he pulls love and emotions out of you that you never knew existed. They are also your “experiment” child. You try techniques, other people’s thoughts and that firstborn is like a stew of everyone’s ideas of how you should raise your child.

Just remember that this is your child!

Follow your gut!

Have fun!

Make wonderful memories together!

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting coaching programs that help you through Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Parent Coach, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

June 24, 2021 at 12:56 pm Leave a comment

Lessons Learned Don’t Have to Be Seen As Mistakes

Last week, I was giving myself a good talking to because I kept finding mistakes with a project I was working on. Once I realized the negative self-talk that was happening in my head, I stopped and talked to myself. Now before you think I’m crazy, think for minute about how you self-correct.

You do self-correct, right?

So, let’s get back to the mistakes… No one likes to make them; however, they are part of what makes us human, and often we learn more from mistakes than we do from anything else.

I reminded myself that I was learning something new (about the topic and myself) and what was important was the lessons that I was learning. There was nothing wrong with making mistakes. What the Universe was also showing me, was that I consider myself a lifelong learner. How can you be a true learner, without making mistakes.

Here’s what I was saying to myself: I was so ready to beat myself up and throw in the towel! What was wrong with me? Why was I making so many mistakes?

I thought about these negative messages and wondered if my peers (that are women) talk the same way to themselves? And, do my peers that are men talk to themselves the way we women do when they make mistakes?

I also had to tell myself that I learned more that day from that series of mistakes than I learned when I do things in what I consider an organized way.

The other question that I thought about on that day, is how many of us, self-correct the negative thoughts we have before we talk to our children and/or the people that work for us?

Lessons learned don’t have to be seen as mistakes…

They are just lessons learned

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

September 26, 2019 at 4:44 pm Leave a comment

The Blending Of Blended Families

my blended family

Falling in love with a man or woman is wonderful and exciting. But how will his children feel with you as their stepmom … or better yet how will yours feel?

Click on the link below and watch the rest of my video blog!

Want to learn more about your family’s dynamics? Order a copy of my book: Yours & Mine: A Winning Blended Family Formula

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

April 19, 2019 at 1:03 pm Leave a comment

Acceptance Is Key to Personal Happiness

Have you ever done something you regretted?

That happened to me last night.

I watched the nightly news – that was my regret. But while watching, I saw the story about actor, Jussie Smollett being attacked by two masked men who shouted MAGA. For those of you that don’t know what MAGA means — it means Make America Great Again. First of all, if you are proud of what you are doing, why hide behind a mask?

Someone on Quora coined MAGA as Morons Are Governing America. Either way you look at it a crime against another human being is wrong and usually behavior that is learned at home or learned under prejudicial leadership. And more importantly, criminal behavior should not be copied. People imitate what they see and respect. When weak people see that people who look or act differently (from them) should be punished, they perpetuate that behavior. Considering that we live in a country rich in diversity, acceptance needs to be one of our skillsets.

America is part of a global society of countries that influence people, economies and political leadership. We are asking nations like the Middle East, Africa, and Latin America, to respect the citizens in their countries and treat them fairly; respect their differences. We have to do the same in America. Accepting the differences that we encounter within our families, our communities, our workplaces has to take place.

The time is now to remind ourselves of three things:

  • You don’t have to like someone to work with them.
  • You don’t judge a book by its cover.
  • Your life’s purpose is unique and not based on looking or being like someone else.

Being great again means having honor and integrity. It means using your voice to help others, not denigrate, embarrass or misuse them. Being great means that you are inclusive instead of exclusive. That means that judging a person by their socio-economic status, ethnicity, faith or gender preferences is unacceptable.

Being great in a positive way trickles down from top government to state and local governments, communities and families. Doctrines should inspire people to do better and be better. As you accept others for who they are, it has a reciprocal effect. Accepting others may help you accept things about yourself (that you may have rejected in the past).

There is too much work to do to HATE. Just my two cents.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact meMs. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 30, 2019 at 8:19 pm Leave a comment

How to Successfully Communicate With Adult Children

When my children were little, we discussed lots of different topics with them and encouraged them to talk (to us) about anything. Things that were going on in their school, with their classmates, in our family and current events were all fair game. It didn’t matter whether we liked or agreed with their thoughts or not, we encouraged them to talk about whatever was going on in their lives. 

I believed if we listened to their small issues, they would be comfortable talking with us about their bigger (scarier or life threatening) issues. While I’m sure we didn’t hear everything that occurred in their lives, listening taught me three amazing lessons!

  • Like what my kids liked
  • Be open-minded
  • Ask questions of interest

These three tips allowed me to stay relevant with my children as they became adults. As I approached adulthood, I had secrets that I never shared with my mom or dad. I didn’t want to be judged or reminded, so I didn’t share many things that were going on in my life. As much as I loved my parents, I didn’t want to hear them say, “OMG why’d you do that?” No adult really wants to hear that.

However, I wanted a more open relationship with my children, especially as they became adults. I wanted to stay relevant in their lives. As an example, I liked rock music growing up. When my son realized that I was OPEN to listening to grunge and alternative music, he would invite me to listen to new songs that he liked. “Hey Mom, listen to this.” Keeping that doorway open into his adulthood, allowed to me ask him, “So what’s new?” He could choose to either tell me about some new music he liked, or share a more personal thought or concern.

The same was true with my daughters. I wasn’t afraid to share some of my ‘young woman’ mistakes with them, hoping they wouldn’t make those same mistakes. In turn, they were comfortable sharing their life with me. On the way to learning more about them, I continue to learn more about myself. Isn’t life grand?

It’s never too late to start a conversation with your children. If it’s a new experience, start small, but be consistent. The rewards will change your relationship in a positive way.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

February 11, 2018 at 5:01 pm Leave a comment

What Does 2018 Mean to You?

As I wrote in my last 2017 blog, my thoughts were dark and scary. I felt like some of my solid surfaces had crumbled and things that were normally in order and in place simply weren’t there.

As a person who wears a lot of hats: writer, blogger, wife, mother, entrepreneur, I juggle lots of tasks and activities. It only works well when I’m doing things that support me like:

  • feeding myself good foods
  • getting rest
  • having interesting conversations
  • doing meaningful work
  • connecting with my spiritual source (daily)
  • staying connected with my husband

When either of these stop happening, I find myself “Lost in Space” and freaked out. That happened at the end of last year and it didn’t feel good. However, I did two things that got me on the road to a successful 2018. First I recognized that I had lost touch with myself. Second I attended Watch Service on New Year’s Eve at my church.

As the heart of the family, women feel everything. We feel the conversations that need to happen and anticipate what we intend to say. We feel the frustration of our kids when something doesn’t work out the way they’ve expected. We feel it when our spouse has pulled away from us and it’s time for a heart to heart conversation. We feel when our own spirit has been become restless because we’ve stayed too long in a job or business that no longer feeds us mentally or economically.

The issue is how to have those conversations and continue to move forward, instead of getting stuck. At the end of last year, I had gotten stuck. It was a foreign feeling for me and I almost didn’t recognize what was going on.  However, I had a mild asthma attack! Something I haven’t had in years. Metaphysically, asthma is a deep cry from a soul to be loved and to be cared for. I argued with myself for a day or two – I’ve been loving and caring for myself. Haven’t I? I started taking time to meditate again and did some soul searching. I decided I had more work to do with myself and in my relationships.

What I know is that life is a series of processes. As you work on one area and get it to where you like it and it works well, you realize another part of you needs work. Once that’s done, it may be time to work on the relationships in your life. Are they meeting your needs? Are you meeting theirs? We’re used to overhauling our business and household, but taking a good look at ourselves and our significant others is also important too.

So for 2018, what are you doing differently?

Imagine what it’s like have great time management and work-life balance! If you are struggling to make this happen, Click Here to schedule a complimentary discovery session with me. Want to be a part of something supportive? Click Here to join my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, creator of Finding Superwoman™

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 5, 2018 at 1:43 pm Leave a comment

How Following Your Gut Positively Impacts Your Business

For those of you who do things strictly by the book, who have to have all I’s dotted and T’s crossed before proceeding ahead. This article is NOT for you. I’m writing for the people who like me like to have the facts and figures well thought out, but also leave a little wiggle room for intuition, mother wit, or as my friend Andrea says, the Tingles

How many times have you avoided a traffic jam because you took another route? Or I think about several experiences where I avoided a bad experience, just because I followed my instincts at the perfect time. As we commemorate 911, I think about colleagues and friends who were supposed to be in New York City on September 11, 2001 and missed being there because of something that held them back. What was that something?

How well are you listening to that little voice inside your head when it comes to your business? Early in my career, I didn’t rely on my intuition; instead I asked my mom what she thought as new job opportunities were presented to me. Being the wise woman that she was, she’d ask me what I ‘felt’. Myers-Briggs[1] had me typed as a thinker, not a feeler, so I didn’t trust my feelings. Except that they were right 100% of the time – when I followed my gut! Interestingly, the more I began following my gut, my Myers-Briggs typing changed. 

So where am I going with this? Well, in addition to the five senses that we have: sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing, we’ve also been gifted with senses that are not easy to measure or explain. I’m talking about following those instincts of yours.  Follow your intuition. Not just in your personal life, but also when it comes to your career or your business. Try this! Take time to center yourself with no distractions. Think about what it is you want and listen to the messages that you receive. (If this is new to you, you may need to perform this exercise several times.)

Interested in learning more fascinating facts about your intuition and how to use it? It will be the topic at one of my upcoming monthly Finding Superwoman Lunch & Learn events.  Click Here to register.

Click Here to receive my free gift on managing your time.

C. Lynn Williams

Founder of Finding Superwoman™, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com/contact

[1] Myers-Briggs https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers%E2%80%93Briggs_Type_Indicator#/media/File:MyersBriggsTypes.png

September 15, 2017 at 4:12 pm Leave a comment

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